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“Am I The Jerk For Changing Our Server’s Tip From $154 To $4?”
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“Am I The Jerk For Changing Our Server’s Tip From $154 To $4?”

Interview With Author “Am I The Jerk For Changing Our Server’s Tip From $154 To $4?”Woman Decided To Tip Waitress $4 Instead of $154 After What She DidWoman Refuses To Leave $154 Tip For Server That Accused Her Of Dining And DashingWoman Divides Opinions Over Changing $154 Tip To $4 After What Their Waitress DidWoman Asks If She Was Wrong To Take Back A $150 Tip After The Waitress Accused Her Of Not PayingServer Doesn't Notice Cash On The Table And Goes After Couple, Loses The $150 Tip They Left“I Don't Appreciate Being Called A Thief”: Man Calls Woman A Jerk For Taking Back $154 TipWaiter Assumes Woman Is Stealing So She Changes Her Tip From $154 To $4Woman Takes Back $150 Tip She Intended To Leave After The Waitress Goes After Her
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There are many different ways to be charitable. You can volunteer your time and energy. You can promote a cause near and dear to your heart. Or you can use your hard-earned money to pleasantly surprise a stranger. For instance, if they were a particularly good server.

Redditor u/OttoBonz recently turned to the r/AITAH for their verdict after a spot of drama at a local restaurant. The OP revealed how she’d initially left a massive tip for the woman who’d been waiting on her table. However, after a slight hiccup, she slashed the tip to just a few dollars. Read on for the full story, as well as what the internet had to say.

Bored Panda reached out to the author of the story, redditor u/OttoBonz, and she was kind enough to answer our questions about leaving big tips and being charitable. She was open about the fact that both she and the server could have probably handled the situation better. You’ll find our interview with the OP as you read on.

Customers are generally happy to reward servers who give them a pleasant dining experience

Image credits: imagesourcecurated / Envato (not the actual photo)

One woman revealed that she changed her server’s tip after her last-minute behavior

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Image credits: LightFieldStudios / Envato (not the actual photo)

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Image credits: OttoBonz

“I feel the server and I both probably could have handled the situation better”

Bored Panda was curious about when the OP and her husband first started giving big tips to servers who deserved to be recognized for their hard work.

“We started doing this within the last year, maybe six-ish months ago,” the author, u/OttoBonz, shared.

“We usually don’t stick around to see their reaction. It’s not about us, despite what others say,” the redditor explained to us.

“We’ve been blessed and want to share that blessing.”

We wanted to get the author’s personal opinion on the signs of a good server. “I think a good server is attentive and anticipates needs,” she said and added that someone would know to refill a drink before it’s empty.

“But more than that, is kind and easy to talk to/connect with. That’s what I really like when we go out to eat,” redditor u/OttoBonz told us.

The author also opened up about how everyone can be charitable in their daily lives if they don’t know where to start. “I’m sure I’ll catch a lot of flack for this one, but we’re Christian. We’ve been blessed in our lives and feel it’s important to share that blessing with those around us,” she shared.

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“I’d say to figure out what’s important to you and either pray or manifest, or whatever you do in your personal practice, to see how you can help those around you,” the OP said.

“I feel the server and I both probably could have handled the situation better. A lot of good points were pointed out to me from this post. Some kindly, others not so kindly. But I did learn some things, and I will not react the same way if this were to happen again.”

Tipping customs vary widely from country to country and area to area

The attitudes toward tipping are going to vary quite a bit depending on what part of the world you live in. It’s not just the quality of the service and the food that you have to take into account.

For example, tips are very uncommon in Japan but practically mandatory in many parts of the United States. Forgetting to tip or not tipping generously is likely to get you a ton of odd looks. That’s why it’s so important to research local customs before taking a trip somewhere.

As BBC Travel points out, tipping is “ingrained in the national psyche” and Americans take it very seriously. Broadly speaking, it’s now customary to add 20% to 25% on top of a bill because so-called ‘tipflation’ has kicked in.

