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Some things we just cannot forget. Like harsh words from the people we want to impress most—our parents.

On May 3rd, assistant professor at Stockton University Emily Van Duyne tweeted a question: "Does anyone else ever remember a cruel thing your parent said to you [and] it takes the wind out of you? Even if it was almost ten years ago?" Turns out, they do.

Emily's tweet has received over 200,000 likes and plenty of comments where people revealed their parents' mean phrases that will probably stick with them for life, and the thread has become like a giant online mental health session.

"I want you all to know I am sorting through and reading and thinking of and trying to respond individually to each of these stories," Van Duyne wrote as the responses kept pouring in. "I'm making pasta and reminding myself to be tender with my kids and tender with myself, as much as humanly possible, always. Please do the same."

Continue scrolling and check out some of our hand-picked confessions. Sometimes, seeing other people vulnerable is all you need to uncover and deal with your own crap.

#1

Cruel-Unforgettable-Things-Parent-Said

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Dash Blue
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I hope that you shove your success in your fathers face, and never let him meet his grandchildren. Okay. A bit harsh.

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    #3

    Cruel-Unforgettable-Things-Parent-Said

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    Raine Soo
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    How often have people said: You could be so pretty if you just lost the weight.

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    According to Jessie-Anne Bird, a psychologist from Johannesburg, South Africa, we can be deeply wounded by the words of others. "If we are not careful, we can react in a way that may escalate things unnecessarily," Bird told Bored Panda.

    Instead, the psychologist suggested we use the STOP technique, and it looks like this:

    S: Stop. Wait before you react.

    T: Take a step back - give yourself some time and space from the situation.

    O: Observe what's going on inside and outside. Become aware of your thoughts and feelings, think about how they may be impacting your decision-making.

    P: Proceed mindfully - once you have an understanding of what is happening, and have thought through your options - then you will be in a position to make a choice about how to respond or react.

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    #4

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    crazy_cat_notAlady
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    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    yes. the opp happened to me though. dad was sick for years (cancer). did everything I could and I couldn't. dropped out of a Ph.D. program to get a stable job to support his treatment and family costs. waited for years to hear him say for once that he was proud of me. never said anything...now it's too late. sometimes I wonder if I would view my life and career choices differently had he been actually proud of me, or if he cared.

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    #5

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    crazy_cat_notAlady
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    hey. u r beautiful. words can b harsh, but they can never strip u off ur beauty. glad u have found a good therapist. hope u continue to see the beauty of life and ur beauty too

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    Experts associate parent-child connectedness with a wide range of health indicators. Close, positive family relationships that feature open communication help young people stay healthy and avoid substance use and violent behavior.

    "We tend to use the perceptions of others to inform our self-view, and we might place more importance on the feedback we receive from those we value," Bird said. "When we hear hurtful things from those we love or esteem - they may hurt more because we are more likely to believe them."

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    #9

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    deanna woods
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Where in the hell are all these evil parents coming from. They are emotionally abusing their children.

    Jon Steensen
    Community Member
    7 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I don't think that they are nessesarily evil, I just think it is a sign of gross incompetence (Hanlon's razor). Everyone is learning how to be a parent on the go, and mistakes are bound to be made as result. A bad choice of words can end up doing a lot of damage down the line.

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    Natalia
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Why? I don't get it. Why would anyone tell that to any child?

    Wouliwas Shookspear
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I’m so sorry that happened to you. Stay strong, words hurt but you can be stronger. I am not going to tell you that it’s fine and to just forget it, but try thinking of other amazing stuff you accomplished. If you need to, see a therapist. You are worthy of everything good in this world

    TheCatasaurusMeowMom
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    You are loved, please believe that! Your friends and others who CHOOSE to be around you, LOVE you, and for a good reason--you are who you are, and you should be PROUD. I know it hurts, and will continue to hurt for a (maybe long) while, but it will get better/easier. You have value. You are loved. You are YOU, and there is no one else out there like YOU.<3

    Miss Cris
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My mother told me that one day and another. Now I'm an adult and she's been reeating it even when I've been in a relationship and just after breaking it, when I was so vulnerable and heaetbroken, to show how she was right. But she means all sort of loves: friends, etc.

