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While insulting isn’t very nice and it’s meant to hurt someone’s feelings, sometimes you can’t help but admire the creativity of it. Especially if it’s not something banal like a slur or other profanity. 

They are actually quite fun to analyze and leave you wondering why such a comparison was made. Sometimes they are so out-of-the-box that you may not understand if it was even meant as an insult. 

Today we will look through such insults that are quite creative, subtle and are safe for work as Reddit user MeMyselfAndI24 specifically asked “What’s the best child friendly swear word/insult you’ve ever heard?”

More info: Reddit

This post may include affiliate links.

#1

45 Of The Most Amusing Child-Friendly Insults That Members Of This Online Group Couldn't Resist Sharing With Others My niece called me “Walmart face” recently and it stung more than I’d like to admit.

BIgTrey3 , Mike Mozart Report

Final score:
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Swear words are an interesting part of our language as they are taboo and very widely used at the same time. Friends and colleagues may swear while talking to each other all the time, but not when they are in a more formal setting, in public or in front of family. 

They help people relieve stress or blow off some steam if something is irritating them. Some research suggests that people who swear are more intelligent, more honest and creative. So the cause that makes us swear and the words themselves are more often negative, but the effect they have and the traits they indicate are usually positive.
#2

45 Of The Most Amusing Child-Friendly Insults That Members Of This Online Group Couldn't Resist Sharing With Others When I was 11, my 8 year old sister and I were in a good natured TP battle with our neighbors a few doors down. One night we were doing the deed, when our 9-year-old neighbor, who was watching with his family, ran outside brandishing a fake cane yelling in a really good impersonation of an old man voice, “get offer mah lawn you bunch of squirrelly kumquats!”
I remember skittering home, hearing his mom laughing her head off. I’m pretty sure he made that up himself.

ellahorn , Daniel Panev Report

Final score:
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#3

45 Of The Most Amusing Child-Friendly Insults That Members Of This Online Group Couldn't Resist Sharing With Others My coworker told me that her preschooler learned to say "I'll pray for you," but that it comes out as the most shade throwing side eyed insult ever.

Caycepanda , Henry Burrows Report

Final score:
132points
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lisah255 avatar
LH25
LH25
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Like when Whoopie Goldberg says "Bless you" in Sister Act. "Bless" is not the word her tone conveys

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Even though adults swear in private all the time, they don’t want children hearing it. The Reddit thread in question is the perfect example of people searching ways of insulting others or swearing by using unusual words and phrases.

Bored Panda reached out to Timothy Jay, PhD who taught Introduction To Psychology and Cognitive Psychology in Massachusetts College Of Liberal Arts and who expertises in psycholinguistics and has a particular interest is swearing.
#4

45 Of The Most Amusing Child-Friendly Insults That Members Of This Online Group Couldn't Resist Sharing With Others When I was in high school someone called someone else a wet bag of chips in place of calling them a useless f**k.

redditstolemyshoes , Niez Aini Latif Report

Final score:
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#5

45 Of The Most Amusing Child-Friendly Insults That Members Of This Online Group Couldn't Resist Sharing With Others Get your poop in a group. = Get your s**t together.

Drvanfalk , Peep This Yall Report

Final score:
126points
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We asked him what leads adults to protect children from swear words and search for euphemisms. Dr. Jay told us that “Americans have an age-old custom of protecting children from certain aspects of life, such as sexuality, menstruation, birth control, offensive language/music/videos/games.” 

The custom stems from the belief that swearing is harmful to children, “so most parents have rules about swearing in the home, although most of these parents break their own rules from time to time.”

However, the Professor Emeritus doesn’t agree that this is the best approach, “What parents need to do is teach their children that it is okay to have emotions. They have to teach children how to express their emotions in a manner that will not create personal or interpersonal problems.”
#6

45 Of The Most Amusing Child-Friendly Insults That Members Of This Online Group Couldn't Resist Sharing With Others My cousin called his brother a swamp donkey

BergeronDestroyer , Pom' Report

Final score:
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#7

45 Of The Most Amusing Child-Friendly Insults That Members Of This Online Group Couldn't Resist Sharing With Others One of the little kids I looked after was extremely mad at me one day. Pretty sure she was offended by my saying no to her. She glared at me, stomped her foot and called me “Mayor Humdinger”. For the non familiar Mayor Humdinger is the antagonist on Paw Patrol. I lost it, it was hilarious.

Mahovolich13 , Nick Jr. Report

Final score:
119points
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Lea Panthera
Lea Panthera
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Using antagonists' names as insults? Why hadn't I thought of that? I shall now start calling people Hawkbutt, Sour-on, Hippo-chin, and Moldy Voldy(three cheers to you if you get all of the references!).

