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“Dodged That Bullet Big Time”: 35 Times A 3rd Person Ruined A Relationship Without Even Cheating
Interview
Some relationships inevitably fail. And it’s only natural to question why. Was it something internal such as the couple having poor communication, different priorities, or a lack of respect for one another? Or was the reason entirely different and out of their control?
One of the external factors that can put an end to a relationship is a person outside of it.
Redditor Heyjalapeno was specifically curious about this, so she started an online discussion with the question “Couples who have broken up because of a third person that did not involve cheating, what happened?” Below you’ll find the most popular answers from people who had their relationships ruined in the most uncanny of ways.
While you’re scrolling through, don’t forget to check out a conversation we had with Heyjalapeno, who kindly agreed to tell us what inspired her to start this interesting debate.
Image credits: heyjalapeno
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
Sometimes the third person is a pet. Someone wanted me to get rid of my cat and I said, “Door’s over there."
Jinx (she/her) 1 year ago
my first husband tried this with my dog, who I had for 14 years, and it did not end well for him.
Caroline Nagel 1 year ago
No one comes between me and my cat. Even though she hates me a lot 😂
greenideas 1 year ago
I stopped talking to a toxic cousin because she said my rescue deserved to get attacked by a dog (when recounting something that happened on our walk). Funny thing is, she had been mean to me before, but I ignored the snide comments. The minute she insulted my dog...nope, I'm out.
RELATED:
#2
Teenage girlfriend. She would constantly talk about her best friend and how great he is. She was genuinely in love with him but wouldn't admit it. So I asked him what he thought about her and he was also in love with my girlfriend. so I went to my girlfriend the next day and broke up and had a little fight over it. I told her all about how i know she is in love with her best friend but is too afraid to ask him out because she fears he doesn't reciprocate and doesn't want to ruin the friendship. Then I told her that he is also in love with her and feared the same thing. That was 15 years ago today and I know they're still together. I'm happy for them.
Kristina Pelėda 1 year ago
Awww, this is so selfless! Im surprised, how OP handled the situation!
Parmeisan 1 year ago
Not just a very adult outlook, but very impressive social skills to boot. He glosses over it in a single sentence, but it can't be easy to get someone to admit that they're in love with your girlfriend.
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David Brown 1 year ago
This dude is the MVP. Most men wouldn't do this if their life depended on it.
Nae who and where 1 year ago
Wow! That was a great thing you did, for not only yourself, but both of them! Very mature.
Pewpie Diaper 1 year ago
Slightly similar situation: while not in a full-on relationship, I was once deeply into this girl. We worked in different departments in the same company, and by coincidence happened to move into the same apartment building. We would carpool to work and hang out during lunch breaks. While still trying to get past myself and ask her out, a new guy started at work and was invited into our fold. He was a bit bolder than me, and it was apparent that she was kinda' smitten with him. When I realized what was going on, I stepped out of their way. Sure enough, they started dating, and within a very short time, I moved away (for unrelated reasons). They ended up getting a place together. I found out later that they split up pretty quickly, and that he turned out to be a bad dude. I often question why I wasn't more assertive, and expressive in my feelings toward her, and what might have been if I'd spoken up.
#3
My ex's mom hated me. I'd just turned 18 and never had a relationship before. He was my first everything. I'd shyly told his mom that he was my first boyfriend when I met her over dinner 3 months into our relationship. I had a cut on my lip that night because it was winter and my lips had gotten dry, and she pulled my ex aside to ask if we were using protection because she assumed it was a herpes sore.
Another time at dinner we had chips and salsa. I dipped a chip, took a bite off it, and then was gesturing with the chip while I spoke, and she interrupted me to say "Don't you dare double dip that chip" out of nowhere.
She and her husband owned a million+ dollar home in the rich neighborhood of a major city. My parents made 20k/year combined. She didn't think much of my prospects, clearly.
Joke's on her. My ex is now 40 and still works as a waiter. His wife is an exotic dancer. I make six figures.
Ben Churchill 1 year ago
Although if his wife is an exotic dancer, she might be making six figures too.
Rayne OfSalt 1 year ago
Ok, but knocking dancers like that out of some kind of smug jealousy is dumb. some dancers make insanely good money.
Becca not Becky 1 year ago
I think the point is that his mom was very judgmental and probably frowns on her son working as a waiter while married to an exotic dancer. She thought little of the OP because OP came from a poor background but now is doing well.
Load More Replies... FaceTime Audio 1 year ago
That woman should learn that nearly everyone has type 1 herpes simplex (cold sores), with most cases being completely asymptomatic and it only being dangerous to neonates and maybe those with severely compromised immune systems, and that type is not sexually transmitted (although type 2 “genital” herpes can get on your mouth from certain activities, it’s not as common).
Lizz 1 year ago
Ex's mom hated my guts bc I was "too old" for him ( we were both born in '78! ) she made him choose between her and me. He chose her bc he was still in school. He was the first "love of my life". Looking back, I think "good riddance " bc his family was sooooo weird.... But still... back then it hurt like h*ll
Brad Smith 1 year ago
wow you sound like you think we are impressed with your telling us you make 6 figures. You now have her tendencies.. congrats . one question why are you telling us o a stupid website how you make 6 figures .. you are either narcisstic,liar, or still what the mother knew you would become.
Bored Panda reached out to Heyjalapeno who was pleasantly surprised to see her question attracting so many interested people. When asked what inspired her to start this kind of discussion, she said that it was sparked by a conversation she had with a friend who at the time was dating a guy from a different religion. Because of the couple’s differences in faith, marriage for them was quite impossible.
Heyjalapeno shared that “Marrying outside of your religion isn't very common in the South Asian community, and more often than not, it's the parents who present the staunchest opposition for the same. She is going to end her relationship with her boyfriend and marry a man from her community. I just wanted to know if people all over the world have had their relationship broken because of a third person that didn't involve cheating and I was surprised. The answers to my question were like a nightmare come to life.”
#4
There's a reason you never date a momma's boy. You will never, ever win in that scenario.
Blue Mar 1 year ago
Thats true, nothing beats mommy who often make sure that won't happen. Oedipus complex
ॐBoyGanesh 1 year ago (edited)
My sister dated a mama’s boy. At one point when calling him & her out on it, his mommy said, “Well, I’ll always be his mother. Nothing will ever change that. But girlfriends or spouses come and go.” That he agreed with her as justification to always choose mommy was enough for her to walk away from that mess.
MadameMalfoy 1 year ago
my friend’s ex bf was a momma’s boy and you know how he broke up with her? he made his mom do it
Alexia 1 year ago (edited)
A friend dated such a momma's boy a few years ago. She was genuinely in love with him in spite of his possessive, hysterical mother who disliked her from the start. His mother went as far as to ask "Why are you allowed to see him naked, and I am not? I'm his mother, you're just a random woman!" My friend was trying to make him prioritize their relationship. "Honey, he already made a choice. He didn't choose you. Sorry to break such news." :(
OpheliaPoe 1 year ago
Yikes! 😳 Why would his mother even WANT to see him naked?
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Winnie the Moo 1 year ago
I rode it out and thank God, momma’s boy turned into a very good father and husband.
David Brown 1 year ago
This isn't always the case. I put my momma on a pedestal because she's always been the one absolute constant in my life and has never once let me down in any way. That said, it shouldn't be about winning the top spot. If a woman is jealous of her mans momma she isn't ready for the relationship. You want to find a good man find one that takes care of his mom and respect her the way he should. Men that don't respect and care for their mom aren't going to respect and take care of you. Generally men that hate their mom will usually find reasons to hate you too and won't hang around for the long haul.
DarkViolet 1 year ago
I agree with you, but I think that the main issue here is the tendency for some men to allow their mothers to come between them and their SO'S. Forgoing anniversaries, birthdays, and holidays because Mom misses her little boy. Allowing his mother to accompany him and his partner on vacation or the honeymoon, usually without informing his SO. Mom showing up unannounced, and at an inopportune time. Criticizing everything the partner does: cooking, cleaning, even parenting. All the while, he never defends his partner, but makes excuses for his mom: "She's always been this way," "She means well," "She doesn't mean anything by it; don't be so sensitive." Some women can only take so much.
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Peter Leung 1 year ago
her meal with her BF's mum. Her mun asked my daighter for the price of the meal
#5
I had a boyfriend who was extremely insecure. His bros kept telling him he could do better than me because I was not conventionally attractive. He dropped me on their advice. I guess he found out he was not the chick magnet he thought he was. He begged me to take him back but I said I didn't want anyone who was so easily led and flakey. This was a 35 year old man.
Ranger Kanootsen 1 year ago
Good. He needed to learn his lesson, and you needed a better partner.
The Original Bruno 1 year ago
I can't begin to say how often I've seen women drop very decent men (nice guys, not "nice guys") because they're friends bad-mouthed him. "Oh, girl, you could do better." AFAIK, every last one of them is single, or at least were when I last knew anything about them.
Brad Smith 1 year ago
So he is easy to be manipulated by his peers and lowly mature for his age and missed his weekly bjs..so what 90 percent have been there n done that.... I bet you are still ugly . he dodged a bullet . ..AMIRIGHT?