    Julie
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I know the feeling. My dad told similar thing but me was because I was fat and ugly in his view

    Auntriarch
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    What kind of a parent would use the terms evil and twisted about a 13 year old. Tells you all you need to know.

    Margaret Martin
    Community Member
    3 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My "Bio" would always say to fellow workers, customers & Doctors at Hospitals after HE hurt me (various "accidents" on jobs I was too young to be on OR doing)- "Don't worry she'll be fine... it's NOT like she's the PRETTY one." Another gem of his- was to slap me in the back of the head "Gibb's Style" & say; "Pay ATTENTION! You're NOT the pretty one- so you'll need to learn how to fix things to take care of yourself!" He died years ago but the physical scars keep reminding me- so still trying to cope.

    JE Cummings
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My dad used to say almost the same thing, except I'd never be loved because I had teenage acne and was a "pizza face".

    Jigsaw's Puzzle
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This is obviously the instance where "No U" works as a legit insult.

    Paula Marowsky
    Community Member
    3 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Exactly like my grandmother. I still hear her voice in my head telling me bit%h, hoo#er, sh&t, (I was 11/12yo, and didn't know the meaning of all those words) ... how her biggest mistake was taken me inside her perfect house and how she regreted not let me drown when I was a newborn. She allways shouted at me how my existence has ruined her precious only blond daughter's life and how I deserve nothing and should be grateful to her to even feed me. She allways said nobody would ever possible love some creature like me..

    Ella Blackwood
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I cannot believe how cruel some of these parents are. It's heartbreaking.

    Rebecca O’Donnell
    Community Member
    Premium
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    You get through it, never over it. Don’t let their vileness define you. You decide what you can do with your life. The saying “what doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger” has gotten me through a lot of dealing with this kind of ‘family’ mindset.

    diarykeeper
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    What a hack. Why even bother having children if you hate yourself so much ?

    Miss Cris
    Community Member
    3 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    They think they're loving and protecting. Some might be afraid of loosing their child love. Most aren't unaware of making violence.

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    crazy_cat_notAlady
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    haha! my dad used to say the same thing. 30, single. doesn't hurt anymore. but makes me 100% sure I'll never have kids. if I can't help being mean to them, might not have them anyway.

    MyCatsTheRealPanda
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Just because you're dad was like that doesn't mean you are. The cycle can end with you!

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    Silviu Leibovici
    Community Member
    7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    But are you ? If not, don't be, if he thought yes , face him, make him take it back or at least argue why he did it. You're not a child anymore

    Isabelle Decraene
    Community Member
    7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I am a professional violinist, since I was a young child I only wanted to play. To become a good violist you need a caring environment with a good sense of pedagogy. I never had a proper guidance by my parents, nor emotional support when things were a bit complicated music education wise, school wise, friends wise. I was on my one and supposed to know how to handle things!! I participated in a competition and being a teenager I did some silly mistakes because of lack of proper preparation. She blamed me and said that if I can’t even make it to those finals I’d better go to university and become a lawyer. Music was my heart, gut and brain. It froze me. Still now I’m insecure. I read quiet some worse stories here, but those mean words condemned to eternal self doubt and never feeling good enough. Thanks god I found meditation !

    Angela Darling
    Community Member
    7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    your dad was projecting - spouting his OWN faults at you... sounds like a manipulative guy!

    LaBelle Nouveau Marsh
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Sorry but your comment contains Numerous typographical errors! You forgot to place "I am Beautiful" after the numbers 13 and 25!!!

    Margaret Martin
    Community Member
    2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Mine kept telling me that I wasn't the pretty one - so I'd have to learn how to do everything myself... since I'd be alone.

