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There is a world of difference between being a genuinely nice person and a “nice guy.” In the former case, you’re empathetic and respect others because you actually care about people and the right thing to do. In the latter case, manipulative, insecure individuals only pretend to be kind in order to get what they want—for example, attention from their love interest.
Unfortunately, toxic pretenders who lack basic self-awareness aren’t all that rare. The women of the AskReddit community opened up about their cringiest “nice guy” interactions as a warning to others. Scroll down for their stories.
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#1
I had one of the "but I'm just trying to helllllp-" flavored nice guys cling to me for dozens of miles once.
My favorite hobby is bike touring. I pick a place around 100 miles away, wake up real early, jam on music and podcasts all day, and don't have to talk to anybody. It is the best.
40 miles into one ride, I pulled over to look at the map on my phone, and this dude decided that me glancing at my map meant I was hopelessly lost and couldn't possibly continue on my route unless he rescued me. He (and his friend who didn't really say much) became my personal escort. I did all the nonconfrontational go-away things I could think of--leaving my headphones in and going "what" in an unfriendly way when he kept trying to mansplain bikes to me, lagging way behind him or surging way ahead of him, etc, but he never caught on. He was always there, demanding my attention and giving nothing in return.
Finally I waited for him and his friend to get around a bend, and took like a 20 minute sandwich and stretch break. Surely this would shake them off.
Nope! Dude was lurking there, looking relieved that he'd found me. Finally I just had to be like, "No offense, but I really like doing these rides by myself. I've got an audiobook I'd like to listen to, and I don't need your help right now."
"But you were lost!"
"No I wasn't. I was looking at the map on my GPS-enabled phone. I told you you found me 40 miles away from my apartment--how do you think I managed to get this far without you? I do rides like this all the time on my own. I'm fine."
And at that point he muttered something about how I was "real NICE" and biked away. I care less and less about how nice strange men think I am with every passing day.
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#2
My friend was upset because she had a fight with her boyfriend. His best friend decided to comfort her, he listened, gave her a shoulder to cry on.
The next day he tried to force s*x from her. He said she owed him for looking after her. He had to listen to her c**p so she needed to please him. Luckily one of us came over to notice him trying to force his way onto her.
#3
Guy I'd hung out with a few times offered to come feed my cat for the weekend I was away. We agreed on how much I'd pay him. When I got home I saw that he left the money on the counter.
I texted to thank him and ask when I can pick up my key. He basically demanded s*x since he hadn't taken the money and he wanted s*x instead. I said I'm not a wh*re and he should have just taken the $20 as agreed. Then he refused to give back my key and said he would sell it on Craigslist with my address and photos of me.
I informed him that I'd screenshot the conversation and sent it to several friends and if anything happened to me they would show the convo to the police and that I didn't think a little dancer boy would fair well in prison. He then said that threatening to have me r*ped was just a joke.
Many so-called “nice guys” have a very transactional understanding of relationships. They believe that being superficially polite and kind, and doing someone favors entitles them to things like dates or physical intimacy. They also tend to think that affection can be bought. In short, they have a warped perception of how relationships develop and think that putting in a tiny bit of effort should be massively rewarded.
When someone rejects them or tells them a polite “no,” they tend to show their true colors. They might lash out, opt for emotional blackmail, and generally behave immaturely. For them, relationships are only as valuable as what they can get from them. In other words, they don’t see relationships as being valuable in and of themselves.
#4
He wanted to impress upon me what a good guy he was, and he was also too scared to ask me out like a normal person. He k*lled two birds with one stone by having his "split personality" tell me it really wanted to k*ll me, but Nice Guy was bravely holding it back because he liked me so much. Obviously I fell head over heels immediately.
#5
I used to get public transport home from university each day. Made friends with a guy who shared most of my classes and it turned out he lived quite near me. One lecture finished late and he offered to drive me home so I didn't have to get public transport alone at night. I thanked him profusely, as I really didn't feel safe alone at night. All went well. Couple days later I was leaving uni and he offered again, I told him he didn't need to, but he waved it off and said he was happy to. Over the next semester he made a habit of offering to drop me home whenever we ended the day with a class together. When I tried to offer to pay for petrol or pay for his lunch as a thank you, he would just reiterate that he really didn't mind and he was happy to do it.
One day when he's driving me home he seems to be in a really bad mood. Gripping the steering wheel really tightly and only replying with single monosyllabic words. When we get to my house i ask if he's ok. He doesn't reply so i go to get out of the car, then he angrily says "are you EVER going to invite me inside!?" I must have said something like "huh, what?" Coz he then yells "I've been giving you free rides for MONTHS and you've never invited me in afterwards! Are we EVER going to have s*x??"
I was so surprised and shocked I think i just got out of the car and walked away. This guy, who i thought was my friend, who i had offered to pay for the rides, thought he was entitled to sex because he had voluntarily been offering me rides.
To reiterate: i offered to pay him for the rides, i never asked for a ride (he always offered and even insisted), and he had never asked me out on an actual date (i had no idea he thought of me that way).
I felt so betrayed. Made it worse when he then told our mutual uni friends that id been stringing him along and using him for free rides.
#6
When I was in college, there was this guy that hung around my friend group. No one actually knew which one of us brought him in, so maybe he just decided to crash, who knows. But he was creepy. He hit on ALL the girls in the group aggressively and whine DAILY about how we should just give him a chance to show us "how a lady should be treated". We usually just rolled our eyes, although a few of the guys took him aside on separate occasions and told him to knock it off.
