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35 Behaviors That Were Turned Into Red Flags But Actually Don’t Mean Anything, According To Folks In This Online Group
There are so many weird and creepy people around that look and act normal at first, but when you talk to them some more or even become friends or start a relationship with them, you realize that they are quite toxic or crazy. After a couple of these experiences, you start to look for signs before committing to getting closer to that person.
There are a lot of common signs that are really telling, but we have started to demonize behaviors that don’t actually tell us anything and it's just a normal thing that many people do, including the bad people in your life.
Reddit user MuchDuck did us all a favor and asked people online “What is widely considered a red flag but actually is not?” allowing people who do certain things to defend themselves and for others to learn that sometimes healthy behaviors that may seem suspicious or unacceptable to us don’t mean that someone is a bad human being.
More info: Reddit
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#1
I once met a girl who thought it was a red flag that I always placed my phone screen down on a table. She thought it meant I was hiding something. I had to try and explain that it's too big to keep in my pocket and it's screen down to be polite and show her that she has my undivided attention.
Although, I must admit, that her level of insecurity was a red flag to me.
Anonymous panda 2 years ago
This is a red flag on her part, can't be so paranoid about the littlest things.
RELATED:
#2
Not having a social media presence. I’ve had multiple people tell me that my choice not to use social media was a huge red flag, but in reality I got rid of my accounts because they were making me miserable. I got rid of my Facebook/Instagram/twitter accounts two years ago, and have been noticeably happier ever since.
420Rainbowpanda 2 years ago
I love that I don’t have other SM 😍 just bored panda and YouTube. People always think it’s so weird but that’s ok . I’m happy 😊
#3
Being independent, or even a loner. Sometimes we’re just shy and have poor social skills. We’re not “creeps” or “weird”. I just do my own thing and leave people alone for the most part unless they want me in their life.
#4
Not responding to texts immediately.
No *Brenda* I'm not ghosting you, I am literally at work.
#5
Single guy with a cat. I am NOT a monster god dammit.!!!
#6
Not getting along with parents. Some parents are abusive, neglectful, or toxic to be around; and if an adult chooses not to be around that, good for them.
Of course, if a person is actively awful *to* their parents, that's another story.
Nicky Hands 2 years ago
Coming from a family with mental, emotional, sexual abuse, I was called the wrong baby from the hospital for most of my life! Whenever anything goes wrong in ‘The Family’ it will always be my fault somehow! Soooo I try not to have anything to do with them, which is hard because they fight to keep the Scapegoat around 🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️ Don’t know why because I’m useless, stupid, lazy, a bad mother, a leach on society....but I clearly fill a need in them 🤦🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️
#7
Not having many friends. im just very introverted not a weirdo.
Anonymous panda 2 years ago
Yes, being introverted is perfectly fine. Its just been ruined by people saying that they are introverts when they are not.
#8
Not dating for several years, I’ve been told by girls that if a guy has been single for over five years that’s a problem.
So you’d prefer he’d be in 25 relationships in the last five years and wonder why all those relationships didn’t work out?
Anonymous panda 2 years ago
Sometimes, not dating is good. Sometimes, dating can be really good. However, get into the wrong relationship, and it is not good whatsoever.
#9
Men having female friends. A lot of girls get jealous, but if it's a real friendship and not a bunch of exes and hookups, it actually shows women consider them reliable and good people to have around.
#10
maledependasaid:
A man playing with a child at a playground
Grogosh added:
Decades of that stranger danger stuff ruined dads being out with their child. Sure its a legitimate threat but the real bad stuff happens because they already know the kid, in family, friends, etc.
#11
SadPlayground said:
Being over 40 and never having been married.
newbuttonacc replied:
It's weird because by implication, it's "not being divorced"
Which is, by extension, "not having sworn a vow to be with someone forever and then broke that vow"
How is that a red flag? Idk.
I lived in a highly conservative area and people were treating me like a weirdo for not being married at 22. Knowing how stupid I was at 22, not getting married was easily the smartest thing I did.
#12
Men that like children and babies. Why do we assume every guy that likes babies is a pervert and a woman can't be?
