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The bond between a mother and her daughter is one of the strongest ones out there. But just as any parent-child relationship, at times it can become strenuous and succumb to conflict. Of course, it doesn't automatically mean that everything's lost. The intentions of both parties might be good and they could still cherish their relationship. It just might be a temporary setback.

But sometimes, as one Reddit thread shows, it might take years before you realize what's happening. Especially if you're the younger one.

Created by user skeleton-hands, it raised the question: "Did your mother ever make comments to you in your teenage years that, [when] you've grown up, [made you] realize she was bitter and jealous of your youth? How did it stick with you?"

And in response, many women shared their personal stories, reflecting on how these experiences affected them in the long run.

This post may include affiliate links.

#1

30 Times Moms Projected Their Own Insecurities Onto Their Daughters That They Only Realized Later In Life One time, I was in my bathroom, doing my hair and makeup with the door open. I wore form-fitted clothing — nothing absurdly tight but you could see my figure — and weighed 115–120 pounds at most. I've always been a stick and still am, even though I'm over 30 now. Anyway, my mother walked by and watched me for a moment. She made that 'tsk' sound, so I turned to her. We locked eyes in time for me to hear her say, 'You're getting fat.' She then left to lock herself in her room. It didn't stick with me because I believed her — I could look in a mirror and genuinely recognize that it was her projection — but because she was supposed to be my mother — the woman who's always in my corner, supporting me, being my rock and shield. It's stuck with me because, in that moment, I was able to recognize that she was broken. She was not this almighty person without faults. My parents were both narcissists, so it was kind of an epiphany for me. They always gaslighted me, and this was THE moment it all made sense to me.

So when my mother said that to me, she actually did me a favor because that gave me the clarity I truly needed. Without knowing it, she unknowingly gave me permission to completely disregard her words and behaviors from my conscience. As backward as it is when I think of that moment, I feel the freedom it gave me.

Xandrathea , Paulius Dragunas Report

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Suz66
Suz66
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She's lucky that she had the insight to ignore it. A lot of girls would develop eating disorders over that (I know of one who went through the same thing and developed bulimia.)

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#2

30 Times Moms Projected Their Own Insecurities Onto Their Daughters That They Only Realized Later In Life My mum daily told me she hated me. Wish I'd never been born. Wish I'd run under the nearest bus. Refused to buy me clothes (incl school uniform) as I was so fat, nothing looked good on me. I was a bit chubby, but not fat. This led to ful blown anorexia for 10 years. Then I was too thin, looked awful etc. Would never get a boyfriend. Wished I was as perfect as all her friends' children. Rubbed my underwear in my face when I hit puberty saying any 'discharge' was because I kept playing with myself (I had no idea what she was talking about).

My dad whom I adored sat there and said nothing as he was terrified of her. He later divorced her (fully supported his decision) but he divorced his children too. I don't know what's worse - what she did or my beloved dad rejecting me as an adult.

When I was told I'd never have children aged 20, apparently that was God as he knew I'd be a horrible parent. Well sod you, Mother, as I have 2 wonderful children that I adore and my friends and their friends always comment on our amazing relationship - my 2 kids adore each other too.

Our relationship is fractious to say the least as my memory serves me far too well. I despised her when I was growing up. I still can't bring myself to send her anything but blank mother's day cards as she does not fit the verses written inside.

Apart from low self esteem etc, I struggle to form any close relationship. Relationships or otherwise. I've been single since I divorced my children's father 16 years ago. But we're a very happy threesome. My son is at uni and I've no idea how I'll cope when my daughter goes next year. Both are doing medicine, BTW, which my mother is very jealous about!

I did ask her once why she did it. She claimed to be 'disciplining' me. I was a straight A pupil who never even had a detention at school.

It was only when I had my own children that I couldn't believe someone could treat their own child that way - if a stranger spoke to my kids the way she did to me, I'd kill them.

The fine line between discipline and child abuse ain't that bldy fine.

I'm sorry - Mother's Day in the UK was yesterday and I always find it difficult.

StickyTunas , Ashley Byrd Report

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#3

30 Times Moms Projected Their Own Insecurities Onto Their Daughters That They Only Realized Later In Life My mom's probably an AA cup, and any time I'd show any cleavage, it was like the world was coming to an end. When we would go clothes shopping, I was constantly told nothing would fit me because I had 'no boobs like her.' At the same time, showing any skin whatsoever was inappropriate. Basically, I only wore loose-fitting shirts until I graduated from high school. My mom also tried to convince me that I, too, was an AA cup. I wore the wrong bra size until I was 18–19. Thankfully, a friend in my first year of university took me bra fitting. Turns out, I'm actually a C cup

kierchom , Isi Parente Report

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Rita Gilbert
Rita Gilbert
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

that can really damage your breasts too if the bra is too tight

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#4

30 Times Moms Projected Their Own Insecurities Onto Their Daughters That They Only Realized Later In Life My mum would regularly remind me she was thin until she got pregnant with me. She would give me way more food than I could handle, and would scream at me if I didn't eat it all. I was slightly overweight, but she would always tell me I was too thin and that I needed to eat more. I became convinced she was trying to fatten me up to make herself feel better, so I started flushing my dinner down the toilet so she wouldn't yell at me for not finishing it.