He also went way over the top in a lot of ways. He'd bring the girls flowers or memorize their favorite candy/soda/snacks and present them as a "token of his great affection" (yep, he called it that). He had a bad habit of insisting, like legit would not take no for an answer, on walking the women wherever we needed to go. Myself and my best friend at the time both told him his behavior was creepy.
There were three women in the "core" group, and five others who were close enough that they'd show up at LAN parties or whatever we were doing. He asked every single one of us out at least 50 times. Every single time we said no, he'd go off on this awful tirade about how women didn't want nice guys, and how we should just be open to the possibility of him being "the love of our lives". It did not matter how many times we told him we were not interested, not attracted, or IN RELATIONSHIPS.
Sophomore year, a new girl joined the group. For whatever reason, she liked our Nice Guy. A lot. Weird. But he wasn't in to her at all. A few of us started using his own BS rhetoric against him when he began whining about her not leaving him alone. It was pretty gross.
Of course, healthy and happy relationships—whether romantic, platonic, familial, or professional—will also have a certain give-and-take dynamic. Mutual respect, trust, and love require sacrifice and compromise. Even so, it’s unhealthy and exhausting if you’re constantly the only one running errands, doing favors, and giving up your goals for someone else’s. Your actions and physically helping someone out count for a lot more than just fancy promises and pretty words.
True friends are there for you through thick and thin. They celebrate your wins. They support you through your failures. And they don’t come up with constant excuses about why they’d love to help you but really can’t this time (and a dozen before that).
#7
Ugh This is long, bear with me. My parents had friends who had a son considerably older than me, as in like 13 years older. However when I reached puberty he took a liking to me. My mother loved his family and thought he was SO handsome so she always tried to make us hangout in hopes it would kindle something. Mind you I was like 16 when he was 29. My mom somehow saw nothing wrong with this. Anyhow nothing ever happened and I got a boyfriend until I was 23 at which time we broke up.
This is when Mr nice guy swooped in showing up at my house with flowers and gifts unannounced. I never gave him my address....he asked MY MOM. Then he would notice I posted I had a cold on FB and would show up with cold medicine and soup. Which would be nice if I had ANY intrest in him but I didnt. he would look where I checked into on FB and COINCIDENTALLY just be there. I felt bad being like dude STOP cause my mom invited him to every family function and I didnt wana make things weird.
It hit the pinacle when he got a job where I woked just to be closer to me and he told everyone we were dating. Spoiler alert- we werent. I flipped out on him and told him he was creepy and that after all these years he never took the hint after me never answering his calls/texts or taking him up on his relentless attempts to take me out to dinner. I quit my job and moved and blocked him on everthing and had a firm conversation with my mom about keeping him away from me. She was upset and made excuses for him but ultimatley obliged. Years later im now married with a baby and he still relentlessley persues me if he sees me in public.
#8
I like to share this one because it cracks me up it was so ridiculous.
I moved to a new city for school and ran into a long lost distant cousin (grandma’s sister’s grandson). He was just a couple years older than me so he invited me over to hang out with his friends and got my number. I agreed because I’m shy and knew I would have issues making my own connections.
He started texting me NON stop. At first it was all innocent, trying to get to know one another, but then he’d cross the line with inappropriate personal questions. I told him numerous times I had a boyfriend who attended a different college. My cousin kept inviting me over but I was busy with my new job, but he was persistent and offended when I was too busy. He started getting offended if I took too long to respond. Finally I had a free night and agreed to a board game night with him and his friends. I wasn’t old enough to drink yet but he had bought a special wine he wanted me to try.
I get there and meet his friends. We start getting Catan set up, have music going, and all is going well. Cousin goes into kitchen to get wine, and friend tries to be nice and starts conversation with me by asking how we met and how long we had been dating. I sputtered out that we weren’t dating, we were cousins.
His friends lost their s**t. They were laughing hysterically and told me that my cousin has been bragging about dating me for weeks, I would have been his first girlfriend. My cousin told his roommate (shared a bedroom) that he needed privacy tonight and had bought condoms. Cousin came out to see what the noise was about, his friends called him out, still laughing.
He got super angry and said that he thought we had a connection and no one would be that friendly or text each other so much if they weren’t dating. We had a special connection and no one understood him like I did. I responded along the lines of “dude, we are related!!!! You don’t date your cousin!!” And booked it. It was the most awkward situation I had ever been in.
I called my mom immediately and told her to talk to his mom about it. My mom called me back afterwards and reported that his mom was super embarrassed and assured me that her son would hear from her and if she had anything to do with it, he would never treat me or another woman with so much disrespect again. That’s the last I heard from him. I saw his mom a year ago, she gave me a family bar recipe, so she doesn’t seem resentful. All is well.
Tl:dr a cousin tried to seduce me via nice guy ways. I’m not even from Alabama.
#9
I was sixteen, met him when I just started college (UK, so this is the normal age). Guy just started hanging out with my little friend group, and everyone just kind of assumed that someone else in the group knew him from school or something. No one did.
He was really skinny, taller than all of us, even the other guys. Wore the same black duster every day that smelled badly of BO, with thick Goth boots. Blond hair that was super greasy and long. He kept running one hand through it and pouting, or just holding his hand spread over his face after. An anime pose or something?
