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Hey Pandas, Should I Tell My Mom That I Know My Dad Is Cheating?
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Hey Pandas, Should I Tell My Mom That I Know My Dad Is Cheating?

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Moderator’s note:

If you find yourself disagreeing with this person’s actions, we encourage you not to downvote the post. Instead, kindly express your opinions in the comments. We recommend maintaining politeness and articulating your thoughts with well-constructed arguments.

Hey Pandas, I need serious advice.

I (f14) have solid, concrete evidence that my father is cheating on my mother. I can see what apps my father has on his phone via family sharing, and while I was scrolling through them for fun, I noticed he had dating apps installed.

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He installed Tinder in 2015, but he and my mom got married in 2007

Image credits: Nathan Dumlao (not the actual photo)

I’ve suspected he’s been cheating since about 2022, but I haven’t spoken up about it at all. To my knowledge, my parents have a closed marriage.

This isn’t the first time I believe my father has been lying

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Image credits: Mika Baumeister (not the actual photo)

He’s lied about being a smoker in the past (he insists he doesn’t smoke, but he comes home smelling like smoke, and his car has cigarettes in it). So, he has a history of lying to us.

He also works from home about 50% of the time and travels a lot for work, so he would have opportunities to cheat

Image credits: Oleg Ivanov (not the actual photo)

Should I say something, or should I forever keep my silence?

Expert’s Advice

This is a tough, emotional situation, and it’s completely understandable to feel uncertain about how to handle it. Here are a few thoughts and steps you might consider as you think about what to do.

1. Take Care of Yourself
First and foremost, this is a lot to process for anyone, especially for you as a teenager. It’s natural to feel angry, sad, confused, or anxious. Those feelings are valid, and it’s okay to take the time to work through them. Talking to someone you trust, like a close friend or a family member outside of your immediate family, might help you release some of the tension and gain perspective. If you have access to a school counselor or therapist, they can provide a safe space to work through your thoughts and emotions as well.

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2. Decide If, How, and When to Approach the Subject
Before making any decisions, think carefully about the potential impact of sharing this information. Ask yourself what you hope to achieve if you do choose to bring it up. Sometimes speaking up helps to clear the air, but it can also lead to difficult consequences. You might find it useful to write down how you’re feeling and what questions you have about the situation, as this can help you clarify what you want.

3. Think About Boundaries
Family situations like this can sometimes draw kids into adult issues that are hard to navigate. Setting boundaries around how much you want to be involved might help you avoid feeling overwhelmed. Remember, you are not responsible for your parents’ relationship; they are both adults, and it’s up to them to navigate their marriage.

4. Seek Out Support
Whatever you decide, having someone you trust to turn to will help. A trusted adult, like a relative, family friend, or school counselor, can help you weigh the options and make a decision that feels right for you. They may also offer perspective on whether or not it’s a good idea to share this information, and if so, how to do so in a way that is constructive and honest without taking on too much emotional weight.

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5. Consider If Direct Communication Feels Right
If you feel that you need to confront your father or bring this up with your mom, think about whether you’d like to do so directly or with support. This could mean writing a letter, talking to one of them in person, or talking to both together with someone else present for support.

It’s clear that you care about your family and that you’ve given this serious thought, which shows a lot of maturity. Take your time, look after yourself, and don’t be afraid to reach out for support from someone you trust.

Moderator’s note:

Please note that the images included in this article are for illustrative purposes only and do not represent the actual individuals or items discussed in the story.

If you have a comparable experience or story you’d like to tell, we welcome your submissions. Click here to share your story with Bored Panda.

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MicrowaveGoddess

MicrowaveGoddess

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I'm really confused, will someone explain the intricacies of social interaction to me?BEEP BEEP!

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MicrowaveGoddess

MicrowaveGoddess

Author, Community member

I'm really confused, will someone explain the intricacies of social interaction to me?BEEP BEEP!

Gabrielฤ— Malukaitฤ—

Gabrielฤ— Malukaitฤ—

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Hi there! I'm Gabrielฤ—, but you can also catch me responding to Gab, Gabi, Gabert, or Gabe โ€“ take your pick. Professionally, I'm the senior community manager over at Bored Panda, helping people share their awesome work and connecting artists with a worldwide audience. Beyond work, you'll catch me traveling, listening to vinyl and diving into movies, art exhibitions, and concerts. I'm a culture buff at heart, always eager to explore and embrace the richness of the human experience.

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Gabrielฤ— Malukaitฤ—

Gabrielฤ— Malukaitฤ—

Moderator, BoredPanda staff

Hi there! I'm Gabrielฤ—, but you can also catch me responding to Gab, Gabi, Gabert, or Gabe โ€“ take your pick. Professionally, I'm the senior community manager over at Bored Panda, helping people share their awesome work and connecting artists with a worldwide audience. Beyond work, you'll catch me traveling, listening to vinyl and diving into movies, art exhibitions, and concerts. I'm a culture buff at heart, always eager to explore and embrace the richness of the human experience.

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Angela C
Community Member
1 week ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Tell your mom. She deserves to know. What she does with the information is purely up to her, but if I was married and someone knew or strongly suspected my spouse was cheating I'd want to know so that I could toss them out on the street with the rest of the trash

Gen.Stal
Community Member
3 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Man, it will hurt but tell your mom. She doesn't deserve this

Kelbers11
Community Member
1 week ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Be sure to take screenshots and keep them somewhere he can't find them (a device not connected to family sharing) or show your mom so she can keep the evidence and he can't delete it. He's a liar, so he'll probably try to gaslight both of you into thinking he's done nothing wrong, and maybe even tell your mom that you're doing this to make him look bad. Manipulation is a liar's bread and butter, so you have got to be prepared. I'm so sorry you've been put into this situation, and just remember: YOUR DAD ruined things by cheating, you are not doing anything wrong by telling your mom. Please take care of yourself.

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Angela C
Community Member
1 week ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Tell your mom. She deserves to know. What she does with the information is purely up to her, but if I was married and someone knew or strongly suspected my spouse was cheating I'd want to know so that I could toss them out on the street with the rest of the trash

Gen.Stal
Community Member
3 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Man, it will hurt but tell your mom. She doesn't deserve this

Kelbers11
Community Member
1 week ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Be sure to take screenshots and keep them somewhere he can't find them (a device not connected to family sharing) or show your mom so she can keep the evidence and he can't delete it. He's a liar, so he'll probably try to gaslight both of you into thinking he's done nothing wrong, and maybe even tell your mom that you're doing this to make him look bad. Manipulation is a liar's bread and butter, so you have got to be prepared. I'm so sorry you've been put into this situation, and just remember: YOUR DAD ruined things by cheating, you are not doing anything wrong by telling your mom. Please take care of yourself.

Load More Comments
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