Now I'm approaching my 30s and gaining weight. I've been having frequent anxiety attacks because I desperately don't want to be fat and miserable like she was.

Catnapper_Sakura , Kyle Broad Report

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Caro Caro
Caro Caro
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2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You poor woman. Your mother did that on purpose and that really stinks.

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#5

30 Times Moms Projected Their Own Insecurities Onto Their Daughters That They Only Realized Later In Life My mom told me I didn’t have “ballet arms” when I was like six or seven. I quit dancing immediately and have always been self conscious of my arms.

my mom was a ballerina for like 15 years. I learned recently that when she and her sister were little, a teacher told her sister that she didn’t have ballet arms. I guess it made my mom feel special to have been chosen and she wanted to continue to feel special by putting me down

[deleted] , Nihal Demirci Erenay Report

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#6

30 Times Moms Projected Their Own Insecurities Onto Their Daughters That They Only Realized Later In Life Trigger warning

Eating disorders, Alcoholism

My mom kept all her journals from her teen years. She had a very obvious undiagnosed eating disorder, so these journals mostly contained obsessive measurements of her chest, waist, hips, dress sizes, and weight.

She used to get drunk and weigh me to point out how much "less hot and healthy" I was compared to her. She would tell me that I was "wasting the great genes she gave me" by not being thin. Big yikes.

It created an eating disorder, as you might expect

I also got my belly button pierced in college, and she decided to tell me that she would look even better with a belly button piercing if I didn't make her have an emergency C-Section.

Any young girls reading this: you are so BEAUTIFUL and worth so much more than your weight or bra size. Don't let anyone make you think that you aren't.

Fellow moms of reddit: your child really pays attention to how you talk about bodies. Do so gracefully and respectfully, because that's what you and your child both deserve.

comfycucumber , Matt Seymour Report

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Susan Trevaskis-Owen
Susan Trevaskis-Owen
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

No, not all young girls are beautiful. But you know what? THEY DON'T HAVE TO BE. A person's value, a person's worth, is not tied to their looks. It's OK to not be beautiful.

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#7

30 Times Moms Projected Their Own Insecurities Onto Their Daughters That They Only Realized Later In Life My mom a little, but especially my aunt. All the women in my family are flat-chested. Any time I'd have cleavage showing they'd act like they were getting blinded and tell me to cover up (I'm a C cup so it's not like I have monster boobs). My aunt lost a bunch of weight and was showing some new 'makeover' clothes she bought and said, "YOU could never wear this, your boobs are too big" like it was an insult. Not long after she claimed to have magically grown from an A to a C cup through her weight loss (which obviously makes no sense but she insisted it was from inhaling air pollutants where she lived). I later discovered she was buying too-big bras and stuffing them with gel pads so she could tell people her boobs had grown.

So catty.

[deleted] , Tun Nie Report

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#8

30 Times Moms Projected Their Own Insecurities Onto Their Daughters That They Only Realized Later In Life “You’ll never be prettier than you are at 16” that was extremely wrong and very messy in my head

goody-two-sneakers , Anne Peres Report

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Rissie
Rissie
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm 42 and don't care, cuz I am now officially the answer to life, the universe and everything.

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#9

30 Times Moms Projected Their Own Insecurities Onto Their Daughters That They Only Realized Later In Life My mum straight up told me she was prettier/skinnier/younger looking than me when she was my age. She told my red headed sister that her hair was ugly (she was a bottle blonde, mousy brown naturally). I regularly heard that she got on public transport as under age when she was in her 20's. That she was anorexic (said proudly btw) in her teens. Ugh, even on her deathbed she was proud of how skinny she was. Due to her illness. It was very important to her to be skinny

Itsamemario3007 , Joshua Rawson-Harris Report

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Caro Caro
Caro Caro
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2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My friend is like that but thank god no kids. She always bitches about other women and desperately does the botox and filler sh!t. You should see her when drunk .... pinching some skin at her waist and crying bc "fat". She turns into a Nutjob when she drinks.

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#10

30 Times Moms Projected Their Own Insecurities Onto Their Daughters That They Only Realized Later In Life My mom always told me she would help me pay for a nose job if I ever wanted one. I grew up thinking I was so ugly and that my nose ruined my face. I now know that I'm not ugly at all, but my nose is still my biggest insecurity.

iamagiraff3 , Taylor Wright Report

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Jo Johannsen
Jo Johannsen
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My mother told me on an almost daily basis that no one would ever want to marry me. That was cruel to both me and my ex, because if I had had my head on straight, I wouldn't have dived into a doomed relationship.

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#11

30 Times Moms Projected Their Own Insecurities Onto Their Daughters That They Only Realized Later In Life I had acne as a teen & I remember she got me a blackhead removal kit as a Christmas gift one year. I spent a literal hour in the bathroom mashing my face with these tools & when I came out & asked if it looked better, she responded "no, I can still play connect the dots on your face." I went into the bathroom & cried while looking in the mirror before sinking to the floor.