#6
Interracial relationship. Her mom was very against it. Didn't know this early on. Became a big issue. Broke up over it for almost two years. Been back together 12.5 years and married for 4.5 years.
ADHORTATOR 1 year ago
My father was a foreigner, a big thing back in the 1960s Germany. My german grandfather was against this union.... My parents were married for over 50 years until my mother died.
Suby 1 year ago
Yes, that was a huge thing back them. I remember the teachers in the 70s really trying to get us to understand what the immigrants had been going through. For us kids it wasn't a big issue, though, because their kids were our classmates, and we really didn't see them as different.
Load More Replies... Suby 1 year ago (edited)
German here. My mom was Lutheran, my dad Catholic. Both families were so much against it that they broke up for a while, but got back together. They had to wait until they made enough money to be independent, but then they got married. Religion was never an issue in our family. But it took a few decades for the older generations to come around. These days, nobody cares about that stuff, but back then it was a huge deal.
Having seen this firsthand and having read so many similar stories from fellow redditors, she firmly believes that a healthy relationship can definitely end because of a third person.
“As much as we want to believe that communication and understanding solves everything, real life does not work that way. Sometimes it's your religion, your friends, your family, or even your pet that can undo a relationship: you reach a place that only goes two ways. That being said, I truly believe a healthy relationship cannot be ruined by a third person but it can end because of one: those two aren't the same thing according to me.”
#7
Her son (he was 9), he was a brat and would bully other kids. We went to a birthday party and he punched another kid and I got mad at him and made him sit with me the rest of the party. Well his mom lost her s**t and told me im not allowed to discipline his son and that im not his father. I broke up with her right there and glad I did, her kid ended up in juvy for stabbing someone.
Nitka Tsar 1 year ago
Sad. Could have made a vast difference in that boys life. He needed a firm hand.
Brad Smith 1 year ago
well she sounds like a baby momma with 5 other degenerates if she'd blow her top about you being a authority when she was at party getting her drink on and being loud so she could show her authority over you to whole party. but none to her bully kid.. fat mouth, fat a*s and spandex pants on.. . ..Bet her P stank too. 4df0a093db...d737c0.jpg 
#8
Single co-workers.
We married young, 2 kids by 23 years of age. I was working 55-60 hrs a week, her only friends were her 4 co-workers who were single and in their early 20's also. A once a week girls night out became 2 nights, then happy hours added, then a girls weekend...became a toxic pattern. She stopped talking to her parents who saw it developing as well.
She left when our kids were 4 & 6 years of age, packed her stuff and moved in w/ one of her co-workers.
Once the kids got into high school, she suddenly wanted to be involved with them.
Lyone Fein 1 year ago
Just got married too young and never had a chance to experience being on her own?
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Duvet Woman 1 year ago
Narcissism seems to be the new in word to describe selfish, self centred behaviour. It is far more complex mental state than that. Some people can develop it from childhood trauma. They can be helped with therapy but, of course, the very nature of Narcissism means the likelihood of them thinking they have a problem is virtually zero.
WonderWoman 1 year ago
Wanting to be a "grown up" before everyone else, then finding out that her peers are really enjoying that stage in their lives and making an immature stupid decision to be with their peers. This unfortunately happens far too frequently, I do suspect to males more though. What is worse, IMO, is when the parent stays and resents the children and takes out their frustration and hostility on them.
Dav Carro-Ripalda 1 year ago
And then? Did you allow it? Did she get mad somehow? Were bullets and blades flying like a triads movie? What the heck hapened?
#9
This happened this week. My now ex (that hurts) boyfriend just started therapy a few months ago at my urging. The therapist helped him realize he wasn’t happy and that he was being dishonest to me by not breaking up. I’m grateful to the therapist for helping him in many ways, but man it hurts the most when there isn’t any major drama, just two people who care very much about each other realizing they aren’t compatible.
The Original Bruno 1 year ago
Frankly, I hope it was. Part of me wonder if it was a s****y therapist to suggest the key to the ex's happiness would be dropping a gf who obv was decent and caring.
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Sonja 1 year ago
Good people can make themselves miserable by clinging to a relationship that doesn't work. You cannot force love. Neither from another person, nor from yourself. Sometimes it's a slow burn and love can indeed grow slowly and steadily the better you know eachother, but sometimes it's just not meant to be no matter how great everyone involved might be. Some people are destined to be 'just' friends, not lovers.
Curry on... 1 year ago
I think a therapist is having too much control over someone I care about.
Allen Packard 1 year ago
Good for you to have this level of understanding. I hope you find peace and the "one".
Something evident from the people contributing to this discussion was that often opinions or advice from others can impede a relationship. Our interviewee sees both sides to it.
“It's such a double-edged sword getting relationship advice from strangers. On one hand, you get a third-person perspective about your relationship; on the other, it can make you think something is wrong with your relationship even when there isn't. I, however, believe that the only reason you'd look for a third person's perspective (mostly from an anonymous and unbiased jury) is when you already know your relationship isn't what you want it to be.”
#10
Not just a third person but a whole friend group. They knew everything about me, even though I didn't share much about myself.
We had an argument? They knew. I was out with friends? They knew. I was on my period? They knew. I had a bad day at work? They knew. Sex life, or lack of? (We had only dated a few weeks) They knew.
They would start showing up at my usual hangouts to "keep an eye on things" because they didn't like that my friend group was co-ed. I would be downtown and happen to "run into" them. I would be at work and see them walking by multiple times a day.
I understand sharing things with your friends, but there's a line. When your friends are just as involved in the relationship as your SO, it causes issues fast. Take a clingy boyfriend, multiply that by 6, and it's terrifying.
Oskar vanZandt 1 year ago
This is the kind of thing you expect in certain religious communities... the orthodox or very strict ones.
Negatoris Wrecks 1 year ago
There was a huge culture of this where I grew up. It's frustrating 😒
SadieCat17 (she/her) 1 year ago
I share everything with the (very trusted inner circle, I don't gossip) girlies, but it's absolutely psychotic to send your friends to spy on someone for you.
Pa Pa Panda 1 year ago
Sounds like a cult. I worked with a gal that we both got along real well. She took a picture of me to show to her "friends" came back the next day and said her friends didn't think I was right for her. Turns out her friends were her church group friends.
Angry Little Hedgehog 1 year ago
Sounds like they're living a sitcom life like in "Friends," "New Girl," or "How I Met Your Mother."
Peter Leung 1 year ago
My GF left me. my fault. I asked her back but she has another BF now. Most stupid thing I have done. she is lovely and I did not appreciate what I had. Stupid me,
#11
30 year old partner of 8 years joined a band with some 20 year olds. They convinced him that they will never get “big” if they have long term partners holding them back.
20 years later, still not big. Never made it as a musician.
hardrad2009 1 year ago
Witnessed another scenario with similar results. “Dude we will be big rockstars soon and all chicks in the world will be ours. So you don’t need this girl anyway.”
Jessie 1 year ago
Honestly if a guy dumps his gf just at the thought of having random girls giving him attention she deserved much better anyway.
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StretcherBearer 1 year ago
As a Musician we all have that fantasy but do it for the art and the fun because your chances of massive success are remote. I chose to dedicate myself to art and made the requisite sacrifices knowing full well I would never be famous but I had to create my own definition of success.
OpheliaPoe 1 year ago (edited)
My ex had this mindset. He thought to get big the band needed to live together so they could "focus." His one bandmate fell for a girl and moved in with her, had a couple kids. My ex was very bitter about it and that created a rift and the band fell apart because of that. Edit for weird autocorrect
Jessica Shookhoff 1 year ago
"Now that I have a career in music I just don't have time for you anymore" Was dating another girl within a week. Funnily enough, never did hear about him in any music scene, lol 🤣🤣🤣
UpQuarkDownQuark (he/him) 1 year ago (edited)
There’s a kernel of truth to this. “Making it big” is an immature idea, but if you’re decently talented you absolutely can make at least a partial living as a musician. Unfortunately, that means endless touring, marketing, social media engagement, writing and practicing. You either have to have a patient supportive partner who doesn’t mind how unpredictable your schedule and finances might be, or go it alone. I love my wife and my home life too much for that life, so I’ve forgone the effort.
#12
His mother. She was so overbearing I felt like I was dating her too. He and I weren't together long. I saw where it was going and bailed early.
Lara Verne 1 year ago
A few years ago, I dated guy, who lived with his mom. I knew he was mom's boy, but never thought it would become a problem Big mistake. His mom knew best what was good for him. And who was good for him (wasn't me). I also knew what was good for me, so I broke up with him before his mom would do it for him.
Suby 1 year ago
No woman will be good enough for her. You dodged a bullet.
Load More Replies... #13
My soon to be ex husband wouldn't stop accusing me of cheating on him with my best friend. We are both female and have never done anything to cause him to think that. He seems to think I'm divorcing him because he was right and I must have cheated. Absolutely delusional.
