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39-Year-Old Woman Goes Viral For Honest Videos On What Her Childfree Life Looks Like
In recent years, there has been a growing number of women who have been vocal about remaining child-free. The reasons behind their choice vary, but common ones are concerns about financial stability, the desire to focus on personal interests and careers, and broader things like overpopulation.
39-year-old Vancouver-based photographer and artist Jackie Dives is one of these advocates. In addition to her creative work, Jackie uses social media to break the ice and invites the public to talk about (not) having children.
More info: Facebook | Instagram | TikTok
RELATED:
Photographer Jackie Dives has made a conscious decision not to have kids
Image credits: Jackie Dives Photo
To normalize the discussion about this choice, she runs a TikTok vlog series
Image credits: jackiedives
“I was surprised by how many people have commented that they experienced the same thing,” Jackie explained to BuzzFeed. “I think the root cause of this is that everyone tells women they will change their mind. You might have a strong conviction that you don’t want kids, but if everyone in your life is telling you that you will change your mind or that you will regret not having them, it can be very difficult to walk away from someone you love to stay true to your convictions.”
“People need to stop asking women when they will have kids,” Jackie said. “Women need to be encouraged to do whatever the hell they want with their lives. Like any stigma, the more we normalize it, the better it will get. People need to stop gaslighting women about what they want from their own lives.”
Here’s an example of ‘A Day in a Life of a Child-free Woman’
Image credits: jackiedives
Image credits: jackiedives
Image credits: jackiedives
Image credits: jackiedives
Image credits: jackiedives
Image credits: jackiedives
Image credits: jackiedives
Image credits: jackiedives
Here’s the entire video
@jackiedives When my partner left our relationship after 5 years because he wanted to have a baby, I knew I didn’t want to be a parent, but I felt lost because I had no examples of what my life could look like. This is what a happy childfree life can look like. #childfreebychoice ♬ original sound – Jackie Dives
A 2021 Pew Research Center survey found that 44% of non-parents ages 18 to 49 think it is not too or not at all likely that they will have children someday, an increase of 7 percentage points from the 37% who said the same in 2018. Interestingly, there are no differences in data if we divide the respondents by gender.
Experts are not surprised by the numbers. “This is a trend we have been seeing for years; the birth rate is declining. It was declining before the pandemic. We did not see a pandemic baby boom, [as] some people expected,” Christine Whelan, director of the Money, Relationships and Equality (MORE) center at the University of Wisconsin, Madison, told TODAY Parents. “Instead, we saw a further decline during the pandemic, which makes sense because when you are concerned about your future — especially from a health perspective — then you don’t really want to bring children into the world.”
“What’s interesting to me about this Pew data is the percentage of people who are saying, ‘I don’t plan on having kids because I just don’t want to,'” Whelan added. “This is an important first because that statement would not have been socially acceptable like 15 years ago. So the idea that it is socially acceptable now to say that is a big switch.”
Whelan’s referring to the fact that a majority (56%) of non-parents younger than 50 who feel it’s unlikely they will have children someday said it’s because they just don’t want to.
(Among adults who named some other thing that pushes them to remain child-free, no single cause stood out. 19% said it’s due to medical reasons, 17% said it’s for financial reasons, and 15% said it’s because they do not have a partner.)
(Roughly one in ten said their age or their partner’s age or the state of the world (9%) is the reason they don’t plan to have kids.)
“You can live a childfree life that is not lonely”
@jackiedives You can live a childfree life that is not lonely. #childfreebychoice #artistsoftiktok #solotravel #solotravelwoman ♬ Sunshine – WIRA
Image credits: jackiedivesphoto
Recently, another TikToker, Maelen S., turned to the platform, asking: “If you are [in your] 40s and up and a woman or even a woman with a partner who has gone their entire life childless (on purpose), please tell me what your life is like now”
Image credits: jackiedives
And Jackie provided an honest answer, explaining why it’s important to talk about the subject
Image credits: jackiedives
“I often get in s**t on TikTok for saying, like, this is how a childfree person does XYZ or this is a day in the life of a childfree person. People are like, “Why do you need to put in there that you’re child-free? What difference does it make?” And the reason I do that is because I want women, like the person who I’m stitching, to see what a life without children can look like.”