DovahkiinQahnaarin , Curology Report

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#12

30 Times Moms Projected Their Own Insecurities Onto Their Daughters That They Only Realized Later In Life My mother found some jeans from her 20s, and when I tried them on she chortled that she had been smaller in her 20s than I was in my teens.

flyingsails , Jason Leung Report

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rumade
rumade
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I was thinner at 22 than at 15. People's bodies change all through puberty. It's stupid to compare yourself even to yourself.

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#13

30 Times Moms Projected Their Own Insecurities Onto Their Daughters That They Only Realized Later In Life Jesus you guys I am so sorry. Your moms sound awful! No young woman should ever have to hear that shit especially from their mother or women who are supposed to protect them. My mom put an emphasis on looks and weight and has some unhealthy body image issues that certainly rubbed off on me. But she was always building me up and telling me how beautiful I was. Sometimes putting too much importance on looks and attraction from men but after reading y’alls comments- DAMN! I would have preferred this treatment over yours’. I hope if any of you have daughters you build them up and break that hateful ugly cycle. We women have to be better and love each other.

Altruistic_Athlete50 , Bence Halmosi Report

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#14

30 Times Moms Projected Their Own Insecurities Onto Their Daughters That They Only Realized Later In Life My mother (and others) used to say I was ugly or said certain things to or about me that made me feel ugly. Obviously I grew up with major self-esteem and confidence issues, hating the way I looked (I still do to a certain extent). Looking back at old photos though, me being unattractive was far from the truth. It pains me to think of the many years I spent literally hiding away from the world because of (among other things) anxiety about the way I looked. I am not sure if my mom was actually bitter or jealous... I think she had periods of general unhappiness/discontent with her own life that she took it out on me, putting me down. I never confronted her about her words. We have a better relationship now even though I still struggle with body dysmorphia.

Metacarpus88 , Raphael Nast Report

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Kay blue
Kay blue
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Mothers should be building their children up not continually knocking them down; it doesn't make it right even if they are dealing with their own demons and trauma.

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#15

I was in the best shape of my life in high school. I played varsity sports and was really proud of myself. One time, I showed my mom a bikini I purchased for a pool party. She responded, 'Girls your size shouldn't wear bikinis,' then smiled and bragged about how she weighed less than I did when she was pregnant. At the time, I was 5'2" and weighed 125 pounds with D cups. When my mom had me, she was 5' and weighed 100 pounds with A cups. She put me on my first diet when I was 8 because I started growing breasts. No elementary school child should be forced to drink SlimFast — especially at school lunch

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Sarah Semsch
Sarah Semsch
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

How could your teachers see you were literally drinking diet drinks and not do something? This sounds like child abuse

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#16

When I struggled with acne as a teen, my adoptive father initiated a dinner table discussion about how I 'didn't wash my face, obviously, because only boys get pimples.' My mom — who'd never had a pimple in her life despite not washing her face — started too. After about five minutes, I emotionlessly said, 'I really don't care.' My mom responded, 'Yeah, of course, you wouldn't. You don't have to look at yourself. Everyone else has to. I didn't respond. Instead, I got up to clean my plate, but my mom came storming into the kitchen after me, screaming about what sort of an asshole and immature, teenage-whatever I was.

I didn't say a word at first, then calmly said, 'Someone has to behave like the adult around here,' and walked away. She shouted, 'Go to your room and don't come out! I don't want to see you!' Ever since then, I developed body dysmorphic disorder around my skin

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#17

When I was 20, ultra low-rise jeans were popular. Because of that, I bought my first pair of bikini, string-style underwear. I don't remember how my mom found them, but when she saw them, she asked, 'How doesn't your pubic hair stick out?' I side-eyed her and said, '...I shave it.' She then gave me the most disgusted look as though I were a horrible person for shaving so that I could look nice in underwear. In my early 30s, I started eating clean and lifting heavy weights. I ended up losing weight, and she said, 'Are you trying to be anorexic or something?'" Both of those experiences stuck out to me — I remember her tone of voice, the disgust on her face, the inability to accept me for being different from her. I'm 41 now, and it still bugs me

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Allen Julie
Allen Julie
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's that look of disgust you never ever forget it we were in a dressing room once and I do have big thighs but my mom looked at some pants I was wearing and said your thighs are so big they're almost like a deformity I will never forget that as long as I live and that's only one of many horrible horrible things my mother has said to me

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#18

30 Times Moms Projected Their Own Insecurities Onto Their Daughters That They Only Realized Later In Life My mum used to do some modelling and she’d bring it up constantly whenever anyone complimented me. I remember being in my early teens and her putting huge pressure on me to turn out like she did.

