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Man Lists 10 Things He Has Learned In His 160 Days As A Father, And His Thread Goes Viral
Marcus Aurelius dedicates the first book in Meditations to listing the influences in his life and what he learned from them. A lot of his praise and thanks go to his adoptive father, Antoninus Pius. But the same is true the other way around—parents learn from their children as well.
Recently, Bonisile Mgidi tweeted what could be called an inversion of that passage in Meditations: the man shared all the things he has learned from being a father. And with great honesty.
More info: Twitter
Image credits: bonisile_mgidi
Image credits: Bonisile_RMS
Image credits: Bonisile_RMS
Image credits: Bonisile_RMS
Image credits: Bonisile_RMS
Image credits: Bonisile_RMS
Image credits: Bonisile_RMS
Image credits: Bonisile_RMS
Image credits: Bonisile_RMS
Image credits: Bonisile_RMS
Image credits: Bonisile_RMS
Image credits: Bonisile_RMS
Since having a baby, Bonisile has become more conscious of time—he no longer has a lot of it. “The guilty pleasures you enjoyed are interrupted and the deadlines you could meet are now extended. That has been the biggest thing for me,” he told Bored Panda.
Another big hit was realizing how constant a baby is. “I know it sounds stupid because what the hell were you expecting? But it is always there. It is not a bra you can take off at the end of a long day or a belt you can unbuckle. It is there. Demanding your attention and love constantly. This shouldn’t have surprised me but it did. A baby is just always there, you have to live for yourself and for it too. It’s weird having another person this reliant on you.”
Image credits: Bonisile_RMS
Having a baby during the pandemic comes with its fair share of challenges but being a dad during this period can have advantages. For example, Bonisile and his partner are now both working from home, so they get to be super involved in bringing up Mihla. “It is great for bonding and predictability,” he said. “I know that tomorrow and the day after that there is a 90% chance I will be at home with my partner and child just shutting the whole world out.”
“We are young and always trying to take outside advice with a pinch of salt. We are defining our own parenting, challenging our cultures and taking in as much information as we can, and seeing how we can adapt that to our personalities. We don’t do 50-50. When I am 30, she is 70. We support each other and the child is a shared responsibility. We take turns with night duty, one day her and another day me.”
You can and should inhale as much relevant information as possible when you are becoming a parent, however, getting hands-on experience and then reflecting on it is the best way of building your skills and your confidence as a new father, and Bonisile is an excellent example of that.
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Here’s the discussion that followed Bonisile’s wholesomely accurate thread
Image credits: Bonisile_RMS
Image credits: Bonisile_RMS
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What do you think ?
Bobert Robertson 3 years ago
This whole post is accurate but man when he explains her name and the meaning of it, that's is an awesome, well thought out baby name
A 3 years ago
He broke the code! Dude, we are not supposed to share these secrets! People will stop having babies and the human race will die out!
dennis ridenour 3 years ago
Doubt if you need worry. 8 Billion and counting!!!
Load More Replies...
Susan Lourens 3 years ago
Not a mom, but a teacher. Love love love to see a South African post!
Hannah Edwards 3 years ago
I found new parenthood terrifying, constantly worrying about utterly implausible disasters happening to my precious little darling, meteorite strikes etc.
Laura Craig 3 years ago
I know this probably isn't the right place for this but it just really brought this up while I was reading this. My baby is a teenager now. I've only got a couple of years left and he'll be off. He's already part gone now. I can feel it. Little, dumb thing he doesn't need me for anymore. He's already got one foot out the door. And while I know it's the right thing and I want him to go and live, I'm terrified. Sometimes I'll look at him and tear up and have to dive off into the kitchen or something to hide. I don't know how I'm going to do this.
Leo Domitrix 3 years ago
Wow, the downvotes are insane on this. I upvoted b/c there's nothing wrong in your comment.
Load More Replies...
Carole Deem 3 years ago
I am the mother of a grown woman. But thank you so much for letting me look through your eyes at a past grown more distant than I had realized.
jim w 2 years ago
Just wait. You think you are head over heals in love now? Tomorrow, and yes, it will seem like tomorrow, she will have children of her own. The love is X10. I was a very involved father like you, and I can't explain it. But it is even better the second time around. You are a good father. Be proud.
cybermerlin2000 3 years ago
Buy a padded desk. The amount of banging your head on it in frustration as they get older increases over time. Not only does it protect your forehead, but it will stop the veneer from cracking. You may want to choose a wall and put padding on that too. From a father of a daughter who won't *BANG* clean *BANG* her *BANG* f***king *BANG* room!
