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To have or not to have, that is the question! A century ago, it was assumed in most cultures that if you were married, the next step was to start a family. But nowadays, that expectation is starting to fade in many places, and some people have realized that they don’t actually have the desire to be parents.
Redditors in their thirties and forties who never had kids have recently been opening up about the realities of being childfree, so we’ve gathered some of their most insightful replies below. Whether you knew from a young age that you always wanted to be a mother or you’re on the fence about whether or not to start a family, we hope you enjoy hearing these people’s perspectives. And keep reading to find a conversation with the person who started this thread!
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#1
My life is terrible, I am just glad I am not subjecting a helpless child to it. Probably the most responsible thing I have done with my life.
RELATED:
#2
40, have never wanted children, and my life is great. I get to travel and have expensive hobbies and live in blissful silence. There has never been a single moment in my life I've regretted not having children.
Riley Quinn 3 weeks ago
Instead of raising little humans, I provided a forever home to a boatload of cats, plus did wildlife rehab. Couldn't do that with children.
#3
I am 38 and quite happy that I don't have kids, I can barely take care of myself.
To find out how this conversation started in the first place, we got in touch with the Reddit user who invited others to share their experiences in this thread, Meizcathooman. "I started this out of curiosity; I was just trying to see what the common perception is among Reddit users," he shared.
We also asked the author if he's interested in starting a family of his own. "I personally don't want to have kids. Although I'm just 24 right now, I still don't see my stance changing anytime soon," he noted. "There's already so many people, I don't want to contribute to this chain."
#4
I’m 39, and an American with the American healthcare and childcare systems, American political system, and American society. I can’t even f*****g imagine having a child in this country.
PeepPeep the duck 3 weeks ago
Yeah. I can’t imagine and don’t understand the whole, pay to give birth thing.
#5
There are fewer freedoms greater than being child-free as a man. No regrets.
My life isn't great. It's a sh**show, actually. But, unlike literally all my predecessors, I wasn't stupid enough to create another life to inherit my problems.
Whatever happens ends with me.
#6
Love it. Kids are so difficult and I don't even like em.
tori Ohno 3 weeks ago
I hate children. I simply don't have the mentality to deal with their behavior. Tantrums, immaturity, hysterical fits, neediness, etc etc. I like peace and tranquility, no noise and chaos. I'm also extremely introverted and the thought of always needing to be socially active with a tiny human is a waking nightmare for me. We need to make it illegal for doctors to refuse tubal ligation in child free women so people who don't want kids won't have to worry about it. I'm too old now, but in the past, not a single doctor would do it for me.
But the author knows how it feels to be expected to become a parent some day. "My family members definitely want me to settle down have kids and everything," he told Bored Panda. "Pressure is definitely there, and society still sees childless people with a slightly demeaning point of view."
#7
Wife and I travel every year, we're both in our early 40s, don't struggle with staying fit and healthy and we have a sizeable savings account that we expect will help cover our retirement when we get there.
So yeah, we're perfectly happy.
#8
37, happily married, happily childfree. Not having kids was the best thing we ever did. Working full time it already feels like we barely get enough free time to ourselves, I can't imagine spending it taking care of a kid.
#9
34. It’s like your 20’s but back pain and money to enjoy your hobbies.
Finally, the author shared what he thought of the replies to his post. "I was actually surprised, I mean I expected that there will be some response in favor of this view, not the majority though," Meizcathooman said. "But guess what, almost 90% of the comments are about enjoying being kids free. It felt good to see people out there living a good life without kids."
"There were many surprises, all sorts of stories about how some people had this view from a young age, and some changed when they met their partner. So many heartwarming stories too!" the author added. "I thoroughly enjoyed each and every comment, [whether they shared a positive] experience or not."
#10
41. My life is awesome. A couple years ago I picked up and moved across country.
I saw one of my favorite bands on Friday night, then Saturday morning went mountain biking with some friends. Then Sunday I slept in, got stoned all day while watching dumb movies and spent a bunch of time with my dog.
I have never been in a situation where I thought "this would be better with a child".
