Bride And Groom Decide To Have Two Weddings: “Please Tell Me I’m Not Delusional”
Learning how and when to compromise is a great skill to develop. You’ll find it useful in all aspects of your life, from your job to your relationships. And anyone who’s ever been in a long-term relationship knows that you won’t get far if you want to be ‘right’ all the time or constantly set your needs aside. You need to find common ground.
However, no matter what you choose to do, not everyone in your social circle is going to support your approach. Case in point, redditor u/Repulsive_Pepper_957 called out her sister-in-law on the internet. The woman explained how the bride and groom couldn’t agree on the size of the wedding, so they decided to have two completely separate events. Read on for the full story. Bored Panda has reached out to u/Repulsive_Pepper_957 for further comment, and we’ll update the post as soon as we hear back from her.
Engaged couples approach getting married differently. Some have just one wedding, while others splurge on multiple events
Image credits: Kateryna Hliznitsova (not the actual photo)
One wedding guest complained about her sister-in-law and her husband-to-be throwing two separate weddings
Image credits: Jeremy Wong Weddings (not the actual photo)
Image source: Repulsive_Pepper_957
Generally, the price of weddings has gone up in recent years. Even a single event can set you back a lot
Image credits: Getty Images (not the actual photo)
If you have the money to spare, of course, you can and should throw as many or as few wedding-related events as you want. It’s your money after all. If you want to go big, go big. If you want to keep things small, subtle, and intimate, do that. If you and your soulmate want different style events, go for it.
Just keep in mind that not every engaged couple has the finances to do something similar. Though, anecdotally, we know of a ton of couples who had a bunch of little get-togethers with their different friend groups before and after their wedding. You don’t have to be loaded to celebrate in small ways with different people.
Whatever the case might be, whether you’re organizing just one wedding or separate events, try to take into account what your guests’ needs and wants might be. Sure, it’s your wedding and your vision should come first. But it should not come at the expense of your loved ones. Otherwise, what’s the point of inviting them?
Try to think about where they’ll stay, how they’ll get to the venue, what food and drinks you’re offering, what the entertainment will be like, whether anyone will need a babysitter, etc. There are lots of details to keep track of, so if you can spare the cash, get a wedding planner. They’ll worry on your behalf while you can enjoy the run-up to the wedding with (a bit) less stress. As per The Knot, 37% of marrying couples hired wedding planners in 2023.
According to The Knot, the average cost of a wedding in the United States in 2023 stood at a whopping $35,000. That’s a sizable $5,000 jump compared to the year prior thanks to inflation affecting wedding industry goods and services.
Typically, destination weddings tend to be smaller than hometown weddings because they’re more expensive due to travel and accommodations. An average hometown wedding in the US would have set you back $33,300 in 2023, while an international destination wedding cost $42,000. Somewhat surprisingly, domestic destination weddings cost more – $43,300 on average.
Statista notes that the cost of your wedding will vary depending on a range of factors, from the guest count and location to the venue and the season when you’re getting married. Data from Zola shows that a US wedding in 2024 could cost anywhere from $14,000 to $49,000, depending on these factors.
Weddings aren’t just expensive for the happy couple. They can cost you a pretty penny as a guest, too!
Image credits: Al Elmes (not the actual photo)
It’s economics 101: the greater the demand, the higher the prices. Generally, getting married in a big city will eat up your budget quicker than having your wedding in a rural area or a small town.
Popular wedding destinations are also more expensive. And if you want to get married during peak wedding season, which usually falls between late spring and early autumn, you have to be willing to pay a premium.
The more guests you have, the more you’ll spend on invitations, seating, and catering. You’ll also probably have to rent a larger venue, too, if you want to accommodate everyone.
If you have a specific theme or vision that you want to bring to life, you should set more money aside for that. The more particular you are about getting every detail right, from the decor and band(s) to the food and entertainment, the more you’ll likely end up paying. And let’s not forget the cost of the wedding attire!
Meanwhile, your guests can end up paying a lot of money, too, if they have to travel far, stay at fancy hotels you picked out, and get new attire to match your theme. The Knot reports that in 2023, the average cost for each wedding guest was $580.