Sonja 1 year ago
Either that or it was an attempt to isolate her and make her dependent on him. Overly jealous types either are cheaters, extremely insecure or abusive and try to separate their partners from possible support networks. In all three cases delusional accusations of cheating are standard. In the last case it's to break up what they know is merely a friendship
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Whitefox 1 year ago
My ex was a prolific cheater and thought he was justified because I was cheating on him. I was not then, never did but he used that to help himself feel better. He later accused his best and only friend of sleeping with his then gf (the one he was cheating on me with) his friend was not... He just feels like everyone is cheating on him lol.
BarkingSpider 1 year ago
My mom's ex husband pulled this s**t. He was legitimately delusional and prone to paranoia. I will never understand why she stayed so long.
iluvanimals 1 year ago
I can't have an opinion on this one without knowing if the best friend was always there. There are toxic best friends who make the SO a third wheel, or more like a spare tire. If that is not the case, then good riddance and glad you divorced him.
#14
My therapist after many sessions just looked at me and said that every issue in my life is related to my wife and she, the wife, has said she will not change. You work it out. Was a lightbulb moment.
Deborah B 1 year ago
Frustration is the gap between expectations and reality. Either you change your expectations, or you change your wife.
Lemaire 1 year ago
Resentment is another name for the gap between expectations and reality.
Load More Replies... lvnchrst 1 year ago
My ex therapist tried to blame my depression on every person in my family. Not one of them was guilty. She just didn't want to hear that I'm just depressed. I needed my medication, so I just smiled and said ok until I found someone else
lvnchrst 1 year ago
Sorry, I said that bc the ones I had only try to blame others & I feel like that's a cop out(?)...
Load More Replies... Sonja 1 year ago
I think it is not a good sign ehen your therapist tells you someone else is at fault. They don't have first knowledge of that person and can't tell if what you say to them is actually true. It is considered highly unprofessional too. A therapist is meant to be a coach for you to find your own solutions, not to tell you what to do. I call BS on this. Not once during my studies, my own therapy sessions or group sessions have I ever heard a good therapist telling their patients that someone else is the root of all problems. And all textbooks I studied in university explicitly told that each patient has to make their own decisions and come to their own conclusions. This therapist either never said that or lost their professional distance to their patient.
Trish Batson 1 year ago
You do realize that not everyone follows the "rules", right? It is very unprofessional, I do agree. Wish you were around here, it'd be nice to have someone who still cares...
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#15
That was some ages ago, but I was dating a new person after a rough breakup.
A few months later, I got tipped that my ex girlfriend was having an ongoing mental health crisis. I notified my new girlfriend I was going to help - yeah, I was angry at her, for sure, but that doesn't mean I'm going to sit and do nothing if she's in trouble.
The plan was just to get her off the street and make sure she gets appropriate psychiatric care. Nothing else. She didn't even have to talk to me.
My new girlfriend was furious, and gave me an ultimatum: if I get involved helping my ex, she's out.
I chose sending my ex to rehab. I stand by that choice. This is how I work. If it bothered her so much, we were clearly not a good match.
Vylnce NA 1 year ago
I don't agree with the OP's priorities but that is their business. This is over priorities, not another person (unless the OP was lying and trying to get back with the ex)
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Mel Colley 1 year ago
Didn't your ex have any family or friends? I would be suspicious myself.
greenideas 1 year ago
This ones weird: how was he supposed to get gis ex off the streets without her talking to him? Honestly, I wouldn't be comfortable with my bf playing saviour with shady people either. He could get stabbed in the process, she (or her pals) might start coming around the house, he could get hurt, etc. Life's not a joke, and the streets are rough.
SadieCat17 (she/her) 1 year ago
Let me reword that for you: I'm fine letting an innocent girl rot on the streets while in crisis because I'm too jealous having my partner talk to someone they used to date. The whole mental health crisis part is likely why they're with you in the first place because that s**t really takes a toll on someone to deal with 24/7. You can still care about someone without wanting to date them.
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#16
Obviously many things leading up to all of which involved me not being a priority. But the last straw:
His sister announced her pregnancy during our engagement party. He gave her the green light to avoid ‘her getting mad at me.’ Engagement was over.
#17
My cousin broke up with her boyfriend of many many years because he became a far right conspiracy nut so I guess you could blame Alex Jones or Joe Rogan for that.
Rayne OfSalt 1 year ago (edited)
Alex Jones is the one who ranted about democrats putting chemicals in "the water" to turn frogs gay, right?
Tom Brincefield 1 year ago
Alex Jones rants about the Globalists conspiring with demons from Hell to rule the world and kill everyone to bring about the End Times. Also the Sandy Hook false flag op, the Democrats' cannibalism, and anything else he can use to rile up his listeners and get them to buy his stuff.
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Ranger Kanootsen 1 year ago
I don't know who either of those people are to be honest. I should go and find out.
kissmychakram 1 year ago
Or you could respect your peace of mind and don't.
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Chewie Baron 1 year ago
Here in the UK, our Alex Jones is Welsh and hosts The One Show. Not picked up on her far right tendencies yet.
Con O Cuinn 1 year ago
10 years ago, I would have agreed with you. Now, he may not believe in all the right-wing conspiracies, but he certainly courts those who do.
Load More Replies... #18
Does a child count?
I was in a long term (gay) relationship for six years. From the beginning we were both adamantly child-free, not wanting to adopt, go through surrogacy or foster parent. AT ALL.
I moved across the country to follow this person’s job (he’s a foreign diplomat) and even had to spend two years in their home country between diplomatic assignments.
Fast forward to last year and we’re talking about getting married so they can stay here in the states when the current assignment is up, and find a job in the private sector. Then his father starts in with the whole, “I want to continue the family name, you need to have a child,” c**p. We both said no, thank you. Then his dad comes back with, “I will pay for surrogacy and childcare / college.” My spouse then changes his mind, thinking a kid might not be so bad, not listening to what I want at all.
Spouse flies to another state three times to jizz in a cup for the surrogate, I pack my bags the third time and move out.
Sunny Day 1 year ago
Why didn't Dad do the surrogacy & have another kid? He's paying for it all anyway.
setsuriseikou 1 year ago
Hey, that's a good question! Maybe he did try, but failed? Some health problems cannot be solved even with money.
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Anna Chandler 1 year ago
"I will pay for surrogacy, childcare, college." In this case, the other person was money.
Jane Doe 1 year ago
Honestly, I don’t see ex “changed his mind” His dad made him an offer. Ultimately, dad pimped out his son out to a surrogate so that he could have a grandkid. Son jizzed in a cup to earn his father’s largesse.
Load More Replies... ॐBoyGanesh 1 year ago
First husband & I agreed to remain child free. 12 years into our relationship a lesbian couple we were friends with ask to have children with us. My ex was super excited about this & was taking actions to make it happen before I could wrap my head around it & give a firm answer. We parted closest friends, they found another couple to have kids with & my ex is happily back to his child free path. Meanwhile, my husband of 17 years & I have a beautiful 10-year-old son who we adopted shortly after his mother, my best friend, passed away. During her pregnancy I promised her I would love & raise him & be his father his entire life. I didn’t give my husband a choice, but knew that it may be something I had to do on my own. However, he agreed to accept the responsibility with me from the get-go. Not wanting children was the proverbial “third wheel” of my first marriage, Adopting a child could have been what ended my second had I not married such an amazing man.
setsuriseikou 1 year ago
I don't think this fits the theme of this article. The child is obv innocent here, the Dad doesn't seem too bad either. The only problem is that the OP's spouse changed his mind, which is totally okay in my book (as long as he doesn't try to pressure anyone into having kids). And of course they couldn't stay together (because no one should compromise on such a major topic as having kids), but well, sometimes it's not really anyone's fault.
Leviathan 1 year ago
kinda what happened to me and my first husnemd. seemy husband was FTM, i loved him, he still had female parts and lied when he got preg.... only I'm starle, too many med issues and my lil guys don't work, so i CAN NOT GET PEOPLE PREG, I loved him and we had the kid, but then he started bringing the dad {he was poly and i didn't care who did who as long as we loved each other and knew were were together not them} into our life, and i told him i didn't like it, I would never be with the "dad" and knew he had cheated even tho i loved the baby, and we broke up {the face he made when ni remind ed him i couldn't get other preg after he told me about the baby ill never forget i laughed so hard} but were still close friend and i love his lil girl, and he just had another a year ago and i love it too, I'm known as "uncle" while he is still alone, and I'm now marryed {3 time! but it stuck lol} with lot of fosters
#19
I gave a negative review of "Rock of Ages" starring Tom Cruise.
I used to gig movie reviews back in the day and my ex's best friend was obsessed with Tom Cruise. I made a critical comment of him and it ignited a fury in her. She told the girl I was seeing it was either me or her - if she was going to date someone who hated Tom Cruise then she wouldn't be her friend anymore. She chose her friend.
No this wasn't high school.
Ranger Kanootsen 1 year ago
Everyone is entitled to voicing their opinions. Free speech is incredibly important.
ॐBoyGanesh 1 year ago (edited)
Free speech in America is the freedom to speak about the government without repercussions.It’s nothing to do with expressing an option in public. How on earth does a movie review have anything to do with free speech?
