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JustVenting

Community Member

JustVenting

Community Member

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1 posts

12 comments

13 upvotes

37 points

Hi everyone, nice to meet you all! I'm not bored, I'm here to connect with others. If I was a Panda, I'd be a curious one. :)

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JustVenting • commented on 12 posts 2 years ago

Show All 12 Comments

JustVenting • upvoted 13 items 2 years ago

Hey Pandas, Am I A Coward Or Too Rebellious?

If anyone thinks you are a coward, they have not read that properly. You are amazing!

Hey Pandas, Am I A Coward Or Too Rebellious? (Closed)

Stop giving so generously for holidays and birthdays. You never said anything about your relationship with your nieces or nephews. You can still give them something, just give yourself an amount for each gift. Give the adults a card and save the money you would have spent on presents. Simplify your life, they don't need to be such a big part of it, especially when they make you so unhappy.

Hey Pandas, Am I A Coward Or Too Rebellious?

If anyone thinks you are a coward, they have not read that properly. You are amazing!

Hey Pandas, Am I A Coward Or Too Rebellious? (Closed)

Hey Pandas, Am I A Coward Or Too Rebellious?

I am truly sorry for your losses. I know how hard they are to get through. I admire your strength and determination to stay positive through everything. It took me a long time to realize that family isn't always the ones that care the most about you. Before my surgery (hysterectomy), I had quite a few (some unknown until it happened) miscarriages. When my first husband (he passed in '02) and I were attempting to have a child, we lost a few. I also lost a few with my second husband. Then, I realized it just wasn't meant to be for me. I was blessed with a daughter in my first marriage and a son in my second. I raise both alone, without contact from but a few blood relatives (mostly online). I handpicked my family (like you) because they were people I could open up to. People that cared for me and the only thing they wanted from me, well... was me. I am glad that you have your chosen family and a precious mini-you, too. I hope that your marriage works out to how you wish it to be. I wish you the best of luck on your journey. Just remember something: Happiness is only a series of moments. It is up to each of us to connect and cherish those moments. And don't ever forget... YOU are the author and illustrator of your story. You decide how it goes. Blessings.

Hey Pandas, Am I A Coward Or Too Rebellious?

The husband not sticking up for you.... That is one of the many reasons my marriage failed. When it did I felt like I lost three huge monkeys off my back because my husband, MIL and SIL were no longer allowed to berate me for being so perfectly imperfect. The miscarriages affect everyone differently, there is no wrong way to deal with that pain. You are living the life you chose in a way that you choose. Nothing wrong with that.

Hey Pandas, Am I A Coward Or Too Rebellious?

I think you are dealing with too much pressure, through no fault of your own. It sounds as though you strive to be the best version of yourself, which is a good thing but can also be incredibly stressful. You don't owe anything to your husband or his family. They sound very insensitive and ignorant, you probably have more life experience than all of them put together. I am sorry that you have suffered so much loss, as someone who has miscarried once, I can't imagine having to go through it four times. I think instead of trying to please other people, you should focus on making yourself happy. Live your life however you want. You don't owe anyone anything.

Hey Pandas, Am I A Coward Or Too Rebellious?

I think Asian women are under so much pressure to please their families. I was very fortunate to have wonderful parents who never told me I have to do something to please them. They loved me and didn’t protest when I refused to have children. They accepted me as I am. I’m sorry for women who are forced into ‘traditional’ roles instead of being allowed to make their own choices, like I did.

Hey Pandas, Am I A Coward Or Too Rebellious?

