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Let's face it, increasingly more people decide to turn down the prospect of parenthood. As a Pew Research Center study has found, around 44% of Americans who are not already parents say they’re unlikely to have children — ever. But even though they consciously choose to forego having kids and feel comfortable with the decision, childfree people often face pressure from those in their social circle who believe they will definitely change their minds.
"You still have time" is up there with some of the most frustrating remarks people who chose a different life path have to hear. Thankfully, there’s a great way to fight stigma in society — see the positivity in their child-free freedom and be proud of their choice. This is something that hundreds of people expressed across various threads on Reddit, and their stories are nothing but honest.
We at Bored Panda have wrapped up a collection of responses where people open up about how this decision affected their lifestyles. Some explain their overwhelming joy and happiness, while others reveal slight doubts and regrets. So sit back, relax, and enjoy reading through their experiences. Be sure to upvote your favorite answers and if you want to weigh in on the topic, we’d love to hear your thoughts right below in the comments!
Psst! If you’re interested in even more childfree content, take a look at our earlier piece where people reveal what made them decide to never have kids.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
I’ve recently started dating again, and the amount of men my age (35) with kids is disheartening. I started talking to one guy, and he mentioned having kids, so I told him we weren’t compatible. He told me I was being negative, asking how I knew we weren’t compatible, etc. Well, cause you have kids and I don’t, I don’t want any. I had another guy tell me he had a 22-month-old. He has not mentioned anywhere in his profile about having kids, and then when I tell him it’s a no for me, he resorts to insults. I’m honestly happy with my life and where I am, and I refuse to settle for anyone who wouldn’t add to my life. I’m complete. If I die alone with my cats, that’s better than settling for a miserable life
M O'Connell 2 years ago
I completely understand this. I came to the decision that I don't want to be responsible for bringing a life into the world a long time ago.
RELATED:
#2
When my current manager found out I don’t want kids his response was “well you’re young and still have time to change your mind”. When I told him my husband and I want to retire early he said “but why would you retire early if you don’t have kids? What would you even do..?”
SMH these people are so brainwashed. There’s more to life than going to a job everyday then taking care of kids for the other part.
Adeline Bennett 2 years ago
Lol he should ask people who HAVE kids what they'd do if they didn't have kids and could retire early. I know plenty who could come up with answers right away.
#3
I am 47 and life is great. Was married once (very young) and engaged once, but never had kids. Started my own business a decade ago and that's gone great. It's currently providing me income while I work on a start-up with a partner. I travel a lot (when there's not a pandemic), have tons of hobbies, and have built up a wonderful chosen family for company and support.
I have no regrets and no complaints. I get plenty of sleep and take good care of myself. I volunteer and give back to the community however and whenever I can. I wouldn't have it any other way.
#4
My son decided to get a vasectomy last year. I told him: "Won't you regret it later?"
He replied: "I can always adopt, just like you adopted me."
#5
1. My body already is pretty screwed up, I don't need it MORE screwed up
2. A lot of folks seem to hate their children. Like, A LOT of people seem to hate their children. Or at least mildly resent them. I don't want to do that.
3. I am an 'all in' type of person. A 'anything worth doing is worth over doing' type of person. I'd probably be a great parent because of this--all in for my kids. But it also means I'd be a terrible ME. I'd lose being an individual in the process, and that's not good for me OR any mythical children.
4. I really, really, really like quiet.
Mattewis88 2 years ago
No 4. is my main reason. I don't even listen to music in general, any sound Im not focusing on makes my brain feel itchy (I don't know how else to explain it).
#6
Cringe answer but i don’t wanna bring someone into this world and force them to deal with problems just cause I wanted pride of having a child
Pirates of Zen Pants 2 years ago
This. I can imagine worlds I would have wanted to bring a kid into. This isn't one of them.
#7
I overheard my sister-in-law telling my brother-in-law that we should write everything in our will to them because “We need it; they don’t have kids (on both sides). What do they need it for?” They’re trying to get my father-in-law to facilitate the conversation. If they think you’re entitled to my money, don’t be shy. Tell me to my face! The joke is on her because my side of the money is locked up in a prenup. Our will, as it stands now, a nice sum is set aside for education, down payment, etc., for my nieces. Most of it is being distributed to charities. Planned Parenthood is on the list! The audacity and entitlement make my head spin! Just because I don’t have kids doesn’t mean it automatically goes to them.