“I’m 39, and I’m child-free. My experience of being childfree was that when my partner decided that he wanted to have children, we’d been together for five years, and he actually left our relationship. So I had to decide very sure that I was willing to let my partner go in exchange for living a child-free life.”
The woman revealed that she even ended a relationship because of her decision
Image credits: RODNAE Productions (not the actual photo)
“I really loved my partner a lot. And a lot of people were telling me that it was crazy to let him go and not just have a baby with him. I knew in my heart and in my gut that I didn’t want to be a parent. But after we separated, it was really hard for me to visualize what my life would look like.”
“I could see what my life would look like if he and I had stayed together, I would be with him, and we’d have a house and a baby and a family and like, great in-laws and a white picket fence, the whole thing. But because we are never shown examples in media or pop culture about what it looks like to be a woman who doesn’t have children, I had no idea what my life would look like if I didn’t go down the path that everyone expected me to go down.”
Jackie wishes there was more representation of child-free women
Image credits: freestocks (not the actual photo)
“It felt really lonely and strange. And I had to go seek out other women who had also made that choice. So that’s why I always say in my videos, this is what a day in the life of a childfree artist looks like, because I want women who don’t want to have kids to have an example of what your life can look like.”
@jackiedives #stitch with @Maelen S. women are shown one way to live their life because entertainment media never features childfree narratives. #childfree ♬ original sound – Jackie Dives
However, those who choose the other path aren’t regretting their way of life, too. While a relatively small share of parents places a high level of importance on their own kids having children one day, the vast majority – including among mothers and fathers and across income and racial and ethnic groups – views being a parent as the most (30%) or one of the most (57%) important aspects of who they are as a person.
36% of moms and dads feel that being a parent is enjoyable all the time. Another 44% find it enjoyable most of the time — that’s a total of 80%! Similarly, 25% describe parenting as rewarding all the time, and 58% described it as rewarding most of the time, for a total of 82%.
So I guess the key here is, as with many other social issues, to understand that different people want different things and instead of forcing them to adhere to our beliefs, we should strive to understand where they’re coming from so that we could all coexist in peace.
People on TikTok are really thankful for her content, since they agree there’s not enough positive light shed on this particular group
Many also share their own experiences
What do you think ?
Tamra 1 year ago
What saddens me about this post was that people actually told her to just go ahead and have a baby in order to save her relationship. WTF? Beyond that, I really liked the way she presented this. Just a calm, sensible, caring approach to other women like her, who might feel alone in their choices, as a way to support and connect. Well done.
XenoMurph 1 year ago
Agreed, I have a daughter and LOVE being a dad, and often on articles like this there can be negativity towards parents as if the person has to condemn the "other side" in order to validate their choice, which I suppose is where we are as a society these days. This was just a positive article about a positive choice, without the negativity. Lovely.
Load More Replies...
Enlee Jones 1 year ago
Women without children don’t need to explain their decision, and you aren’t owed an explanation.
June 1 year ago (edited)
I get what you said, but for some reason people think that the are entilted for an explanation, so Yes we do. Why am I pressured to explain myself? Idk, but that's it. Just prepare to clap with me : I don't want to pass my neurodiversity to a new human being since this world is still crappy to me. How could I bring a new (probably neurodiverse) human being into this world? Wtf? Just got myself spayed; def not a happy decision but the best I could make. 🤘
Load More Replies...
B-b-bird 1 year ago
I feel like a lot of women don't want children, but they give in because of wishes of their partner and parents. Sad that women contribute their life and dreams, to make wishes and dreams of other come true. At the end no one is appreciating it anyway. And no, your children will not be visiting often when you are in retirement home. Once you are in there - you are in there.