    Zane Bardsley
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My mother told me: "Just wait, the (husband's family) will find out how you are, and send you back." She is now passed away, I've been happily married for 46 years. No contact with my bio brothers.

    M Kate McCulloch
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    lemme guess - dad is some kind of fundamentalist? The religion doesn't matter - all those crackpots are the same abusive assholes.

    Izzy Curer
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Hard to believe be had the balls to say that to someone who was already evil and twisted by 13

    Frankenfrog
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    There should be prison sentences handed out to people who mentally abuse their children.

    DancingPig
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Wow. I'm so sorry he told you that and I'm sure you are loved.

    Susan Sheldon
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That was a malignant narcissist projecting (what he's like) on you. Only thing to do is cut him out of your life if he's still alive.

    von Krawall
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My father told. Me the same thing. I'm with my husband since 18 yrs. He is kind and loving and we getnalong really well. But it took. Me. A pretty long time that I wasn't the one that has isnthe problem. My father is. Nit talking to him. Since 6yrs and hes not allowed to see his grandkids.

    will.u.b.mine
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    *frowns* shout out to my dead (drug overdose last year) drug abusing abusive father that said things like this to me everyday when I had to live with him =[ for many years (like 10)...but im 16 now and kinda ok...maybe

    Terd Fergison
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This is the exact type of abusive language that is in the bible. The bible says that we're all evil and jesus/god/holy poof is the only good one. The bible says we're all wretched assholes. What an evil, disgusting, abusive, tribalistic, divisive book.

    Damo Lee Park
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    notice how nobody asks what sort of a person she really is tho? she could be the most manipulative, self-centered bitch in the world, and you're all hating on her dad for telling the truth

    Ambar
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    real love can look past that and live with things that can be evil, twisted, or downright odd. hope u found someone that sees your worth!

    Navin Kumar
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    while i know its harsh to say that to a child there has to be a backstory to this that we aren't aware of

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    Imi Lo, a psychotherapist, art therapist, and consultant for emotionally intense and highly sensitive people, thinks the relationship between a child and a parent is one of the most instinctively protective, loving, and nurturing things humans experience. So when such a connection is clouded with feelings of deep hurt and resentment, these negative emotions can follow people beyond childhood and adolescence into adulthood.

    "At the end of the day, you want to be able to cross over the bridge of resentment and move to a place of peace," Lo wrote in Psychology Today. "But however cliche this sounds, you need first to love yourself, embracing both the good and the bad, your ability to love, and your rage towards others. You must forgive yourself for your inability to forgive. You are a survivor for being here today. You deserve to live without emotional baggage."

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    If what you do grows into a deep sense of love for your parents, then the journey would have been worth it. If not, at least you know that you tried, and you will have no regrets.

    #12

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    Raine Soo
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    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Have you noticed how parents will utter any stupidity because they can't manage their own stress and will take it out on their children because no one else is around to hear them rant?

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    #14

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    Prilsy
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    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That's gaslighting and my father did it all the time to me. Still does and I'm almost 50.

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    #15

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    Grumble O'Pug
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Nothing like getting belittled to make you feel better, right? Ugh

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    #18

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    CatWoman312
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    3 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    She’s 9 dad. She’s playing soccer which involves a lot of running (assuming she’s not the goalie) so back off!

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    #19

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    Raine Soo
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    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    People fail to realize that self-harming is a coping mechanism toward pain and anger. Mom made it worse by telling you should be ashamed of yourself. I hope that you were able to find the help you needed.

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    #20

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    Tami
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    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My mom is like this. She doesn't say she doesn't care, but she shows it by not showing interest and changing the subject. Meanwhile, she can blather on for 30-40 minutes about the toast she had for breakfast or how she sat out in the sun for awhile.

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    #21

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    Raine Soo
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    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    When I was growing up, and even into my teens, family friends would say how pretty I was. My mother would say, "Nah, she's not." And, then start to list all my faults. I'd either walk away or stand there, rolling my eyes. So, yeah, I feel you.