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Some people are starting to feel that it’s becoming unsustainably expensive to eat out because you’re shelling out far more cash than you’d ever see on the menu.

Meanwhile, many servers feel entitled to larger and larger tips, even for average or substandard service. However, many of them depend on this to make ends meet because their base hourly wage is so low. This varies from state to state.

It’s a complex problem. The country’s cultural attitudes and laws won’t change overnight. However, if all servers were to suddenly earn a fair minimum wage, it might shift the US perspective on tips.

Good service should be encouraged no matter what the actual tips look like

They could become mainly a way to show one’s appreciation for above-average service. Large tips would then have an even bigger impact because they’d very clearly state that the entire experience at the restaurant was stellar.

This way, there’s a clear incentive to go beyond the call of duty. On the flip side, someone who knows they’ll get tipped some amount no matter what happens might not feel driven to improve as quickly. Arguably, forced tipping is going to negatively impact the customer experience.

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At the end of the day, if a server is particularly rude, it’s up to the customer what their tip will look like. If it’s been a genuinely awful experience, a generous tip would only send the wrong message. Why would you reward someone who ruined your night?

However, in those extreme cases, it might be best to talk to the restaurant manager about what happened. It’s best to stay calm and not sound too accusatory. Simply explain the situation and that you expect to be treated with basic respect. Clear up the misunderstanding: there’s always the possibility that you interpreted the situation wrong.

You also shouldn’t expect ‘perfect’ service every single time you go out to eat. Servers are people, too: they get tired and they make silly mistakes from time to time. Not to mention that some servers are still learning the ropes. Nobody should be using the threat of low tips to punish occasional slip-ups if there’s no ill intent behind the behavior. Generosity and charity should not come with preattached conditions.

But what do you think, dear Pandas? What would you have done in this situation? How do you approach tipping? Do you only ever tip when the service is above average or do you always leave something for the staff? What’s the biggest tip you’ve ever left? Share your thoughts in the comment section.

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Some readers thought that the author did nothing wrong. Here are their thoughts

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However, other internet users had a different take on things and were more critical of the woman

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Meanwhile, others thought that pretty much everyone messed up that night

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Thanks! Check out the results:

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Jonas Grinevičius

Jonas Grinevičius

Writer, BoredPanda staff

Read more »

Storytelling, journalism, and art are a core part of who I am. I've been writing and drawing ever since I could walk—there is nothing else I'd rather do. My formal education, however, is focused on politics, philosophy, and economics because I've always been curious about the gap between the ideal and the real. At work, I'm a Senior Writer and I cover a broad range of topics that I'm passionate about: from psychology and changes in work culture to healthy living, relationships, and design. In my spare time, I'm an avid hiker and reader, enjoy writing short stories, and love to doodle. I thrive when I'm outdoors, going on small adventures in nature. However, you can also find me enjoying a big mug of coffee with a good book (or ten) and entertaining friends with fantasy tabletop games and sci-fi movies.

Read less »
Jonas Grinevičius

Jonas Grinevičius

Writer, BoredPanda staff

Storytelling, journalism, and art are a core part of who I am. I've been writing and drawing ever since I could walk—there is nothing else I'd rather do. My formal education, however, is focused on politics, philosophy, and economics because I've always been curious about the gap between the ideal and the real. At work, I'm a Senior Writer and I cover a broad range of topics that I'm passionate about: from psychology and changes in work culture to healthy living, relationships, and design. In my spare time, I'm an avid hiker and reader, enjoy writing short stories, and love to doodle. I thrive when I'm outdoors, going on small adventures in nature. However, you can also find me enjoying a big mug of coffee with a good book (or ten) and entertaining friends with fantasy tabletop games and sci-fi movies.