#8
Love my life. Wouldn’t trade it with anyone. I’m 70 with no children, never married, and no regrets. Several long term relationships (11 yr. & 17 year ... still friends). Loved my never relinquishing my personal freedom. Several things informed my decision:
Watching the relationships of parents and children, where children became a**holes. 2. Watching marriages that were okay go bad or boring 3. Watching people lose themselves in stressful marriages. 4. My inability to take shit and pretend that it’s not happening. 5. Not enjoying the feeling of having to negotiate everything from social events to meal choices. 6. Unwillingness to relinquish personal freedom
ethan kraner 2 years ago
honestly she's right, i AM a child, and i know that chlidren my age are assholes
#9
I had an experience that annoyed me apartment hunting last year. The lady showing my boyfriend and I the apartment kept prying why we would need a second bedroom, and saying things like if it’s just the two of us why isn’t a 1 bedroom enough. Even after explaining we both worked from home, she kept trying to push the smaller units. I guess the building has less 2 bedrooms so they like to keep them open for people with kids?
As crazy as it sounds, people without kids also like space.
The Crushinator 2 years ago
In the part of the Netherlands where I live, the social housing situation has gotten so bad that me and my SO can't even rent a house with more than 2 rooms because we don't have kids. It's understandable, but infuriating at the same time.
#10
Coming up in a year since my husband and I bought our first house! 4 beds, 2.5 baths. I absolutely love it. We consider ourselves very lucky and grateful. Since then, when the topic comes up in casual conversation, I get the same response from breeders. It doesn’t help we’re the only child-free couple on the street. “Oh, so much space, making room for kids?” “That’s a lot of space for just the two of you.” “What about families with children that needed that home?” I’m sorry, I wanted space for separate offices and a space for visitors. Oh, the reactions I get when I say I turned the den into a cat room. “A whole room just for your cats!?” “Must be nice to live that way” Yes. Yes, it is. It would also be nice to share accomplishments without judgment.
#11
I was getting to know a (female) doctor my partner used to work with. She asked about my dream job and I responded that I don’t dream of labor; my dream is to be financially secure enough that I can retire ASAP.
“Retired? Do you mean at home with babies?”
“…Um no. Retired meaning I have enough savings to not have to work anymore while living comfortably.”
Pirates of Zen Pants 2 years ago
I've literally never heard anybody say, "I don't dream of labor" before, and this hit me hard. I come from a family where it was always "Idle hands make the devil's work," etc. I'm starting to see I'm a little brainwashed.
#12
Glorious!
Vacations are a breeze, particularly if you go to another country. If I find a place, I can just up and move without worrying about if the school is any good, or how big the house is.
#13
I'm 48 never wanted kids, no regrets. The majority of the parents I know are stressed AF! My best friend has 4 adult kids and they all cause her grief. She is on her way to a mental breakdown.
The happiest married couples that I know, besides me and my spouse, is a retired couple no kids. They go on dates several times a week, travel and just love each other so much.
Having kids isn't a guarantee that they will take care of you when you get old. My mother works in a nursing home. Most of them are abandoned by their kids and only visit on Mother's Day for Facebook photos.
#14
I am 38, my wife is 42. Our marriage is fantastic and our jobs are stressful, but lucrative. We worry and stress about normal things just like others, but just not about kids, obviously.
Like any major life decision, there are pangs of regret -seeing my friends enjoy ballgames and major milestones with their children that I know it won't experience with my own, but I know I am also sidestepping the negatives as well.
In the end, my wife and I chose each other and are endlessly happy. Could a child have improved that bliss? Possibly - but we collectively were not 100% all-in and didn't want to risk our happiness together to find out.
#15
I’m a 46 year old auntie to a wonderful little boy and I’m fine with that.
My husband and I didn’t each hit 6 figures until about 4 years ago, so we’re not really swimming in money yet (we live in NYC). I love sleeping in. I love finishing dinner and then playing video games. I love going for long walks. I love peace and quiet. I love all my disposable income. My brother and his wife ask all the time when we’re going to visit so they can just toss my nephew at us for a week so they can go on vacation and you know, that just makes me extra happy I didn’t go that route.
Eric G 2 years ago
Same here. 46 and no regrets. I wanted kids when I was younger but eventually I got to an age where I didn't want to deal with younger parents at ptas, sporting events etc. I love my free time, freedom to travel, and not having to clean the house every single goddamn day because they make a mess. My ex sister-in-law had great kids but my God the amount of work and time they spent cleaning up after their kids was just exhausting for me . I've been to St. Croix and Iceland so far this year and going to London next month and hopefully Tokyo next year (if they open up). Don't have to worry about paying for an extra ticket, altering my plans because I have a kid Etc
#16
I've never had any desire to be a mother. I don't want to give up my freedom and spare time. I can't afford it. I don't want to grow a human inside my body. I have [bad] mental health problems that I would probably pass on to them.