Anonymous panda 2 years ago (edited)
Agreed, there is a lot of sexism against women, but i feel as though there is also some against men that is disregarded.
#14
smallemochick said:
not wanting your partner(s) to have the passwords to all your social media accounts
arturobear added:
It's just weird. My husband and I sometimes leave things open on shared devices and each of us, just respectfully logs out and logs in with our own credentials. We don't open each other's mail either.
There's a basic level of respect and trust you need to have in a relationship. If you feel the need to snoop, there's a lot more going on and the relationship has probably been on the rocks for a while. There are more mature ways to handle it - like being open with your feelings and having a frank conversation.
Enuya 2 years ago
For me forcing other people to give you their passwords is a huge red flag AND a dealbreaker. I don't have anything to hide BUT I have conversations with people other than my partner where those people talk about their private matters, problems... in general, things which my partner shouldn't know because these secrets weren't entrusted him but for me. Also, there are some things I feel more comfortable talking with my friends or siblings than with my partner. Wanting unlimited access to someone's social medias is just childish and a sign of insecurity.
#15
Girls with stuffed animals. It’s just comfort and habit. Not that deep.
Edit: I’m so glad so many others of all identities agree. Its so okay to enjoy comforting items at any age. So happy to see it. You deserve to find joy and comfort in the simple things.
#16
living with family, in this day and age it’s just not feasible for everyone to have their own place.
Alison Hell 2 years ago (edited)
Houses are so expensive to buy and to rent in Canada and it's so hard for a young adult to be able to afford to move out. I blame the greedy second/third home buyers which boosted the sale prices of homes, and now rent out at exuberant prices having the renter pay their mortgage, or have made them into those air bnb things. For young families, and many other families, the struggle is real.
#17
Not wanting a relationship, or not wanting certain things in a relationship (sex included).
Not everyone wants the same things and not everyone likes the same things.
#18
Understanding that not all criminals are bad people.
Sometimes I try to explain to people that maybe some criminals did what they did because of their circumstances and their weird understanding of how the world works. That does not necessarily make them a bad person.
I am met with such harsh criticism for this statement, like I'm the criminal here. I just "understand" them, I don't commit crimes like them.
At this point I've stopped explaining this to anyone I know without being anymomous.
Bouche Clay 2 years ago
I've been in prison. I committed a crime, and I deserved to be there. While I was there, I got therapy I desperately needed. Prison was a huge wakeup call, and I knew I had to change. It was very difficult, with a ton of soul-searching. Changing your life and making it stick is such hard work. There were times I thought I'd gone crazy; times I felt I didn't deserve to have any good in my life because I was such an evil person. Even after therapy, I haven't quit struggling. Even ten years later, there are times I'm so overwhelmed with guilt that I feel I deserve nothing but evil. I know I've changed. People who knew me throughout my prison years saw me change. People who knew me before, and know me now, tell me how much I've changed. It is possible. It's not easy, and many aren't able/willing to put in the work. For myself, I'm proud of how far I've come, and of the kind of woman I'm trying to become
#19
Not wanting to spend every minute of every living day w your SO🙄
#20
So relationships are implied but not explicitly specified. So I am going to expand this to employment.
Gaps in employment being seen as a red flag in a resume.
#21
The amount of women I know that take it as a red flag that a guy doesn't pay for all dates/buy them things. I'm proud of what I have done with my life and that I can go do those things myself, I like a guy that treats me as an equal. That is not a red flag at all to me
Anonymous panda 2 years ago
Agreed, the man should not always have to pay. Both genders should pay 50/50. Its just common sense.
#22
Having an incompatible zodiac sign does not justify treating someone like a red flag. Please stop this madness....
#23
Not answering the phone or the door just because someone is calling or knocking. Once upon a time if you couldn’t get a hold of your friend or family member right away you assumed they were already busy doing something and you found something else to do. If it was of actual importance you would leave a BRIEF message describing why you called.