Started off normal enough. He just seemed a bit quirky, but we were cool with that. Then he started focusing on me more and more. If someone swore, he'd dramatically cover my ears and demand that they 'have respect in the presence of a lady'. Weird as f**k. We all kind of just laughed it off most of the time and tried to ignore this guys s**t. Then he started putting his arm around me, trying to 'glomp' me, kiss my check etc. I asked him not to touch me, but he kept 'forgetting'. We would all be talking about some s**t totally unrelated and he would just say something like 'god you look so cute in this light' or just pretend I had something in my hair so he could touch it. I don't like confrontation so I put up with it to an extent, but I tried to be quite clear that I want interested.
A dude I'd made friends with was chatting to me one day before our class. Creepy dude rocked up and immediately started trying on alpha s**t with him, trying to put his arm around me, size him up etc. I kept pulling away and asking him to stop, so my friend told the guy that he's being a creep and to back off. Creepy dude accused him of trying to steal the affections of 'his maiden' (I wish I was joking).
I out right told him I wasn't interested in a relationship with anyone, he just kind of brushed it off though. Kept talking about how he'd 'win my hand'. Wtf.
One day, I needed to go to the library to do a project of forgotten about. He saw me on my way and asked to join me. I said only if he was doing work too, because I couldn't afford to be distracted (deadlines). He agreed. When we got there, he was immediately all up in my personal space, trying to lean over me, trap me between his arms/body and the bookshelf etc. I was polite, kept asking him to stop. But he kept doing it, and every time I stopped walking, he'd 'accidentally' bump into me again and put his hands on me to 'catch' me etc. I snapped a bit, and said if he didn't stop, I was going to get him kicked out of the library. He apologised. I turned around. Then he leaned in and smelled my neck. Loudly. Then moaned.
I finally lost my s**t. Basically tore him a new one about boundaries and basically making me feel like an object. Told him that if he didn't back the f**k off, I was going to go to the college about having him expelled for harassment. He said nothing. I got kicked out of the library for being loud.
He stopped hanging out with us. Everyone was relieved. All was good, except I missed that deadline. Saw him in passing but he wouldn't even acknowledge me. Perfect result!
Fembot 2 weeks ago (edited)
It’s easy to think: why didn’t her friends help her more, why wasn’t this AH kicked out of that group sooner, why didn’t she knee him at the first sniff? But it’s so, so hard to do all that. We’re trained to make friends, be nice and outgoing, to not be rude, etc. I’m glad this girl got out of that situation in one piece. And actual friends need to look out for red flags everywhere: including within their own friend groups.
What’s more, they try to be increasingly authentic and vulnerable with each other as their relationship deepens. They value transparency, honesty, active listening, and just proper communication in general. And even though everyone keeps secrets (whether serious or benign), real friends also won’t have any hidden agendas concerning you.
#10
I asked him to hang out the day after a messy breakup (infidelity from the ex) of a 2.5 year relationship. This "friend" asked me out FIVE TIMES and tried to get me to sleep in his bed.
#11
I lived in a small town in Wyoming, and this was my sophmore year in high school. He was new in school. I had him in a couple classes with him and I tried to invite him to sit with me and meet my friends, so he wasn't alone. Two days after knowing him, he sent me this long message on Facebook basically declaring his love for me. The whole conversation was him saying that no one was going to love me the way he does, how he broke up with his current girlfriend for me and if I let him down he would k*ll himself. BIG NO, instant block.
The next day his ex-girlfriend messaged me stating that I was a wh*re and giving me death threats. He was going around the school telling people that I was a teenage pr*stitute and that my b**bs were fake. I was Mormon, a pretty devoted one, plus it helped I grew up in a small town, everyone knew me.
Well he kept creating new Facebook profiles and sending me messages. All along the lines of me deserving to be raped to the fact that he loved me. This continued a year, the school changed my classes so I didn't have any with him, but it wasn't until he showed up at my house with his dad's gun that I was able to get a restraining order. He moved to Texas, and I haven't seen or heard from him since.
#12
I was in uni, had a friend named Kevin. We had occasionally hung out, but when we did we always had a good time in a strictly non-sexual way: your typical nice guy. One day he comes knocking on my door and asked me out. I politely turned him down, saying that I only saw him as a friend. He immediately flipped out, said that this was my last chance and he was only going to offer to take me out on a date this one time, and once he left he would never ask me out again so I should think very carefully before I answered. I repeated that I only saw him as a friend, and before I could finish talking he had walked off saying that I was going to regret it.
Nope Kevin, I dodged a bullet.
When is the last time that you interacted with a “nice guy”? What do you think is the best approach to see if someone is genuinely nice or only pretending to be to get something from you?
Have you ever called someone out for being incredibly toxic? If you’re feeling up for it, tell us in the comments.
#13
Ohohoho
When I was a sophomore in high school, I joined a certain club because some of my other friends were running it and I figured it'd be a good way to spend extra time with them. This one dude was a relatively nice guy a grade ahead of me and I thought "I'm already in the club so I might as well get to know the other people in it", so I was pretty open to interaction. He was a bit of a socially awkward guy but it wasn't a problem with me.
Then this one day after club, as I was waiting for my dad to collect me he approached me and started a conversation then eventually he says, "I've never had an Asian girlfriend before", and pulled me in for a hug where he kissed me on the neck. I told my friends what happened and noped the f**k out of the club. He didn't understand where he went wrong and my friends tried to brush it off at the time but now that we've all graduated I don't talk to them anymore lol.