#17
30 F, besides every other answer already provided here… I am legitimately terrified of the idea of pregnancy and giving birth. Even if I felt the burning desire to mother a child, (which I do not) I could never get past the fact I would have to grow it, and “have” it.
Thomas Ewing 2 years ago
No one seems to be mentioning the world has about 5 billion excess humans on it that are overburdening the planet's ability to restore itself. Don't have kids.
#18
Retiring to me means never working for anyone but myself.
Thanks to the stars aligning with my childfreedom, the real estate boom, and a deep seated drive to be both lazy and selfish I'm about to live my dream - moving across the country, renting out an ADU for passive income, and freelancing when I feel like it.
Of course, there are no guarantees this will last forever, but at 35 it's the closest thing to retirement I've ever experienced. So excited.
#19
Me 46M and wife 46F.
In a word, amazing.
We both work in Finance and our household gross income is about $200k with about $48k/yr in expenses (and half of that is discretionary...bare bones expenses are about $24k/yr)
Debt free except for the house, which will be completely paid off by this time next year.
Pretty much buy whatever we want, when we want it.
Go where ever we want, when we want to.
Our jobs are ultra-stable and we have both been with the company for 10 years and get 1.5 months of paid leave, plus 10 paid holidays per year (almost unheard of in non-union jobs in the US).
We live next door to my wife's parents and they are awesome people that treat me like the son they never had.
About the only thing we really need to fix, is we both put on too much weight during covid and need to get that shit under control this summer...so...salad & hiking summer it is.
Luckily, we live in the paradise of our choosing, Alaska, and there is truly epic hiking up here.
#20
Boyfriend and I are both 45 and life is pretty cool. We met when we were 39 and on our second date I had to ask the dreaded kid question. Thank god his response was a vehement no. It’s crazy to think people don’t ask that question right away and have terrible break ups over it. I figured I didn’t want to waste a minute with him if he wanted kids!
Thatkamloopsguy 2 years ago
Smart move. When I first met my wife she asked that question early on as well.
#21
Love it.
Can't even imagine having children. I'm not built for it.
Great with other people's kids (in short bursts) but ultimately very glad to be able to walk away from that cacophony of neediness.
I sleep as much as I want (as well as game/work/etc) eat whatever I want go where I want (or more importantly don't go where I don't want).
One of the few decisions that made very young (before I was a teenager for sure) that I've not wavered on and has paid off dividends.
#22
I was told at an old job that I’d be such a great mom because I was so patient and kind to coworkers, especially the new ones who had A LOT of questions. The difference is I can get away from my coworkers, but kids are a different story! My mom said I would be a fantastic mom— IF I wanted to be one, because ultimately, I wouldn’t be if my heart wasn’t in it. My mom gets it, and I appreciate her so much for it.
#23
I love children. I love holding them, I love playing with them and I love talking with them. Very neat group of people. Totally recommend them to anyone who thinks having a child is right for them.
What I do not like is being responsible over another human being 24/7. I also don't like the thought of having to leave work to pick up a sick child from school or nursery school. I don't like potty training, I don't want to be unable to travel without a massive amount of planning, I don't want to fight with a 13 year old over... anything really, 13 year olds do not listen to reason. I don't want to get up at 7 AM on a Sunday to take my child to their football training, I don't want to spend all my money on somebody else's damn shoes that they will have grown out of the week after anyways.
Basically, a child is not compatible with the lifestyle I want.
S Wu 2 years ago
My twin sister had a bad accident when she was 21. I decided taking care of her was the most important thing I could do. It took her 17 years to recover. 20 years after her recovery we both have great jobs, great people in our life and we love to travel. I have never been happier.
#24
I never wanted to have children.
My relatives and acquaintances would tell me: "When you grow up you will change your mind. Children are a blessing in life," or stuff like that. I always replied that I didn't see myself as a mother. 15 years have gone by and nothing has changed.
LoudMansLover 2 years ago (edited)
I was told this all my life. I was denied by doctors when I asked about surgical sterilization because "I'd change my mind" someday. Well, guess what! 46 years old, perimenopause kickin' in and zero regrets from me or the hubby!
#25
I decided when I was 18 and I agree with it. People will tell me: "Who is going to take care of you when you are old?" followed by this little gem: "You have to start your own family," as if my boyfriend and my dogs don't count.
LoudMansLover 2 years ago (edited)
I hate when people say that (the taking care of you bit), then turn around and say people who don't want kids are the selfish ones. Excuse me? Did you just hear yourself? Selfishness of that statement aside: kids are a blind bag - you don't know what you're getting. You could have kids that grow up to not like you, or have issues that require *you* to take care of *them* all *your* lives!