Hometown weddings aren’t just cheaper for the happy couple but for their guests as well. They cost an average of $250 per guest. Meanwhile, attending a destination wedding would set you back $680 if you drove there, while flying would mean spending roughly $1,600. Yikes!
Have you known engaged couples who had more than one wedding celebration with different people? Did you attend just one of them or all of them? What was that like? What would your ideal wedding look like if money wasn’t an issue, dear Pandas? Let us know what you think in the comments.
The author went into more detail about the situation
Here’s how some people reacted to the situation. A few internet users thought there was nothing weird here
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A friend of mine actually had three weddings. He is from Turkey and his wife is Korean. So they had one wedding in Turkey (for his family), one in Korea (for her family) and one in the US where they live (for their friends). Of course, each person only attended one depending on their location. They had a registry in the US and most of their relatives back in their countries just gifted them money. That made sense I think. The his+hers weddings described above do NOT make sense.
Ive had a few friends who had the cultural ceremony (bride negotiation, religious ceremony, etc) and then the registry bit. I also had one friend who just straight up had two weddings and we (the wedding party) were supposed to keep it a secret from the church folks. However, in all occasions I only gave one gift.
Load More Replies...People can do whatever they want for their wedding(s?). It doesn't mean anyone has to go along with this foolishness. I'd go to the closer wedding... maybe.
"We have to go for both..." Why? Honestly, this wedding idea is both stupid & greedy, re: Registry/distance/cost, and the guests/family who feel pressured to go to both, should just pick one of them. Weddings are flecking ridiculous nowadays. greed-677b...f-jpeg.jpg
Right? I’d simply say I can attend one because that’s all I can attend.
Load More Replies...One of my aunts also had two. Church + party in her home country & civil/legal ceremony + party in her husband's country where they are living. But only close family attended both because in our culture the bridal party/groomsmen are always from the family. (With a whole bunch of rules and stipulations as to who qualifies.)
You can't actually FORCE me to go to both or buy two gifts. Either I am at one of my choice or I'm at none.
No no, same kid, she'll just schedule two delivery dates.
Load More Replies...We were living in London, but my whole family and my friends were all in NYC. We did a wedding in each, so people wouldn't have to travel. Of course, everyone we knew decided to come to both weddings and make a big vacation out of it (the weddings were two months apart). So all my NYC homies had a London vacation, and all the London friends had an NYC holiday. So much for "not making anyone fly or travel" for our wedding, eh?
Yeah, I don't know why Reddit is acting like this is unusual. It's pretty common for some couples to do bride-side wedding and groom-side wedding.
Load More Replies...Some friends of mine got married at a destination wedding with only 5 people there. A few months later they had a casual party where they invited all the rest of their friends/family. It was specified that there should be no gifts brought to the party. That's the right way to do it.
If they can't agree about their wedding, they shouldn't get married at all.
I think they agreed. The agreement was to have two weddings that works for both of them.
Load More Replies...14 years ago hubby and I technically had 3 weddings and spent basically zero on them (except for airfare). We signed our papers at the municipal office in our town in Japan. Flew to America with his parents so my mom could throw the wedding she wanted for her family and I gifted her any cash gifts (we actually said no gifts because I didn't want to lug them back to Japan) so it basically covered the initial $2,000 she spent. Then we all flew to Japan for his mom to throw us the Japanese wedding she wanted us to have and tradition is the guest gift a set monetary amount that pretty much offsets that wedding cost. Then hubby rented a small club for any of is friends and coworkers we didn't want to obligate with a big wedding attendance fee and they paid a small "cover charge" to pay for that entire thing while hubby and all his music buddies took turns providing live music. All I wanted was the paper signing on a regular day. I let everyone else do what they wanted and it was pretty cool
This was fine until these attendees were obligated to go to both and to get gifts for both
I think it makes sense, when you have a lot of acquaintances, but not the budget to invite everyone to a fancy wedding, that you do a two level thing instead -A formal one for the immediate family and close friends, and after that you can have a "discount" celebration with the rest, in the form of a garden party or something similar. I am part of a club where we are 100 members or so, and where there are some exchange students. They usually spend a lot of time in the club, as they basically have very few other connections in this country. A couple held their wedding in their home country, and then invited every member of the club to join them celebrate in the clubhouse afterward with a dinner. I didn't find that weird, as that was the practical solution where you get the best of two worlds.