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We may imagine that people who swear have a lower education, come from low-income families and lack social skills, but it truly doesn’t reflect reality. As mentioned, people who swear can possess positive traits such as intelligence and honesty more often than those who don’t swear.

Dr. Jay confirms it, “Swearing might indicate that the speaker is not holding anything back and gets to the emotional core of communication. People who have large, fluent vocabularies are also good at generating swear words.”

Not only swearing shows positive traits of a person, but it has positive outcomes and are used for positive purposes, “Swearing is used positively to: vent anger/frustration, substitute for physical violence, create peer bonding, create humor, allow for self-denigration.
#8

45 Of The Most Amusing Child-Friendly Insults That Members Of This Online Group Couldn't Resist Sharing With Others Growing up my dad randomly decided “Frankenstein” was a swear word and would pretend to get upset when we would “swear” at him. It still works 30+ years later 😅

My dad’s the best, I can’t wait to go home and visit with him this weekend!

tremendousdynamite , Insomnia Cured Here Report

Final score:
117points
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#9

45 Of The Most Amusing Child-Friendly Insults That Members Of This Online Group Couldn't Resist Sharing With Others My kid recently referred to a kid in her class as a "brathole."

TheJewMan87 , lori05871 Report

Final score:
116points
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It’s not to say that people who dont swear are bad or stupid people who don’t have a sense of humor. And people who use child-friendly swears are not inferior either. Actually, Dr. Jay thinks that these milder swears may have the same effect as the heavier ones, “Depends on the particular person. Mormons use euphemisms (sugar, darn, fudge) that seem to work for their emotional expressions. Each person has a history of what will work for relieving stress as a matter of habit…so, it depends.”
#10

45 Of The Most Amusing Child-Friendly Insults That Members Of This Online Group Couldn't Resist Sharing With Others "first of all, brush your teeth"

Anything your say after that doesn't matter. They will already be dead inside

Holzy09 , kerinin Report

Final score:
111points
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#11

45 Of The Most Amusing Child-Friendly Insults That Members Of This Online Group Couldn't Resist Sharing With Others My nephew called me a mashed potato once. I still don't know what I did to deserve that.

thweet_jethuth , Stephanie Overton Report

Final score:
100points
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Do you express your emotions with swears? Do you think children should be protected from offensive language while they’re young? Do you know any other funny-sounding swears and insults that would fit this list? Leave us a comment below!

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#12

45 Of The Most Amusing Child-Friendly Insults That Members Of This Online Group Couldn't Resist Sharing With Others Listen here you stick of unsalted butter

kmarz02 , Brian Boucheron Report

Final score:
97points
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clarkcongleton avatar
Bored&InSchool
Bored&InSchool
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That is so simple: there's no real meaning, it's just kinda goofy in the perfect way. lol.

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#13

45 Of The Most Amusing Child-Friendly Insults That Members Of This Online Group Couldn't Resist Sharing With Others Met a guy who recently had a child, he started replacing his curse words with PICKLES. He would cut his finger and just scream AHH PICKLES

delux561 , Christine Report

Final score:
87points
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#14

45 Of The Most Amusing Child-Friendly Insults That Members Of This Online Group Couldn't Resist Sharing With Others "Why, You Stuck Up, Half-Witted, Scruffy-Looking, Nerf-Herder!"

_-Princess Leia_

anon , JMAS Report

Final score:
87points
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#15

45 Of The Most Amusing Child-Friendly Insults That Members Of This Online Group Couldn't Resist Sharing With Others Son of a motherless goat. Makes no sense but always makes me giggle when I say it.

evilshenanigan , lisatozzi Report

Final score:
84points
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harpling
harpling
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So... a goat Disney princess? They all seem to be motherless.

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#16

45 Of The Most Amusing Child-Friendly Insults That Members Of This Online Group Couldn't Resist Sharing With Others I had a friend yell “what the peepeecake” while playing videogames with him while there were small children in voice chat. Everybody immediately cracked up. It’s perfect.

blockboy9942 , xrayspx Report

Final score:
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#17

45 Of The Most Amusing Child-Friendly Insults That Members Of This Online Group Couldn't Resist Sharing With Others Your mother uses cheap toilet paper

Adron-the-survivor , Darren Foreman Report

Final score:
76points
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#18

45 Of The Most Amusing Child-Friendly Insults That Members Of This Online Group Couldn't Resist Sharing With Others Cotton-headed ninny muggins

tru2chevy , Kimberly Vardeman Report

Final score:
72points
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#19

45 Of The Most Amusing Child-Friendly Insults That Members Of This Online Group Couldn't Resist Sharing With Others Who are you calling a cootie queen you lint licker!