#26
Almost 40, no kids, never married. I work about 50ish hours a week. Life is good. Money just sits in the bank since I don't have to spend it on children, I have a bunch of free time that I use however I want because I can't ask a significant other how they want to spend time together or have to cater my schedule around sports practice, or academia. I use my vacation days to extend some weekends, travel somewhere nice, stay in a bed and breakfast and enjoy the nightlife the place has to offer.
#27
Utterly delightful. We can do what we want, when we want. Zero debt except the mortgage. 10/10 would do again.
#28
Fantastic. I couldn’t ask for a better life. I wouldn’t trade my current status for the greatest child in the world and I like kids. Me 44 and hubby 38, almost mortgage free. Stress from jobs are there but I feel like it’s nothing compared to my friends with kids.
Bonni Poch 2 years ago
Jobs will always cause stress, regardless of whether you're childless or not. I'm a bit older, but also almost mortgage free and love my life. Being childless wasn't my choice, but the lifestyle I have because of it is amazing.
#29
45 F, I love it. Also never been married, or never lived with someone (except roommates). I love the freedom to do as I please, spent my money the way I want.
Allie Croft 2 years ago
I have read through all of these and truly wish someone had of said ALL of this to me 30 years ago. I love my sons but I truly wish I never had children. My mother used to say to me when I was a teen (youngest of 5 kids) and she was my age now, "if I knew then what I know now, I would never have had you kids!". I get it now. Why the f**k didn't she explain it better!!! My current husband never wanted kids and respects my now adults sons (sort of), his sister didn't want them either. If only I had of met them earlier in life. I wouldn't be struggling. Having kids: destroys your body, mentality, finances. As they grow they are completely dependant on you for years, then turn into teens that hate you and once they finally leave home, you still stress over them all the time!! 1 out of 10 would NOT recommend!
#30
My biggest factors in not wanting kids are SLEEP and SPONTANEITY! When telling my coworker this, she’s like “it’s not as hard as you’d think it is” then, a couple weeks later, she comes in talking about “the baby is sick and can’t sleep” or “the baby was up at 6am today” (we work nights) and she has to plan [things] way in advance, and she can’t handle her car issues because she has no money because of the baby.
Luckily! My sister, my mom, and my close friends who have kids are very honest with me about what their lives are like, and they don’t blame me for not wanting kids! The only people who seem to REALLY want my husband and I to start pumping ‘em out are my coworkers, which is extra weird because like… they would never even see my hypothetical baby ??
Btsquestrian 2 years ago
It's because they want you to be miserable just like them. Misery loves company and all that. FWIW, I'm 48F, happily married for 25+ years, and contentedly childfree.
#31
When people who have children start talking about them, they suddenly look at you and say: “And when are you going to have children?” And when you answer that you don’t want to have children, they tell you that that’s selfish, and they ask who will take care of you later. They also say you need to have children to have your own family, or that you say that because you are too young.
What do you think ?
Cat 2 years ago
I don't have issues with people choosing either having or not having kids. What I do find problematic is one side trying to tell the other side that their choice is wrong in a patronising manner. Neither side should have to justify their choices
James016 2 years ago
This. What I don’t like is people with kids looking down on child free people. I did know someone who once she became a mum, got the biggest superiority complex about it be ever. Expected everyone’s world to revolve around her as “I’m a mother”. Her husband divorced her and he got custody of their kids.
Load More Replies...
LoudMansLover 2 years ago (edited)
I'm 46 and do not, nor have I ever wanted, to have kids. I do not even find babies cute, I don't have the energy, time or desire for kids. Told my prospective hubby this before we got serious & he agreed, so 17 years later he and I are happy the way we are.
Eastendbird 2 years ago
I do love that being child free has become so much more accepted now and it's good that articles like this allow people to discuss their choices, thoughts and feelings. However, the real "victory" will be when we don't feel the need to comment on it.
Cat 2 years ago
I don't have issues with people choosing either having or not having kids. What I do find problematic is one side trying to tell the other side that their choice is wrong in a patronising manner. Neither side should have to justify their choices
James016 2 years ago
This. What I don’t like is people with kids looking down on child free people. I did know someone who once she became a mum, got the biggest superiority complex about it be ever. Expected everyone’s world to revolve around her as “I’m a mother”. Her husband divorced her and he got custody of their kids.
Load More Replies... LoudMansLover 2 years ago (edited)
I'm 46 and do not, nor have I ever wanted, to have kids. I do not even find babies cute, I don't have the energy, time or desire for kids. Told my prospective hubby this before we got serious & he agreed, so 17 years later he and I are happy the way we are.
Eastendbird 2 years ago
I do love that being child free has become so much more accepted now and it's good that articles like this allow people to discuss their choices, thoughts and feelings. However, the real "victory" will be when we don't feel the need to comment on it.
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