Marcos Valencia 1 year ago
It depends on how your culture and family are built. If you expect your children to leave home at 18 and never come back, this will be the nature of the relationship. I hope I will have a regular, growing relation with my children as they will grow up.
Load More Replies...
gotham-panda 1 year ago (edited)
For those saying "stop normalizing normal stuff" and "not having kids is fine, you don't have to announce it to everyone all the time" and "everyone is already doing this"..... No they aren't, and yes, we do. Because it still isn't considered normal. Women are still pressured to "grow up and start a family already". And young women are NOT being told that not doing that is even an option. If you don't like TikToks and posts that talk about it, you can skip it. But there's a real need in society for childfree women to show other women that they would not be alone if they made the very unpopular decision not to have children. There's been a rise in these kinds of post getting attention lately, but it's getting attention because it's still niche - still unusual. There is too much negativity still being spread about childfree women for there not to be a need for positive, successful examples to be seen and shared.
Marcos Valencia 1 year ago
It's starting to be as boring as people who continously post images and videos of their children. Not having children is OK, you don't need to demonstrate anything against the society.
ginny weasley 1 year ago
So you think not having children but wanting that choice to be normalized is "demonstrating something against the society"? You are why we need more such posts
Load More Replies...
Anyone-for-tea? 1 year ago
I wish we didn’t use language like “crazy cat lady” or “spinster”. It’s really cruel especially if being child-free wasn’t your choice and health conditions (or other factors) chose for you.
Jennifer Norton 1 year ago
There is one thing she said that no one is commenting on.... "you don't have to live a lonely life because you didn't have children".... if you are having kids to not be lonely then you have a HUGE problem. I have three kids and trust me, they aren't companions...
Luthien 1 year ago
For most people I know it's more that once all the people your age have kids, they stop spending time with people who don't. That leaves the childless as the odd ones out as they are left out of their old social circle, which can lead to loneliness.
Load More Replies... Delta Dawn 1 year ago
Maybe I’m the only one but I aggressively do not give a s**t whether other people have children. I don’t need yet another hot take on how you get to live your life however you want when you don’t have kids. Yeah, we know. We too didn’t have kids at one point, so the childless life isn’t a mystery. You just go on and do you, and feel free to ignore anyone who tries to tell you otherwise.
Hiker Chick 1 year ago
Agree - I was almost 30 when my kids were born, so my husband and I had many years of being child-free. Now my kids are grown and out of the house, and I'm basically child-free again. It's like they think that parents are only defined by the small amount of time we're actively raising kids, and we were still able to do all of those things (go for a run, meet friends for breakfast, etc) while the kids were young. Like, hello, we are parents but we also live in the world.
Load More Replies...
Sponge Blob 1 year ago
She's so late to the train. There have been at least two millions similar posts.
MCathenaE 1 year ago (edited)
My husband always considered having children, I never really wanted to. We set an age (33 for me) and agreed that if we were in a position to have children by then, great we would. We were not in that position by the time I was 33 & we didnt have children. Now that we are older & child free, we are both content with our lives & don't feel we missed out. We have nibblings to spoil & I don't mind being the fun, eccentric aunt...
Susan Hill 1 year ago
60 yrs after my decision to not have children, I can still say it was the best life choice I have ever made. Nobody would have survived well.
Aria the Dog Lover 1 year ago
The only reason I do not want my own children is because I don't want to go through 9 months of pain and then labor. Just seems terrible to me. I'm fine with not having kids, I'm still young and can change my mind at anytime. I'd so be fine with adopting or helping my future partner raise their kid/kids.
Lil Potato 1 year ago
I am glad this article was different from others ive seen. BP loves to hate on people who have kids for some reason, and this one was just informative and straight forward. Whatever choice you make, that's fine, but don't shame EITHER side for their choice!