Badfish691 , Thirteen Of Clubs Report

Final score:
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#20

45 Of The Most Amusing Child-Friendly Insults That Members Of This Online Group Couldn't Resist Sharing With Others You're supposed to be dumpster diving for ham scraps, you six piece chicken mcnobody!

Infammo , PatrickRich Report

Final score:
66points
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Sam Juan
Sam Juan
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This sounds like it's the missing verse to "You're a mean one, Mr. Grinch"

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#21

45 Of The Most Amusing Child-Friendly Insults That Members Of This Online Group Couldn't Resist Sharing With Others We were at the base of Old Faithful and, as it was erupting, the wind shifted blowing a totally unexpected big drift of spray on our son who was about 4 at the time. He was soooo mad he started running and swinging his arms, stomping his feet and hollering "Dag Darn It!" at the top of his voice over and over like a miniature longshoreman who just smashed his thumb with a hammer and, brother, he MEANT EVERY WORD HE WAS SAYING! 24 years later, I'll STILL say "Dag Darn It!" when I'm in a position where I feel the need to exclaim in a negative fashion but real swearing would be wholly inappropriate.

WeAreLivinTheLife , neajjean Report

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64points
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#22

45 Of The Most Amusing Child-Friendly Insults That Members Of This Online Group Couldn't Resist Sharing With Others I was a C.I.T at a day camp and there was this young kid with anger issues. He would often get into fights with the other kids and would have frequent temper tantrums when things didn’t go his way. One day on the bus he was sitting playing on his gameboy when the kid next to him starts drawing on a piece of paper. The boy with anger problems wanted a piece of paper and the other kid said no multiple times. Things got heated and the kid drawing said shut up. ( I know, intense). In which the other kid screamed,”SUCK MY GAMEBOY!” Unsuccessfully tried to hold in my laughter.

MyToesWantToEatYou , Bryan Ochalla Report

Final score:
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#23

45 Of The Most Amusing Child-Friendly Insults That Members Of This Online Group Couldn't Resist Sharing With Others Shisha pit ... I’m randomly dyslexic when I talk quickly and I tried to call my friend a piece of s**t (jokingly) and thus became shisha pit..

madeinboston , Marco Verch Report

Final score:
62points
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Ramirez rachael
Ramirez rachael
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My son and I switch small phrases all the time I can’t believe we never thought of this one!! Baco tell is our favorite late night taco

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#24

45 Of The Most Amusing Child-Friendly Insults That Members Of This Online Group Couldn't Resist Sharing With Others "your face is a toaster"

I just looked at my nephew, eyebrows raised.
I was flabbergasted.

Alec_de_Large , RecycledStarDust Report

Final score:
60points
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clarkcongleton avatar
Bored&InSchool
Bored&InSchool
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

oh, well then put some bread in my mouth and you won't be able to call me useless, eh?

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#25

45 Of The Most Amusing Child-Friendly Insults That Members Of This Online Group Couldn't Resist Sharing With Others Your hairline looks like a MacDonald's sign

pillowclit , JJBers Report

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59points
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#26

45 Of The Most Amusing Child-Friendly Insults That Members Of This Online Group Couldn't Resist Sharing With Others My nephew called me a “stanky rainbow.” Best insult ever.

GodzillaPoppins , Andrew Report

Final score:
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#27

45 Of The Most Amusing Child-Friendly Insults That Members Of This Online Group Couldn't Resist Sharing With Others You smell like hot dog water

ricerock , stu_spivack Report

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55points
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#28

I like to call people kartoffelkopf which means potato head in German.

efox02 Report

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#29

45 Of The Most Amusing Child-Friendly Insults That Members Of This Online Group Couldn't Resist Sharing With Others You total muppet!

isaac_foxx1012 , Nicolas Sanguinetti Report

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52points
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#30

45 Of The Most Amusing Child-Friendly Insults That Members Of This Online Group Couldn't Resist Sharing With Others Gordon Ramsey taught his kids vegetable names to replace swears.
Shitaku for s**t was my favorite

MurrayMan92 , Lee Stranahan Report

Final score:
51points
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Francine Govan
Francine Govan
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Oh, the irony of Gordon Ramsay teaching others not to swear ...

