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Yenu
Community Member
1 posts
218 comments
4.7K upvotes
923 points
This lazy panda forgot to write something about itself.
Yenu • upvoted an item 3 months ago
Yenu • upvoted 7 items 4 months ago
Show All 7 Upvotes
Yenu • upvoted 17 items 5 months ago
ih8comingupwithnames reply
My grandma didn't really want to get married, and had desperately wanted to become a doctor. She was married after the partition(India Pakistan)in 1948, it was arranged. Before then she had been quite politically active, having been arrested among others protesting the British occupation. She ended up going for her masters in the 60s, when her kids were older, but I think she always felt unfulfilled. The great irony is her younger sister(grandma was 20 years older) ended up going to med school and becoming a doctor. My grandmother was adamant about all of us finishing our education and got mad at my mom when she heard i was taking sewing classes at the community center one summer. She didn't want me stuck doing that type of work. My grandma taught me how important it was to have your own money, she used to hide and give me cash to get her things, or give me more birthday money or Eid money than my grandpa. She would ask how much he gave and then secretly hand me double. She taught me that having a career and education is very important for women. I think if she'd had the option she wouldn't have gotten married and probably been child free. Her MiL and maiden SiL lived with them and caused problems and fights their whole marriage. She never learned to drive bc grandpa wanted SiL to learn also, and my great aunt some how would interfere with every attempt at her being independent. Often being so cruel to my grandmother. And her and grandpa fought most of their lives, even in old age. She was a very strong woman who taught me strength and to go after my dreams since she didn't get the opportunity to do so. Sorry for the rant, but she definitely did not want us to become housewives, and tried her best to have her own secret money always.
Reneeisme reply
Not me. I got married in the 90s. But all the women in my grandmother’s and mother’s generations fit that bill, and they were miserable and trapped and dehumanized and left with no options and it made them mean. They didn’t choose that lifestyle, and they barely chose their husbands. They were forced into it by a lack of other viable options and the pressure of their families. Most were just grateful to have found someone to support them, without much regard for whether they liked them or not. It’s the choice that matters. As long as you choose that lifestyle and choose your partner and it makes you happy? Terrific. But there are still people alive who would gladly force women back into having no choice and no options because that was easier for men. Be careful that you are not on a slippery slope back to that hell scape because I’m here to tell you, I didn’t know one happy woman in those generations.
candmjjjc reply
My mother was the typical trapped Christian Trad wife. She had three daughters and told us constantly that we needed to be self-sufficient and never rely on a man. When she was first married as a woman, she could not get her own bank account or credit card without my father's permission. She had no identity other than Mrs. "Dad's first name/Last name". My father kept an iron grip on her and she was very depressed. I made sure that I could always fully support myself. I would never put myself in that position because I grew up seeing the abuse perpetuated on so many women by their husbands. Never, ever, ever give away your power and identity to another. I believe in equal partnership in a relationship.
Show All 17 Upvotes
Yenu • upvoted 15 items 8 months ago
Show All 15 Upvotes
Yenu • submitted a list addition 1 year ago
Yenu • commented on 20 posts 1 year ago
Yenu • upvoted 8 items 3 months ago
Yenu • upvoted 12 items 5 months ago
candmjjjc reply
My mother was the typical trapped Christian Trad wife. She had three daughters and told us constantly that we needed to be self-sufficient and never rely on a man. When she was first married as a woman, she could not get her own bank account or credit card without my father's permission. She had no identity other than Mrs. "Dad's first name/Last name". My father kept an iron grip on her and she was very depressed. I made sure that I could always fully support myself. I would never put myself in that position because I grew up seeing the abuse perpetuated on so many women by their husbands. Never, ever, ever give away your power and identity to another. I believe in equal partnership in a relationship.ih8comingupwithnames reply
My grandma didn't really want to get married, and had desperately wanted to become a doctor. She was married after the partition(India Pakistan)in 1948, it was arranged. Before then she had been quite politically active, having been arrested among others protesting the British occupation. She ended up going for her masters in the 60s, when her kids were older, but I think she always felt unfulfilled. The great irony is her younger sister(grandma was 20 years older) ended up going to med school and becoming a doctor. My grandmother was adamant about all of us finishing our education and got mad at my mom when she heard i was taking sewing classes at the community center one summer. She didn't want me stuck doing that type of work. My grandma taught me how important it was to have your own money, she used to hide and give me cash to get her things, or give me more birthday money or Eid money than my grandpa. She would ask how much he gave and then secretly hand me double. She taught me that having a career and education is very important for women. I think if she'd had the option she wouldn't have gotten married and probably been child free. Her MiL and maiden SiL lived with them and caused problems and fights their whole marriage. She never learned to drive bc grandpa wanted SiL to learn also, and my great aunt some how would interfere with every attempt at her being independent. Often being so cruel to my grandmother. And her and grandpa fought most of their lives, even in old age. She was a very strong woman who taught me strength and to go after my dreams since she didn't get the opportunity to do so. Sorry for the rant, but she definitely did not want us to become housewives, and tried her best to have her own secret money always.Reneeisme reply
Not me. I got married in the 90s. But all the women in my grandmother’s and mother’s generations fit that bill, and they were miserable and trapped and dehumanized and left with no options and it made them mean. They didn’t choose that lifestyle, and they barely chose their husbands. They were forced into it by a lack of other viable options and the pressure of their families. Most were just grateful to have found someone to support them, without much regard for whether they liked them or not. It’s the choice that matters. As long as you choose that lifestyle and choose your partner and it makes you happy? Terrific. But there are still people alive who would gladly force women back into having no choice and no options because that was easier for men. Be careful that you are not on a slippery slope back to that hell scape because I’m here to tell you, I didn’t know one happy woman in those generations. Yenu • is following 13 people
Yenu • 1 follower