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Swimming in warm water in the summertime. Placing the final piece of a puzzle that’s taken you months to complete. ‘Roasting’ someone online with a comeback so witty and so savage, they had to call the ‘Oh Snap’ and fire brigades. All three things have one thing in common—they’re all human experiences that make us feel gooood.
The ‘Clever Comebacks’ subreddit is one of the best places on the net to go to for awesome retorts that will forever be enshrined on the internet in online screenshots. Check out some of the most on-point and hilarious comebacks they posted ever. Remember to upvote your fave ones and we hope they’ll inspire you to show off your wit the next time someone says something dumb or has a go at you.
Bored Panda was interested to learn about what makes comebacks witty and about comedic timing, so we reached out to comedy writer and author of 'How to Live to 100,' Ariane Sherine. Read on to learn what she told us. What’s the best comeback that you’ve ever said or heard in real life, dear Readers? Do you think that the pen is mightier than the sword? Share your thoughts with all of us in the comments.
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#1
I Understand Completely
RELATED:
#2
Never Underestimate A Woman
Martha Meyer 4 years ago
I bet this same guy thinks he's qualified to talk about abortion even though he can't give birth.
#3
“Migrants Can’t Assimilate Into Society”
Comedy writer Ariane told Bored Panda that, in her opinion, witty comebacks can be both spontaenous and planned out. "I've definitely come up with comebacks that are spontaneous. For instance, I told my daughter that if she didn't behave, I'd give her inheritance to a donkey sanctuary. She said, 'You wouldn't', and I came back, 'You bet your ass!' But though I hadn't used that comeback before, I clearly had knowledge of the pun and might have used something similar in the past."
She also pointed out something that honestly took me by surprise: "When it comes to stand-up, a lot of heckle putdowns are scripted and shared among comics." And here I thought that heckles were all instinctive and natural. I'll have to rethink some stuff about my fave comedians now.
#4
Love This Guy
KombatBunni 4 years ago
yeah that was a nasty one..medical help may be required
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Ekate 4 years ago
For those of us who do work out - we actually do it for men just like you....................so we can punch them hard in the nuts when the opportunity arises.
Bacony Cakes 4 years ago
No! You don't want your Dainty Dainty Woman Fingers™ (/s) to be damaged! Use a bat instead!
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Enalpria 4 years ago
Nice! In my Social studies class, we learned that originally historians thought that men did the hunting and women did the cleaning in prehistoric human society. But, a more recent study found that the men and the women shared the hunting and cooking! Gender equality for the win :D
Doubleheader 4 years ago
My husband and I are both equally shredded and now the world fears us.
pusheen buttercup 4 years ago
I literally have a friend who has a real thing, SPECIFICALLY, for women with abs... That exact thing. It's not about looking manly, it's that toned flat tummy. Looking fit and healthy. Looking like you can keep up on a hike and play sports together, do their favorite things with them. Some guys will tell you nothing is sexier than a woman who gets sports. Simultaneously I'm the wimpiest martha stewart in a 5ft nothing package and my boyfriend still loves me. Men should not say what "men want", because men want different things. All are valid.
Louloubelle 4 years ago
Absolutely. When I met my husband I was 5'3", 98 lbs. And he thought I was beautiful. I'm now 5'2 3/4" (yes, I've shrunk) and 168 lbs. and he still thinks I'm beautiful.
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Louloubelle 4 years ago
Yeah, I'm kind of with you here. Especially when their veins are bulging. It's kind of terrifying.
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Foxxy (The Original) 4 years ago (edited)
Each to their own. Obviously some men do like women with abs otherwise they would all be single, it’s just like some women like men who are ripped as. As long as they do it for themselves then who cares. I personally do not like muscly men or women but that is MY personal taste, not everyone elses.
Pamela24 4 years ago
I agree, actually. The problem with the tweet is that he's a) assuming the motivation of women (and looking down upon it) and b) stating the men's preference as a fact and as anything that should be taken into consideration when making the decision on whether or not to start working out. But nothing wrong with having a preference.
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JessieJ&LilyLovebug 11 months ago
Guess he never heard of the Amazons. Or Atalanta of the Argonauts.
Moxie Mallahan 2 years ago
Some men need to stop thinking that we do stuff for them. We don’t! We don’t care what men think. We do things for ourselves.
i'll sleep when im dead 3 years ago
the worst part about this is that this guy assumes that all women want to look a certain way BECAUSE a man wants them to look that way! Newsflash, Richard: maybe, just maybe, some women work out and get abs BECAUSE THEY WANT THEM, not because they think you want them!
Im a kawaii potato ;3 4 years ago
He said "lips, tits, and hips" sir you prolly got tits just a guess but the guy on the bottom is definitely right.