#11
Amazing of course, but to each their own. I personally cannot understand why anyone would want children. I don't have a paternal bone in my body, except for my four legged friend. My fiancé and I can do what we want, when we want, I just cannot imagine bringing up children. I am very capable and would make a responsible dad, I just simply have NO interest, at least in this lifetime. People may say, 'well who will look after you when you're very old' however there is no guarantee for those with kids. In fact it probably ensures I take much better care of myself with older age in mind, that there is a high chance I will be alone, but aren't we all, at the end of the day.
PeepPeep the duck 3 weeks ago
I like how they found partners who are like minded, it was the hardest part of dating, cos every guy eventually wanted it. My current partner is happy we don’t but is also not gonna complain if I did (but it’ll never happen 😝). But yeah so cool to find someone who thinks the same in that situation
#12
I’m 35 and married, no children by choice. When I see my friends with children it’s lovely, I love being an auntie, but I really value my freedom. I don’t know if that makes me selfish but I don’t think I’d be a great mom so why put a kid through that? I don’t feel like I’m missing something or that there’s an empty piece of my life in any way. I get to work, enjoy whatever hobbies I like, travel without kid stress. I have 2 cats and a dog and that’s enough responsibility for me!
Edit to clarify the ‘selfish’ comment - I mean selfish in that I am not giving my mom the grandchildren she so badly desires. But reading these comments helps me to know I’m not selfish in this decision so thank you all 🤍.
#13
I’m in my 30’s and childfree, honestly, I couldn’t be happier with the decision. My life feels so full. I’ve been able to travel, focus on my career and dive into hobbies that bring me joy. I love the freedom to plan my days exactly how I want, wether it’s spontaneous weekend getaway or just enjoying some quiet time with my partner or pets.. that’s not to say I don’t occasionally wonder about the future like who will take care of me when I’m older. But those thoughts are fleeting because I know I made this choice intentionally. I’ve built a life that feels meaningful and true to who I am and I wouldn’t trade it for anything. Being a childfree has given me the space to grow, experience and live fully in my terms.
Dog Mom to Zoe 3 weeks ago
Just because you have children doesn't mean they will care for you in your golden years. If that was the case, we wouldn't have so many senior homes. yup, "Merica.
#14
Married, no kids. It's great.
We've got two cats. They're pretty cool when they're not being tiny terrorists.
#15
I work, hike, volunteer, do hobbies, maintain my house, and rest.
I'm happy with it. I never wanted to be a mother and I still don't. I couldn't imagine my life _with_ kids. I'm glad I don't have to worry about a child when bad things have happened to me in the past and future, too.
#16
I want to suck out the marrow of life and try every little thing I can, every hobby, every country, every experience.
If I had a kid, rightfully, they'd be the center of my world. And I would forever be on the knifes edge trying to provide for us both.
I love the concept of having a tribe to come home to, as someone else phrased it. But unless you're especially energetic, rich, or lucky, that world doesn't exist anymore. So - what? What will you sacrifice to make it a reality? Because having kids is very much a sacrifice anymore, a frustrating and expensive one that may or may not pay off.
I had a friend that his parents poured their life into. Expensive family vacations, private school, yada yada. He died on a fentanyl overdose two years ago. All he did was bring pain to his family. Having kids is no guarantee that you'll have a loving family.
Merty Robinson 3 weeks ago
"Having kids is no guarantee that you'll have a loving family." Absolutely.
#17
Taking care of myself, pets and a husband is enough responsibility for me. So glad with my choice. I'd be miserable otherwise.
#18
Honestly I cannot imagine having to plan every aspect of your life around a kid.
Also, kids ruin practically everything (such as planes, restaurants, theatre shows, quiet public spaces etc).
Ann Kapoxeet 3 weeks ago
And then they turn into teenagers where their goal in life is to torture you! :) But I never regret having kids, and I'm so glad to live in a time & place where people, especially women, have choice about being parents.
#19
Very happy. Don't get me wrong, I love my friends' kiddos. But I'm glad I get to hand them back to their parents and move on with my day.
I've watched good, solid relationships be ruined by the stress of having kids. I've watched people fall into financial trouble from having kids.
Some people want to take that risk, or the reward of having children is worth it to them. That's their choice and I will help any way I can.