#14
Nice guy told he loved me on our SECOND date. Which I even went on against my better judgement .. Of course I told him I wasn't comfortable with that after only 2 dates and that I didn't know him well enough to give him any real idea of how I felt. I shut things off and said I didn't wanna see him anymore. A little while later, maybe a couple weeks.. I ended up meeting the man I am with now and we hit it off immediately. (Still together after 5 years.) "Nice guy" msg me that he missed me and wants to try to see me again. (Misses me??? Just wow..) So I tell him I am now seeing someone and I haven't changed my mind about seeing him. He sent me like 4 pages of text about what a horrible person I am and how he really thought I was the one and I'm just a b***h who f***s with people's feelings..I must be a major whore to already be in a relationship....etc. I mean. We went on TWO dates. Spent a total of a couple hours in each others company. And only were on contact for a week. He went berserk!
#15
I had a guy tell me straight out during messaging on Bumble that he expected a blow job on our first date, which we had arranged for the following Saturday, and that once I had completed that task he would remove the dating app from his phone and we could date exclusively.
I baulked at this of course, saying that not only would I not be giving him a blow job on our first date, I also would have no intention of going on a drive with him to a ‘cosy spot’ which is where he suggested said oral s*x happen.
He got furious with me, said he was just being honest, was a ‘nice guy’ and that my suggestion that he sounded like a horny teenager (we’re both in our late 30s) made me a f*****g whore. He did not like it when I pointed out that being a f*****g whore *and* not giving him a blowjob seemed mutually exclusive to me.
#16
Met this guy online through one of my friends. He seemed pretty nice, so I would text him periodically throughout the day and he wanted to video chat once so we did.
He became obsessed with me and wanted to call every night before he went to bed. He told me I would be the perfect wife and that we should have 3 kids. He wanted to move me out to the cattle ranch he owned and operated so we could get married and start a family. We had been talking for maybe two weeks.
I was looking for a job to get through college and jokingly shared a "now hiring dancers" sign at the local strip club on Snapchat. He went ballistic and told me he couldn't be with a girl who had no respect for herself. We weren't even dating, but he "broke up" with me on my birthday.
#17
I met this dude who worked at the local supermarket because he kinda knew my friend. He was legitimately nice. He was overweight, but had great skin and hair. Not my type, but I wouldn't be surprised if he had a hot girlfriend or whatever. He was a little nerdy and shy but pretty cool regardless.
I friended him on Facebook since we had a lot of mutual friends. I had just seen an episode of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic (before I knew what Bronies were) and he was a *little* too excited. He messaged me with all of these facts about the show and how most episodes were good but a few were a "little girlie". I said that's fine since it's a show for little girls and he got pretty mad. Strike one.
Strikes two and three were his constant whiny posts about "females" ignoring him for no reason. Going on and on about how the sexy, slim, big-breasted redhead didn't give him her number. He even had his friend make this long post about how awful we all were for not hooking him up with our single female friends.
The real kicker? Our mutual friend had a crush on him and he totally blew her off. She's a pretty Italian girl with gorgeous hair and a perfect a*s. She's also equally as nerdy as him, and they had the same nerdy interests. When she asked him out, he said they should just be friends.
I couldn't believe it. Dude lives with his parents, work at a grocery store, is a Brony, and he turns down a hot nerdy girl because she doesn't look like an Anime character or The Little Mermaid.
#18
I worked at a Harley Davidson dealership for around 3 years during college— so keep in mind I was around 19 or 20 at that time. We had a bundle of “regular” customers that would come in a few times a week to eat the free popcorn and drink the free hot chocolate that we kept in our customer lounge. Most of these guys were super sweet retirees that we got to know (and love) over the years, but there was one in particular that gave us the absolute creeps.
This man was in his mid-fifties and never married with no children. He had LOTS of free time and began visiting very regularly and would noticeably gawk at our ladies on staff. He came in to our shop alone one day and seemed nice enough, so he and I engaged in ~10 minutes of casual conversation and it came up that I really loved football (Pittsburgh Steelers in particular).
The following week, he started showing up nearly every single day with gifts for me. They started small with a football keychain and a coffee mug, then progressed to a sweatshirt and a license plate holder for my car. I would kindly refuse the gifts which would set him storming away into a silent, embarrassed rage. It got to the point that if we saw his bike pulling in to our parking lot, my coworkers would warn me so I could work from the back office or the shipping bay to avoid him.
He would come in and ask our staff personal questions about me like where I lived, who I was dating, and what college I was attending. It got to the point that he was popping in every single day (sometimes multiple times) in hopes to cross paths with me. Finally, I had had enough of hiding in my own workplace and decided I would confront the issue head on.
One day, I stayed in the dealership and he approached me with an envelope. It was two very expensive tickets to that Sunday’s Steelers game. I told him that I appreciated his gestures but that I would not be accepting gifts and that his advances were making me uncomfortable. He absolutely lost his s**t, and told me that I was a disgusting whore and that he knew that “girls like me” got a kick out of toying with his emotions. I told him that he misread my signals and that I was just being friendly and doing my job. He literally laughed in my face in the most insane scream-y fashion and said that I was “fake” and that I wore too much makeup, I was fat, and that I was probably on d***s. (Huh?!)
As I walked away he continued to yell at me and call me a d**k tease and a s**t. It got so bad that our GM came out of his office and told him that if he didn’t leave we would call the police.
He came back a few times in the years that I worked there and finally was banned after he intentionally brushed his crotch up against one of the girls cleaning the helmet display. He was FOUL.
#19
Broke up with a dude I was dating for a couple months. He didn’t take it well and decided to post my nudes, phone number, & address on craigslist along with a nice paragraph stating how horny and ready to bang I was. Woke up to 75+ texts and calls from random numbers looking to have s*x w/me.