Now if I don’t jump up off the toilet just to see who is knocking on my front door or calling my landline (I have bad cell reception where I live) without texting first people act like I’m dead or I’m being an a*****e. It’s so easy to text first that if you refuse to do it, I find *that* a red flag.
#24
Not wanting drama. It doesn't mean I cause drama, I've lived with drama and I truly won't put up with it, life is too short.
#25
TruthProfessional340 said:
Going to therapy
DetectiveBennett added:
Considering less than just two generations ago it wasn’t just a red flag but considered as admission of being really damaged, I don’t think society has accepted that it’s actually a good thing just yet. Boomers definitely used to think going to therapy/being in the “looney bin” was sign they were a bad person and I don’t think they’ve really seen the light on that yet. Hopefully our generations will completely break through these prejudices.
Omi bub 2 years ago
Agree & same for couples therapy. My mum assumed I was on verge of divorce but actually I think s positive thing we are staying on top of our sh** to maintain a healthy relationship.
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Mary Elliott 2 years ago
This "boomer" commends anyone who seeks therapy, and has several "boomer" relatives who are in therapy themselves. Personally, I find making assumptions about others on the basis of age, sex or race a huge red flag.
Seabeast 2 years ago
Stop blaming "boomers" for everything. This generation actually broke down a lot of barriers, including the notion that therapy was a bad thing.
Jan Bowyer 2 years ago
Thank you. Think civil rights and equal rights amendment for starters.
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Oreo Tookie 2 years ago
I think it wasn't Boomers, it was our parents that thought that. They *hush-hushed* everything, and the threat of people knowing the familys issues was HORRIBLE! "You will cause people to think badly of US!" Boomers were always willing to get help, and teaching their kids to be open and talk.
Me, Myself, and I 2 years ago
I'm a boomer and group therapy was a very common thing. But I lived about 2 hrs outside NYC so maybe that had something to do with it. Woody Allen/Diane Keaton movies were hugely popular at the time.
Me, Myself, and I 2 years ago
I meant during my high school years. Don't know about younger kids and I'm guessing it was common for adults too.
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sofacushionfort 2 years ago (edited)
Until the 1970s, for upper class Americans, being in therapy (long-term Freudian) was as commonplace as going to the dentist. It was assumed that complex people had some level of neuroses that were to be managed like regular automotive maintenance.
DancingPanda 2 years ago
Going to therapy is a green flag, it means that the problem they have, they recognize it and are trying to get help/fix it
Liz the Wanderer 2 years ago
Having spent 45 years in therapy, I don't date people that haven't. Working on yourself proves you're not going to walk away the first time things get tough.
Mary 2 years ago
As someone who has struggled with major depressive disorder and serious suicide thoughts (and attempts) I seriously don't know where I would be right now if I didn't get therapy... It took me years to get the help I needed, so therapy for me is not a red flag but rather shows courage to admit something is not right or that you simply need help to deal with things. It's time for it to stop being a taboo.
J 2 years ago
I tried therapy and soon discovered that it was all about finding solutions yourself. Never went back, I just vent at people I know I can vent to and they have my ear to vent as well. It usually ends up turning the problem into dark comedy and laughing about the situation, while offering some support and resolutions that you can talk through. Much cheaper and much better than therapy with a stranger.
Jon Steensen 2 years ago (edited)
Seeking therapy should be considered a virtue, it is signal of someone being aware enough to realise that there are still areas in life where there is room for improvement (there always is), and that the person is ready to put in the effort to learn, despite the hard work that often comes with it. Due to the stigma you are being met with, admitting that you need help and having the courage to seek it out is a really hard thing to do, and you ought to admire people who are strong enough to do it.
Louisa Spoke 2 years ago
I hope you realise that Boomers grew up with psychotic parents from WWII. Showing any form of weakness was terrible. It meant you were abused and brutalised even more in the pretence to make you stronger. I know I’m a Boomer who lived through it. Going to therapy has saved my life and is a great thing.
Toni Carroll 2 years ago
I am a boomer and when I was in high school, talking with the school counselor, I was flat out told that I should never admit, or talk to someone about my depression, as it could get me fired from jobs and I would never get married. I now totally see my therapist every two weeks like clockworks.