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RiceRiceBaby 929 1 year ago
I'll never understand why someone would get upset bc someone else doesn't like the same thing they do. There's plenty you won't agree with them. We're entitled to our own opinions.
Kyle S. 1 year ago
If her friendship was conditional on petty S**t like that, it's not a real friendship.
Auntriarch 1 year ago
Absolutely. For example, Mr Auntriarch is of the opinion that Robert Plant can sing, but here we are
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#20
I once dated a guy who was more in love with his video games than me. Does that count as a third person?
Lea S. 1 year ago
I dated a guy in college like this. He still lived with his mom and for some reason we hung out over there instead of coming to my place. I went over once and sat next to him in his setup in the basement (filthy, three tvs) and waited two hours for him to say something to me or pause his game. Then I just got up and left.
#21
Religious leader convinced my boyfriend that being gay was a sin and he should be celibate.
Ranger Kanootsen 1 year ago
Yeah, they tried that on me too. 10 years later and I'm still gay, thank you very much!
Imnotthatpanda 1 year ago
I will never understand the hatred of religious people for love. More love in the world is a good thing who cares who it is as long as it’s consensual! Good for you Ranger for not giving in to what I am sure was immense pressure and guilt-tripping
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FaceTime Audio 1 year ago
G-d doesn’t give us love only to say it’s a sin. Homophobic religious leaders are fools who don’t understand their own bibles, and should read the original Hebrew, which is prohibiting pedophilia (used the word for boy). Christians…
emowankinemo 1 year ago
That's exactly what my old best friend said to me when I came out to her after she'd joined the Jehovas Witnesses. Broke my damn heart.
SadieCat17 (she/her) 1 year ago
The JW is a damn cult. One side of my family is riddled with mormons and the other side is deep into the JW rabbithole. My mother was kind enough to keep me shielded away from all that so you could certainly say I have personal beef against them.
Load More Replies... #22
My ex-gf slapped me across the face one day out of the blue. I warned her if that ever happened again the relationship was done.
Fast forward a few weeks and we were at my friends birthday party. Lo and behold one of my friends friends (who I had hung out with a couple times) revealed to me she was an ex of his. He then explains that she was f*****g bonkers and would get violent often enough. So after a week or two I broke up with her. Thanks Bill if you’re out there. Saved me a lot of trouble!
Blue Bunny of Happiness 1 year ago
Once is enough. When a partner is violent towards you, you leave. Don’t give them a second chance, they’ve shown you who they are, so believe them.
#23
His mom decided that I was her competition and really did everything she could to keep us apart or make us fight. I finally gave up because there was no way I was going to win over his mother. She still threatened me with a gun when I was leaving their house. She actually sent me a message a week or so ago asking for help with medical care. She started the message saying passive-aggressively "hello (misspelled name), I bet you're still hating on me...." She's 65 and I'm 32. She used to always compare the things that we owned and made sure I knew her stuff was more expensive. It was really weird. I did not respond to her message. I really wanted to tell her "I don't f**k your son anymore, so I don't have to put up with you or interact with your passive aggressive b******t"
Edit: she contacted me after 12 years. So when she was comparing her money versus my money, I was only 20 years old and she was 52. Crazy.
AnnwylTheBloodyLovesFerghus 1 year ago
OP is a better person than I am. I definitely would've scorched her eyes with my response. Then, blocked her.
Load More Replies... Oskar vanZandt 1 year ago
There appears to be a fair number to of toxic mother- child relationships featured, for sure!
#24
Her sister forced herself on me and said that i initiated , i was the first to push her off me , but no one believed me and i was outcasted by her family , three months later my now ex gf tells me how she caught her drunk sister spilling the beans about she made a whole facade to break us up.
Blue Chambers 1 year ago
Why did you bring up Trump? (And misspell the name) This has absolutely nothing to do with him. Or politics. Hate filled people like you are the problem in this world.
Load More Replies... #25
My own mother. She had surgery and did absolutely everything to break us apart as she "needed" help. It's been four months and I can't ever forgive my mother.
L Terr 1 year ago
But she's your mother! She had no right to act like that. It's not the duty of the child to care for the parent
Sven Horlemann 1 year ago
Yeah, it does not matter if you are the mother or father or brother. If you are an a**, you should be treated accordingly.
#26
Her mom lost her house, moved in, and was a terror. I was working 12 hour days doing construction. I'd get home and hop in the shower, and whenever it was just her mom and me in the house, the water would randomly get scalding hot. Set up a camera and saw her running the cold water from every faucet not on the bathroom. Just one of the things she did to me for no discernible reason.
My GF didn't believe me and took her mom's side.
Sven Horlemann 1 year ago
I would have thrown her out immediately. GF can go, too, if she likes.
Dread Pirate Roberts 1 year ago
Sounds like there's something wrong with that lady's head O_O she sounds like a gremlin
SadieCat17 (she/her) 1 year ago
Boot the psychotic mil, problem solved even easier. What makes you think she won't just jump to doing something else to harass op?
Load More Replies... #27
Her "gay" best friend talked her into dumping me. The next day he tried to hook up with her.
#28
My mother in law. She divorced and need a spot to live. So, she moved in with us. She was very intrusive in our lives and relationship. Within a year, we also divorced.
Blue Mar 1 year ago (edited)
Mothers are "doing well" on this thread... I'm not surprised at all. From my and my friends experience I know it can be nightmare. My MIL was wearing white on our wedding, that's says it all. And yet, it wasn't the worst she did.
Rayne OfSalt 1 year ago
A friend's MIL tried that one at my friends' wedding. Several of us in the groomsmen/bridesmaids found out about it beforehand and so were hanging out near the entrance to the place sipping red wine. Unfortunately, we all had a little too much to drink and accidentally spilled that red wine all over MIL's white dress. Ooops.
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Alexandra 1 year ago
If and when my son has a girlfriend he's serious with, I am going to do my damnedest to make sure I won't become a monster-in-law.
Papa 1 year ago
Since you feel that way I have no doubt you'll be a great mother-in-law.
Load More Replies... iluvanimals 1 year ago
As a mom, I just couldn't imagine myself causing heartache to my two daughters' and their boyfriend and fiancee for my own toxic bs. I do not cross any lines, give them space but also let them know I am there to support any one of them if needed, that includes the guys. I don't hear the petty fights or silly non issue issues either. My daughters keep that to themselves unless there is a legit reason to tell me, which has never happened yet. Mom's out there causing issues doing this stuff, you are a horrible mother and you need therapy, no excuses!
#29
Was in a relationship 2 years or so ago. The ex was in a cult group called sokka gakai and this group had a methodology of putting the young members in touch with older woman who would act as mother figures trying to tell them good from bad and how to prsctice and what now. Ex was brainwashed so bad by this group that all aspects of his life were being affected and he was oblivious to it. I tried raising my concerns against this "woman" and he got so f*****g defensive that she was like a mother to him. We broke up after that for a variety of reason but him being spineless was the majority of it. Later when i shared the entire story of this with my girl-friend she sent me a link about ex sokka gakai member on reddit. And from reading the thread i basically realized that this was modus operandi of the cult memebrs that they would try and break the relationships of ppl in the cult so they can push cult members to form families and thus grow. Even had a specific special term for kids born in the cult to two practicing members.
Dodged that bullet big time and thank GOD everyday for it!
Bell-icose 1 year ago
I’m more interested in which god responded! (I’m still trying to figure out which invisible ghost is the right invisible ghost)
Load More Replies... Sonja 1 year ago
I think you should read up what a cult is yourself. Cult and religion have overlap here and there, but it's definitely not the same
Load More Replies... #30
My husband, I and his sister started living together during the lockdown.
I started to realise things. How I did not have any friends anymore. I finally had a chance to compare how she interacted with me and how he did. I started to notice more emotional abuse.
She and I started to hang out more and he became more and more distant.
In the end, I divorced him. Do not talk to either of them. Even though I am thankful to her.
Zaphod 1 year ago
I also felt like I didn't have friends during lockdown. It really sucked not seeing them. Now we just don't see each other as much as before the pandemic. I know it had to be done, but the effects linger, imo.
Sonja 1 year ago
I found out who my true friends were during the pandemic
Load More Replies... #31
My ex boyfriend and I broke up because of his ex wife.
They were separated moving towards divorce when he and I met. She ran off with his best friend so no chance of reconciliation. But over the almost year and a half that he and I dated, he was never able to set boundaries with her or hold her accountable.
She financially ruined him. Opened cards in his name to fund her affair, but he wouldn’t report fraud. She stopped paying on her car, which was in his name, and when the license plates and tags showed up in the mail, he just handed them over to her. She took his dog in the separation, but any time she wanted to dip out of town, she would leave the dog with him for free pet sitting, regardless of his availability to accommodate. So on and so forth.
We fought about it all the time - I was picking up the tab during travel and dining out, and he was letting her walk all over him. But he thought if he played nice, he could protect his pension from her.
She only would’ve been entitled to 50% of 2.5 years of retirement, which is a drop in the bucket over a 30 year career. He did all of this to protect a small fraction of his pension.
