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Being publicly proposed to is a lot like being asked to play an instrument in a family gathering. Your hands are shaking, everyone’s watching, and you know that saying no might not be an option at this point. Otherwise it might really hurt the person you love, whether it’s your partner or grandma who initiated it.

Reddit user u/Gilded_Violet turned to the members of the ‘Ask Women’ community to learn how they really feel about public proposals. After being asked how the lack of privacy impacted the experience and their response, the ladies didn’t hold back their opinions. We have collected some of the best answers depicting just how cringe a public proposal can be. Scroll down and enjoy.

Bored Panda has reached out to u/Gilded_Violet and they were kind enough to answer a few of our questions. You will find their thoughts below.

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#1

"I Got Booed Out Of The Restaurant After I Said No": 30 People Share Their Experiences And Opinions On Public Proposals I’d die of embarrassment, personally. Technically my husband did propose in a public place (a rooftop bar we like) but knew the whole “get down on one knee in public” thing is neither of our styles, so he just kind of discreetly slid the ring across the table and asked if I’d marry him. That was nice: It still felt private and personal.

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The author of the post told Bored Panda that the reason they decided to ask such a question was witnessing a public proposal themselves. “I attended a New Year party, where one friend proposed to their girlfriend. The woman was clearly uncomfortable, asked if they could talk about it in private, but everybody just accepted it as a 'yes.'”

“This really bothered me,” said the redditor. “I felt like she'd been trapped into marrying him. It made me wonder about other women's experiences and perspectives regarding the topic.” They added that after the proposal, they reached out to the girl to show support; however, she did not reply.
#2

"I Got Booed Out Of The Restaurant After I Said No": 30 People Share Their Experiences And Opinions On Public Proposals Very much not fun. I got boo’d out of the restaurant after I said no. Don’t do it people

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Jill Rhodry
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This!!! It shows it's nothing but manipulation, the proposee is socially coerced into saying 'yes'.

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#3

"I Got Booed Out Of The Restaurant After I Said No": 30 People Share Their Experiences And Opinions On Public Proposals I’m not a fan. I was proposed to downtown, in the middle of our city, and there was a ton of people around watching. After my partner at the time proposed, he turned around and took a massive bow to the crowd. Fast forward and we are not together anymore lol

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Noyfb noyfb
Noyfb noyfb
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

“Took a massive bow to the crowd.” How shocking and disgusting. What a hopeless, self-centered d**k!

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The OP emphasized that no one should feel forced to answer in a certain way. “All healthy relationships are predicated on open communication and mutual consent. I'd like for everybody to know that they don't have to be coerced into a marriage. They aren't alone, and there's no shame in backing out.

“It takes time to feel ready for marriage,” they added. “One shouldn't be rushed into an immediate decision, simply because their partner has made theirs.”

When it comes to their own experience with marriage, Gilded_Violet shared with Bored Panda that their engagement wasn’t public. “Luckily, I've never had a public proposal. My partner and I have always had a private relationship. His proposal reflected that.” They also joked around saying that they wouldn’t want to have another proposal, but if they were to have one, they’d prefer it to be private as well.

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#4

My SO proposed in public but not by a crowd. We were the botanical gardens (where we had our first date) on a very dreary December day, we wandered outside to escape some of the crowds and he popped the question then. It was the best time and spot since he hid a bunch of rose petals in his pocket so he could toss them up when I said yes. After the hugs and kisses, a little train ride was going by for bringing kids to and from Santa and a woman shouted a congratulations. If there had been people around, I would have been very shy and self conscious during even though my answer wouldn't have changed. It was nice to have that more private moment as he popped the question.

Also to that woman who congratulated us, thank you ❤️

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Daniel Atkins
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I did something like this It was a Botanical garden and if anyone saw it they were a ways off.

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#5

"I Got Booed Out Of The Restaurant After I Said No": 30 People Share Their Experiences And Opinions On Public Proposals Hate it. My husband did this. He planned for my whole family to come down to his moms house and she asked me to come over one day to help fix her tile and I said sure… I walk in and my mom dad sister brother niblings his mom dad sister everyone staring at me and my DH on his knee and all he said was “will you marry me?” And I said yes bc I do love him and then he asked why I didn’t cry??!! Lol ummmm bc everyone is looking and you didn’t say anything sweet? He also didn’t make sure I was showered and dressed nicely.. like I thought I was doing house work dude lol

I did have a talk with him that while it was very sweet to invite everyone I do NOT like that. Marriage is for the couple not everyone else

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#6

"I Got Booed Out Of The Restaurant After I Said No": 30 People Share Their Experiences And Opinions On Public Proposals My ex proposed to me in front of my entire family, including all of my extended family who was visiting for my cousin’s funeral. It was terrible timing. He sang a song (poorly) and asked in front of everyone. I had already previously told him no because he needed to get his shit together (get a job/have goals in life). He didn’t, but I felt obligated to say yes. We ended it a month and a half later when he still didn’t have anything together. Thank God we never got married!