Keley Babs 2 years ago
I think it's attractive if a man has been the therapy. In my experience the ones that I have dated that have gone to therapy are much better communicating and know what they want
Yuka 2 years ago
I dated a guy who I, much, much later learned that he's an active porn addicted. He told me that he has been in therapy since 30+ years and kept recommending it to me because I would be, sometimes, stressed from work or family. The only thing he learned, I believe, is to behave like a therapist, but he still struggled with his childhood issues despite being in therapy for decades. Also, he needed me to show up on the camera naked as if he was watching porn. Needless to say, he's my ex now.
Brian Stanton 2 years ago (edited)
Red flag for military entry. No wonder suicide is a major issue
SkekVi 2 years ago
Therapy has flaws but the mere admission you have wounds or illness and need attention for them is a good thing. It shows you are self-aware and have self-respect. I wish my dad and older generations had been educated on trauma and gone to effective therapy bc it would have kept so much grief and pain from our family.
Ivana Bašić 2 years ago
Therapy is fine until you get into a divorce, then you can still lose a lot over what you went through.
Richard Smith 2 years ago
Going to therapy means you're humble and self-aware enough to admit you need help with life, and you're willing to go ask someone for it.
Lara Verne 2 years ago
When I was kid, a lot of people was labelling individuals consulting a psychologist, or god forbid psychiatrist, as "crazy". A lot of things changed, going to therapy is no longer taboo, no one is judging you. Well, at least not openly.
#26
Wanting and expecting your privacy to stay intact. I don't want my partner having my computer/phone passwords and I sure as hell don't want him snooping through my phone. I'm not hiding anything, but I am entitled to my privacy, and so is my partner.
Benita Valdez 2 years ago
Yes. I'm an extremely private person. I have nothing to hide but my business is my business
#27
Not going to college
I plan to go personally but some people dont. I've been raised to believe people who go to college have their life together or are smarter than the average person. I've learned pretty quickly that people who don't go to college aren't stupid or anything. Some just have a different life path or can't afford it or found a job or buisness that works out better than any colleges opportunities would've given.
College doesn't define a person's worth. It's just an expensive tool to get some people where they want to be.
Anonymous panda 2 years ago
Agreed, in the past years i have reconsidered if college is even worth it, with how much debt it puts you into.
#28
Not posting pictures with friends on your dating profile. Some people assume you’re anti-social and not pleasant to be around, but I choose not to because I feel weird to post pictures of other people than myself.
Alison Hell 2 years ago
I would think it's weird to post pics of your friends... it's a dating site, why would one ever post anyone other than just themselves.
#29
Being quiet.
Everyone thinks I’m autistic or a nerd or something. I have no f*****g clue. I kind of shut up about it because I don’t care and I’m not there to try and prove to anyone anything or tell them they are wrong. It’s actually a good filter for me actually. But every one that works with me, or has to be around me for a long enough time, over time, realizes I’m a pretty cool dude and like to do fun s**t.
Someone even told me, “ya know mathaiser, I thought you were a huge dork but you’re actually pretty cool.”
So, what red flag is that? Being kinda quiet/shy. Just because I’m not pressing whatever advantage or peacocking there is, kinda adds to my quality imo. But I don’t think about it like that either. Just trying to explain it.
Anonymous panda 2 years ago
Could not agree more. I see that trend on tiktok and other social media that's like, "when the quiet kid gets insulted", and basically its always just the quiet kid getting stereotyped into being violent/ weird.
#30
Setting personal boundaries.
Benita Valdez 2 years ago
I'm not a cuddler but that doesn't mean I don't want you near me. People don't get that.
#31
AngelsOfWar01 said:
Being weird in an innocent way. Like society shuns anyone who thinks outside a set of parameters. When really its just a different way to view the world.
Thrillhouse-14 replied:
Agree. I also don't know why everyone feels the need to try and diagnose weirdness as autistic or ADHD or whatever, too. Why does there need to be an excuse for it? And why would a literal disability be the only thing to absolve that? People need to stop trying to railroad others just because they don't understand them. Some people are just built differently. They don't have to understand it, they just have to respect it.