Now I don’t date separated or newly divorced men.
Elio 1 year ago (edited)
I once had a roommate who had a girlfriend. She was nice but it was to the point that she let her previous boyfriend behave like this guy's ex-wife. Her ex-boyfriend ran up $20000 in credit card debt and she didn't report the fraud or contest the charges because he totally promised to pay her back. (He didn't.) My parents had a house and got divorced. My dad likes to complain that he had to pay my mom money to buy out my mom for her half of the house and my mom likes to complain that dad got the house.
#32
This idiot "life coach" she's known since high school. I can't blame him for everything but this f*****g moron just coached to shreds my marriage of 23 years.
Ace 1 year ago
Yeah, sounds like after 23 of unhappy marriage all it took was a stranger to point it out to her...
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Lee 1 year ago
Nice try- you're clearly jealous of this guy and annoyed he's made your wife see sense.
AzzyIsHere (They/he/it xenos) 1 year ago
based on their follow up comment, i think not...
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#33
His mentally ill brother.
To make a long story short, his brother insisted on living independently and far away from us. He was never able to properly care for his health, mental or physical, and was continually getting into situations where my partner had to leave for long periods to fix things and care for his brother. It ruined my partner's career, drained our finances, and left my partner totally emotionally depleted.
#34
TL/DR: my dad’s narcissistic gf broke my fiancé and I up twice while convincing my fiancé she was bipolar and possible schizophrenic.
A bit of a long story (took place over the course of 5 years), but the short of it is that my dad’s girlfriend has broken my fiancé and I up twice. We used to live/work with them on and off while my fiancé and I were in school.
The first time we broke things off she had tried to convince my fiancé that I was some deadbeat a-hole. I admit I wasn’t as attentive as I could have been, I was working 2 jobs (including the one with them) and was a full time student, so my priorities weren’t quite where they should have been. After breaking things off my fiancé and I talked about what happened, decided we just needed a step back to reflect, but not a full blown breakup.
We did well for a few years, during which my dad’s GF convinced my fiancé that she was bipolar (possibly schizophrenic), she would go to my fiancés doctors appointment with her and got her prescribed an ever changing cocktail of meds, it turns out it’s hard to find the right balance of meds when you’re treating a problem you don’t have. My dad’s gf also convinced my fiancé she could never be a mother and should get a hysterectomy (luckily the doctors refused), when the idea was discussed with my I was confused because my fiancé always wanted kids, but my dads gf made it clear I didn’t have a say. My fiancé and I often talked about how things weren’t right and we needed to change something, but we felt stuck.
This all culminated in my fiancé having a mental breakdown (understandable so) and asking to be brought to a mental health facility. While there, my dads gf decided that my fiancé had “abandoned us” and that I needed to break up with her. Emotions were high and I knew I couldn’t let my fiancé come back, but I couldn’t think of any other way to get her out, so I reluctantly broke things off.
She left, we started talking again a couple weeks later after we both thought about what happened. My fiancé agreed that the only way to get her to not come back was to do what I did, so there’s thankfully no hard feelings. I have since left and my fiancé and I are back together and doing well. We haven’t talked to my dad and his gf since.
Narcissism is a hell of thing.
Cyber Returns 1 year ago
I'm glad they got back together and cut of the toxic dad and his girlfriend
Lara Verne 1 year ago
Sounds like dad's fiancé was not only narcissist, but also master manipulator. How elso would she manage to 'convince' someone that they're schizofrenic and should get hysterectomy, etc..
Ken Beattie 1 year ago
My first thought was why the hell would she do all that? But when you think about it as though you're a narcissist it makes sense. If the Son and his fiance married and had kids then she'd be "less important" to her partner (the Grandad). She'd even potentially lose out on inheritance when the Grandad dies because there's every chance he'd leave more to his Son and grandkid(s). Get rid of the fiance, no grandkids. Problem solved!
#35
She made a friend who introduced her to the poly lifestyle.
Realistic Optimist 1 year ago
The friend didn't break anyone up. Their partner just realized she wanted something else. People change as they grow and learn.
Jane Doe 1 year ago
I think third person is the catalyst in a lot of these. No, that person didn’t make his partner feel or do anything, just introduced partner to something and partner ran with it. I think, even though it’s about sex and their relationship specifically, it’s not really different than if she’d made a new friend who liked golfing and she decided she wanted to commit to golfing, got totally into it and left him to go on the amateur tour. “You can work remotely and travel with me.” I don’t want to do that because [perfectly healthy valid reasons]. “well, then, I’m leaving without you to do this.
Load More Replies... Leviathan 1 year ago
lost a lot of friend to the "poly life" as i put it I am a whore, i didn't care who i slept with {as long as they were clean and not crazy} so i was good with it and even side meat with some, but these people were like my family and they got hurt so much and even tho i fixe it for them so much.... i got tired of it and left them, Now that they don't have someone to fix every problem they are hurting each other and blame me, I just smile and lean back thinking "yeaaaah GL!"
#36
I broke up with my now-husband for awhile because of his daughter. She was an absolute nightmare with huge emotional issues and would have violent tantrums. She hit me and I walked out. They got her into therapy and on meds, and she’s kind of better. Fewer tantrums, more typical entitled teenager behaviors.
#37
I was dating a divorced single mom. Her ex husband was petty as all hell. Any time we had something special planned, he would decide that was the perfect time to drum up drama, or discuss amending their co-parenting agreement, and so on. She was a good mom, but had no boundaries where her ex was concerned. After several months, I realized that our relationship was third in line behind her kids and her ex. Kids coming first is fine, but that wasn't for me, so I kindly broke it off. We never spoke again, so I do not know if she ever enacted reasonable boundaries, or if he is still sabotaging her still to this day.
#38
She had a psycho mother who would poke her head into every aspect of our relationship. At one point her mom was going to work and watching me on the security cameras from the time i woke up until i went to work or bed. I only found out later it was so when i left she would bring my girlfriend at the times Ex over to try and force me out of the situation. He was abusive, unkept, unemployed but easily controlled by her mom to do anything she wanted. He also was/is known for selling her nudes for cash. The tipping point was when her mom forcibly moved back in to the house she was no longer paying for, then began stealing groceries, money, and medical cannabis to take to her other daughter (unemployed high school drop out with 3 kids) Called her mom out, she spit on my face and called me selfish. I havent spoken to that ex since. And looking back I can't believe I even put myself through it. Her, and her family were equally insane. Also found out after everything ended that my Ex and her ex (the guy who would sneak over) were responsible for the death of their 1 month child but never charged. The world's kind of f****d up sometimes.
#39
Oh, s**t, I can actually throw my hat in the ring on this one. I had a partner who went to *one* therapy session and decided that we should stop being involved (after several years) because that single session convinced him that he needed to invert his entire life. I was never madly in love with him (I am not able to access that emotion), but it admittedly bothers me to this day that he didn’t consider me worthy of this ‘better self’ that he was apparently finally ready to craft after I had been pushing him to be more ambitious for years. He also asked me if I would still have sex with him on the side while he dated around because he liked getting eaten out and was worried that he wouldn’t find anyone else to do that. 🫠 Boy, bye…I hate myself, but I will never hate myself that much.
Blue Chambers 1 year ago
You just said you weren't even able to love him? Why would he stick around for someone that doesn't love him?
and_a_touch_of_the_’tism 1 year ago
Trauma, mental health, aromantic, there’s lots of reasons.
Load More Replies... #40
10 years ago I was dating a girl who was a major Swiftie. We got into our one and only fight a week before Red came out and I swear to god if the album was about making things work with your partner instead of ending things forever I think we wouldn't have broken up.
Ace 1 year ago
I don't know much of her stuff, but why does anyone have to "into" her, rather than just liking her songs?
Load More Replies... #41
My math teacher did not like seeing a nice, middle-class white boy with a poor, black girl like me so she called his dad and told him. The next day, the boy told me his dad forbade him from seeing me and that was that.
Same math teacher decided I should be put into the lowest math class instead of honors (I was a B+ student in her class) so I could stop stealing a spot from a more deserving (white) kid. It threw me off the highest track and messed up my STEM major because I couldn't catch up to the math class I needed in order to finish my major in time.
Oskar vanZandt 1 year ago
I'm sorry that racist, sorry excuse for a teacher ruined your academic chances...
Dij 1 year ago
You don't believe teachers can be racist? I wish I was that sheltered.
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#42
I was in a long distance relationship with the eldest son of a family from the South of Italy for three years. I am not Italian. (Italians reading this already know where this is going) We met in Milan when I was there for work and he was visiting friends. We would try to meet once a month, in my country and different cities in Italy. After some time, he invited me to meet his family and we started to stay at his family's house. To say his mother wasn't a fan, is an understatement. Loved his dad though, great man. I didn't really speak Italian, I took lessons but their accent made it hard to follow. She would occasionally burst into our room, screaming her head of at me in Italian (me - deer in headlights), hide or take my stuff and make things difficult. Knowing that we would have to take her in later in life, him being the eldest son and traditions being what they are, made it easier for me when it ended.