Noya Bynes 1 month ago
It's crazy to me how much pressure is put on women to have a child. I knew by 18 that I didn't want kids and haven't changed my mind. I had a much older male manager ask me repeatedly when I was going to have kids. I simply said I didn't want kids, not that it was his business, but he would still bring it up occasionally until I mentioned I have a medical condition that would make pregnancy high risk for my health. That he accepted. I knew before the medical diagnosis that I didn't want kids, why isn't that enough of a reason?!
Susan Stuart 10 months ago
Me and my husband are in our 50's and have never regretted not having kids. We've been to some of the most beautiful places on earth. We get to do whatever the f..k we want when we want. Love, love our life childless
Craig Reynolds 10 months ago
I'm 63, never wanted or had kids and I lived a life that would have been impossible financially if I had them. We have traveled to 46 of the lower 48 states as well as Canada (all by road trips) and several trips to Asia. Most, if not all of that would have been impossible if not extremely difficult. Having a kid today and raising it to adulthood will equal the cost of a median-priced home.
Pamela Blue 1 year ago
The last poster states "A childfree life is the best life!" That wasn't the point of this article. The point is that a woman can now choose whether to have children or not. Some women want to be mothers. That's wonderful! And some don't. That's just fine too!
StnFlwr 1 year ago
My childhood sucked. My mom was 3rd generation single mother, and she wasn't supportive emotionally. I lived with my S.O. for 29 years. His mother wasn't emotionally supportive, either (learned a new phrase "trauma bonding"). I (we) never felt able or willing to do the huge lifestyle change that would be required. Also, I never really felt support from my S.O. (probably because he doesn't know how?). Don't regret possibly traumatizing another human being a bit. Still learning to care about and love myself. I wanted this to be a positive comment. Sorry if I didn't make it.
The Original Bruno 1 year ago (edited)
I'm just kinda amazed that people feel this is necessary. I'm not saying it's not; I'm just kinda amazed people feel it is. How many BP have been about this? One person wrote that single women are presented as witches living in the woods. Really? Of all the shows I could think of, the female characters in the show as initially conceived were almost ALL single and childless, unless the show was specifically about their home life (Cosby Show, Growing Pains, Modern Family, Everybody Loves Raymond). In a FEW cases, the shows evolved to adopt to the actresses' real lives by the main character changing their mind about being single (Bones) or they have a kid, but continue to lead a very single lifestyle (Murphy Brown).
Tamra 1 year ago
People feel this type of discussion is necessary, because it's still a very pervasive belief that a woman should "naturally" want to have children. Women get asked invasive questions about when they're going to have children, and then get grilled about why they won't.
Load More Replies...
Laura Smith 10 months ago
That lady is incredibly ignorant for her to say she wants women to see what a child free life is like, it's just beyond stupid, because every woman that made the choice to have kids,had a child free life before we made the choice to have kids, She, on the other hand can't make that comparison. Because she's never had kids, she is just embarrassingly ignorant... People like her need to find a hobby to occupy themselves because they are way too desperate for attention....
ginny weasley 1 year ago
There are 8 BILLION people. I don't think humanity is going extinct anytime soon.
Load More Replies...
XenoMurph 1 year ago
I'm sorry to hear about your situation. That's tough.
Load More Replies...
OwenHasADHD 1 year ago
Yeah the internet has other uses, like you stating your opinion in a comment section in an article that probably no one will care much about.
Load More Replies... Tamra 1 year ago
What saddens me about this post was that people actually told her to just go ahead and have a baby in order to save her relationship. WTF? Beyond that, I really liked the way she presented this. Just a calm, sensible, caring approach to other women like her, who might feel alone in their choices, as a way to support and connect. Well done.
XenoMurph 1 year ago
Agreed, I have a daughter and LOVE being a dad, and often on articles like this there can be negativity towards parents as if the person has to condemn the "other side" in order to validate their choice, which I suppose is where we are as a society these days. This was just a positive article about a positive choice, without the negativity. Lovely.
Load More Replies... Enlee Jones 1 year ago
Women without children don’t need to explain their decision, and you aren’t owed an explanation.
