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Dad jokes are short, silly jokes that fathers use to make their kids laugh. Or, at least, they try to. Despite our dads’ best intentions, these funny one-liners often result in a hard facepalm and eyes rolling. Instead, if your sense of humor is broken like mine, you’ll find them utterly hilarious, to the point that I also use them despite me being female, in my 20s, and definitely not a dad.
Dad jokes were once considered a bad thing, but they’re now celebrated by millions. They’re a staple of social media and have even been studied by academics. While the exact origin of the term dad joke is unknown, a writer for the Gettysburg Times quoted it in June 1987, under the headline “Don’t ban the ‘Dad’ jokes; preserve and revere them.” What we know for sure is that good dad jokes usually involve puns and lame wordplay but can also include references from pop culture like movies or TV shows that few people under 30 would be able to understand. If you’re looking for some help to expand your repertoire of funny dad jokes, this article is made for you. Enjoy the best dad jokes, and have fun driving your kids up the wall!
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#2
My dog is a genius. I asked him, "What's two minus two?" He said nothing.
#3
Why are balloons so expensive?
Inflation.
#4
What’s the easiest way to burn 1,000 calories?
Leave the pizza in the oven.
#6
What's the difference between a "dad joke" and a "bad joke?"
The direction of the first letter.
#9
Mom asked me to put ketchup on the grocery list. Now I can't see anything.
#10
I was once a personal trainer until I gave a too-weak notice.
#11
I want to name my puppies Rolex and Timex so I can have watch dogs.
#12
To the person who stole my bed: "I won't rest until I find you."
#14
I was wondering why the baseball kept getting bigger and bigger. Then it hit me.
#15
My therapist told me I have problems expressing my emotions. Can’t say I’m surprised.
#16
What did one ocean say to the other?
Nothing. They just waved.
#17
What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back?
A stick.
#19
I'm reading an anti-gravity book, and I just can't put it down!
#20
My boss asked me why I only get sick on workdays. I said it must be my weekend immune system.
#21
I can tolerate algebra, maybe even a little calculus but geometry is where I draw the line.
#25
How do you follow Will Smith in the snow?
You follow the fresh prints.
#26
To the person who stole my glasses: "I will find you. I have contacts."
#27
How do you know carrots are good for your eyesight?
Have you ever seen a bunny wearing glasses?
#28
I'm so good at sleeping that I can do it with my eyes closed!
#29
I had a dream that I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram. I was like, 0mg.
Smalltoid 2 years ago
Did you hear about Oxygen and Magnesium? They were introduced and bonded immediately. OMg! The chemistry between those two!
#31
Why are peppers the best at archery?
Because they habanero.
#33
What concert costs just 45 cents?
50 Cent featuring Nickelback!
#36
Most people can’t tell the difference between entomology and etymology. I can’t find the words for how much this bugs me.
#38
What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?
Nacho cheese!
#39
What’s the best way to watch a fly-fishing tournament?
Live stream it.
#40
Why can’t you ever run through a campsite?
You can only ran — it’s always past tents.
#41
To the person who stole my laptop with my copy of Microsoft Office on it: "I will find you. You have my Word!"
Scott Crowell 2 years ago
And I have a certain set of skills -Word, Excel, Outlook, Internet Explorer
#55
If money doesn’t grow on trees, then why do banks have branches?
#56
I just paid $100 for a belt that doesn’t fit — what a huge waist!
#60
Why don’t astronomers like Orion’s Belt?
It’s a big waist of space.
#62
What’s the difference between a badly dressed kid on a bicycle and a well dressed kid on a tricycle?
Attire!
#70
Why did the bicycle keep falling over?
It was two tired.
#77
I failed my calculus exam because I was sitting in the middle of identical twins — I couldn’t differentiate between them.
#82
Kid: Dad, can you put the cat out?
Dad: I didn't know it was on fire.
#85
I used to run a dating service for chickens, but I was struggling to make hens meet.
#86
Mom texted me from the grocery store to say they’re out of pasta, and we’re penneless.
#90
What happened when the world's tongue-twister champion got arrested?
They gave him a tough sentence.
#93
What breed of dog can jump higher than a skyscraper?
Any breed of dog. Skyscrapers can’t jump.
#96
How do you tell the difference between a bull and a cow?
It is either one or the utter.
#97
What’s red and smells like blue paint?
Red paint.
#100
What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?
One is very heavy, the other is a little lighter.
#106
What type of coordination was Whitney Houston most famous for?
“Hand eeeeyeeeeee!"
#108
Why did the math problem look so sad?
Because of all its problems.
#110
Dad tells kids: Here’s a cautionary tale. Don’t sing in the shower!
Kids: What?? Why not?
Dad: If you get soap in your mouth, it will turn into a soap opera.
Kids: GROAN!!!!!
#112
Kid to Dad: Why are there balloons in the bathroom?
Dad: I wanted to throw you a birthday potty.
#115
Two peanuts went walking down the street. One was assaulted.
#116
Every time I take my dog to the park, the ducks try to bite him. That’s what I get for buying a pure bread dog.
#118
We’re renovating the house, and the first floor is going great, but the second floor is another story.
Scott Crowell 2 years ago (edited)
Sound like your trying to tell me a about a good and bad story
#120
I was going to go on an expensive vacation with a classical pianist, but he was too baroque.
#122
What did the three-legged dog say when he walked into a saloon?
“I’m looking for the man who shot my paw.”
#128
Why is the cow always smiling?
It’s in a good mooood I guess.
Scott Crowell 2 years ago
Because it's always eating the grass man. (yes I was born in the 60's man)
#133
Kid: What’s that?
Dad: It’s a henweigh.
Kid: What’s a henweigh?
Dad: About two pounds.
#139
Dad: What’s this vegetable called?
Kid: An artichoke.
Dad: Well, it may have choked Artie, but it won’t choke Dad!
What do you think ?
Andrew Bridges 2 years ago
Why do the French only eat small omelets? They say one egg is an oeuf.
Andrew Bridges 2 years ago
Why do the French only eat small omelets? They say one egg is an oeuf.
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