LinkTheHylian 1 year ago
Bonus: You didn't have to live with your CGI mother-in-law like Carmela Soprano did.
#43
His grandma was racist and just a hateful woman and he wouldn’t consider a life where he didn’t live with her. Turns out she bankrolled his whole life and he spent her money while telling me it was his. I asked him to consider moving in with me and he said any future we have together is going to be us living with her. Nope.
#44
She couldn’t process that her romantic feelings towards her best friend(me) because she was very attached to identity as a straight person and we’re both women . She was very conflicted about her sexual attraction to me. instead of being honest with herself , her boyfriend or me.. she just started acting weird. She would dump her boyfriend, then come over to my house. In private she would rizz me up ! She would playfully pin me to wall and make eyes at me , or offer to give me a topless massage - stuff that can’t really be explained away by “ girl friendship “. The next day she would freak out and claim it was all “ joking” then get back with her boyfriend. I understand what to find yourself crushing on a female friend and what it’s like to come out while living in a red state. I just told her it’s cool we can just be friends. ( my heart was crushed but she was a cool girl and I’d rather be friends than not) . The same week she got back together with her boyfriend . A few weeks later right when I’m mentally moving on and chatting up a new person and she’s getting less attention from me then BAM she dumps him again and calls me up. repeat. Her and I never officially dated, she was technically broken up with them when we hooked up but all her boyfriends were dumped ,taken back , dumped again and had no idea why. I think we were all in love with her but she was in love with attention and had us all on rotation😂
SadieCat17 (she/her) 1 year ago
A surprising number of people (including myself) have had to play the "is she actually covertly queer or a narcissist" game. It's extremely tiring being used for experimentation or attention with a partner who absolutely refuses to communicate.
#45
Her roomate was jelous my GF was in a relationship and she wasn't. She undermined everything for months until they were away together for a couple days and as soon as my GF was back in town she called me to end it. Everything she said in the breakup didn't make sense but it was all from the perspective of the roommate.
Realistic Optimist 1 year ago
Not sure why, but I read this as the op not being a great partner and not understanding why.
#46
For my personal one, a very clearly unstable woman we had never met before that identified herself as a psychic insisted to my ex that she would go to university, study and succeed in fashion and find the love of her life there (while stood right in front of me) through a mutual friend. About 2 months later she left me, started attending online culinary and food science courses and started dating another student almost immediately after, moved in to his uni dorm (absolutely not allowed, btw) and insisted she was fulfilling what she wanted in life, even though this psychic was already wrong as she did not and still does not study fashion. Fast forward half a year and she has jumped between at least 3 other guys in that time, the first of which she met because of the boyfriend she had following me, and attempting to come back to me being another one. Apparently still fully believes in her prophecy and talks to our mutual friends about it. The juicier story that is NOT mine is 2 of my friends were dating for roughly a year. They were regulars at the bar I worked in, and the lady was best friends with my partner at the time so I always got the gossip. I hired an old friend of mine to my staff, who at first hooked up with a colleague that the girlfriend had previously slept with, then hooked up with my co-manager, and then wound up having regular threesomes with the couple, verging on being a 3-piece relationship. About a month into this, boyfriend breaks up with girlfriend and immediately starts dating my colleague. Colleague quits her job, starts living with him, colleague and girlfriend start feuding pretty hardcore for a while. This goes on for 2 months, before colleague breaks up with boyfriend for reasons still unknown. Colleague and girlfriend start hanging out quite a lot, unexpected but nice to see women coming together and making up. And then they started making out. Colleague and girlfriend are now girlfriend and girlfriend, and have been for over a year, own a home and 2 dogs together. These were 2 of the most straight women who had always insisted on themselves being heterosexual and the best relationship they've both ever had is with each other.
#47
He kept accusing me of sleeping with this one particular guy friend. He’s never seen the friend or met anyone that knew him. In fact this guy friend lived on the other coast. Kept accusing me of riding all over that d**k which is super f*****g gross honestly because although that friend is conventionally attractive, we never saw each other like that. Ex’s paranoia grew so much he was constantly stalking this guy friend and imagining crazy s**t that he would “accuse me of doing with him in bed.” It felt like mental sexual assault because I never even considered kissing this person and vice versa we are just college classmates. Eventually, he did not allow me to talk to anyone who ever knew this friend which is everyone I went to college with. Escalated to him putting his hands on me because the more I denied it the more of a liar he thought I was.
Steve Dowell 1 year ago
This guy was definitely abusive, and following/doing the steps to isolate you from everyone (accusations of cheating which require you to "prove trust", getting you to drop friends because they're "bad influences", then family, etc).
Multa Nocte 1 year ago
"Eventually, he did not allow me"? Er, sorry, but no one gets to "allow you to" do something.
Rayne OfSalt 1 year ago
Found the person who's never been in a abusive relationship.
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#48
Had a friend who did everything with me. She would constantly go through boyfriends left and right, but I never thought anything of it. It wasn't until I got in a relationship that I realized I was her 3rd person that was ruining all her relationships. She wanted to be with me and kept dating these guys in an attempt to make me jealous. These guys worshipped her, and she just wanted me. I didn't have a clue until she started getting jealous of my gf and trying to break us up. I finally cut her off and she just blatantly accused me of raping her, despite the fact that I never had. It was her "if I can't have him, no one will" moment. It took years to recover what was left of my reputation after that. I hate that I was the reason all those other guys got their hearts broken though.
Blue Chambers 1 year ago
He said he had to recover it AFTER the accusation...
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#49
At a party, I asked a couple, "How is it going with living together?" The guy responded, "Fine, it's not my first time living with someone, so we're doing great, etc." However, when he said that, the girl gave him a death stare. To make a long story short, they had a fight and left the party. The next day, the girl came to the party venue and told us that she had broken up with him. She revealed that the guy had a son with another girl, but he had lied to her, claiming he didn't live with the child's mother. Additionally, someone made a joke that I live alone with my cats, and a the girl (whom I just met at the party) asked if she could live with me sometime. I promptly said no.
#50
He was massively hung up on his straight friend and his straight friend was massively hung up on the attention. We lasted a few weeks, the only time we were alone was bedtime.
#51
The girl best friend that acted more like a toxic MIL than a friend of a grown man. I only met her briefly like once, she had no reason to dislike me. But she threw a fit when he gave me a key, a big romantic moment for us and she planted doubt in his head that he was moving too fast. We got pregnant and she told him I wasn’t actually pregnant, wasn’t his baby if I was etc, also planted doubt and made him extremely distant for the first 3 months of our first pregnancy. We were dealing with postpartum during our THIRD child and she convinced him I was controlling and ruined all his friendships. What ruined all his friendships was having 3 infants/toddlers??? I didn’t care if he hung out with friends. She never came to visit, never brought gifts for the kids, never tried to know me, but she had weird overly affectionate pet names for my kids because she “loved anything that was part of him.” Anyway she eventually convinced him to leave me and he says stuff like “I can’t just choose my loyalty between my friend of several decades and you.” I have never urged him to choose, she did. Also she never wanted to date him, never attempted anything. Very strange.
Koala_Tralala 1 year ago
She didn't want to be with him, she wanted to posess him and to feel her power over him.
#52
No cheating, but it really seemed like she was in love with her best friend... she bent over backwards for this woman, constantly, and yet every time she'd talk about her to me it never seemed to be anything remotely positive. I never could understand why she was persisting with their friendship. Plus always badmouthing whoever her friend was dating- some may have deserved it, but it started to feel like a pattern... like she was jealous. I never asked, or accused, any of this. But six months in (it should have been sooner), it was finally crystal clear to me I wasn't going to get anywhere near the level of effort I was giving, or even half of the output she was putting into this girl. Called it off, and really felt quite good to end it. Epilogue: about four or five months ago (two years after I ended things, and not a word to each other since), I walked into a banh mi shop to place an order. Went to wait outside since it was busy, glanced up and at a table outside, I noticed her friend.. then a familiar blonde ponytail with their back to me. Not at all interested in any interaction- even accidental- I went back into the shop. Picked up my sandwich, walked a different way out of the shop to avoid passing them. Later that night at the pub, I get a private phone call. Ignore. Call again a few minutes later. Ignore. Get a voicemail. It's the friend saying to leave the ex alone, or she'd have to go to the police... I was confused, but really couldn't do anything but laugh it off and move on with my day. Frankly, they deserve each other.
#53
His friend liked me. I had no interest in his friend and made this very clear. Not sure what the logic was!
#54
Gay dating is exhausting because it seems like everyone has a weird codependent relationship with at least 1 ex. Why would I want to stay in a relationship when I feel like a 3rd wheel in their relationship with their ex?