Tobias Reaper 2 weeks ago
I dont think this quite fits the nice guy profile or cringe this is straight up nasty and evil
#20
Oh this is good. I was working as a nurse assistant in a nursing home. There was a MUCH older man that worked in the kitchen, like 30+ years older than me. He would always tell me how beautiful I looked and give me long hugs. It felt creepy but I honestly thought he was just trying to be nice in an older fatherly type way. I didn’t want to make things awkward since he worked the same shift as me so I put up with it.
One day he asked what my favorite coffee was, I told him nonchalantly thinking it was just a conversation starter. Later during my shift HE BROUGHT me that coffee. He walked to a coffee shop during his break and bought it for me. At this point I started realizing he’s being too friendly and my instincts were right. I kept refusing as he insistently shoved it at me. When I was refusing he pretended he didn’t understand what I was saying because of a language barrier, he’s from China but has lived in the states since he was a kid!! I felt so uncomfortable and was tired of trying to explain myself and have him dismiss me so I just took the coffee.
Shortly after that he brought a box of chocolate to work for me. Once again I kept refusing but he insisted it was for me, he didn’t like chocolate and wouldn’t eat it. After that I mentioned that I was married with a toddler. He had a disgusted face not at me being married but having a child and asked me why I had a child so young. (I was 25 when this happened, and had a 2 1/2 year old at the time)
Later on I was visiting with some residents in the activity room and he came in to talk to me. He started talking about how good my body was, how he couldn’t tell I had a child. He then grabbed my butt. I tried to turn away and he let go, but then he continued talking about how tight my butt is and how perfect my boobs were, after looking straight at my chest he then swung his arm behind me and grabbed my butt again, brining me into him.
I felt so violated. I spent months thinking this was just some innocent overly nice guy but he was just grooming me. I told my supervisor who immediately told the director of the facility. Within 20 minutes he was fired and I never saw him again.
The next day the director called me into her office and said she had several complaints against this employee and as soon as she heard my story and saw how he was escalating she knew she had to fire him immediately. I was so scared after that, every shift I walked out to my car late at night I thought he’d be out there.
Other complaints: 1. Him bragging to other women employees about him hiring prostitutes and treating them to Olive Garden before having sex with them.
2. Him viscioualy attacking another female employee, calling her “fat” “stupid” etc, in front of their boss and other peers.
Those are just the complaints I heard from my friends after this happened, who knows what else he did.
Just saying ladies, if someone assaults you it isn’t your fault. Giving people the benefit of the doubt and trying to see the good in people doesn’t mean you deserve to be assaulted and harassed. And don’t be afraid to be assertive and rude, we don’t owe anyone niceness.
#21
Idk if this is a "nice guy" or just really f*****g annoying but
A guy I know is hopelessly in love. He knows I'm not single. Tells me things all the time like "in another realm, we'd be together. We'd make beautiful children. Don't you think we'd make beautiful children?" And I just answer like um???? And then when he sees me, he'll start saying all these love quotes from books he's read. he's made lewd comments as I've bent over before. He also whines that I never message/talk to him. He's some guy at my school but I hardly see him so I'm not worried at all, it's just really damn annoying.
#22
In high school my older sister was extremely popular and pretty (think model material), while I was quite shy and weird and kept to myself, with no desire to be popular I might add. Somehow I managed to attract the attention of this sketchy older guy who began to frequently message me on AIM. In an effort to win my affection, he told me that a bunch of upperclassmen guys had gotten together and held a vote to determine who was hotter, my older sister or me. In his words, "Everyone else voted for your sister, but I voted for you even though they all made fun of me!" as though I was supposed to be grateful for his apparent self sacrifice. Needless to say, I didn't go for it.
#23
I once had a friend that had 'no interest in me besides friendship' explode at me in a bar and call me a c**t when he asked me to list the reasons why I would not date him. I did not want to and he would not let it go. Then he got pissed when I told him I'm not attracted to him and even if I was, I lived on my own and wasn't interested in dating anyone that still lived with their parents creeping on 30...
Fembot 2 weeks ago
Not much wrong if people live with their parents a bit longer (in this economy), it depends entirely upon how self sufficient they are in other ways: cooking cleaning, holding on to a job, having friends, hobbies etc. It’s the quid pro quo attitude to relationships and sex that’s the problem here
#24
In college, I played a lot of online video games. I posted on forums related to these games often. One guy, we'll call him Bob, decided to "show me" how careless I'd been with my personal information. This lead to a phone call, on a number I never provided, during which he told me what dorm I lived in, at what campus, as well as information from public records regarding my family. On this call he told me how easy it would be for him to get there and r**e me. This was quite frightening, and when I put him on blast publicly for it, he stated he was "trying to show me how careless I'd been" and prove a point.
Years later, I went to a group meet-up with a bunch of people from this forum (with a guest I knew already), and he called me, on the same number (shoulda changed it) to ask me to wait for him outside, because he knew what I looked like. My guest and I met up with everyone and pretty quickly left.
#25
I met a guy on OKCupid. We talked for a while and he kind of ghosted, but whatever, I kind of forgot he even existed for a while but friended me on facebook before he disappeared. He was never active so I never really heard from him.