Daisy Elle 3 years ago
Just wait until he discover the Toddler stage. I'm a 60yr old grandma & prepared my 3 girls with the advice: All toddlers are bastards. They want sausages for tea, then cry because you give them sausages for tea. They tantrum because they want to walk but tantrum again because they don't want to get out of the car. New Parents: Grit your teeth until you get the first 18yrs out the way - then it doesn't get any easier but it's ok to swear at them in public. :)
Lesetja Vangrond 3 years ago
Thanks for tips dude , im an unlce of 8 but raised 6 im about to be a father soon but i still feel like im not prepared
Danny Lampel 3 years ago
love your feelings and joy while being a dad. As adults your children will love reading your post. you need to put this in book format great baby gift. Try to illustrate also As a grandma you brought back great memories!! thanks for the memories
Danielle Winter 3 years ago
Is there a reason why the ditch pig commenting under the name Amelija Janavičius hasn't been banned from this site yet?
Carol Emory 3 years ago (edited)
He forgot the part where you learn mad ninja skills when you are held hostage in your child's bedroom, waiting for them to fall asleep, then stealthily belly crawl your way to the door in intervals, patiently waiting for someone to turn off the damn hall light so you can sneak out the door undetected.
SoozeeQ 3 years ago
Ha ha. This reminds me of British Comedian Michael McIntyre roasting the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge, when they were expecting their first child. From 2.26 is the relevant bit, but you need it all, to be in context. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yh4yiAnSdx8
Load More Replies... Leo Domitrix 3 years ago
My mom when I turned 30 said, "I still can't seem to relax about this whole mom thing.".... Just a random thing.
KT 3 years ago
haha so accurate. Crazy how I miss all those beginning things. I'll never forget the time i ran off to get a load of laundry going, came back to living room to find my son in the kitty litter box eating cat turds and he actually faught me when i tried to get them out of his mouth, bit my finger. I threw up from being so grossed out. Yet the wee bugger wouldn't eat my meals i cooked for him O.o
Marcia Cash 3 years ago
"Don't say don't". Instead of saying "Don't fall" say "Keep your balance." Instead of "Don't do that!" say "Try it this way." And kids usually don't do what you say, but they will copy everything you do.
Vicky Zar 3 years ago
Yes exactly! If you say "don't break this" they are more likely to break it because somehow they cannot process a negative. Say something positive like "keep it save" or "keep hold of it" or something similar if you must.
Load More Replies...
lunar eclipse 3 years ago
So, all this time when my baby cousin starts crying in my hands and reaches for my Aunt....
Daniel Marsh 3 years ago (edited)
Mine: 1. You have never had an inkling as to what the word, "love" means. That's OK. Your spouse will understand. She just discovered the same thing. 2. You will be amazed at how well instincts work. For instance, I stayed up several days in a row without being weary or experiencing it as suffering. 3. Corollary to #2: Every notion you had as far as parenting goes out the book immediately. 4. Improving as a parent means tuning your instincts from making mistakes and caring enough to never do that again. 5. Let old people hold your baby. Every former parent misses holding babies.
Lara Mig 3 years ago
Heck, my kid is only 5 years old and I already miss holding babies.
Load More Replies...
Wendillon 3 years ago
He didn't "explain parenting" he shared the things he learned as a parent. You make me ashamed to share your gender.
Load More Replies...
Bobert Robertson 3 years ago
This whole post is accurate but man when he explains her name and the meaning of it, that's is an awesome, well thought out baby name
A 3 years ago
He broke the code! Dude, we are not supposed to share these secrets! People will stop having babies and the human race will die out!
dennis ridenour 3 years ago
Doubt if you need worry. 8 Billion and counting!!!
Load More Replies... Susan Lourens 3 years ago
Not a mom, but a teacher. Love love love to see a South African post!
Hannah Edwards 3 years ago
I found new parenthood terrifying, constantly worrying about utterly implausible disasters happening to my precious little darling, meteorite strikes etc.
Laura Craig 3 years ago
I know this probably isn't the right place for this but it just really brought this up while I was reading this. My baby is a teenager now. I've only got a couple of years left and he'll be off. He's already part gone now. I can feel it. Little, dumb thing he doesn't need me for anymore. He's already got one foot out the door. And while I know it's the right thing and I want him to go and live, I'm terrified. Sometimes I'll look at him and tear up and have to dive off into the kitchen or something to hide. I don't know how I'm going to do this.