Meyer Weinstock 4 years ago
Hi. Historian (and former life sciences teacher) here. Women (and anyone else) with toned abs are probably healthier than many others, given the need to "improve circulatory and organ health to acquire and maintain musculature in one's abdominal region." Also, at no time in recent history has any woman wanted me, either.
Carson R Ibach 4 years ago
bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
あんぱんまん 4 years ago
if i were to be honest about my opinion here, i dont think all men are the same, and men have no right to comment on womens bodies and how they like to look.... some like women with abs and some dont... so whether i get downvoted here or not, the only man who has any right to say anything about our bodies in an honest way would be our husbands especially in my religion tht is....this is my honest opinion whether some people hate me for this or not.... no woman has a right to comment on mens looks neither do men have any right to comment on womens looks... apart from that, james fell burnt the random guy! ayyyy!! the best burn ever!!
Hamilton Lover 4 years ago
I can attest to the fact that we train so that we can be healthy and get better at something else.
#5
Idk If This Has Been Posted Before, But I Love His Little Smile
#6
People Really Live In Their Own Little Bubbles
Ariane said that the line between a regular comeback and one that makes us snort into our cups of tea is clear for everyone to see. "It needs to be very fast, well-timed, and take people by surprise as well as being clever, witty, and immediately understandable." So no pressure then!
The beauty of comedy, according to Ariane, is that (sometimes) our subconscious mind kicks in and takes us by surprise, along with the audience. "But that's relatively rare in my experience. I'm sure many other comics are more natural than I am!
#7
Please Wear A Mask And Stay Safe
#8
You're The Problem
#9
Thank You Andy Wang!
Truth Monster 4 years ago
cultural gatekeeping has got to be the dumbest thing I have ever seen. The best and most inclusive societies culturally appropriate all. the. time.
The ‘Clever Comebacks’ community was founded in January 2018 and will be celebrating its 3-year anniversary very soon. In that time, they’ve amassed nearly 679k loyal members who are practicing the ancient art of the perfect comeback.
Personally, I think that comebacks are all about accurate, piercing, rapier-like wit. And the essence of wit is brevity, spontaneity, and stating the truth. It’s not a comeback if you spend an hour thinking about it and then another hour writing it out. Comebacks are the sniper rifles of the verbal battlefield. Not shotguns. Not machine guns. It’s all about one phrase—one roast.
The BBC tends to agree with my point of view. According to Rhea Wessel, witty comebacks can’t be planned—they can only be made in the moment. And timing is everything. Even if you come up with the perfect thing you could’ve said while you’re in the shower a day later, that amazing comeback is useless now. Too little. Too late.
#10
I Don’t Care If Repost Made Me Laugh
#12
British Museum
That’s actually the beauty of comebacks. Sometimes, you end up just as surprised by your wit as everyone else is. It’s like, for a single beautiful moment, the Spirit of Absolute Roasting possessed you and gave you glorious guidance.
Abigail Paul, the artistic director at the Theatre Language Studio in Frankfurt, told the BBC that we can improve our wit by giving ourselves just a bit of extra time to craft a great answer. Strangely enough, that involves becoming a better listener. We need to train ourselves to listen to others and respond appropriately, instead of tuning out and only thinking about the points we want to make in the discussion. That way, you’ll be more than ready to mount a witty defense because you won’t be caught unaware.
#13
This Is A Really Good Reply To Trump's Tweet
#14
Raw Skiny Jeans Bat
#15
Useless Trees
#16
What An Awful Way To Protect The Elderly
#17
Rage Against Something
#18
Actions Speak Louder Than Words.
#19
Separate Payments
#20
They Also Don't Come In Exciting Anime
#21
Depression vs. Asthma
#22
Big Footprints To Fill
#23
Not Mine But On Point
#24
Another Reason To Love The Beatles
#25
Elite Finish
Foxxy (The Original) 4 years ago
What kind of relationship is that. We don’t have his money or my money, it is OUR money.
#26
Flameproofing? But My House Isn't On Fire!
#27
Flat Earthers Make Me Happy Because I Know I'm Not A Complete Failure
Foxxy (The Original) 4 years ago
Is this just a joke to tease flat earthers or do flat earthers actually use the “flat” horizon as their argument? Do they not realise that we can’t see the curve because the earth is so large.
#28
Does This Count? The Author Actually Replied Back To Me Lmao
#29
That Last Line Though
#30
Left vs. Right
#31
They Did Not See This Coming
#32
Columbus Day
Truth Monster 4 years ago
End up in a random aisle and whatever you find there is now "Indian Food."
#33
Austin Powers Would Be Proud Of That Comeback
#34
'im Tired Of Being Responsible For Something That Is Entirely My Resposibility.'
#35
I Love Puns
#36
Who’ll Email You When You Block Him
#37
Can't Get Any More Clever Than This
Kirsten Kerkhof 4 years ago
I will never have the guts to send a reply like that, but by Golly, I wish I would ...