I met a different guy and we started dating. I changed my status and he started messaging me minutes later asking about what was going on. We politely talked and he was being kind of flirty, but some people just naturally are so I was just being polite with my responses. The topic finally comes around to if I ever wanted to go on a date with him because we had discussed it before he ghosted. I informed him that I was in a relationship and he responded with something like, "Okay, cool. I just thought *we* were talking is all so I guess you were just playing me." This guy had disappeared for MONTHS but was getting pissed that I moved on. I mentioned this to him, but he just kind of danced around it, called me a s**t and then didn't respond to anything I had to say. I unfriended him and thought it was the last I would hear from him.
Me and the guy broke up, but I met another guy about 6 months later. We only dated for a little while before we were engaged and had a courthouse wedding. I was 19 when we got married and it was a fast relationship, I will admit. I once again, changed my status on facebook to married about a week after the wedding. Two days later, nice guy messages me again.
He once again started off with the "How's everything been?" and apologized for how he had reacted to what I had said the last time we spoke. I gave him the benefit of the doubt since it had been almost a year since we had spoken and I figured maybe he was just trying to not be a d**k and naive me thought maybe a friendship could happen. After a few minutes, it again comes back around to asking me on a date. I tell him I'm married now. He gets upset once again accusing me of leading him on because we were apparently still talking in his eyes (dumbass). He then asked how long we had dated before we decided to get married and I told him the truth. Big mistake.
He then goes off on a long a*s tangent about how my husband just wants to f**k me over and "is going to stretch out my pussy before divorcing me and leaving me a lonely s**t with 6 kids that no man will ever want." Then he blocked me. I was pretty pissed that I couldn't even counter what he said, but oh well, that is the internet. A year and a half passed before he reared his head again, this time, after I announced online that I was pregnant.
He started by saying he was sorry for blocking me (because that's what was angering about the whole thing), he would understand if I hated him, but the fact that I was having a baby was proof that what he said was coming true. Then he said that if I gave him a chance, he could save me from my "horrible" husband and be an amazing father to the baby and how he thought I was so sexy pregnant. I was actually at work so I didn't know he was messaging me so it went ignored. He then started getting angry that I wasn't responding. Started in on the b***h and s**t calling. Even said he hoped my baby was stillborn and killed me while I was in labor. I never responded and just blocked him at that point.
I don't expect that I've heard the last from him. I bet any day now he will find me on another social media platform and continue on his quest to get me away from my abusive, awful husband (/s). If anyone wants to know, my husband and I are still very happy together with a healthy little boy.
#26
A guy tried to take my phone and use it to text my then-bf that we were over. When confronted, nice guy said my bf didn't treat me right, or else we wouldn't be doing long distance (this was during college, and he was 1.5 hours away by train).
When I obviously got mad, he called me a b***h, a wh*re, and an idiot for not realizing what I had in front of me. Cue 3 days of emo/angsty facebook statuses with me tagged in them. I block him. He cries about why we aren't friends anymore, I ask him to give me some time and we can try again. 1.5 days later, d**k pic. When I didn't respond to that, he sent me a long, handwritten letter about how perfect my body and how he would treat me like a princess, especially in bed.
#27
"Nice Guy" and worked down in HR. (Was completely incompetent too but that's another story.)
Anyway, he'd come up with excuses to come see all the single women in the building. He'd stand too close to you. Sometimes he'd stand in your doorway and just stare for a while without saying anything. Always very creepy when you'd look up and there'd he'd be.
He liked to ask incredibly personal and invasive questions. He'd complain to anyone who listened about how women just didn't want a "nice guy" like him. He faked being into several different religions trying to pick up a "good girl" because he didn't want a smoker or drinker (despite being both those things himself) and wanted a virgin who wasn't a "fatty" because he was a, "man not a whale" (he was tubby himself.)
To add onto what I said before: he also believed that if he met up with a group that had women in it, those women were dating him. And he'd get very mad if said women paid more attention to another man in the group than him, sometimes just get up and leave.
So, for example: One Friday a group of workers were going out for drinks after work. He invited himself along, so one of the women in the group said, "See you there!" He decided this meant they were dating. Then when she didn't pay attention to him much during the night and talked more to her new, male coworker - he just got mad and left without a word.
Nobody knew what happened to make him leave. Until the rumor mill started up because he told everyone that his female coworker had "cucked" him (his fancy word for cuckolding) that night.
#28
A year back this guy I met on Bumble (I know, I know...) seemed so sweet and we went on a cute ice cream date at the beach. Then, he told me he'd stay the night in his car around the street from my condo so he can immediately take me to work the next day. I come to find out he lived in his car. He wanted me to 'sleep over' one night, lol nah. He started staying the night in his car around the corner every night to take me to work, and eventually started just walking into my house to wake me up cuz he thought he was 'helping' me. Soon, he told me we should get rings so he can prove to everyone I was 'his' and he was 'mine' like I was property. I'm not entirely sure if you wanted to call this possessive or "nice guy" but I just wanted to give him a chance until the whole ring thing and then I was OUT. He tried coming to my work a few times with gifts and begging, and begging at my front door for weeks but stopped when I filed a restraining order.
#29
A guy on a dating website messaged me out of the blue with a custom-written poem. It was 4-5 stanzas long and rhymed. He used information from my profile to write it. That level of effort from someone I didn't know at all was creepy as hell. I also checked his profile and we had almost nothing in common and differed on several VERY fundamental life issues/beliefs. I didn't respond to the poem because, again, it was super creepy. After a few days he messages me again calling me a b***h for not responding to him and that I should appreciate all the effort he went to to impress me. Like... thanks for your creepy-a*s poem, terrifying internet stranger?
ynyrhydref56 2 weeks ago
Not creepy if it's all stuff from your profile. Creepy would be if he included stuff not published on your profile but stuff from your other socials and private life.