Now that we’re well past that and I’m more confident in myself i can tell she was just jealous. But for a few years I really felt disconnected from her and I couldn’t ever feel comfortable in my own skin

LucyPetal , jane Palash Report

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#19

30 Times Moms Projected Their Own Insecurities Onto Their Daughters That They Only Realized Later In Life My mom absolutely refused to believe I had bigger boobs than her, I complained about being a D cup and then a DD cup and she wouldn't buy me the correct size bra until we went to victoria's secret and I got measured as a DD cup and then she thought they were upselling me to make me feel good? Turned out she had D cups too that she had been squeezing into B cups for years.

angeluchia , jackmac34 Report

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DumYum
DumYum
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2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My daughter started to develop at 11. We got her a bra because she was self conscious about her nipples showing through her clothes. Her best friend’s mother didn’t believe my daughter needed a bra and would poke her chest to see if “they” were real and make her feel bad about “lying.” Her reasoning was because she started puberty at 15 and that meant all girls start to develop at 15. We explained to our daughter that this woman had a mental issue that had nothing to do with her. Husband had a talk with this woman and said something along the lines like, “young girls blossom at different times. It’s a wonderful journey for a girl to young woman to woman. Your daughter will blossom someday, don’t you think that’s natural and beautiful?” The mother replied, “I don’t ever want that to happen to my daughter.” Needless to say, it did happen.

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#20

30 Times Moms Projected Their Own Insecurities Onto Their Daughters That They Only Realized Later In Life My mum has told me for years that she doesn't understand how she could have produced a fat, ugly child like me as she was such a beautiful and slim woman when she became pregnant with me. It stuck with me for many many years and I had such a low opinion of myself until I met someone a few years ago who gave me my self esteem back.

Bagpuss45 , Anthony Tran Report

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thEBOrdeSTpaNDA
thEBOrdeSTpaNDA
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

none of these bitches seem to realise body fat isn't in genetics

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#21

30 Times Moms Projected Their Own Insecurities Onto Their Daughters That They Only Realized Later In Life My mom was 98 pounds when she graduated high school. I was a chunky kid. I had my dad's genes, and when I was pre-pubescent (around 10), I gained 50 pounds in a year for seemingly no reason. Instead of trying to get to the bottom of what happened, my mother was laser-focused on me losing weight. I was 10 years old and keeping a food journal. My mother monitored everything I put into my mouth. Right after I gained all that weight, she had me try on her wedding dress. She got married at 29. I was 10. It didn't fit me. I still remember how terrible I felt about it. To this day, she tries to incentivize me to lose weight. I hate shopping with her because, even though she's gained weight, she is a smaller size than I am — she's also 7 inches shorter. If I find something I like that doesn't come in my size, she'll buy it for herself and tell me I can have it when I lose enough weight

cookiescoop , Tamas Pap Report

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Rissie
Rissie
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Why would you go shopping with her? Break that can cle of social rules that have people end up broken like that. And yes, shopping in general is nothing more than that. We don't need it, it's done as a social activity.

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#22

30 Times Moms Projected Their Own Insecurities Onto Their Daughters That They Only Realized Later In Life When I was 12 and in seventh grade, I had this pair of shorts that I loved. They were sparkly and purple. I wore them constantly. However, my mom would often put them on and constantly brag to everybody about how she could fit into my shorts. Mind you, these shorts fit me when I was still child-like. A year later, when I went through a growth spurt and gained 20 pounds, I was insanely insecure that my mom could still fit into the shorts, but I no longer could. Once I couldn't fit into them anymore, she gleefully took them and continued bragging about how she could. Looking back now at age 31, I realize that my mom had some serious body image issues. I also think she was dealing with an eating disorder at the time."
"Either way, it was annoying AF, and I hated the feeling that she was competing with me

MiddlingMe , vanessa Serpas Report

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Gregg Bender
Gregg Bender
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Your mother should have been supporting you, not competing with you.

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#23

My mother constantly called me a 'dyke' because I hated ballet and wanted to play soccer. I'm now a full-grown adult, and she called me 'butch' last week for taking MMA classes to get in shape."
"My mother is easily the most toxic person on the planet. For context, this woman looks like the Crypt Keeper and Dr. Eggman had a baby

[deleted] Report

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#24

30 Times Moms Projected Their Own Insecurities Onto Their Daughters That They Only Realized Later In Life At about 16 I was struggling with one of my nipples inverting... I was terrified and the internet did not help.

I confided in my mom & she asked me to see. I took my shirt off and showed her - she laughed in my face. Did not help or console me.

I went to the doctor without her help soon after that.

Even today I am self conscious about my breasts even though I have no reason to be at all. My brain knows it, but can't get over what happened.

She also used to tell me I was a 'late bloomer' well my body hasn't changed since I was a teen. I'm petite with small breasts... Guess I never bloomed. I fucking hate that term.

Thank goodness I have a supportive partner who tells me my body is beautiful... I'm the shape of a 90s super model and that should have never been in style.

RankNFile17 , Dainis Graveris Report

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Kay blue
Kay blue
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

No child deserves to have their mother laugh at them when they show them their body, especially when it's something like this and the OP was in need of medical help and reassurance.

