Bored Panda works better on our iPhone app
Continue in app Continue in browser

BoredPanda Add post form topAdd Post
Tooltip close

The Bored Panda iOS app is live! Fight boredom with iPhones and iPads here.

Hey Pandas, Should I Tell My Mom About The Dating Apps I Found On My Dad’s Phone?
User submission
140

Hey Pandas, Should I Tell My Mom About The Dating Apps I Found On My Dad’s Phone?

ADVERTISEMENT

Moderator’s note:

If you find yourself disagreeing with this person’s actions, we encourage you not to downvote the post. Instead, kindly express your opinions in the comments. We recommend maintaining politeness and articulating your thoughts with well-constructed arguments.

Hey Pandas, I need serious advice.

I (f14) have solid, concrete evidence that my father is cheating on my mother. I can see what apps my father has on his phone via family sharing, and while I was scrolling through them for fun, I noticed he had dating apps installed.

He installed Tinder in 2015, but he and my mom got married in 2007

Image credits: Nathan Dumlao (not the actual photo)

I’ve suspected he’s been cheating since about 2022, but I haven’t spoken up about it at all. To my knowledge, my parents have a closed marriage.

This isn’t the first time I believe my father has been lying

ADVERTISEMENT

Image credits: Mika Baumeister (not the actual photo)

He’s lied about being a smoker in the past (he insists he doesn’t smoke, but he comes home smelling like smoke, and his car has cigarettes in it). So, he has a history of lying to us.

He also works from home about 50% of the time and travels a lot for work, so he would have opportunities to cheat

Image credits: Oleg Ivanov (not the actual photo)

Should I say something, or should I forever keep my silence?

Expert’s Advice

This is a tough, emotional situation, and it’s completely understandable to feel uncertain about how to handle it. Here are a few thoughts and steps you might consider as you think about what to do.

1. Take Care of Yourself
First and foremost, this is a lot to process for anyone, especially for you as a teenager. It’s natural to feel angry, sad, confused, or anxious. Those feelings are valid, and it’s okay to take the time to work through them. Talking to someone you trust, like a close friend or a family member outside of your immediate family, might help you release some of the tension and gain perspective. If you have access to a school counselor or therapist, they can provide a safe space to work through your thoughts and emotions as well.

ADVERTISEMENT

2. Decide If, How, and When to Approach the Subject
Before making any decisions, think carefully about the potential impact of sharing this information. Ask yourself what you hope to achieve if you do choose to bring it up. Sometimes speaking up helps to clear the air, but it can also lead to difficult consequences. You might find it useful to write down how you’re feeling and what questions you have about the situation, as this can help you clarify what you want.

3. Think About Boundaries
Family situations like this can sometimes draw kids into adult issues that are hard to navigate. Setting boundaries around how much you want to be involved might help you avoid feeling overwhelmed. Remember, you are not responsible for your parents’ relationship; they are both adults, and it’s up to them to navigate their marriage.

4. Seek Out Support
Whatever you decide, having someone you trust to turn to will help. A trusted adult, like a relative, family friend, or school counselor, can help you weigh the options and make a decision that feels right for you. They may also offer perspective on whether or not it’s a good idea to share this information, and if so, how to do so in a way that is constructive and honest without taking on too much emotional weight.

ADVERTISEMENT

5. Consider If Direct Communication Feels Right
If you feel that you need to confront your father or bring this up with your mom, think about whether you’d like to do so directly or with support. This could mean writing a letter, talking to one of them in person, or talking to both together with someone else present for support.

It’s clear that you care about your family and that you’ve given this serious thought, which shows a lot of maturity. Take your time, look after yourself, and don’t be afraid to reach out for support from someone you trust.

Moderator’s note:

Please note that the images included in this article are for illustrative purposes only and do not represent the actual individuals or items discussed in the story.

If you have a comparable experience or story you’d like to tell, we welcome your submissions. Click here to share your story with Bored Panda.

Ic_polls

Poll Question

Thanks! Check out the results:

140views

Share on Facebook
MicrowaveGoddess

MicrowaveGoddess

Author, Community member

Read more »

I'm really confused, will someone explain the intricacies of social interaction to me?BEEP BEEP!

Read less »
MicrowaveGoddess

MicrowaveGoddess

Author, Community member

I'm really confused, will someone explain the intricacies of social interaction to me?BEEP BEEP!

Gabrielė Malukaitė

Gabrielė Malukaitė

Moderator, BoredPanda staff

Read more »

Hi there! I'm Gabrielė, but you can also catch me responding to Gab, Gabi, Gabert, or Gabe – take your pick. Professionally, I'm the senior community manager over at Bored Panda, helping people share their awesome work and connecting artists with a worldwide audience. Beyond work, you'll catch me traveling, listening to vinyl and diving into movies, art exhibitions, and concerts. I'm a culture buff at heart, always eager to explore and embrace the richness of the human experience.

Read less »

Gabrielė Malukaitė

Gabrielė Malukaitė

Moderator, BoredPanda staff

Hi there! I'm Gabrielė, but you can also catch me responding to Gab, Gabi, Gabert, or Gabe – take your pick. Professionally, I'm the senior community manager over at Bored Panda, helping people share their awesome work and connecting artists with a worldwide audience. Beyond work, you'll catch me traveling, listening to vinyl and diving into movies, art exhibitions, and concerts. I'm a culture buff at heart, always eager to explore and embrace the richness of the human experience.

What do you think ?
Add photo comments
POST
Tabitha
Community Member
2 hours ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Be careful. A liar could get violent when confronted. Do not do any of this by yourself. Have plenty of trusted people around you who will protect you.

Gen.Stal
Community Member
1 week ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Man, it will hurt but tell your mom. She doesn't deserve this

Angela C
Community Member
1 hour ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Tell your mom. She deserves to know. What she does with the information is purely up to her, but if I was married and someone knew or strongly suspected my spouse was cheating I'd want to know so that I could toss them out on the street with the rest of the trash

Load More Comments
Tabitha
Community Member
2 hours ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Be careful. A liar could get violent when confronted. Do not do any of this by yourself. Have plenty of trusted people around you who will protect you.

Gen.Stal
Community Member
1 week ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Man, it will hurt but tell your mom. She doesn't deserve this

Angela C
Community Member
1 hour ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Tell your mom. She deserves to know. What she does with the information is purely up to her, but if I was married and someone knew or strongly suspected my spouse was cheating I'd want to know so that I could toss them out on the street with the rest of the trash

Load More Comments
Related on Bored Panda
Related on Bored Panda
Trending on Bored Panda
Also on Bored Panda