But I'm a big no on the having kids myself front.
#20
I'm 44 and my husband is 48. We've been together for 27 years. He was indifferent to having kids but was happy to if I wanted them, and I thought we'd have kids but was undecided for a very long time.
We got to 2019 and thought if we're going to do it, we better do it now. We tried for exactly 2 menstrual cycles. Leading up to my period was terrifying, and we were both incredibly relieved when it didn't work. That alone was telling.
Then Metallica announced a tour with Slipknot to Australia (which got cancelled) and Slipknot announced their Knotfest by Sea Cruise ship festival in Spain (also cancelled) and we realised we were not going to be able to go to things like that anymore. The cost aside, I would have been pregnant or with an infant so it was not going to be possible.
We stopped trying after that and haven't regretted it so far. We go to concerts frequently and travel a bit. Since 2019 we've built our dream home, my husband got the garage he's always wanted with a hoist, and I got my natural swim pond.
There are children in our lives by way of nieces, nephews and friends kids and that's enough for us. We had friends over a few weeks ago and they brought their two pre-schoolers with them. They were great kids but a handful - our house is not kid proof, we had to lock a room so they wouldn't get into my collectables which look like toys to them, and one of them turned all the dials on my husbands welder that he'd spent time setting up for a project he was working on. Again, great kids, but exhausting. When they left my husband and I bumped fists, just quietly celebrating our choice. I really admire people who have kids, but it's not for me.
Sven Horlemann 3 weeks ago
That resonates with me. Could be my wife and I. And I read Metallica, I upvote (saw them first 1985 at the Loreley festival). All the best!
#21
I absolutely don’t regret it. It was the right call for me as well as any “potential children”.
I’m someone who would have had a child to feel like I had a family. Someone that was my family and that thought did occur to me a few times over the years. But it would have been selfish and led to misery, for everyone.
Then I look at the news see what’s happening to our civilization and I KNOW I made the right choice.
Glen Ellyn 3 weeks ago (edited)
"Then I look at the news see what’s happening to our civilization and I KNOW I made the right choice." ****** My three children are grown and flown, but if I was of childbearing age today, I know I would not have children because of the mess the world is in right now. I fear for my children's and grandchildren's lives in the future.
#22
I'm torn. There's a deep want in me to have a kid. However, I don't know if I'd want to bring another soul into this world to suffer. It'd be very selfish on my part. Although everyone has always told me I'd be a good mother, I think, for now, that love will go to my dog, my nieces and nephew, my partner, and my friends.
Summer Lynn 3 days ago
You could adopt. I want kids but the idea of being pregnant freaks me out, so that's what I'm doing.
#24
40 y/o here.
So so happy. all my friends come to me they are exhausted and do nothing but vent. I get to go to nice restaurants whenever I like - for them it's a logistical nightmare.
#25
37 here and absolutely loving my decision. I travel whenever I want, my home is a peaceful sanctuary, and I've built an amazing career in marketing without juggling mom duties. Sure, my parents still bug me about grandkids, but I just send them pictures of my succulents instead. Zero regrets!
#26
I'm in my late 30's If I have kids, I cannot retire in a few years, cannot travel, cannot have toys. Having Kids takes so much away. Life is short, I refuse to be bound by walls.
Now if I won the lottery, I would adopt 10 kids...because I have the means to do everything.
#27
I'm 48f and childfree; not really a conscious choice, just never happened and I'm okay with that. Honestly, I lack the energy and patience to handle parenting anyway. I'm a proud Auntie of 4 nieces & nephews, who I love dearly and have been fairly involved in their lives. I have my pets to keep me company, and the money (from not raising kids) to pay for elder care if/when the time comes.
I love my freedom! I can do what I want when I want, for the most part, and enjoy traveling on my own. In fact, I'm going on a solo cruise + trip to Europe next spring. Can't wait. :-).
Beak Hookage 3 weeks ago
It annoys me a bit that there's this assumption that no kids means you get to go on cruises and s**t. I have no kids and I could not possibly afford to have the kind of carefree globetrotting lifestyle some of these people talk about.
#28
31 year old.
Here are things I wouldn't have been able to do had I decided to have children:
1) Managed to move into other country on my own.
