The shut down might be harsh but harassing a boy (young man) is way worse. Dad did the right thing and his wife has double standards = not good.

“Hey lady, what you’re saying to my son is inappropriate. Please, stop or you can leave.” Simple, clear reason and boundary.

The father was in the right. If the lady doing the harassing was in corporate and had training but was still being predatory, then what the father said will have her thinking twice before making the same stupid mistake again. Some people have to learn the hard way. P.S. Mom is an a*****e.

If the OP had stopped at "You are too old for him' I doubt anyone would have objected. It's the 'ugly' comment that seems to be triggering.

Wtf does he have to be respectful for towards a woman who is ACRIVELY HARASSING HIS TEENAGE CHILD? HELLO? If the roles were reversed, the older man woukd get WAY more, like he said, I guarantee that.

I don't agree with the "old and ugly" bit, although it's something i can picture myself also saying in similar circumstances, for the simple reason that her age and appearance do not come into it. Would it be ok if she was 30 and hot? (like someone else asked in the comments). And, if anything, it's the age gap that makes it even worse, so leave out the ugly bit and just say she's too old to be flirting with a 19-year old? But the best argument would definitely be a simple "your behaviour is inappropriate, stop it or leave"

I would have started with you're making my son uncomfortable and go from there before going in for the kill.

Calling her out on her behavior was necessary. If only he’d done so without so childishly using her age and looks as the reason. Next time ditch the insults, just say she’s out of line and either stop or leave. Far more effective.

everyone going after him calling her ugly is far too focused on the wrong thing. his son is one year older than me, which makes it easier for me to understand how uncomfortable it is (has happened to me before) and how he might not have wanted to respond, so the dad did for him. she repeatedly said those things, a normal response most likely wouldnt have stopped it. but back to my initial sentence, a lot of people in the og responses are focusing too much on defending the literal predator (it's small but it's still happening; while they arent defending her behavior theyre defending *her*) because she got called ugly instead of being glad she got shut down. the dad was completely right

Honestly, if the person was 20 I still think I'd intervene. I don't understand why people think intervening is wrong, when someone you love is visibly shut down or scared. It's okay to help others. A 20 year old can still be victimized by people their age. Also Dad is NTA.

1. who cares if someone's feelings get hurt when they were persistently harassing someone? that's not why the comment was wrong. screw being respectful when she clearly didn't care to be. 2. a better comment would have focused on calling out the behavior, because it doesn't matter who's doing the harassing. the idea that it's okay if the one doing the harassing is hot is so screwed up. 3. the double standard needs to die. men are just as capable of being harassed by women.

I would have said, "Hey Kathy, can you quit sexually harassing my son? You're really embarrassing yourself here."

shes sexually harrassing his son "respect" can respectfully f*ck off out the door

Absolutely NTA and he is right, if that would've been 19 yr girl and 45 yr man everyone would agree with him. His wife is wrong, it is not different if it is boy or girl someone harassing.

I like the shutdown, it was appropriate given the circumstances, it's appropriate to any person sexually harassing a young person. Just because she's a woman doesn't excuse her behavior and if a male does that to a young woman no one would question the dads comment. The poor kid probably felt like a trapped fox and that's not good for anyone

Dad used the right action but the wrong words, that was just plain rude.

The dad was a little bit of an a$$hole for saying "ugly", but the age was fair game. The "friend" is a super-creep who should be kept away from younger men, and the wife needs to get a wakeup call about sexual harassment.

If you think he was too harsh in any way go take a good look in the mirror for supporting a pervert. Stop supporting sexual harassment of men.

Dad was a justified AH. Het afge was the reason that her behaviour was unjustified. And she was going on about the looks of his child (going to the gym comments). So he retaliated in the same subjects. If she makes inappropriate remarks about looks, he can do to. And all of you assume she looks ugly - maybe she is average, or gorgeous, but her behavior makes her ugly. Mom is ignorant.

I agree with ESH except the son. The "ugly" part was unnecessary, and he should have gone with the "sexually harrassing my son" part that was suggested in the comments.

Was she crying because she was ashamed of what she’d done or because she’d been called old and ugly? If it was the former she should have apologised if the latter, she’s learned nothing. I dislike the implication that harassment would have been somehow more acceptable if she were younger/better looking, but in the circumstances we can’t always phrase things perfectly when we’re angry.

As a woman who has gotten older and lost her looks i totally agree with dad! I bet she is pretty inappropriate with subordinates too. It’s near pedo behavior

Maybe she really was ugly...people who drink and then casually harass people ARE ugly

It staggers me how a woman will not face the reality of female abusers!

He could have left out the "ugly part, but her age (25+ years his senior) needed to be called out as part of it. Imagine a scenario where it was a 45+ years old man telling his 19-year-old daughter in a 1-piece bathing suit or even just regular clothes that she should change into a bikini to show off her body so it can be appreciated and then to keep pressing the issue! I guarantee Mom's reaction would have been explosive.

ESH - shut her down sooner with a blunt statement that this is inappropriate and everyone is better off. This is like killing a mosquito with a flamethrower, when everyone knows that’s only appropriate for spiders