June 1 year ago (edited)
I get what you said, but for some reason people think that the are entilted for an explanation, so Yes we do. Why am I pressured to explain myself? Idk, but that's it. Just prepare to clap with me : I don't want to pass my neurodiversity to a new human being since this world is still crappy to me. How could I bring a new (probably neurodiverse) human being into this world? Wtf? Just got myself spayed; def not a happy decision but the best I could make. 🤘
Load More Replies... B-b-bird 1 year ago
I feel like a lot of women don't want children, but they give in because of wishes of their partner and parents. Sad that women contribute their life and dreams, to make wishes and dreams of other come true. At the end no one is appreciating it anyway. And no, your children will not be visiting often when you are in retirement home. Once you are in there - you are in there.
Marcos Valencia 1 year ago
It depends on how your culture and family are built. If you expect your children to leave home at 18 and never come back, this will be the nature of the relationship. I hope I will have a regular, growing relation with my children as they will grow up.
Load More Replies... gotham-panda 1 year ago (edited)
For those saying "stop normalizing normal stuff" and "not having kids is fine, you don't have to announce it to everyone all the time" and "everyone is already doing this"..... No they aren't, and yes, we do. Because it still isn't considered normal. Women are still pressured to "grow up and start a family already". And young women are NOT being told that not doing that is even an option. If you don't like TikToks and posts that talk about it, you can skip it. But there's a real need in society for childfree women to show other women that they would not be alone if they made the very unpopular decision not to have children. There's been a rise in these kinds of post getting attention lately, but it's getting attention because it's still niche - still unusual. There is too much negativity still being spread about childfree women for there not to be a need for positive, successful examples to be seen and shared.
Marcos Valencia 1 year ago
It's starting to be as boring as people who continously post images and videos of their children. Not having children is OK, you don't need to demonstrate anything against the society.
ginny weasley 1 year ago
So you think not having children but wanting that choice to be normalized is "demonstrating something against the society"? You are why we need more such posts
Load More Replies... Anyone-for-tea? 1 year ago
I wish we didn’t use language like “crazy cat lady” or “spinster”. It’s really cruel especially if being child-free wasn’t your choice and health conditions (or other factors) chose for you.
Jennifer Norton 1 year ago
There is one thing she said that no one is commenting on.... "you don't have to live a lonely life because you didn't have children".... if you are having kids to not be lonely then you have a HUGE problem. I have three kids and trust me, they aren't companions...
Luthien 1 year ago
For most people I know it's more that once all the people your age have kids, they stop spending time with people who don't. That leaves the childless as the odd ones out as they are left out of their old social circle, which can lead to loneliness.
Load More Replies... Delta Dawn 1 year ago
Maybe I’m the only one but I aggressively do not give a s**t whether other people have children. I don’t need yet another hot take on how you get to live your life however you want when you don’t have kids. Yeah, we know. We too didn’t have kids at one point, so the childless life isn’t a mystery. You just go on and do you, and feel free to ignore anyone who tries to tell you otherwise.
Hiker Chick 1 year ago
Agree - I was almost 30 when my kids were born, so my husband and I had many years of being child-free. Now my kids are grown and out of the house, and I'm basically child-free again. It's like they think that parents are only defined by the small amount of time we're actively raising kids, and we were still able to do all of those things (go for a run, meet friends for breakfast, etc) while the kids were young. Like, hello, we are parents but we also live in the world.
Load More Replies... Sponge Blob 1 year ago
She's so late to the train. There have been at least two millions similar posts.
MCathenaE 1 year ago (edited)
My husband always considered having children, I never really wanted to. We set an age (33 for me) and agreed that if we were in a position to have children by then, great we would. We were not in that position by the time I was 33 & we didnt have children. Now that we are older & child free, we are both content with our lives & don't feel we missed out. We have nibblings to spoil & I don't mind being the fun, eccentric aunt...
Susan Hill 1 year ago
60 yrs after my decision to not have children, I can still say it was the best life choice I have ever made. Nobody would have survived well.