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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I’m guessing that’s why some men choose to do it in public, so you can’t say ‘No’.

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#7

"I Got Booed Out Of The Restaurant After I Said No": 30 People Share Their Experiences And Opinions On Public Proposals It really puts you on the spot. I got stage fright and blacked out my spouse's entire proposal because we were being watched like a play. And the script said I had to say yes

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#8

"I Got Booed Out Of The Restaurant After I Said No": 30 People Share Their Experiences And Opinions On Public Proposals My stepdad proposed to my mom at her work in front of everyone, but he also CALLED THE LITTLE LOCAL NEWS STATION! She was so, so embarrassed. They have since divorced

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#9

"I Got Booed Out Of The Restaurant After I Said No": 30 People Share Their Experiences And Opinions On Public Proposals I was proposed to in Disneyland. Definitely a high pressure situation. I ignored my gut and said yes. To no one's surprise the relationship didn't last.

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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I was also proposed to in Disneyland but thankfully my guy knew I wouldn't want a public scene. During the fireworks when no one was paying attention to the people he pulled me into a secluded spot in Ariel's grotto and got down on one knee.

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#10

"I Got Booed Out Of The Restaurant After I Said No": 30 People Share Their Experiences And Opinions On Public Proposals Not me, but I had a teacher once who went to Vegas with her boyfriend. He proposed in the chapel with the officiant or whatever at the altar and her entire family, whom he'd flown in. Even as a teenage dork, that seemed like unacceptably high pressure

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#11

"I Got Booed Out Of The Restaurant After I Said No": 30 People Share Their Experiences And Opinions On Public Proposals My bf at the time proposed at my bday party in front of everyone...I felt that I had no option but to say yes even though he was manipulative and not a nice person. We broke up shortly after but it was not pleasant when everyone thought we were happily getting married. Privately in a public place like at dinner or something could be very thoughtful but not public as in everyone is watching you

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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He couldn't even let you have a birthday without making it about him.

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#12

Not quite a proposal, but when I was a new student my senior year of high school, a guy who I'd known for a week asked me to homecoming at a pep rally in front of our school of ~1,200 students. After he sang the national anthem, he gave a speech about how he’d recently been lucky enough to meet the person he’d been looking for his whole life, how he’d fallen in love at first sight, and how he couldn’t wait to spend the rest of his life getting to know…ME. He asked me to stand up, and everyone's heads turned to face me. I did, and he proceeded to ask me if I wanted to go to homecoming with him (which was like two months away??) It was mortifying and so embarrassing, and I ABSOLUTELY said yes due to the pressure and everyone’s expectations.
Then he ran over to me and gave me two dozen roses (it was first period). All day everyone was coming up to me to talk about it and asking me how long we’d been dating. I kept telling people we barely knew each other. It was so awkward and embarrassing for me. I ended up saying no a week later

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#13

"I Got Booed Out Of The Restaurant After I Said No": 30 People Share Their Experiences And Opinions On Public Proposals I was publicly proposed to in front of maybe 500 people during Christmas church service. I hate attention. We are divorced

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#14

"I Got Booed Out Of The Restaurant After I Said No": 30 People Share Their Experiences And Opinions On Public Proposals My ex proposed to me after I got off a plane…. In the f****n airport. Then got mad I didn’t kiss him.
It was so embarrassing…

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#15

I think it’s important to know the type of person that you are proposing too and definitely have a discussion about dream proposal.

My ex proposed to me at Disneyland during the fireworks. I absolutely f*****g loved it and felt like an absolute f*****g princess. 10/10 would do it again

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#16

"I Got Booed Out Of The Restaurant After I Said No": 30 People Share Their Experiences And Opinions On Public Proposals I'd honestly be wondering if this was a man I want to marry. If he knew so little about me that he'd make a public production out of an intimate moment...yeah, no. Just no.

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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yep. My dad proposed on the side of a road in Massachusetts where they liked to walk. If I ever propose, I’m going to do it in private, probably somewhere pretty and botanical.

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#17

My husband proposed in public but no-one apart from our friends saw. It was the last night at a festival and we were watching a big firework show. I looked round at him and he was on one knee. It was honestly amazing. If loads of people had seen in a restaurant or something then I'd have died.

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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

See, that’s not too bad, because even though it’s public, it’s not getting the attention of a lot of people. It also depends on the person getting proposed to.

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#18

It was awful. My ex was all about attention on himself. I had driven hours to watch him perform at a college basketball event. I almost didn't go, but I got a lot of pressure from his sister to go watch him. It was a big crowd, and his family was all there. When the performance took a shift and I realized what was happening, I was so ready to bolt. I knew I was being filmed and everyone was watching. It was one of the worst moments of stage fright in my life. In hindsight, I should’ve realized that my feelings were not important to him and took that as a sign as to how the future would be with him.
Later on, my family asked why I didn’t tell them how the proposal happened and I admitted it was because I was so embarrassed by the whole ordeal that I didn’t want to tell anyone. Anyway, he’s about to marry the woman he cheated on me with. And I have no doubt it’ll be just as much of a 'look at me' kind of event he loves. Oh, and the person who took and posted that awful public proposal video won’t take it down because it’s 'their most liked video ever.