#38
Invasive Species
#39
Don’t Boast About Your Iq Test
#40
Oof! British People Be Like...
#41
Honesty Is The Best Policy
#42
I Mean, He's Not Wrong ..
#43
Depends On Who Writes The Comic
#44
Boomer vs. Millenial
#45
It’s Funny Because It’s True
#46
She Isn’t A Walking Womb
Lauren Caswell 4 years ago
F**k this molyneux d**k. He was banned from speaking here (new zealand) in 2018 I think, the brainless monstrous mosque shooter donated to his causes and his petition to be allowed to do his stupid speaking event in NZ. Then murdered the innocent souls in cold blood at one of our mosques. So that's the kind of person who supports this fuckwad. No thanks. (NB not meaning to mislead, I'm personally agnostic, but say "our mosques" just as I would say "our churches/synagogues/temples/etc". A kiwi is a kiwi. A person is a person.)
#47
Weird Motives
wandile dludlu 4 years ago
I wonder if the so called "1st world" countries know that here in the 3rd world, we drive both and are required to pass your driving test using a stick shift
#48
Especially Clever
Vikram Bedi 4 years ago
If everyone starts using the toilet marked “ me” then “ everyone else “ would be left clean...
#49
Facebook Comeback
Helen Haley 4 years ago
The waiter is providing a valuable service with very little likelihood of customer death.
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What do you think ?
Ray Martin 4 years ago
These are all excellent, but the Roomba one made me nearly spit coffee.
Panda Mona 4 years ago
Yes, great burns! But I had to google "Roomba" because I thought this was one of the 50% of wild species I just do not know by name :-)
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Vicky Zar 3 years ago
I‘ve got a comeback story, but I am not sure if you can call it good. Could some jewish persons please tell me if it is insulting or something? Or maybe you even like it? God, I really don‘t know if I should post it, but I am curious about your reactions. I‘ve heared it only second hand. You have to know beforehand, that Germany has many imigrants. Especially from Turkey. And some of them do not really integrate in our society. If I remember correctly the president of Turkey even demanded that Germany should build Schools for the Turkish living here.... but I might have misunderstood that. Nevertheless, some Germans are a bit ... miffed about the Turkish here. Anyway, here is the story: In an underground train in Germany some Turkish teens come in and make a ruckus. An old german Lady asks them to be quiet or mind their manners or something. But they don‘t listen. Insted they tell her that the Turkish will take over Germany anyway. //part 1
Vicky Zar 3 years ago
//part 3: obviously this is not funny in regard of the jews part, but it is a „good“ comeback in that situation.... or isn‘t it? Please tell me what you think! I don‘t even know if this story is true or an urban legend.
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Catherine Spencer-Mills 4 years ago
"Coronavirus is a fraud! It's just the flu!" According to the CDC, last year there were less than 34,000 deaths from influenza. This year we are over 300,000 deaths. No matter what you call it, it isn't good.
Aliquid A 4 years ago
if 90% of the people reading BP either find this funny, or just roll their eyes and move on... it isn't polarizing... upsetting *you* isn't the definition of polarizing, when you clearly represent a fringe group.
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Ray Martin 4 years ago
These are all excellent, but the Roomba one made me nearly spit coffee.
Panda Mona 4 years ago
Yes, great burns! But I had to google "Roomba" because I thought this was one of the 50% of wild species I just do not know by name :-)
Load More Replies... Vicky Zar 3 years ago
I‘ve got a comeback story, but I am not sure if you can call it good. Could some jewish persons please tell me if it is insulting or something? Or maybe you even like it? God, I really don‘t know if I should post it, but I am curious about your reactions. I‘ve heared it only second hand. You have to know beforehand, that Germany has many imigrants. Especially from Turkey. And some of them do not really integrate in our society. If I remember correctly the president of Turkey even demanded that Germany should build Schools for the Turkish living here.... but I might have misunderstood that. Nevertheless, some Germans are a bit ... miffed about the Turkish here. Anyway, here is the story: In an underground train in Germany some Turkish teens come in and make a ruckus. An old german Lady asks them to be quiet or mind their manners or something. But they don‘t listen. Insted they tell her that the Turkish will take over Germany anyway. //part 1
Vicky Zar 3 years ago
//part 3: obviously this is not funny in regard of the jews part, but it is a „good“ comeback in that situation.... or isn‘t it? Please tell me what you think! I don‘t even know if this story is true or an urban legend.
Load More Replies... Catherine Spencer-Mills 4 years ago
"Coronavirus is a fraud! It's just the flu!" According to the CDC, last year there were less than 34,000 deaths from influenza. This year we are over 300,000 deaths. No matter what you call it, it isn't good.
Aliquid A 4 years ago
if 90% of the people reading BP either find this funny, or just roll their eyes and move on... it isn't polarizing... upsetting *you* isn't the definition of polarizing, when you clearly represent a fringe group.
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