More like audacity

Absolutely; count me in!

Accurate.

Precisely.

I do this with YT and podcasts. Be it me doing chores or waiting to fall asleep.

I think I'm being spied on - it pretty much is all like me

I'm gonna use this one!!!!!!

American taxes are just plain dumb. You pay taxes all year. You file in April (for reasons only known to the ancient ones), and you either pay or get a refund. Why do we have to do our taxes ourselves? Just send me a bill/check.

Who's folding the tiny human clothes? Not me!

Same!

Being a lefty is weird sometimes, I use different hands for different tasks. Having grown up using “right-handed” utensils, I had to adapt a lot, sometimes I'll use right-handed gadgets backwards, or I just learned to use them with my right hand. As a lefty, I cannot use a pair of scissors with my left hand (and yes, I have tried using left-handed scissors, but I just can't)

Also, taking naps!! 🛌

And win all my arguments of course!

There's nothing more pleasing than standing under a stream of steaming water.

I always get a lecture about “you shouldn’t wash the dishes/shower in water that hot, it’s going to damage your nerves and then you won’t be able to feel anything!” uh what

I had a teacher in high school admonish the class (of about 50 teenagers) for taking showers for longer than 5 minutes and with hot water. Unexpectedly, a group turned it around and argued that your pores don't get properly cleaned only using lukewarm water. They embarrassed the hell out of her.

Hiiii its meeeee

I brush and floss my teeth in the shower. I don't always have time for oral hygiene in the morning, but everyone has time to spend a few minutes more standing under a warm stream of water.

If you don't look like a lobster afterward, you're not doing it right! 🦞

Don't forget a voice like Mariah Carey...

Just stop with the mixed uppercase & lowercase: it renders your scribblings EFFING ILLEGIBLE!!!

What I thought was going to be a ten minute application before heading off to bed had me nope-ing out 30mins later on step three when they wanted a video telling why I wanted to work there, bye.

The victim's family: "We are devastated by her murder. We get why she was killed, but still devastating. We are actually surprised it didn't happen sooner, but still sad"

Do NOT buy the cheap bulk generic ones from Amazon. They suck!!!!

Aren't we all. Sigh.

 🤔

I'm trying to think of the craziest co-worker I ever had now. I did work with the guy who really really liked guns. And he kept going on about how much he wanted to shoot people. We had to let him go.

Still alive. Still dead on the inside.

This app exists. I have it.

You had no other obligations

So this is normal.

You think that's bad, when I turn my neck it sounds like glass in a garbage disposal!

Yeah started happening when I hit 40yo.

I see nothing wrong with this. Avocados are precious.

Our toilet has motion sensor lights. They turn off after 12 minutes. It is awkward if someone comes in and you are in a stall with the lights off...

Whose

I literally created an account just to comment on this. This is a classic case of “you don’t know until you know.” Parents aren’t leaving the office “anytime they want” lol. Small kids literally get a fever for everything. Like, you look at them funny, fever! They ran too fast? Fever! Schools don’t let kids with fevers attend class. I’ve personally used all my sick days at work for a given year on my kids for random fevers, tummy aches, etc etc and I personally was so thankful for those colleagues who had my back (like the one whose single mom had good colleagues when she was a kid and was paying it forward).

I have a feeling the first person probably watched an animal do it first

I'm surprised his date stuck around. It's such a weird thing to argue about that he's probably like that in general.

Just like amoebas, they multiply by dividing.

"Buy to let". The worse thing to ever happen to housing markets.

Never let them know your next move. Keep 'em guessing!

That’s my core operating system how could those things matter?

Oh man I'd love to use that one.

Prison Mike would like to have a word

Tacos and Tequila fix EVERYTHING!! 🌮🍹🔁

Not if you go to sleep at 3am everyday to avoid that feeling. Then you get to be tired and sad 👍.

I'm a teacher and I only get about 20 minutes to eat. So yeah, it definitely feels the same.

Second best. Obviously, I'm the best.

I swear it's all a scam

Me neither. I still don't drink water unless it's tea,coffee or beer flavoured.

Exactly how I feel when I hear either of my adult daughters ring tone. I just say a little prayer and bite the bullet and answer. I now know how my mother felt when I called her.

Good idea! Although I work at a Chemical plant now and things might go BOOM if thar happens... Ah well, I'll be at home anyway

I live with that everyday. But I'm so blessed to have their support while I'm going through a rough patch.

I'll go to the gas station, fill up the tank and cry.

My boyfriend (who is awake long before me) gets upset that I am grumbly and incoherent when I first wake up. He says “you don’t even say good morning to me!” like bro I can’t even form WORDS when I first wake up. I do not wake up well or quickly and I do not want to be touched or talked to for at least a few minutes. But apparently I have to say “good morning!” coherently AND sound like I actually am happy to be awake.