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Bored Potato
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wow. Violating personal boundaries for likes is an absolutely s****y thing to do.

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#19

Public with a ton of people around is a big nope and would definitely make me have second thoughts. With that said, my now husband proposed downtown Milwaukee in a park when it was cold and raining. Not a soul around and it was beautiful 😃

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#20

Totally fine IF and only if:
1- the recipient has expressed they're okay with public proposals and would enjoy one,
AND
2- both people have discussed marriage before, and the asker knows the recipient would say yes to a proposal.

Anything other than that is a no-no.
Also don't propose at any other even of personal significance (graduation, finishing a sport event, etc).

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your friendly cyclops
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

look I've seen some videos where people propose at weddings like no its my day not urs

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#21

"I Got Booed Out Of The Restaurant After I Said No": 30 People Share Their Experiences And Opinions On Public Proposals I don't like them. I think it's cringy and I feel bad for anyone that it happens to, unless they really wanted it that way.

I just don't understand why everything has to be videoed, and made a public event. Some things are ok to keep private.

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#22

"I Got Booed Out Of The Restaurant After I Said No": 30 People Share Their Experiences And Opinions On Public Proposals Not for me. I was proposed to in front of the castle at Disney and soooo many people were around us. I’m introverted as [hell] and would have loved more privacy for such an intimate moment. I felt like I had to say yes and be all omg gleeful, which isn’t me. The whole thing wasn’t me. She’s my ex now

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#23

"I Got Booed Out Of The Restaurant After I Said No": 30 People Share Their Experiences And Opinions On Public Proposals I was publicly proposed to — twice. I’m a massive extrovert and even then, it threw me off. I knew the proposals were likely to happen, but I had no clue it was going to happen in public. I can’t imagine how introverted people must feel when being proposed to in public

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Jill Rhodry
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If it's a public proposal that's not wanted a) they don't know you well enough, b) don't care and want the public adoration or c) it's downright manipulation.

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#24

I always envisioned a private, intimate proposal to reflect my personality. I told my husband multiple times that I did not want a public proposal, especially not at a restaurant. However, he ended up proposing to me at a restaurant and invited our parents. It was hurtful because he completely disregarded everything I asked for, which wasn’t much to begin with. He said he didn’t think I would mind because he invited our families and because it was a restaurant we both enjoyed. It was several years ago, but I still get disappointed when I think about it

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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

After completely disregarding your feelings on the matter, you still married him?

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#25

The only reason people propose publicly is cause they dont know the answer and want to use social pressure to force them to say yes to avoid a scene and humiliation.

If someone proposed to me in public. Ild refuse. Cause how f*****g dare they attempt to use social pressure to force me to say yes to avoid causing a scene and embarrassment.

And if they dont know me well enough to know my feelings on this, there is no way in hell ild marry them.

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#26

It depends. My husband proposed to me on a bench in the middle of the city center where we used to live. We were out with our son (then 2), and we went to sit down so he could eat an apple. I don't think anyone noticed that there was a proposal going on. After I said yes, we did ask some Italian tourists to take a picture with the polaroid camera that my husband secretly brought along.

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#27

"I Got Booed Out Of The Restaurant After I Said No": 30 People Share Their Experiences And Opinions On Public Proposals Ours was in front of a ton of friends, after I'd been very clear about being ready to marry him if he ever felt ready himself. I loved and hated it. It felt like a special event, but I also was not excited to be photographed and be the center of attention. I knew based on his behavior that it was coming, but I still couldn't cope with that many eyes on me.

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#28

"I Got Booed Out Of The Restaurant After I Said No": 30 People Share Their Experiences And Opinions On Public Proposals Very, very much not my thing. I’m an introvert and hate being the center of attention among people I don’t know well, let alone a crowd of literal strangers. Being put on the spot like that sounds like a nightmare.

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#29

If you are ready to propose marriage to someone, you either know them well enough to know if they are into public attention like that, or you dont know them well enough and shouldn't be proposing. If my partner were to propose infront of anyone but my kid, i might just drop dead. I hate having that kind of attention on me

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Lisa Simpson
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This! Know your partner before you propose (or don't). My husband and I agreed on not proposing because we both think it's cringy and unnecessary. But hey, to each their own...

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#30

They're fine if the person proposing knows that the answer will be a yes and if the one being proposed to would be comfortable with it happening in a public settings.

My husband proposed in the restaurant bar where we first met, I found it sweet that he specifically chose that place, it being public didn't bother me.

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