ॐBoyGanesh 1 year ago
Define “weird, codependent,” cos it seems to me like more of a jealousy issue and an insecurity that doesn’t allow for one to be friends with one’s ex. I’m a 50yo gold star gay born & raised smack dab in the gay Mecca of the Castro. I am THE expert on this: most gay men who stay friends with their exes have healthy platonic friendships with them. It’s the tired insecure “stage 1” little queens who get jealous at the drop of a dime trying to deflect that insecurity/jealousy by inaccurately describe the dynamics between exes. Their fragile shame-rattled egos simply can’t handle having a BF who’s friends with their exes. I’ve seen it time again: “ugh. My bf has this unhealthy, abnormal relationship with their ex!!!” To which I’d say, “why? Because they get along & don’t harbor ill will or resentment?” Shuts them right up.
#55
A girl I dated in highschool broke up with me because her best friend said that I "Wasn't good for her" and that she never got to see her because she was always spending time with me. Within a month of breaking up, her friend was never available to hang out because she was always with *her* boyfriend, and it could only ever be the 2 of them.
#56
He was still in love with his ex. I found out. He got scary mad as he left. Guess it was emotional cheating. I honestly hadn’t seen it that way (probably because I didn’t want to). But yeah, it wasn’t just well-managed feelings…
#57
The state of Florida? He wanted to move there - and he did. I did not want to move there and stayed put. Many years later I'm glad that things happened this way. No, we did not stay in touch.
#58
A toxic friend who openly prided herself on ruining 'relationships that shouldn't work out'. Really she just took my ex-fiance out and spewed toxic nonsense in her ear about how I'm not doing enough for her and she should look elsewhere.
#59
She was a classmate of his who had a huge crush on him and he pretended not to notice so he could “stay friends with her” and get his ego stroked. I begged him to put some boundaries up with her and he refused ¯_(ツ)_/¯
#60
My ex got seriously worked up over my best friend. They thought she was trying to steal me or turn us into a throuple. They'd get jealous over anything I did with her and eventually tried to put a cap on how much we hung out and talked. Things hit the breaking point when they accused me of cheating because I grabbed coffee with my best friend and parents while my ex was at work. I was just so tired after arguing about it for months. To top it off my friend is straight so the whole cheating thing makes absolutely no sense anyway. After we split, chatting with friends and family made me realize nobody really trusted my ex. Looking back I see a ton of red flags, and I think they were trying to cut me off from everyone else in my life. Crazy how you miss these things in the moment.
#61
I know a few who divorced because of the in-laws. Sometimes a person's family is too crazy.
Evermist:
Had a friend who broke it off with her fiance because her mother in law to be was so hostile and he refused to do anything about it or break off contact.
#62
This was back in 2016 when I still had a leftover private twitter from high school… anyways someone I didn’t recognize follow requested and I accepted. A couple weeks later my bf at the time has a brand new instagram account message him screenshots from my private twitter. Nothing crazy, just venting about young relationship bs. The ONLY person that account was following was his roommate. Roomie tried to create a wedge and maybe it did influence my ex cause he dumped me a month or two later. But it was crazy that my ex wasn’t convinced it was the roommate. The roommate wasn’t popular on insta or anything so to me there is no other person it could be. Plus he hated me! Jokes on them, that was the best thing to ever happen to me 😏
#63
She was my best friend, and worked with my fiancé at the time so she was pretty close to both of us. We were going through a rough patch and I thought I could vent in trust and in confidence to my *best friend* but instead she took my words and twisted them, and regurgitated the bastardized version of my vent to my fiancé, in turn making the problems worse and fester; and would do the same same thing with his vents to her, giving me the bastardized twisted version of what was supposed to be his in confidence vent to a friend. Towards the end we took a one week long “trip of solitude and reflection” where we went camping in the middle of nowhere with no distractions, no technology for a week to talk and discuss our life together. It was during that week of discussing what had been going on recently that it came out that she was giving him a very different version of what I was venting to her about, and vice versa to me, which was causing more problems between us. we chalked it up to her own bad track record of relationships - misery loves company after all. During that week she started a new job at a different company, so I ended up ghosting her and blocking her number, and my fiancé didn’t have to see her at work anymore so it was pretty easy and effective to fully cut her out of our lives. I didn’t need an explanation on why she was doing what she was doing and frankly I didn’t owe her any explanation on ending the friendship based based on what she was doing Our relationship still broke down because it was irreparable at the point, but I’d never experienced such underhanded friendship in my whole life as that one. Turns out he was cheating, just not with her. And apparently one of the contentions was that he was upset that she wouldn’t sleep with him despite knowing the whole time that he was cheating on me.
#64
My step son ended up being to intolerable, and was likely to be living with us until we died.. I just couldn’t..
#65
Do unhealthy nonmonogamous situations count? If they do, I've had a couple of non-monogamous relationships go south because of unhealthy dynamics between multiple partners. In one case, a married couple was looking for partners; the wife had been having non-mono relationships for a few years already & was having such a good time of it that she encouraged her husband to do so as well. Initially he was reluctant, but eventually decided to go for it. If you're thinking that he and I started dating, hit it off and suddenly his wife got cold feet and shut everything down, you're right: she was fine opening the relationship as long as *she* was getting her needs and wants met, but once her husband was interested in another person she couldn't handle it. She dumped all her partners and turned into Sweet Suzie Homemaker, her life all about her devotion to her beloved husband, overnight. He was terribly conflicted about it. I saw where it was going so I broke it off. My last non-mono relationship was with an old friend. He started dating another woman right about the time he and I started dating. For a while things were fine, but they were never truly balanced. He prioritized his other girlfriend from the very beginning. After a few years of letting him talk me into believing that everything was really equal when it absolutely wasn't, I finally realized that she was his girlfriend and I was just his side chick. I promptly kicked him to the curb. That non-monogamous period in my life wasn't good. I don't regret trying it out and seeing what it was like, or the lessons learned from it, the biggest of which is that I'm definitely happiest in a monogamous relationship. I will never have a poly or non-mono relationship again - there's too many variables, too many unhealthy people in the community, and I don't need that in my life. I've definitely known folks who are poly and it works great, that just absolutely isn't me. So, lessons learned.
Elio 1 year ago
Seems like there's a lot of cases of one person begging their partner for an open marriage/relationship and then them getting super jealous when their partner gets laid. (Especially if they are the only one getting any.)
SadieCat17 (she/her) 1 year ago
That's just called karmic irony. People like that aren't poly, they just want to get away with cheating on their partners with a clever loophole they think they've found.
Load More Replies... #66
He wanted to be at his sister’s or mom’s house every weekend for 6 hours at a time. Barely gave any time to our family.
#67
My ex and I broke up due to how he reacted when I had a friend visit. At the time my then-bf and I were living together. I had moved across the country and all of my friends were his friends first. I asked a few months ahead if a friend of mine could visit and my ex said yes. The visit comes around and my ex has a bit of a mental breakdown that results in him asking me not to touch him, me sleeping on the floor of our room, and getting a hotel room while my friend goes to stay with other friends of theirs in the area. (For timeline here, it was literally a three day visit - Saturday fly in, Tuesday fly out) My ex and I talk about it and I ask him to go to couples therapy with me. He agrees. Fast forward a month and he's refusing to go to any of the therapists I've researched, citing any excuse until he finally admits that he sees it as a punishment and thinks I should go to therapy alone. He also refuses to apologize to me for his actions since he feels like I forced him to act that way. A month later, after we try to talk about it more and try to fix things, I finally break up with him. And honestly I'm much, much happier now. Edit: friend is nonbinary, I'm a guy. Since that's come up a few times
#68
My exes housemate and "best friend" for 1.5 years would treat me like rubbish and my ex was completely oblivious to the whole thing and seriously avoidant of conflict. She would only speak to me via him, never made eye contact, would walk out of the room as soon as I came in. If we were in a group setting I'd try and engage in conversation with her and she'd ignore me and talk to someone else in the group. It was subtle enough for most people not to notice but my friends picked up on it once when we bumped into her in a nightclub, I said hi and introduced her to my friends, turned around to check the bar as I was going to offer her a drink, when i turned back around she'd walked off! My ex swore it was all in my head despite the fact that in 18 months of part time living with her, we'd never managed to have a conversation. He never believed me or engaged in it at all. I confronted her over Facebook messenger so she couldn't ignore me and I'd have evidence. She denied everything. It was such a frustrating situation. I couldn't believe my partner at the time was happy to let this fester and refused to believe my side of the story at all. I knew i couldn't be with a partner who wouldn't emotionally engage with me and who couldn't resolve the conflict in a healthy way. What's worse is his friends got involved and backed him up, like it was high-school. I was just flabbergasted. You definitely need to get on with your partners key friends and family members or it just won't work, and your partner needs to have your back for sure.
#69
My exes friends talked c**p about how I was older than him and at two years he up and left. It was fantastic. I was like...damn you can be swayed that easily by others..
#70
An ex had this weird clingy guy friend who was just *always around*. She wasn't the kind of person to cheat, and I'm like 99% sure this guy was gay, but it was still highly annoying. Like if we were in the back yard, he'd randomly walk around the side of his house and barge into my perfectly peaceful evening. Then he'd start talking and wouldn't stop until he left hours later. He had absolutely no f*****g concept of personal space. I'd get pissed, but if I said something, my ex would immediately defend him. It all came to a head one day when we were getting ready to leave. He bangs on the door and just starts talking. I keep trying to politely tell him that we didn't have time, but he wouldn't listen. Eventually he ropes my ex into some dumb f*****g conversation, and once again, I try to politely tell him that we had to go. He looks at me, then looks back at her, and keeps talking. This time I poke him in the shoulder and yell "get the f**k out of here Kenny". This lead to a big ol' fight, and me eventually breaking up with her. Just thinking of that dude makes my p**s boil.