I don't know what the hassle is about. This is pretty common, especially in cases where the 2 sides of the family live far apart. I did the same thing, a small /legal wedding in my husband's location since we both live there and a slightly larger wedding at my parents/family location so no one was excluded. I also had a friend who had a small destination that a few people could afford, and a closer general wedding that no one had to travel for. In my opinion, as long as no one is forcing the attendees to pay for their wedding, the couple can have as many celebrations as they want.
they can have all the weddings they want, but i think expecting guests to come to more than one is delusional. groom's family and friends at his, bride's at hers. mutual friends flip a coin!
This is all fine and good if you are not required to purchase 2 gifts. He is your Bro, so ya kinda have to go, but just slip him a gift card for the one and get something off the register for the first or whatever celebration is your Bro's Idea... I can't imagine that SIL is so disillusioned that she she thinks she can double dip somehow...
If they have 2 weddings because they can't compromise over trivial matters, their 2 weddings are doomed.
Pick one or the other to attend. And one gift one card. Once. They are being greedy af. Don’t play into it or they will have a Christmas for her a one for him or any other holiday and money will be vacuumed up by them.
I don't care how close I am to the bride or groom......if anyone pulled this kaka on me, they would get two "no" RSVPs and one congratulatory card with a check for a nominal amount. And if they pitched a fit and tried to play the old "you're ruining my special day(s)" card, I would ignore them and consider my small gift doubly justified.
I don't think it hurts to have 2 separate parties to each others preference
It sounds ok to me to have 2 weddings although I am not for big weddings personally and spend so much money for weddings. It looks like both of them have already compromised and instead of having one wedding party with less effort & money they decided to celebrate each other’s way of wedding day. Comprise doesn’t have to go with a single party. In my opinion, It is noone’s business and gives anyone right to judge them how they decide their way of celebration unless they ask for others fund them. I would be happy to be with them in their big days and spending a few hundreds of dollars should be ok for siblings/close friends unless i have a serious financial problem.
A friend of mine actually had three weddings. He is from Turkey and his wife is Korean. So they had one wedding in Turkey (for his family), one in Korea (for her family) and one in the US where they live (for their friends). Of course, each person only attended one depending on their location. They had a registry in the US and most of their relatives back in their countries just gifted them money. That made sense I think. The his+hers weddings described above do NOT make sense.
Ive had a few friends who had the cultural ceremony (bride negotiation, religious ceremony, etc) and then the registry bit. I also had one friend who just straight up had two weddings and we (the wedding party) were supposed to keep it a secret from the church folks. However, in all occasions I only gave one gift.
Load More Replies...People can do whatever they want for their wedding(s?). It doesn't mean anyone has to go along with this foolishness. I'd go to the closer wedding... maybe.
"We have to go for both..." Why? Honestly, this wedding idea is both stupid & greedy, re: Registry/distance/cost, and the guests/family who feel pressured to go to both, should just pick one of them. Weddings are flecking ridiculous nowadays. greed-677b...f-jpeg.jpg
Right? I’d simply say I can attend one because that’s all I can attend.
Load More Replies...One of my aunts also had two. Church + party in her home country & civil/legal ceremony + party in her husband's country where they are living. But only close family attended both because in our culture the bridal party/groomsmen are always from the family. (With a whole bunch of rules and stipulations as to who qualifies.)
You can't actually FORCE me to go to both or buy two gifts. Either I am at one of my choice or I'm at none.
No no, same kid, she'll just schedule two delivery dates.
Load More Replies...We were living in London, but my whole family and my friends were all in NYC. We did a wedding in each, so people wouldn't have to travel. Of course, everyone we knew decided to come to both weddings and make a big vacation out of it (the weddings were two months apart). So all my NYC homies had a London vacation, and all the London friends had an NYC holiday. So much for "not making anyone fly or travel" for our wedding, eh?