#30
I have 3 different stories of 3 different guys that I was friends with in HS that misinterpreted our friendship and confessed there love for me. When turning all 3 of them down they threatened s*icide.
Distanced myself from the 1st guy and when he moved we stopped talking. After getting engaged he messaged me congratulating me, being a dumbass I responded and talked to him for about a week before he decided to insult my fiance and tried to tell me I'd be better off with him.
The second guy would text me a "s*icide note" like 3 times a week and it got to the point where I got so frustrated I responded once and said something like "do it then" and he called me a b***h but left me alone.
3rd guy f*****g stalked me after I cut contact with him, well into my 20s, and after I met my now husband. We lived like 45min-1hr away from each other and he'd still find a reason to show up at my job. After I got married he blocked me on all social media.
Idk what kind vibe teenage me was putting out, but I will say bc of them I am alot better at setting boundaries and will cut people who make me uncomfortable out of my life without a second thought. So that's cool I guess.
What do you think ?
Jeolas1 2 weeks ago (edited)
When I was 23 and house-sitting for my parents while they were on holiday, one night (around 11 pm) I heard a weird noise outside. Thought it was one of the cats climbing around on the trellis, so ignored it. Ten minutes later the doorbell rings, and I open, and it's the 70 year old neighbour, with a red rose in his hands, not quite drunk, telling me he had just climed the balcony but when I didn't open he climed back down again, and that he was so in love with me because our conversations made it clear to him that we shared a deep connection. Those conversations? Mostly him talking at me over the fence. (All while this was happening his partner of many years was sleeping in their bedroom just a few metres away.) I told him quite bluntly that I didn't share his feelings. He asked if he could hug me. I said no. He begged me to please not tell my parents. It was all very cringy. Half a year later he brought over a white rose, sober, during daytime, and apologised for his actions.
Susical 2 weeks ago
As a 56 year old single woman, I STILL meet men who can't tell the difference between a platonic friendship & a sexual relationship. I've been ill for the past 3 years, & I keep having male friends reach out to be supportive, then slowly try to turn things sexual, then bail when I tell them I'd like to keep things as a friendship. So I guess they were never really my friends. They were only being supportive because they were hoping for something sexual back. It's been very disappointing & lonely.
Faelwolf 2 weeks ago
Needed a bit of help with a 2 man job around the homestead, so placed an ad on local Facebook help wanted. Apparently this one guy thought it was a woman, and sent a reply full of obvious sexual innuendos. I wrote back that I might accommodate him, if he wouldn't mind showing up in a dress! Never heard back. :)
Mabelbabel 2 weeks ago (edited)
It's not just young women-I was 40+ travelling home. I'd had a 7 hr drive to get there, 3 hr on the ferry, then another hr home. It was 2am so I'd booked a seat in the quiet lounge. I was planning to rest for the journey. A middle aged man took the recliner next to me, and would not shut up. Loads of compliments-the book I was reading showed I must be an interesting person, he loved my jacket, it was so stylish, wanted to know what music I was listening to (I wasn't, it was a white noise app). I was semi-reclining, headphones on, very clearly not wanting to talk (I told him I was trying to rest, that I wasn't up for a conversation "sorry, I've had a long drive, I'd like to nap") but he just would not quit. I got blunter, he ignored it. I asked the hostess, and she got a male steward to talk to him-he was furious ("too fcking high and mighty to talk, I was being nice, you're just a bi£ch...") and he was asked to move. I was worried he'd follow me home from the docks-it was very unpleasant.
GalPalAl 2 weeks ago
My experiences with men has taught me that most of them act out of testosterone and have no idea how creepy and undesirable they are. Only interested in sex and treat women like we owe them something for being so charming and desirable which is far from the truth. Used to be heterosexual, but now identify as asexual. Can't trust men in relationships and won't subject myself to that level of abuse anymore. Dating sucks because people suck.
Dances with Bees 2 weeks ago
On occasion being fat and ugly works out for you. (Meaning I've never been harassed in this way.)
Susical 2 weeks ago
I had a friend at work who simply wouldn't respect my boundaries. He had an open marriage, but I made it clear that I was NOT interesting in anything sexual & that I'm "Monogamy Girl." We were pretty good friends for several years, & he was really present for me through some hard times. But then he kept getting more physical. He would give me lllooonnnggg hugs AT WORK! I would tell him I wasn't comfortable with that, but he'd say, "Oh, let them gossip - it's fun to start rumors." He would reach for my shoulders, even after I'd said please don't give me back rubs. The final straw was when he reached over & plucked some lint off my shirt, just above my breasts. But the crazy part is how shocked he was that I was upset! He completely gaslit me, blaming me for having a problem with his behavior. We'd been good enough friends that I had shared some past stuff. He responded to my complaint by saying, "Oh, you don't like it because you were sexually abused. My sex positive friends like it."
Lee Banks 2 weeks ago
I dated Skip for a couple months, but he became super clingy, so I ended it. He begged me to change my mind, saying he'd jump off a bridge. It got so pathetic I told him that was fine. Four hours later he picked the lock to my apartment. He broke in to tell me he was safe and I was forgiven. Never been so glad to live near a police station. One of the others has seen the error of his ways, but used to constantly ask me to "settle" for him. No one else should be forced to "put up with such a guy", but he would make me an honest woman. I thank the stars everyday for the amazing man I'll marry that never once put the moves on me. He''s shut a creeper down, but only if I've already tried twice.