Angel Pennell 1 year ago
I've heard of something making blood boil, but p**s? That's a new one
#71
The stereotypical “best friend” who lowkey wants their friends to be miserable like them. They were so quick to tell my ex to break up with me instead of just talking to me. (They’re 28y/o with literally 0 relationship experience. The only expertise they have comes from fkn TikTok.) I never did get to tell my ex how much of a problem her “friend” was but it’s not my problem anymore. Maybe she’ll realize it down the road.
#72
We had been talking about separating when the kids graduated HS because she was a lesbian. A few people knew about this. One of them got her a promotion 2 hours away. It was enough money she could be self sufficient and buy a house. We ended up having a conversation we had been kicking down the road a few years early.
#73
He was very controlling towards his niece and when told to back off by me, he freaked out and dumped me. He caused such drama her mom kicked her out. Problem was, she was 16 and her uncle was 19yo but everyone believed what he said and never her.
#74
My cousin poisoned my mind over the girl I dated in college. She and I didn't speak for like a year and a half. We became friends again eventually and ten years later we got back together. When we made it FB official that same cousin said "finally." He admitted he was wrong and that we just make sense. Gf and I have been together 4 years second time around.
#75
Regular at her bar, would help out when it got busy, always there, sat and chatted constantly. Would be buddy buddy when I was there to help out or visit and have a beer when it was slow but as soon as I left he would badmouth me. When you hear it every day constantly you start to believe it, long story short the relationship ended, he was the "good guy" I wasnt, she "gave him a chance" found out hes a slug, and apologized to me profusely for everything said she reached out and tried to clear my name to those mutuals she badmouthed me too and moved closer to her parents to "restart". The guy ended up marrying one of his buddies girlfriends iirc
#76
My ex and I recently broke up because I had a problem with her texting a friend from work from morning to night. She would text him all the time and I said it made me uncomfortable and we would get into huge fights over it. I explained to her that I wanted to work on our texting and connecting months prior. She choose to do it with somebody from work. So 3 years down the drain because of a friend from work.
#77
Girlfriend's dad died, i tried to be supportive but couldn't handle the devastation that a thing like that would cause a person. We broke up.
Guess this kinda counts.
kansasmagic 1 year ago
Um, good on you, I guess? I had a huge crush on a girl in college who broke up with her then boyfriend because of something similar. (Her grandma died; she was heartbroken; he didn't provide any kind of emotional support.) Didn't work out in my favor, but better for her.
#79
I dated a guy for three years that, despite graduating #1 in his class, double bachelors in Business and Accounting from a private college, and holding down a full-time job, lived on the farm with his parents and younger brother. He was 42 when we met. I was an idiot in love with a guy who put me near the top of his priorities, right beneath God, his specific Catholic church, his mom, his dad, his brother, and the farm. Unless, of course, he wanted to mess around, then most of that was abandoned.
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Darth Kittius 1 year ago
This might get down voted, but I completely believe this: my third person was God. I was in a horribly abusive relationship during my junior and part of my senior years of high school. One day after a particulary horrid fight, I prayed and prayed for what to do. I suddenly felt very strongly that I should break up with him, and where and when to do it. I believe that God gave me the strength to escape, and idk if I would have otherwise
Cjay 1 year ago
I’m not personally a believer but this is why faith can be important
Load More Replies... Weasel Wise 1 year ago
All these stories of overly involved mothers 😬 I really lucked out, my MIL may have been a drug addict but she was one of the most loving and accepting people I have had the honor of knowing. She would remind me every time I saw her how blessed she was to call me her daughter. I miss her. 😔
kansasmagic 1 year ago
If it's not an overbearing MiL it's "their best friend" or friend group. Apparently asocial loners like me make the best partners because I don't drag anybody else's s**t into the relationship.
Load More Replies...
Leviathan 1 year ago
about 90% of relationships {that are not like medical or cheating} Can be shoved if PEOPLE WOULD FU*KING TALK TO EACH OTHER AND NOT LIE, I have never Told a lie to my "other halfs" but we broke up it was because they refused to talk to me and would lie......Right now I'm with a wonderful man, we never lie to each other, if we get upset, we might scream or something, but we talk it out, we don't hit or run to the other room, if we are upset we speak louder, but we talk
Lene 1 year ago
My mom has been close to get me on this list several times. I think it's partly because she somehow, in her head, sees my relationship with my bf as her own relationship with her husband (their relationship is so out of balance, imo, but I don't tell her anymore because then she shuts me down). And partly because she likes to control me and do/say stuff that causes me worries and anxiety which obviously effects my relationship with my bf. We are on low contact with my mom now. Very low.
kansasmagic 1 year ago
I feel like honesty and open communication would resolve a lot of problems before they start. It's fine if someone wants to be a "mama's boy" or whatever, but just be up front about it. So many of these breakup stories follow the same plot: "I found out later..."
OpheliaPoe 1 year ago
I think far too often they don't think of themselves as a mama's boy. Their mother has always been this way with them so they think it's totally normal. And sometimes these mothers start off being kind to the partner and then later turn on them later when they realize they can't control them or start to feel like the partner is taking their "baby" away from them.
Load More Replies... LinkTheHylian 1 year ago
I was made out to be one of these "third party" people when I was accused of trying to break up my best friends while we were in college. What confused me was why I wouldn't want them to be together when it was me who set them up (never jealous because she wasn't my type and I'm straight so wouldn't be interested in him). And the surprising thing was that I apparently started spreading rumours about them while I was at home with the flu for a week, which meant I had all the time and energy to spare to end a relationship I helped forge. End of the story? He had a wandering eye and fell for other girls as soon as they even looked his way, and she gave up on pretending to be someone she wasn't, going back to her old "self". Et moi? I went no contact with everyone who turned on me, and have never bothered with friends since. I sleep more instead.
Darth Kittius 1 year ago
This might get down voted, but I completely believe this: my third person was God. I was in a horribly abusive relationship during my junior and part of my senior years of high school. One day after a particulary horrid fight, I prayed and prayed for what to do. I suddenly felt very strongly that I should break up with him, and where and when to do it. I believe that God gave me the strength to escape, and idk if I would have otherwise
Cjay 1 year ago
I’m not personally a believer but this is why faith can be important
Load More Replies... Weasel Wise 1 year ago
All these stories of overly involved mothers 😬 I really lucked out, my MIL may have been a drug addict but she was one of the most loving and accepting people I have had the honor of knowing. She would remind me every time I saw her how blessed she was to call me her daughter. I miss her. 😔
kansasmagic 1 year ago
If it's not an overbearing MiL it's "their best friend" or friend group. Apparently asocial loners like me make the best partners because I don't drag anybody else's s**t into the relationship.
Load More Replies... Leviathan 1 year ago
about 90% of relationships {that are not like medical or cheating} Can be shoved if PEOPLE WOULD FU*KING TALK TO EACH OTHER AND NOT LIE, I have never Told a lie to my "other halfs" but we broke up it was because they refused to talk to me and would lie......Right now I'm with a wonderful man, we never lie to each other, if we get upset, we might scream or something, but we talk it out, we don't hit or run to the other room, if we are upset we speak louder, but we talk
Lene 1 year ago
My mom has been close to get me on this list several times. I think it's partly because she somehow, in her head, sees my relationship with my bf as her own relationship with her husband (their relationship is so out of balance, imo, but I don't tell her anymore because then she shuts me down). And partly because she likes to control me and do/say stuff that causes me worries and anxiety which obviously effects my relationship with my bf. We are on low contact with my mom now. Very low.
kansasmagic 1 year ago
I feel like honesty and open communication would resolve a lot of problems before they start. It's fine if someone wants to be a "mama's boy" or whatever, but just be up front about it. So many of these breakup stories follow the same plot: "I found out later..."
OpheliaPoe 1 year ago
I think far too often they don't think of themselves as a mama's boy. Their mother has always been this way with them so they think it's totally normal. And sometimes these mothers start off being kind to the partner and then later turn on them later when they realize they can't control them or start to feel like the partner is taking their "baby" away from them.
Load More Replies... LinkTheHylian 1 year ago
I was made out to be one of these "third party" people when I was accused of trying to break up my best friends while we were in college. What confused me was why I wouldn't want them to be together when it was me who set them up (never jealous because she wasn't my type and I'm straight so wouldn't be interested in him). And the surprising thing was that I apparently started spreading rumours about them while I was at home with the flu for a week, which meant I had all the time and energy to spare to end a relationship I helped forge. End of the story? He had a wandering eye and fell for other girls as soon as they even looked his way, and she gave up on pretending to be someone she wasn't, going back to her old "self". Et moi? I went no contact with everyone who turned on me, and have never bothered with friends since. I sleep more instead.
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