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    #22

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    Raine Soo
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    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'd need therapy if I had to go through that rubbish too. Of course, I had my own battles with my mother.

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    #24

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    CatWoman312
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    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Thankfully we wear masks now so we don’t have to look at the faces of ugly trolls like your mom

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    #25

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    Jaime
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    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Ah, I do that too, because of my ADHD. I really hate it, sometimes I say things that make people uncomfortable because I didn’t think before I spoke.

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    #27

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    #28

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    Raine Soo
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    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This isn't quite the same, but my mother told me that I had no patience for young children. She said this to me when I was 10 years old. I'm surprised that I turned out this well despite her negative attitude.

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    #30

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    #32

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    kasa alex
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    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My mum had an emotionally abusive mother...so she went on to marry an emotionally abusive man who abused both her and us (myself and siblings)...now my older sister is emotionally abusive towards me...and possibly her step daughter... #intergenerationaltrauma

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    #33

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    H Edwards
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    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I remember one of the staff at the care home telling me not to cry when I realised that my mother really was dying. It certainly wasn't helpful.

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    #34

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    Raine Soo
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    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My best friend is estranged from all her family members. And, in turn, they all seem to be estranged from one another. She said that growing up in her family, the environment was quite toxic, and she needed to get away from that. How bad was it? She said that she'd rather die than ask them for help.

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    #35

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    Raine Soo
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    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I can't tell you how many times my mother told me I was stupid. "Not as stupid as you," I would retort. And, then we'd be fighting again.

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    #36

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    Martha Meyer
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    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Okay, I think this was well meant, if wrong, advice, perhaps also said in a bad tone. I think OP here is probably very sensitive and had low self esteem at the time, so this hit harder than it might have otherwise.

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    #37

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    ninjaraph
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    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Parents do say things like that. I discover later in life it's about them, not you. They have insecurities. Please find the strength and self worth you deserve. Fight on!

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    #39

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    WildHoneyPie
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Shoot, that's just not fair. Birthday money is Yours. Spend it as you please.

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    #40

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    Jo Johannsen
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    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    One of my step fathers told me during their divorce that I was the cause. I was 10.

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    #43

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    Carol Emory
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    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I had a co-worker that was a man hater. She'd constantly say how dumb and useless they were. Then my boss went to her and said "You have a son, right? He will eventually grow up to be a man. So every time you berate and belittle men in his presence, you're actually insulting him. Do you think he's going to resent you for that?" Our co-worker never bashed on men again.

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    #44

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    Evil Little Thing
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    3 years ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    I feel like there's more to this story than Naomi is telling. Parents have feelings too, and she clearly caught her mom at a terrible time.

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    #47

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    #48

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    Stephanie IV
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    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That a dress isn’t flattering can be said in a much less harmful way.

    #49

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    Carol Emory
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I did this with my mother. I called her after moving 3000 miles away to let her know her grandson was just diagnosed with Autism. She then proceeds to chew me out saying that she knew all along and that I had been to lazy to get him diagnosed before moving and that she had told me he was autistic (which she hadn't.) I tried to veer the conversation to what was being done for him to get him started on therapy. She kept going back to wanting me to admit that she'd already figured out his diagnosis before I left. I finally said "Look...I didn't call you to have an argument! If that's all you can do than sit there in your house alone and wonder what's going on. This is my son's life were talking about, not your Ego. Get over it or get lost!" And I hung up. Two months later, she called and apologized.

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    #50

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    Raine Soo
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    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My mother thought that I was an alien. I'm not joking. She kept telling me that I wasn't like any of her friends' children. My father was cool with me, though. I think he got a kick out of me being a wise ass.

    #51

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    Raven DeathShade
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    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I've been called "overdramatic" so much I can't even tell my parents how severely I have been impacted by them, and the fact I've quite literally been wishing that I could run far, far away from them or at least die. I'm scared they'll tell me I'm not actually depressed and I'm overreacting...

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    TheReader19
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I hope you're not like your mother; you're too good to be her