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#31

45 Of The Most Amusing Child-Friendly Insults That Members Of This Online Group Couldn't Resist Sharing With Others “You’re... not a nice person!”
Which was then followed by a shocked gasp from their friend.

randomly-cc , DreamWorks Animatio Report

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Benita Valdez
Benita Valdez
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Once upon a time in our late teens early 20's, my best friend went on a rant saying every possible insult and curse about a backstabbing "friend" after finding out they did some messed up stuff behind our backs. She went along on this tirade saying every curse she could imagine (and boy could she swear) and then ended it with "not nice girl". We lost it laughing with that final insult

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#32

My 10 year old calls people 'bum crumb' 😂🤦‍♀️

Cakegirl16 Report

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#33

45 Of The Most Amusing Child-Friendly Insults That Members Of This Online Group Couldn't Resist Sharing With Others Mother trucker dude, that hurt like a buttcheek on a stick

anon , Quinn Dombrowski Report

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46points
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Ellie
Ellie
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Mason, chill out /j. Ah, vine was the greatest

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#34

45 Of The Most Amusing Child-Friendly Insults That Members Of This Online Group Couldn't Resist Sharing With Others You’re an immature nugget!

Was skating with a buddy and we passed 2 little kids, one kid called the other an idiot and he promptly shot back with immature nugget. That was well over 10 years ago and that’s still our go to insult for each other

WarriorOfTheWord , James St. John Report

Final score:
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#35

45 Of The Most Amusing Child-Friendly Insults That Members Of This Online Group Couldn't Resist Sharing With Others Sugar Honey Ice Tea (s**t)

Heymrpreacherman , Matthew Dillon Report

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45points
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Sam Juan
Sam Juan
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I still can't believe I didn't pick up on this in the first Madagascar movie until years later.

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#36

Shiitake (like the mushroom) instead of s**t.

Gordon Ramsey’s child said it at school and they got upset. Upon calling Mr. Ramsey and explaining the situation they were then set upon by Gordon Ramsey for them getting mad at his child for NOT cursing. He of course explained to them that shiitake is a type of mushroom.

By yelling at them about it.

Love that man.

Snarky_Boojum Report

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jjdubs W
jjdubs W
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Better story than the earlier one, but the earlier one had a picture.

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#37

You don't know grits from granola!

Back2Bach Report

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#38

45 Of The Most Amusing Child-Friendly Insults That Members Of This Online Group Couldn't Resist Sharing With Others When I was 6 years-old, my childhood best friend taught me the phrase, “Get out of my face, Face!”

It’s so stupid, but I still think it to myself sometimes when I’m in a crowded area and people are in my personal bubble.

AgentSnipe8863 , Matt Gregory Report

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39points
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#39

Idiot bunky nematode. My brother was maybe 3 when he said this to me and my sister.

ChunkySoup93 Report

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#40

Oh barnacles!

SilverWings002 Report

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#41

Fork!

uriejejejdjbejxijehd Report

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#42

"Shog off!" It's from Shakespeare.

TheSanityInspector Report

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#43

45 Of The Most Amusing Child-Friendly Insults That Members Of This Online Group Couldn't Resist Sharing With Others My son (2.5 year old) will randomly scream in a shrill voice and smack your but and scream, "STIIIINKY BUTT!" he does this ANYWHERE and as loud as his tiny body can make the sound.

M0th3r0f1 , Mike Maguire Report

Final score:
28points
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Zea Wolffe
Zea Wolffe
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You should teach him this is not acceptable as soon as possible. It's funny while its you, but one day he'll do it to someone else and then it'll be a bigger issue than you gambled for.....

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#44

45 Of The Most Amusing Child-Friendly Insults That Members Of This Online Group Couldn't Resist Sharing With Others Bite your thumb at someone

IdoNotknow1212 , badjonni Report

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#45

Oh BOB SAGET!!

PianoManGidley Report

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#46

Nincompoop.

NoraGrooGroo Report

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#47

45 Of The Most Amusing Child-Friendly Insults That Members Of This Online Group Couldn't Resist Sharing With Others Pickle smoocher

pleaseluv , John Bell Report

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11points
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#48

At church camp we'd say "Mother Father"

TMG1053 Report

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#49

Donut - idiot
U have the personality of a fridge
Take a long walk off a short pier - f**k off

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Captain Awesome
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#50

Meaniebobeanie

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#51

Holy smokes! What the fudge! F***k! You’re a buttface!

I’m 31 years old and I use these on the regular.

anon120 Report

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8points
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#52

Donut - idiot
U have the personality of a fridge
Take a long walk off a short pier - f**k off

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-1point
Captain Awesome
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#53

Donut - idiot
U have the personality of a fridge
Take a long walk off a short pier - f**k off

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-5points
Captain Awesome
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