Aria the Dog Lover 1 year ago
The only reason I do not want my own children is because I don't want to go through 9 months of pain and then labor. Just seems terrible to me. I'm fine with not having kids, I'm still young and can change my mind at anytime. I'd so be fine with adopting or helping my future partner raise their kid/kids.
Lil Potato 1 year ago
I am glad this article was different from others ive seen. BP loves to hate on people who have kids for some reason, and this one was just informative and straight forward. Whatever choice you make, that's fine, but don't shame EITHER side for their choice!
Noya Bynes 1 month ago
It's crazy to me how much pressure is put on women to have a child. I knew by 18 that I didn't want kids and haven't changed my mind. I had a much older male manager ask me repeatedly when I was going to have kids. I simply said I didn't want kids, not that it was his business, but he would still bring it up occasionally until I mentioned I have a medical condition that would make pregnancy high risk for my health. That he accepted. I knew before the medical diagnosis that I didn't want kids, why isn't that enough of a reason?!
Susan Stuart 10 months ago
Me and my husband are in our 50's and have never regretted not having kids. We've been to some of the most beautiful places on earth. We get to do whatever the f..k we want when we want. Love, love our life childless
Craig Reynolds 10 months ago
I'm 63, never wanted or had kids and I lived a life that would have been impossible financially if I had them. We have traveled to 46 of the lower 48 states as well as Canada (all by road trips) and several trips to Asia. Most, if not all of that would have been impossible if not extremely difficult. Having a kid today and raising it to adulthood will equal the cost of a median-priced home.
Pamela Blue 1 year ago
The last poster states "A childfree life is the best life!" That wasn't the point of this article. The point is that a woman can now choose whether to have children or not. Some women want to be mothers. That's wonderful! And some don't. That's just fine too!
StnFlwr 1 year ago
My childhood sucked. My mom was 3rd generation single mother, and she wasn't supportive emotionally. I lived with my S.O. for 29 years. His mother wasn't emotionally supportive, either (learned a new phrase "trauma bonding"). I (we) never felt able or willing to do the huge lifestyle change that would be required. Also, I never really felt support from my S.O. (probably because he doesn't know how?). Don't regret possibly traumatizing another human being a bit. Still learning to care about and love myself. I wanted this to be a positive comment. Sorry if I didn't make it.
The Original Bruno 1 year ago (edited)
I'm just kinda amazed that people feel this is necessary. I'm not saying it's not; I'm just kinda amazed people feel it is. How many BP have been about this? One person wrote that single women are presented as witches living in the woods. Really? Of all the shows I could think of, the female characters in the show as initially conceived were almost ALL single and childless, unless the show was specifically about their home life (Cosby Show, Growing Pains, Modern Family, Everybody Loves Raymond). In a FEW cases, the shows evolved to adopt to the actresses' real lives by the main character changing their mind about being single (Bones) or they have a kid, but continue to lead a very single lifestyle (Murphy Brown).
Tamra 1 year ago
People feel this type of discussion is necessary, because it's still a very pervasive belief that a woman should "naturally" want to have children. Women get asked invasive questions about when they're going to have children, and then get grilled about why they won't.
Load More Replies... Laura Smith 10 months ago
That lady is incredibly ignorant for her to say she wants women to see what a child free life is like, it's just beyond stupid, because every woman that made the choice to have kids,had a child free life before we made the choice to have kids, She, on the other hand can't make that comparison. Because she's never had kids, she is just embarrassingly ignorant... People like her need to find a hobby to occupy themselves because they are way too desperate for attention....
ginny weasley 1 year ago
There are 8 BILLION people. I don't think humanity is going extinct anytime soon.
Load More Replies... XenoMurph 1 year ago
I'm sorry to hear about your situation. That's tough.
Load More Replies... OwenHasADHD 1 year ago
Yeah the internet has other uses, like you stating your opinion in a comment section in an article that probably no one will care much about.
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