2) Found a great workplace.
3) Educated myself and been upgrading my professional knowledge through many courses (which would have been impossible with kids).
4) Healed my past wounds through therapy.
5) Visited exotic countries.
6) Spent many peaceful and lovely afternoon naps with my partner
7) Saved money so I can have a car of my own.
I basically left my toxic circumstances, educated myself, earned money, did meaningful investments, met the love of my life...
And I will continue to do courses and be exceptionally professional.
I will continue to be there for people.
I will do whatever pleases my heart... Without children.
Because being a mother wouldn't please me.
My partner, friends, my grandmother, my colleagues, animals fill my heart with joy and happiness.
I am actually very proud of myself that I managed to buy my first car ever. It's such a relief and it made me realise that I would have probably been a struggling mom who would have to go back to work when the child is 1 year old.
And I don't think I can do that to a child.
#29
My life is awesome. I have a kick a*s partner, weekends to myself and I'm picking up new skills and trying to break into new careers.
Currently hand sculpting my own little range of fantasy miniatures as well as writing a graphic novel, even have an artist for it who's done a few pages.
My life is amazing.
#30
Overall, yes - I am at peace with this decision. I am infertile so, options for having children that aren't the "natural" way are extremely expensive. As a result of this infertility and the associated costs of adoption, IVF, etc - I lost the woman I loved because she wanted children. That was difficult to bear for a long time. However, when I consider the *cost* of everything associated with raising children and the reality that I would likely be working myself to death or living in or close to poverty, it puts my mind at ease.
I ran into a friend at the grocery store this weekend. He as three children ages 8 months, 5 and 7 - they spend $1200/month just on childcare. That's the equivalent of a second mortgage payment ***every single month***. I asked him how they do it and he said they're barely hanging on. I couldn't live with that sort of financial anxiety all the time.
Add in emergencies, medical issues, extracurriculars, climate change, the risk of gun violence, etc. Wages overall remain stagnant, inflation continues to rise... Then consider the cost of sending a child to college without setting them up for a lifetime of financial hardship due to student loans, the possibility that they will be living with you long term due to the job market, et al. It just seems totally unfeasible to me to raise children with a quality of life they deserve without working yourself to death.
What do you think ?
Ziggyc 3 weeks ago
Noone should ever have a child when they don't want one.A child should be wanted and loved and nutured.Noone should be criticized for not wanting children. I can't imagine life without mine and my grandchildren but I always wanted children. My sister never wanted a child and loves her life,no hate needed either way
Jenny Barnes 3 weeks ago
Kids should be wanted. But here is the kicker. Kids should be wanted for themselves and not as, “So I’m not lonely and taken care of when I grow older..”. That should not be the reason to have children. They may hate you, grow estranged., or simply move far away for their careers. Your children should never be expected to be your support system.
Michael Largey 3 weeks ago (edited)
No, I'm not going to change my mind about having children. Two reasons. (1) I'm perfectly content with my life as it is and has been. (2) I turn 74 next month.
Zake 3 weeks ago
Not having kids would be a lot freer, because I just have to manage myself. As for people who choose to have children, I don't mock them. I think their decision is a great one. There is nothing better than having the freedom to do what they want and the ability to take responsibility for their own decisions.
Sven Horlemann 3 weeks ago
When we were that age, our friends with children told us "Oh, you miss so much". I dunno how many years later, the same people said "Be happy that you do not have to put up with I what I have to put up with". I'd say 70% of friends and family said that. So... No regrets (we are 58 / 62 now).
Beak Hookage 3 weeks ago
I really do not like this assumption that no kids = rich. That aside, I think the best way to put my own situation is by quoting Lister from Red Dwarf, who lamented that he wanted to have a family "and loads of practise at the things you gotta do to get a family". I'm the exact opposite. I do not want to be married, I don't want to have s-e-x, ever, and I hate the mere idea of being pregnant. So even if I did want kids, yeah, forget it. And I couldn't possibly afford to support a kid anyway and said kid would likely inherit my various health problems.