Mindaugas Balčiauskas

Mindaugas Balčiauskas

Author, BoredPanda staff

Read more »

I'm a visual editor at Bored Panda. I kickstart my day with a mug of coffee bigger than my head, ready to tackle Photoshop. I navigate through the digital jungle with finesse, fueled by bamboo breaks and caffeine kicks. When the workday winds down, you might catch me devouring bamboo snacks while binging on the latest TV show, gaming or I could be out in nature, soaking up the tranquility and communing with my inner panda.

Read less »

Mindaugas Balčiauskas

Mindaugas Balčiauskas

Author, BoredPanda staff

I'm a visual editor at Bored Panda. I kickstart my day with a mug of coffee bigger than my head, ready to tackle Photoshop. I navigate through the digital jungle with finesse, fueled by bamboo breaks and caffeine kicks. When the workday winds down, you might catch me devouring bamboo snacks while binging on the latest TV show, gaming or I could be out in nature, soaking up the tranquility and communing with my inner panda.

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Ace
Community Member
10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If I'm paying cash like that I would always make sure that a server is aware of the fact, has seen me put the money down, or I would physically take it to a payment desk or equivalent. Getting annoyed by the server who hadn't seen them is unwarranted - they're just doing their job, and whether they could see the table or not you've put them in an awkward position by just not engaging brain before action. YTA

Me. Just Me.
Community Member
10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm blaming the restaurant as much as everyone involved. The waitress more than likely made a bit of a scene, at least for anyone in earshot, embarrassing the guests. The OP made a bigger scene trying to "teach a lesson". And the restaurant is allowing an old fashioned policy that unfortunately doesn't work these days, especially if they are having issues with dine-and-dashers. Set up a booth at the entrance for payments if there is an issue with this.

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Garthus Andicus
Community Member
10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The restaurants punish the servers??! Good ol' USA. Let's kick the hard workers when they're already down. Smh.

CatWoman1014
Community Member
10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

They legally can’t do that, but since most people aren’t educated with employment law they get taken advantage of

Load More Replies...
Bernd Herbert
Community Member
10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The first thing that came to my mind after reading this: Tipping culture sucks in the US

BrownTabby
Community Member
10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

In this case, the OP was giving a donation on top of the tip, which is related to US tipping culture (in that the OP is making that donation because of sympathy about how tipping culture affects servers) but so totally optional that I don’t feel sorry for the OP. Especially since as someone who has visited the US, I know for a fact that the OP could have just handed the money to their server and averted this whole drama.

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Ace
Community Member
10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If I'm paying cash like that I would always make sure that a server is aware of the fact, has seen me put the money down, or I would physically take it to a payment desk or equivalent. Getting annoyed by the server who hadn't seen them is unwarranted - they're just doing their job, and whether they could see the table or not you've put them in an awkward position by just not engaging brain before action. YTA

Me. Just Me.
Community Member
10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm blaming the restaurant as much as everyone involved. The waitress more than likely made a bit of a scene, at least for anyone in earshot, embarrassing the guests. The OP made a bigger scene trying to "teach a lesson". And the restaurant is allowing an old fashioned policy that unfortunately doesn't work these days, especially if they are having issues with dine-and-dashers. Set up a booth at the entrance for payments if there is an issue with this.

Load More Replies...
Garthus Andicus
Community Member
10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The restaurants punish the servers??! Good ol' USA. Let's kick the hard workers when they're already down. Smh.

CatWoman1014
Community Member
10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

They legally can’t do that, but since most people aren’t educated with employment law they get taken advantage of

Load More Replies...
Bernd Herbert
Community Member
10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The first thing that came to my mind after reading this: Tipping culture sucks in the US

BrownTabby
Community Member
10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

In this case, the OP was giving a donation on top of the tip, which is related to US tipping culture (in that the OP is making that donation because of sympathy about how tipping culture affects servers) but so totally optional that I don’t feel sorry for the OP. Especially since as someone who has visited the US, I know for a fact that the OP could have just handed the money to their server and averted this whole drama.

Load More Replies...
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