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#25

30 Times Moms Projected Their Own Insecurities Onto Their Daughters That They Only Realized Later In Life One day there was a guy tutoring my younger brother and the tutor was my age. My father wanted me to socialize more with people my age so he suggested I say hi to the guy. I have social anxiety and denied the advice to which my mom commented "your response would have been understandable if you were as pretty as I used to be at your age". And honestly that comment haunts me everyday.

peachcookieastrid , Zhivko Minkov Report

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#26

30 Times Moms Projected Their Own Insecurities Onto Their Daughters That They Only Realized Later In Life When I was 21, I was depressed because I broke up with my abusive boyfriend who I somehow wanted back. I weighed 99 pounds. My bones showed everywhere. When my parents came to visit, my mom said, 'You look so good, skinny, and slim like that!' I told her that I'd barely eat and cry myself to sleep every night. After a few moments of silence, she replied, 'It's going to be fine. Just don't get fat like I did.' A few months passed, and I'd gained some weight and felt a lot better. When I went home, the first thing my mom said was: 'Did you put some weight on? Do not get fat, please! Look at your arms — they're starting to get chubby!' I was 110 pounds then. I replied, 'I feel better than how I felt before. I eat regularly and exercise. This is what you tell me?' She gave me this ugly look and said, 'If you get any chubbier, no man will look at you. I used to grab men’s attention all the time. It made me feel pretty.'"
"During my depressive episode, I was barely doing stuff for college and barely passing my exams. I used to drink a bottle of wine a night and smoke a pack a day. I was literally sick.

With my mom, it wasn’t necessarily a jealousy type of thing. She was projecting her own insecurities on me, and that bothered me very much. I still think about it every now and then.

iaana , Jennifer Burk Report

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(T)reacherou(S)
(T)reacherou(S)
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That's so awful. Bad enough with the abusive ex, and then the mother says things like this! Smh.

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#27

30 Times Moms Projected Their Own Insecurities Onto Their Daughters That They Only Realized Later In Life When I was a teenager my mom made all kinds of hurtful comments about my body that probably lead to my long term eating disorder that she would make jokes about. It’s unclear whether or not she TRULY realized that I was legitimately struggling. She also always had something to say about my breast size bc I’m a DDD and she was an A cup. I must’ve gotten that from my dads side of the family. I felt a lot of shame about my body and sex when I was younger but as I age it’s been left in the past and I can see where her hostility was really coming from

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Ruth Watry
Ruth Watry
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My sister's and I got my dad's mom's boobs (AA & As) and my mom flaunted her Bs because "they made her more of a real woman"

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#28

30 Times Moms Projected Their Own Insecurities Onto Their Daughters That They Only Realized Later In Life oh my god YES!! I thought I was the only one. I was always underweight as a kid, but I gained some weight around age 12-13 and ended up on the thinner end of "healthy". My mother would always make snide remarks about my body, like my butt is too big and my thighs are too fat. I was average sized at most lmao. I feel like this came from her own insecurities, as she was overweight and my dad would always make degrading comments about her body. Her south Asian culture might also have something to do with it (I'm not trying to be racist or anything here, just my own observation). It really hurt at the time (I had an eating disorder when I was 10-11) but I've learned to just ignore her now.

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Tuna Fish
Tuna Fish
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I posted this up higher but I think it fits better here. My mom was always embarrassed about me being the only "fat" kid out of 7. She once told a woman from her church right in front of me that the dr thought I might have a tumor in my belly making it stick out like it did. I guess it was better for her to have a daughter with a tumor rather than a fat belly. That was the moment I realized my mother was ashamed of me and I should be ashamed of myself also. Lasted until I was an adult.

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#29

30 Times Moms Projected Their Own Insecurities Onto Their Daughters That They Only Realized Later In Life The only two times I've told her about being catcalled, she's either blamed it on me or said something like, 'Well, you should be grateful. I don't get that type of attention from men anymore.' The first time I told her, I was 14 and walking home in my school uniform. The second time, I was 19 and walking in the forest near my house. I don't tell her when I get catcalled anymore

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Tuna Fish
Tuna Fish
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You be safe. And don't worry about her. The fact that she sees that type of attention as positive is a huge no no. She has her own issues, you watch out for you and tell someone who will understand what you're going through.

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#30

30 Times Moms Projected Their Own Insecurities Onto Their Daughters That They Only Realized Later In Life Yes. My mom has always worn her eye makeup the same way: heavy lower eyeliner, mascara, and eyeshadow. It doesn't suit her and makes her eyes look tiny and dark, but it's what she likes, I guess.

We used to get ready in the bathroom together when I was growing up, so I kind of learned from watching her (though I avoided eyeliner when I was young). But I guess it still wasn't right because, one day when I was maybe 14, my mom made a comment about HOW I was applying my makeup and that my mascara didn't look good. It's such a small comment to make but I'm nearly 30 now, and I still don't like doing my makeup around anyone (my friends, my boyfriend, etc.) because I feel like I'll be criticized.