Alison Hell 2 years ago
I happen to yell 'SLAYER!' really loud every.single.time, someone says the word or I talk about the band....yes, people look and think I'm crazy.... I do love Slayer...and it is Slayer, soooooo....but I'm a grandma now so maybe its not acceptable anymore 🤣🤣 🤣. SLAYER! 🤘
#32
Not owning a car. Idk how that's a red flag for some people, but personally I think public transport is superior
Sweetpotato314 2 years ago
It depends on the area. Where I live, there is some public transportation, but it's infrequent. It would take 3 hours to get somewhere by bus that I can drive to in 20 minutes. So, yeah, not having a car where I live would be weird. When I lived in a big city, I didn't even own a car.
#33
Jealousy. It’s a human emotion. Feeling jealousy isn’t a red flag. Now, punching the wall, or taking that feeling of jealousy out on a person IS a red flag.
#34
Not having any prior sexual or relationship experience
Weed in the Garden 2 years ago
You've got to start somewhere....but I see how this could be a red flag. Talk to each other on the phone, voice to voice. Ask questions - it won't take but a few questions to figure this out. You can't hide crazy!
#35
Being “clingy”. Now ACTUALLY being clingy and overstepping boundaries IS a red flag. But these days a lot of things that are perceived as clingy are just people showing genuine interest as opposed to trying to “play it cool.” Just my opinion though.
What do you think ?
Will Cable 2 years ago
The red flag about no friends or being a loner etc bugs me especially at Christmas. Every TV advert shows Christmas with friends and family, being the life and soul of the party and no one says it is OK to be alone (not lonely) at Christmas.
DannX68 2 years ago
I stopped celebrating christmas YEARS ago, but every year still, without failure, someone says I can come over to theirs. I appreciate the concern, but I WANT to be alone that day, making myself some good food. I work in retail, so I have long-a$$ days in December, plus working until the evening before. I NEED and CRAVE those 3 days off to myself.
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Joni-lee Smith 2 years ago
The people who think These are red flags seam to be very insecure or full of red flags themselves
Pittsburgh rare 2 years ago
Agreed. And some of them also transpired some moral superiority which might be the red flag for me.
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Vera Cyning 1 year ago
My husband and I sleep in separate rooms. No, we're not in trouble, we have different schedules and he has sleep apnea. He likes the TV on all night, I sleep with white noise that makes him have to pee. We do different things when we're tired but have the most fun together otherwise. It's been awesome 😁
Aiden Brough 2 years ago
If we live in a world where not wanting to do something insignificant immediately, being linked to the internet 24/7 or (worse) wanting to play with your children are deemed to be red flags then I really think it's those who THINK this way that are the issue...
Will Cable 2 years ago
The red flag about no friends or being a loner etc bugs me especially at Christmas. Every TV advert shows Christmas with friends and family, being the life and soul of the party and no one says it is OK to be alone (not lonely) at Christmas.
DannX68 2 years ago
I stopped celebrating christmas YEARS ago, but every year still, without failure, someone says I can come over to theirs. I appreciate the concern, but I WANT to be alone that day, making myself some good food. I work in retail, so I have long-a$$ days in December, plus working until the evening before. I NEED and CRAVE those 3 days off to myself.
Load More Replies... Joni-lee Smith 2 years ago
The people who think These are red flags seam to be very insecure or full of red flags themselves
Pittsburgh rare 2 years ago
Agreed. And some of them also transpired some moral superiority which might be the red flag for me.
Load More Replies... Vera Cyning 1 year ago
My husband and I sleep in separate rooms. No, we're not in trouble, we have different schedules and he has sleep apnea. He likes the TV on all night, I sleep with white noise that makes him have to pee. We do different things when we're tired but have the most fun together otherwise. It's been awesome 😁
Aiden Brough 2 years ago
If we live in a world where not wanting to do something insignificant immediately, being linked to the internet 24/7 or (worse) wanting to play with your children are deemed to be red flags then I really think it's those who THINK this way that are the issue...
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