I don't think you're a coward. I don't think you're rebellious. I think you're a woman who has had enough. Darlin', you're a saint. I think your husband is a coward for not putting his foot down the first time his family disrespected you. I think they are intimidated by you. You're a beautiful Asian woman and they are uncomfortable with the cultural differences. I say let's celebrate our differences. If we all had blonde hair and blue eyes, how boring would that be!! Your faith is different than theirs, let's educate each other and accept our differences. You've lost so many previous babies, and that makes them uncomfortable because they don't know what to say. I have lost 4 grandchildren to miscarriages and I know, first hand, how devastating that can be. My condolences and hugs. You maybe won't ever have the relationship with your in laws that you desire, and maybe leaving them behind is best. If your husband can't/won't stand by your side, that is a decision he will have to make. My little piece of advice, lean on faith for guidance. It sounds like you have a great support system in your friends. Use them. That is what friends are for. And lastly, my dear girl, you remember this: You are an amazing wife! You are an amazing mother! And even if they don't see it, you are an amazing daughter in law. Take care of your sweet sweet daughter and make sure that she know how much she is loved and valued too.

Hey Pandas, Am I A Coward Or Too Rebellious?

I’ve been judged by my family for years. I didn’t go the academic route when I was young and have been “a disappointment” ever since. I still love them, but I do it on MY terms. Throw one party, if they don’t come, their loss. If you don’t want to go to an event, refuse politely, no explanation. You have to live a life you want, for your own sanity.

Hey Pandas, Am I A Coward Or Too Rebellious?

ok. fist of all, you are an amazing human being to go through all of that. very little people could do that in your circumstances. second, you should tell your husband to stick up for you guys. just tell his family to stop being so cruddy. but always remember, you are AWESOME. i hope it gets better for you!!! :)

Hey Pandas, Am I A Coward Or Too Rebellious?

It's sad to say it, but it sounds as though you would be much better off if you and your husband went no contact with his family. He chose to marry outside his race and they are treating him like an outsider. They certainly don't treat you like part of the family. They Aren't interested in what your culture could add to theirs. You have not been embraced as family. Your whole post made me sad. I hope things can improve for you. Good luck!

Hey Pandas, Am I A Coward Or Too Rebellious? (Closed)

In the meantime, I encourage you to look into getting counseling. I think you may need to work on your self-esteem issues. For example, you think of yourself as a “spinster” prior to your marriage. Were you a spinster, or were you just single? Was it such a bad thing? // Also, if you can, try to stop comparing yourself to your “fertile” in-laws. There will always be someone with more or fewer children than you have. I think the best measure of a parent is how much they love their child , and how they demonstrate that love. Isn't quality is more important that quantity? // You have friends who love you, so congratulations: you are lovable! Try to treat yourself with the kindness and warmth with which you treat your friends. // I wish you well, JustVenting. Please keep working towards that happy, healthy, peaceful future.

Hey Pandas, Am I A Coward Or Too Rebellious? (Closed)

Hi JustVenting! My heart goes out to you. I can’t imagine how painful it must be to have four miscarriages. It’s clear that these losses have been very hard on you, and that you are, in sense, still grieving. // You mention that you had severe self-esteem issues in the past. Is it fair to say that you still have them? I ask because your title is “Am I A Coward Or Too Rebellious?” Both answers contain a negative way of looking at yourself. I don’t see any reason to look negatively at you. You've spent years doing your best in a very difficult environment. // You say you “just want a happy, healthy, peaceful future.” That’s a very reasonable thing to want for yourself and your “miracle” daughter. When you picture this future, what is your roadmap for getting there? Is your husband part of it? // I ask because you haven’t mentioned any way in which your husband enriches your life. He’s “terrible with financial management and communication.” He doesn’t stand up for you.

Hey Pandas, Am I A Coward Or Too Rebellious?

Alright, after I read your story, I realized that you, Are the perfect example of "Be the Best of Whoever You Are". I mean, the thing about your life is that its YOURS. So, you're certainly not a coward and you simply are not REBELLIOUS. I mean, please for dear God's sake, try making yourself happy for once. I wouldn't sympathize with you because what you need is a chat with your best friend. And as for your husband, listen to yourself.

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JustVenting • submitted a new post 2 years ago