HOWEVER, I think the comment was prompted by her noticing that I didn't use eyeliner and that teenage me was trying to do something different than what she liked. Because for several years now, she has been complimenting my makeup and asking me to show her how I do it and what products I use, etc. I think maybe she had wanted to try something different with her makeup but never knew how, and became defensive because she didn't know, but I was younger and did? Does that make sense?

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Pumpkin Spice
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Seems like she improved, but she still shouldn't have said that to you.

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#31

30 Times Moms Projected Their Own Insecurities Onto Their Daughters That They Only Realized Later In Life The one about looking like "an Eastern bloc wh*re" when I was 12 and had just tried on mascara on my lower lashes for the first time made sure I didn't really get a grip on makeup until my twenties.

And the one abt looking like "a homeless child on the street" after choosing my own, slightly hippie-style clothes at a flea market at 14 gave me the impression that I just wasn't a visual person. Lasted until my twenties.

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#32

30 Times Moms Projected Their Own Insecurities Onto Their Daughters That They Only Realized Later In Life We were looking at her wedding dress. She said I shouldn't try it on, since she was so small then and it wouldn't fit me. This was true. She constantly mentions how small she used to be. She's now over 200 lbs, over 60 and has kept all her clothes, but would never consider lending me her old clothes because "I won't take care of them" and "she might fit into them one day."

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#33

30 Times Moms Projected Their Own Insecurities Onto Their Daughters That They Only Realized Later In Life When I had my first boyfriend, my mom always told me that she was way more experienced at my age and had a higher body count than me. She also made those comments when my boyfriend was around. It doesn't really affect me now, but back then when I was still a virgin, I was definitely worried about not having sex

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Summer Mason
Summer Mason
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What the actual f**k? Who does this s**t. My husband recently went off on my boys for this. How disrespectful. Even sex workers don't flaunt how many people they have had sex with to each other. Disgusting.

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#34

30 Times Moms Projected Their Own Insecurities Onto Their Daughters That They Only Realized Later In Life My mom was very beautiful back in her day and had a super hot bod but she let herself go quite a bit after her kids and she weighed close to 300 pounds I'f not more when I was growing up. I remember being chubby my whole childhood because she used to over feed me and also say she was much more thinner than I was, I would get bullied about it and she said that when she was younger she would just ignore people and that I should do the same. She used to manipulate me into wearing certain things saying that if I wore it it would help me lose weight like sweat pants and studd like that. It because such a problem that now close to my 30s also I have battled with eating disorders. Even now as an adult she always comments on how fat I've gotten or how my clothes look unflattering sometimes. When I was pregnant she told me to stop eating ice cream or o would turn into a pig. Needless to say I avoid her as often as possible

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#35

I grew up chubby and developed a severe eating disorder, lost all the weight around 18 and my mom had a breakdown around me when she was tipsy because she “wasn’t the small one anymore”. Her words. Made me wonder if she just said that because she was drinking(??) or if she’d really been weirdly competing with me my entire life and just saw me as “competition”. Any way we’ve never mentioned it since but I don’t think I’ll ever stop wondering.

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Sarah Semsch
Sarah Semsch
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Society has made women believe we have to compete with each other when we should be building each other up

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#36

My mom would call me a cow when I started developing a lot. It definitely stuck with me anF have me issues.

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#37

My mom had a lot of strange eating habits (cutting food into tiny pieces, hoarding, only fat free, etc) and a lot of mostly unspoken sentiments and what a body should be (thin, fit, modest, unseen). It really affected me and all 5 of her children have had eating disorders.

She was naturally thin but after having my twin and I as her 4th pregnancy, her body never went back. She used to dress artisticly but after us she only wore loose stretchy clothing and would change in her closet so my father couldn’t see her naked.

I still feel very bad that I am the reason she feels so badly about her body now. I understand it’s not my fault but it still weighs on me sometimes.

I like to buy her things she’ll enjoy wearing- scarves, jewelry- and one time we bought matching wide leg pants together (her idea). I just try to let her be who she actually wants to be when we hang out and I hope that will make her feel beautiful.

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#38

I have trouble finding a partner, I've never been in a relationship at the tender age of 27. My mother likes to mention 'innocently' that she was very popular with boys when she was young. She talks all the time about how she dated a bunch of guys before she met my dad, how many boys had crushes on her etc. Knowing that she has a story of exaggerating and blowing things out of proportion I know that these are probably overstatements, but I can't help to feel hurt, mostly because it's a sensitive issue for me. She's always unhappy when I try to look and feel nice and always has a sarcastic comment in store for me when I put on make up, perfume or dress nicely (she's heavily neglected her looks and doesn't even wear deodorant...). I was never popular with boys and it was always rubbed in my face and now when someone is genuinely interested in me I'm not able to believe them.

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Ann Dennis
Ann Dennis
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Your mom is full-on toxic! I think you would do well to stay away from her and look for a good therapist to help you find your way forward to a much better life. Do give it a try.

