That’s actually kind of fun... not real life fun, but still...

"however, she slowly becomes suspicious of the cameras"

In my reading, the tall ones are the stupidly optimistic that believe the plan cannot fail; shorty goes "well but did you check (...)?"

"Hey Bill, how's you and the wife?" *Stares* tick...tick...tick...tick *still staring* ...30 seconds... "Good, Tim!"

As Dan Price has proven, people will do even more when you pay them a decent wage.

I don't get why is it strange to sit anywhere without a laptop or iphone.

Stupidity is invincible.

Apple truly is an unsuccessful brand. a mere desaster to world famous NameDrop in comparison.

"Aspiring Intrapreneur"...well, well..

Meditation classes lol. Probably the last thing a homeless guy needs. That's like giving your dog a pair of shoes instead of food and water. Way to pat yourself on the back on that one.

Who, me? I like putting firecrackers in ant hills. And pizza.

"Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering?" "I think so, Brain, but what are we going to do with 6 billion payment cards?"

This type of person makes me throw up in my mouth.

Mine is made out of plywood and cardboard with lots of duct tape. It's out back on the forklift.

On today's episode of "This Never Happened"

like being lying on your back struggling to get to the right position? Do you like the struggle or the kicking legs?

He's Ferrari-adjacent at best... If I make a photo of me next to the Statue of Liberty, do you assume it's my statue? So how does this suggest he's even allowed to drive it (rent, lease, borrow)?

*DEEP SIGH*

These poor sad humans have no idea of the purpose of life.

So LinkedIn is about being dumb in a more sophisticated way

... giving advice on quiting social media... on social media.. as a social media manager... wow.

An oldie but goodie. " If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. After that give up. You're just making an a*s of yourself.

Maybe he deleted his own account after spotting the verb "Marketing" in the title...

200+ slides is not a presentation, but an audio book that everyone is forced to listen to at the same time.

I think what Clive was hinting at was "Gary, your annoying and nobody cares"

It is called social engineering, and it easily gets unethical.

What is it with white people, specifying race of non-whites regardless of whether or not it's relevant to the anecdote? One of my white friends does this a lot.

It's amazing how full of themselves some people are.

For me, it's always been enough to connect with that other human being. I don't get this whole "now I must show the internet my receipt while humble-bragging" b******t.

Non-death comes from the times you keep breathing.

Very very few died on Armistice Day tho.

No, it just means they will rip out the business seats to fit more regular ones in, lower the price a bit and before you know it 10% more people per flight than there was before. Way to go!!!

So I can't read any books anymore until I have transformed into a vampire and sucked the blood out of countless virgins? Bummer....

I've actually done this very thing for YEARS! Murder mysteries are my favorite.

Batwench

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So what happens if the last book I read was “A clockwork orange “?

I just finished Dune, so I guess no more reading for me until I become the Kwisatz Haderach.

OK. But the neighbors are going to think it's weird when I'm sitting on top of the doghouse fighting the Red Baron.

I guess I have to eat the green eggs and ham before I can hear a hoo?

I'm so confused now, reading a (non-fiction) book about animal reproduction in all its odd forms, what do I do to mess it up? 😟

Well I hope no one is reading game of thrones right now. Your sibling is not going to be happy that you guys have to be in a secret relationship now. At least I hope they aren’t happy.

But, I'm reading the latest Fazbear Frights book. I have to somehow get in a situation with a murderous animatronic? What will I learn?!

Live, die, repeat...

I dunno, I kinda like this one. In theory. In practice, the self-improvers of the world are kinda exhausting to be around.

Followers as a purpose...I suggest you take lessons from an influencer.

If you eat garbage, all you’re showing people is that you’ll take their s**t, too.

Strange, because when people over 50 apply for a job, the companies tell them the exact opposite..

AKA, today I pretended to be statue on the train while some rando took my pic.

One of the many stories in "Things that never happened" Volume 13.