Yeah, I don't know why Reddit is acting like this is unusual. It's pretty common for some couples to do bride-side wedding and groom-side wedding.
Load More Replies...Some friends of mine got married at a destination wedding with only 5 people there. A few months later they had a casual party where they invited all the rest of their friends/family. It was specified that there should be no gifts brought to the party. That's the right way to do it.
If they can't agree about their wedding, they shouldn't get married at all.
I think they agreed. The agreement was to have two weddings that works for both of them.
Load More Replies...14 years ago hubby and I technically had 3 weddings and spent basically zero on them (except for airfare). We signed our papers at the municipal office in our town in Japan. Flew to America with his parents so my mom could throw the wedding she wanted for her family and I gifted her any cash gifts (we actually said no gifts because I didn't want to lug them back to Japan) so it basically covered the initial $2,000 she spent. Then we all flew to Japan for his mom to throw us the Japanese wedding she wanted us to have and tradition is the guest gift a set monetary amount that pretty much offsets that wedding cost. Then hubby rented a small club for any of is friends and coworkers we didn't want to obligate with a big wedding attendance fee and they paid a small "cover charge" to pay for that entire thing while hubby and all his music buddies took turns providing live music. All I wanted was the paper signing on a regular day. I let everyone else do what they wanted and it was pretty cool
This was fine until these attendees were obligated to go to both and to get gifts for both
I think it makes sense, when you have a lot of acquaintances, but not the budget to invite everyone to a fancy wedding, that you do a two level thing instead -A formal one for the immediate family and close friends, and after that you can have a "discount" celebration with the rest, in the form of a garden party or something similar. I am part of a club where we are 100 members or so, and where there are some exchange students. They usually spend a lot of time in the club, as they basically have very few other connections in this country. A couple held their wedding in their home country, and then invited every member of the club to join them celebrate in the clubhouse afterward with a dinner. I didn't find that weird, as that was the practical solution where you get the best of two worlds.
I don't know what the hassle is about. This is pretty common, especially in cases where the 2 sides of the family live far apart. I did the same thing, a small /legal wedding in my husband's location since we both live there and a slightly larger wedding at my parents/family location so no one was excluded. I also had a friend who had a small destination that a few people could afford, and a closer general wedding that no one had to travel for. In my opinion, as long as no one is forcing the attendees to pay for their wedding, the couple can have as many celebrations as they want.
they can have all the weddings they want, but i think expecting guests to come to more than one is delusional. groom's family and friends at his, bride's at hers. mutual friends flip a coin!
This is all fine and good if you are not required to purchase 2 gifts. He is your Bro, so ya kinda have to go, but just slip him a gift card for the one and get something off the register for the first or whatever celebration is your Bro's Idea... I can't imagine that SIL is so disillusioned that she she thinks she can double dip somehow...
If they have 2 weddings because they can't compromise over trivial matters, their 2 weddings are doomed.
Pick one or the other to attend. And one gift one card. Once. They are being greedy af. Don’t play into it or they will have a Christmas for her a one for him or any other holiday and money will be vacuumed up by them.
I don't care how close I am to the bride or groom......if anyone pulled this kaka on me, they would get two "no" RSVPs and one congratulatory card with a check for a nominal amount. And if they pitched a fit and tried to play the old "you're ruining my special day(s)" card, I would ignore them and consider my small gift doubly justified.
I don't think it hurts to have 2 separate parties to each others preference
It sounds ok to me to have 2 weddings although I am not for big weddings personally and spend so much money for weddings. It looks like both of them have already compromised and instead of having one wedding party with less effort & money they decided to celebrate each other’s way of wedding day. Comprise doesn’t have to go with a single party. In my opinion, It is noone’s business and gives anyone right to judge them how they decide their way of celebration unless they ask for others fund them. I would be happy to be with them in their big days and spending a few hundreds of dollars should be ok for siblings/close friends unless i have a serious financial problem.
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