Leo Domitrix 3 years ago
Wow, the downvotes are insane on this. I upvoted b/c there's nothing wrong in your comment.
Load More Replies... Carole Deem 3 years ago
I am the mother of a grown woman. But thank you so much for letting me look through your eyes at a past grown more distant than I had realized.
jim w 2 years ago
Just wait. You think you are head over heals in love now? Tomorrow, and yes, it will seem like tomorrow, she will have children of her own. The love is X10. I was a very involved father like you, and I can't explain it. But it is even better the second time around. You are a good father. Be proud.
cybermerlin2000 3 years ago
Buy a padded desk. The amount of banging your head on it in frustration as they get older increases over time. Not only does it protect your forehead, but it will stop the veneer from cracking. You may want to choose a wall and put padding on that too. From a father of a daughter who won't *BANG* clean *BANG* her *BANG* f***king *BANG* room!
Daisy Elle 3 years ago
Just wait until he discover the Toddler stage. I'm a 60yr old grandma & prepared my 3 girls with the advice: All toddlers are bastards. They want sausages for tea, then cry because you give them sausages for tea. They tantrum because they want to walk but tantrum again because they don't want to get out of the car. New Parents: Grit your teeth until you get the first 18yrs out the way - then it doesn't get any easier but it's ok to swear at them in public. :)
Lesetja Vangrond 3 years ago
Thanks for tips dude , im an unlce of 8 but raised 6 im about to be a father soon but i still feel like im not prepared
Danny Lampel 3 years ago
love your feelings and joy while being a dad. As adults your children will love reading your post. you need to put this in book format great baby gift. Try to illustrate also As a grandma you brought back great memories!! thanks for the memories
Danielle Winter 3 years ago
Is there a reason why the ditch pig commenting under the name Amelija Janavičius hasn't been banned from this site yet?
Carol Emory 3 years ago (edited)
He forgot the part where you learn mad ninja skills when you are held hostage in your child's bedroom, waiting for them to fall asleep, then stealthily belly crawl your way to the door in intervals, patiently waiting for someone to turn off the damn hall light so you can sneak out the door undetected.
SoozeeQ 3 years ago
Ha ha. This reminds me of British Comedian Michael McIntyre roasting the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge, when they were expecting their first child. From 2.26 is the relevant bit, but you need it all, to be in context. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yh4yiAnSdx8
Load More Replies... Leo Domitrix 3 years ago
My mom when I turned 30 said, "I still can't seem to relax about this whole mom thing.".... Just a random thing.
KT 3 years ago
haha so accurate. Crazy how I miss all those beginning things. I'll never forget the time i ran off to get a load of laundry going, came back to living room to find my son in the kitty litter box eating cat turds and he actually faught me when i tried to get them out of his mouth, bit my finger. I threw up from being so grossed out. Yet the wee bugger wouldn't eat my meals i cooked for him O.o
Marcia Cash 3 years ago
"Don't say don't". Instead of saying "Don't fall" say "Keep your balance." Instead of "Don't do that!" say "Try it this way." And kids usually don't do what you say, but they will copy everything you do.
Vicky Zar 3 years ago
Yes exactly! If you say "don't break this" they are more likely to break it because somehow they cannot process a negative. Say something positive like "keep it save" or "keep hold of it" or something similar if you must.
Load More Replies... lunar eclipse 3 years ago
So, all this time when my baby cousin starts crying in my hands and reaches for my Aunt....
Daniel Marsh 3 years ago (edited)
Mine: 1. You have never had an inkling as to what the word, "love" means. That's OK. Your spouse will understand. She just discovered the same thing. 2. You will be amazed at how well instincts work. For instance, I stayed up several days in a row without being weary or experiencing it as suffering. 3. Corollary to #2: Every notion you had as far as parenting goes out the book immediately. 4. Improving as a parent means tuning your instincts from making mistakes and caring enough to never do that again. 5. Let old people hold your baby. Every former parent misses holding babies.
Lara Mig 3 years ago
Heck, my kid is only 5 years old and I already miss holding babies.
Load More Replies... Wendillon 3 years ago
He didn't "explain parenting" he shared the things he learned as a parent. You make me ashamed to share your gender.
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