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#39

My mom would regularly punish me for doing things like taking a shower. Or wanting to do make up. She’d constantly belittle me saying that I ‘just wanted to be a pretty princess’. So I actually started to hate girly things. And saw them as weakness. Not to mention the ptsd that took several years to undo when it came to taking showers. I still struggle sometimes with the girly things. My childhood was utterly ruined and nonexistent

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Anjali Cooper
Anjali Cooper
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Blegh. It’s so gross to do this to your own child… I hope you’ll recover as easily as possible. Sending love from Las Vegas!

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#40

My mom used to insult my nose all the time when I was a kid. I wanted a nose job so badly when I learned what it was in kindergarten. My mom is mostly a random mix of european white, and my dad is full italian. I inherited a very italian nose, and after my parents divorced, my mom became very racist towards italians. I look “more italian” than my younger brother, so I got most of the insults. When I was in highschool and more independent, I got a nose piercing, now I have a nose ring and a septum! It gave me a lot of confidence to decorate my nose with jewelry, it’s still my biggest insecurity, but by drawing attention to it, i’m stating to like it a lot more (:

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#41

Not my mother, but my stepmother used to love telling me that "it's ok, some men like big hips" when I would try on new outfits. She was a person who was extremely jealous and petty, not only of my youth, but my relationship with my father. She made my teenage years absolute hell.

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Sarah Semsch
Sarah Semsch
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Your father should have stopped that behavior. I wouldn't stand for someone talking to my child that way

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#42

Yeah my mom made tons of inappropriate and hurtful comments growing up. From very little to even adulthood. I harbored a lot of anger towards her. She said things like I was a mistake and called me a b*tch a few times. Always commented on my weight and made fun of me when I would order something I thought would fill me but didn't.

In my early twenties I decided to forgive her without her even knowing. It helped me realize the motives behind her resentment towards me. I hadn't realized how crappy her childhood was growing up and how her father abused and abandoned her. She hated how much my father loved me and treated me well. She was broken and I guess I reminded her of that.

As I grew so did she. We're closer today than ever and I don't hold it against her. She didn't work through her sh*t prior to having us and it trickled down. I chose not to have kids largely because of it but I'm happy with my choices. Everything happens for a reason and I'm glad I was the one who got to break the cycle.

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#43

I don’t think my mum ever meant it in a bad way when I was younger, but she’s always commented on how long and thin my legs are. She always said that I “have dad’s legs” and not hers.

I think it irks her more nowadays though cos she hates that I wear skinny jeans in my mid 30’s (under “restricting your blood flow” guise - they aren’t that tight) so I know she is jealous of them.

I also don’t think it helps that I’m a lot taller than her as well.

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gellert grindlewald
gellert grindlewald
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

my mom never means to hurt me also, but the comments on my writing are the worst. I can't control how messy my writing is.

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#44

Honestly no, but I’ve definitely seen my friends’ moms make sort of weird comments to them. My high school bff’s mom in particular stands out; she would give us booze and be the cool mom & acted more like a friend than a mother. My friend was gorgeous but her mom would randomly criticize her appearance (even small stuff like “ooo you have a white head, cover that up or let me pop it!”). It didn’t come across as bitter or jealous in retrospect but more trying to live vicariously through her daughter.

Meanwhile my mom was a lot stricter and I got in SO much trouble when my parents caught me drinking. When I was 16 I was really jealous of not having a “cool mom”... now as a 30 year old I look back and see her mom’s behavior as weird and inappropriate (and borderline insecure). My mom wasn’t perfect by any means, but I’m honestly glad she was always a parent first rather than a buddy. (I wouldn’t say we were “friends” until I was a young adult; we had too much tension in my teens.)

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Anjali Cooper
Anjali Cooper
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Aww. That’s good. I can see the tension, though. Suppose it’s pretty common at that time. But yeah, your friend’s mom is SUPER wrong for doing that stuff.

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#45

I am nearly 50 and my mom still does this sh*t. She is fixated on my hair. If I do anything to it color-wise she freaks out, and she is always making little under-the-breath remarks about my weight. It’s infuriating now, and it was when so was - teenager, though I was skinny AF as a teen.

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Debb
Debb
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I grew up chubby and very ordinary-looking. My intelligent, compassionate and beautiful daughter brings tears of joy to my eyes every time I see her. I only envy that she beats me at Wordle almost every day!

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#46

I always remember the day my mom — who has an AA cup — asked me, as if she were surprised, 'Is there padding in that bra?' I was like, 'Nope.' She was in bed, and I was standing above her. She reached out, poked my tit hard, and said, 'Oh, there's really not!' Then, she cupped her own boobs, looked at mine, and said, 'Well, yours will fall down. Mine will never fall down. I never wear padded bras, as I've always been around a D–DD cup. My smallest cup was a B when I was in the throes of an eating disorder, but I still never wore padded bras because I don't like inviting the attention that comes with larger breasts

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#47

My mom always said I was cute and beautiful, and she bolstered my physical appearance. However, she also put a large emphasis on attracting men, and she hated her own appearance. It was intense enough that my relationships with men suffered a bit until I went to therapy.