Ionescu Popa 2 weeks ago (edited)
"an honest guy tricked me once, that's why i carried a life of crime all the time, even before that". "i didnt like my fiance, so i chose a sugar daddy instead". dont blame me, blame the innocents who made mistakes or were framed.
n75mk9nk2n 2 weeks ago
Great article. Now give us one where you reveal why guys will choose the tree over the woman. Seriously, this entire idea is just pure bigotry and prejudiced. Most people are good people. There are creepy people in all categories of life, and they are the minority. Stop celebrating them.
Jeolas1 2 weeks ago (edited)
When I was 23 and house-sitting for my parents while they were on holiday, one night (around 11 pm) I heard a weird noise outside. Thought it was one of the cats climbing around on the trellis, so ignored it. Ten minutes later the doorbell rings, and I open, and it's the 70 year old neighbour, with a red rose in his hands, not quite drunk, telling me he had just climed the balcony but when I didn't open he climed back down again, and that he was so in love with me because our conversations made it clear to him that we shared a deep connection. Those conversations? Mostly him talking at me over the fence. (All while this was happening his partner of many years was sleeping in their bedroom just a few metres away.) I told him quite bluntly that I didn't share his feelings. He asked if he could hug me. I said no. He begged me to please not tell my parents. It was all very cringy. Half a year later he brought over a white rose, sober, during daytime, and apologised for his actions.
Susical 2 weeks ago
As a 56 year old single woman, I STILL meet men who can't tell the difference between a platonic friendship & a sexual relationship. I've been ill for the past 3 years, & I keep having male friends reach out to be supportive, then slowly try to turn things sexual, then bail when I tell them I'd like to keep things as a friendship. So I guess they were never really my friends. They were only being supportive because they were hoping for something sexual back. It's been very disappointing & lonely.
Faelwolf 2 weeks ago
Needed a bit of help with a 2 man job around the homestead, so placed an ad on local Facebook help wanted. Apparently this one guy thought it was a woman, and sent a reply full of obvious sexual innuendos. I wrote back that I might accommodate him, if he wouldn't mind showing up in a dress! Never heard back. :)
Mabelbabel 2 weeks ago (edited)
It's not just young women-I was 40+ travelling home. I'd had a 7 hr drive to get there, 3 hr on the ferry, then another hr home. It was 2am so I'd booked a seat in the quiet lounge. I was planning to rest for the journey. A middle aged man took the recliner next to me, and would not shut up. Loads of compliments-the book I was reading showed I must be an interesting person, he loved my jacket, it was so stylish, wanted to know what music I was listening to (I wasn't, it was a white noise app). I was semi-reclining, headphones on, very clearly not wanting to talk (I told him I was trying to rest, that I wasn't up for a conversation "sorry, I've had a long drive, I'd like to nap") but he just would not quit. I got blunter, he ignored it. I asked the hostess, and she got a male steward to talk to him-he was furious ("too fcking high and mighty to talk, I was being nice, you're just a bi£ch...") and he was asked to move. I was worried he'd follow me home from the docks-it was very unpleasant.
GalPalAl 2 weeks ago
My experiences with men has taught me that most of them act out of testosterone and have no idea how creepy and undesirable they are. Only interested in sex and treat women like we owe them something for being so charming and desirable which is far from the truth. Used to be heterosexual, but now identify as asexual. Can't trust men in relationships and won't subject myself to that level of abuse anymore. Dating sucks because people suck.
Dances with Bees 2 weeks ago
On occasion being fat and ugly works out for you. (Meaning I've never been harassed in this way.)
Susical 2 weeks ago
I had a friend at work who simply wouldn't respect my boundaries. He had an open marriage, but I made it clear that I was NOT interesting in anything sexual & that I'm "Monogamy Girl." We were pretty good friends for several years, & he was really present for me through some hard times. But then he kept getting more physical. He would give me lllooonnnggg hugs AT WORK! I would tell him I wasn't comfortable with that, but he'd say, "Oh, let them gossip - it's fun to start rumors." He would reach for my shoulders, even after I'd said please don't give me back rubs. The final straw was when he reached over & plucked some lint off my shirt, just above my breasts. But the crazy part is how shocked he was that I was upset! He completely gaslit me, blaming me for having a problem with his behavior. We'd been good enough friends that I had shared some past stuff. He responded to my complaint by saying, "Oh, you don't like it because you were sexually abused. My sex positive friends like it."
Lee Banks 2 weeks ago
I dated Skip for a couple months, but he became super clingy, so I ended it. He begged me to change my mind, saying he'd jump off a bridge. It got so pathetic I told him that was fine. Four hours later he picked the lock to my apartment. He broke in to tell me he was safe and I was forgiven. Never been so glad to live near a police station. One of the others has seen the error of his ways, but used to constantly ask me to "settle" for him. No one else should be forced to "put up with such a guy", but he would make me an honest woman. I thank the stars everyday for the amazing man I'll marry that never once put the moves on me. He''s shut a creeper down, but only if I've already tried twice.
Ionescu Popa 2 weeks ago (edited)
"an honest guy tricked me once, that's why i carried a life of crime all the time, even before that". "i didnt like my fiance, so i chose a sugar daddy instead". dont blame me, blame the innocents who made mistakes or were framed.
n75mk9nk2n 2 weeks ago
Great article. Now give us one where you reveal why guys will choose the tree over the woman. Seriously, this entire idea is just pure bigotry and prejudiced. Most people are good people. There are creepy people in all categories of life, and they are the minority. Stop celebrating them.
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