The shut down might be harsh but harassing a boy (young man) is way worse. Dad did the right thing and his wife has double standards = not good.

“Hey lady, what you’re saying to my son is inappropriate. Please, stop or you can leave.” Simple, clear reason and boundary.

If someone is harassing my kid, regardless of gender, there is no "wrong way" to intervene. The harrasser has lost all rights to be treated nicely. She has to go. Never ever make excuses or ask in a polite way when stuff like that happens. Sexual harassment-> no mercy.

If the OP had stopped at "You are too old for him' I doubt anyone would have objected. It's the 'ugly' comment that seems to be triggering.

Wtf does he have to be respectful for towards a woman who is ACRIVELY HARASSING HIS TEENAGE CHILD? HELLO? If the roles were reversed, the older man woukd get WAY more, like he said, I guarantee that.

I don't agree with the "old and ugly" bit, although it's something i can picture myself also saying in similar circumstances, for the simple reason that her age and appearance do not come into it. Would it be ok if she was 30 and hot? (like someone else asked in the comments). And, if anything, it's the age gap that makes it even worse, so leave out the ugly bit and just say she's too old to be flirting with a 19-year old? But the best argument would definitely be a simple "your behaviour is inappropriate, stop it or leave"

I would have started with you're making my son uncomfortable and go from there before going in for the kill.

everyone going after him calling her ugly is far too focused on the wrong thing. his son is one year older than me, which makes it easier for me to understand how uncomfortable it is (has happened to me before) and how he might not have wanted to respond, so the dad did for him. she repeatedly said those things, a normal response most likely wouldnt have stopped it. but back to my initial sentence, a lot of people in the og responses are focusing too much on defending the literal predator (it's small but it's still happening; while they arent defending her behavior theyre defending *her*) because she got called ugly instead of being glad she got shut down. the dad was completely right

Calling her out on her behavior was necessary. If only he’d done so without so childishly using her age and looks as the reason. Next time ditch the insults, just say she’s out of line and either stop or leave. Far more effective.

1. who cares if someone's feelings get hurt when they were persistently harassing someone? that's not why the comment was wrong. screw being respectful when she clearly didn't care to be. 2. a better comment would have focused on calling out the behavior, because it doesn't matter who's doing the harassing. the idea that it's okay if the one doing the harassing is hot is so screwed up. 3. the double standard needs to die. men are just as capable of being harassed by women.

She deserved much worse than the father dished out. A slap in the face to snap her out of her abusive talk would have been fine.

Honestly, if the person was 20 I still think I'd intervene. I don't understand why people think intervening is wrong, when someone you love is visibly shut down or scared. It's okay to help others. A 20 year old can still be victimized by people their age. Also Dad is NTA.

i think the only thing wrong with the dad's comment is that it focuses on her age and appearance, which reinforces the idea that it would be okay if she were younger and hotter. her behavior is a problem, no matter what she looks like. he wasn't wrong for insulting her, and she deserved to get her feelings hurt, because it's going to take at least that to get her to reconsider acting this way in the future.

NTA. you werent harsh enough.

Absolutely NTA and he is right, if that would've been 19 yr girl and 45 yr man everyone would agree with him. His wife is wrong, it is not different if it is boy or girl someone harassing.

NTA all the way down the line. Like the dad said, if the genders were reversed, it would have been a massively huge OH HELL NO but since it was an old, ugly woman and a 19y/o young man, it's fine? It's different? FÜCK no, there is no difference, that b¡tch needs to go play with someone her own age and since I believe it's someone personality that makes them attractive or not, yes. She is an ugly cünt and I will die on this hill. Anyone else willing to also die on this hill, I lovingly invite you. There's cookies.

Maybe she really was ugly...people who drink and then casually harass people ARE ugly

Any older adult harassing a teenager with inappropriate comments deserves to be shut down rudely. Male OR female. Totally deserved.

I personally have a rule of: no sexual predators in my house. Not only does the OP not need to apologize, that woman shouldn't ever be allowed back. His wife needs to have her head examined as she sat there and allowed her friend to sexually harras her son in his home.

did he have to call her ugly? no. did she have to keep harassing a visibly uncomfortable person. also no. but was it effective? hell yes

Telling her she is old and ugly maybe wasn't the most tactful, but I'll allow it.

I agree with ESH except the son. The "ugly" part was unnecessary, and he should have gone with the "sexually harrassing my son" part that was suggested in the comments.

This one seems a little tricky to me. Given that the young man was already uncomfortable and no doubt embarrassed by the woman's unwanted attention, maybe the dad thought that "Hey lady, my boy has standards" might cause less additional embarrassment than "Hey lady, stop harassing my son". The former implies a lack of interest on the young man's part rather than inexperience and vulnerability. Maybe the dad was trying to stop the harassment while still protecting his son's pride.

Sorry, but both are the AH. Her age & looks had nothing to do with the situation. She was inappropriately harassing him in his own home. Call out the behavior in support of your son. But there's no call for personal attacks.

He could have left out the "ugly part, but her age (25+ years his senior) needed to be called out as part of it. Imagine a scenario where it was a 45+ years old man telling his 19-year-old daughter in a 1-piece bathing suit or even just regular clothes that she should change into a bikini to show off her body so it can be appreciated and then to keep pressing the issue! I guarantee Mom's reaction would have been explosive.

ESH - shut her down sooner with a blunt statement that this is inappropriate and everyone is better off. This is like killing a mosquito with a flamethrower, when everyone knows that’s only appropriate for spiders