Guess Undheit 3 weeks ago
Any breeders reading will completely miss the two most important things in all these people's bios. (1) The fact that people were THINKING and made conscious decisions NOT to make anyone's life worse - or create people who will have worse lives. (2) The complete lack of selfishness, unlike all the "I want..." breeders. No, spending your money on yourself is not "selfish", and NO, not creating lives that don't need to exist is not selfish. Selfish is having kids and neglecting them, which many breeders do but none of the 74 are guilty of.
Rena 3 weeks ago
i am almost 50 and first married last year. My husband has two daughters with two women. First daughter was around ten when we started dating (now in her late 30ties), the second one younger but the mother didn't wished any kind of contact beside of money. He loves his daughters (at least the one he was allowed to know) - but he envies me of not having children. To make it absolute clear: he fears to be taken care of his children later.
John Harrison 3 weeks ago
These are all mostly valid thoughts on having children, but I don't agree with "The way society is going, it's better not to have kids". People have been saying that forever. And yes, if you're in the U.S. there are some really bad things headed our way, but if kids was really your thing you could always move. Yes, that's right, you could move to another country. No, it wouldn't be easy, but you could do it. No one says you have to stay in the country of your birth for the rest of your life.
Ziggyc 3 weeks ago
Noone should ever have a child when they don't want one.A child should be wanted and loved and nutured.Noone should be criticized for not wanting children. I can't imagine life without mine and my grandchildren but I always wanted children. My sister never wanted a child and loves her life,no hate needed either way
Jenny Barnes 3 weeks ago
Kids should be wanted. But here is the kicker. Kids should be wanted for themselves and not as, “So I’m not lonely and taken care of when I grow older..”. That should not be the reason to have children. They may hate you, grow estranged., or simply move far away for their careers. Your children should never be expected to be your support system.
Michael Largey 3 weeks ago (edited)
No, I'm not going to change my mind about having children. Two reasons. (1) I'm perfectly content with my life as it is and has been. (2) I turn 74 next month.
Zake 3 weeks ago
Not having kids would be a lot freer, because I just have to manage myself. As for people who choose to have children, I don't mock them. I think their decision is a great one. There is nothing better than having the freedom to do what they want and the ability to take responsibility for their own decisions.
Sven Horlemann 3 weeks ago
When we were that age, our friends with children told us "Oh, you miss so much". I dunno how many years later, the same people said "Be happy that you do not have to put up with I what I have to put up with". I'd say 70% of friends and family said that. So... No regrets (we are 58 / 62 now).
Beak Hookage 3 weeks ago
I really do not like this assumption that no kids = rich. That aside, I think the best way to put my own situation is by quoting Lister from Red Dwarf, who lamented that he wanted to have a family "and loads of practise at the things you gotta do to get a family". I'm the exact opposite. I do not want to be married, I don't want to have s-e-x, ever, and I hate the mere idea of being pregnant. So even if I did want kids, yeah, forget it. And I couldn't possibly afford to support a kid anyway and said kid would likely inherit my various health problems.
Guess Undheit 3 weeks ago
Any breeders reading will completely miss the two most important things in all these people's bios. (1) The fact that people were THINKING and made conscious decisions NOT to make anyone's life worse - or create people who will have worse lives. (2) The complete lack of selfishness, unlike all the "I want..." breeders. No, spending your money on yourself is not "selfish", and NO, not creating lives that don't need to exist is not selfish. Selfish is having kids and neglecting them, which many breeders do but none of the 74 are guilty of.
Rena 3 weeks ago
i am almost 50 and first married last year. My husband has two daughters with two women. First daughter was around ten when we started dating (now in her late 30ties), the second one younger but the mother didn't wished any kind of contact beside of money. He loves his daughters (at least the one he was allowed to know) - but he envies me of not having children. To make it absolute clear: he fears to be taken care of his children later.
John Harrison 3 weeks ago
These are all mostly valid thoughts on having children, but I don't agree with "The way society is going, it's better not to have kids". People have been saying that forever. And yes, if you're in the U.S. there are some really bad things headed our way, but if kids was really your thing you could always move. Yes, that's right, you could move to another country. No, it wouldn't be easy, but you could do it. No one says you have to stay in the country of your birth for the rest of your life.
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