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#48

As my body grew into that of a woman's — though I was still very much a girl — and the natural insecurities started, my mom would state that it was 'brave' of me to wear shorts with 'my legs.' I was a perfectly normal weight at that time. And even if I weren't, what the f*ck? She would constantly talk about my body and how she always was way slimmer than me. One Christmas, I celebrated with friends and happily told her about it, mentioning, 'I ate so much.' She responded, 'Yeah, we can see that.' And it continued on and on. When I got diagnosed with a thyroid condition, she said, 'I saw that your neck was swollen and fat a while ago, but I didn't want to say anything because you are so sensitive.'
"Wow, the one time where it could've been relevant to point out a change in my body — of course, it's my fault. Once I fully realized her behavior, I told her to shut the f*ck up. It helped but only for a short period of time.

I still feel the effects of that, and I've sought out therapy to develop a better sense of self and to relate to my body more again

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Anjali Cooper
Anjali Cooper
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Good for you. That kind of person should NEVER have children. You are so strong for working to overcome that.

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#49

Not my mother, my stepmother. When I was twelve with her and my dad standing in line at Starbucks, I casually mentioned needing to go to the store to get a bigger bra because I was outgrowing mine. Without missing a beat, she replied, “mine are still bigger” and pretended to forget what she said a second later.

She and I don’t talk and my connection to my dad is limited for this reason.

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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My question is: Why do people care so much? To me, they're just annoying and heavy. I'm a DD almost DDD. It's a pain. I don't understand why some people think it's a competition.

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#50

My mom didn't so much make comments, but she did stand by and nod approvingly when my dad would negatively compare my body and my sisters' bodies to hers; comments like how if we gained some weight we had "no excuse!" because "your mother has always been a small-waisted woman!" like he would be indignant. Sooo weird for me now to think about how they acted like it was normal to be comparing us to her, like she was the template of what a female body should look like and anyone who didn't look identical to her was failing.

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#51

Shed manage my weigth. The one week all i got was water and salades. And rude comments. The next week i would get junkfood and sweets. On going cycle it was.

I hate food. I eat healthy, but i dont enjoy eating or preparing food.

Dont know if she was jealous or just liked controlling me.

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#52

Not my mom but my grandma. I love her to death and she’s nice most of the time, but she’s got her own issues and they shine through sometimes. It was my 12th birthday and I’d eaten more enchiladas than I could count. After dinner, I asked for a cucumber with lime (one of my favorite snacks) and she told me that I couldn’t have one since I’d already eaten enough. Keep in mind this was about 2 hours after dinner and it was a f*cking cucumber, which is mostly water anyway. My mom heard her and ripped her a new one, but the damage was done and I didn’t eat for the rest of the afternoon.

Another time, she heard me talking about dying my hair and started freaking out that it was all gonna fall off and I’d regret it once I was bald and ugly. That was when I was 14 and I’ve dyed my hair over a dozen times by now and she’s much more relaxed about it.

She’s gotten better over the years, but eating healthy amounts of food and changing physical appearances were a struggle for her to accept.

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#53

My mom has always been overweight, and she'd almost celebrate when I would eat a lot of food. She'd encourage it and food would definitely be a bonding thing for us. But when I was younger my metabolism was that of a young person and people used to joke that I had a hollow leg. As I got older and experienced life outside of home I realized not everyone eats until they're uncomfortably full and not everyone spends all their freetime watching tv. So I changed my lifestyle so I could do all those fun things I was missing out on (and saved money by not eating until I was bursting at the seems) and she noticed. And she didn't really like it. If I deny offered food because I'm not hungry, she acts like I personally offended her. Every comment was "yeah, well just don't get too skinny." The thing is I'm not skinny. I wear sizes 12/14/XL. But to her it's like I'm borderline underweight.

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#54

I was going through an episode of depression because i broke up with my abusive boyfriend that i somehow wanted back (very stupid back then), was barely doing stuff for college and barely passing my exams, used to drink a bottle of wine a night and smoke a pack a day. I was 21 and weighed 45 kilograms, my bones were showing everywhere and i was literally sick. When my parents once came to visit me in the city i am studying, she goes “oh my god, you look so good, skinny and slim like that” and i go “you know i barely eat and cry myself to sleep every night, right?” then she goes silent for a few moments and she replies “it s going to be fine, just don’t get fat like i got since i was in my 30s”. Then a few months pass and i go home for a few days, i started to gain some weight and felt a lot better. First thing she says to me when she sees me “oh god, did you put some weight on? Do not get fat, please! Look at your arms, they’re starting to get chubby!” and i only had 50 kilograms then (i’m 163 cm tall). So i reply “you know i feel better than how i felt a few months ago, i eat regularly and exercise and this is what you tell me?”. She gives me this ugly look and goes “if you get any chubbier no man will look at you. I used to grab men’s attention all the time, it made me feel pretty”. It wasn’t necessarily a jealousy type of thing, but she was projecting her own insecurities on me and that bothered me very much, i still think about it every now and then...:

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H Moore
H Moore
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So you see in articles that other woman and models etc cause eating disorders and body image problems, seems it's actually mothers. How revolting.

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