This sort of thing has really started to trigger me lately. About a year ago, my sister was about to give birth. We all knew there were going to be complications, so she was supposed to have it at a special hospital in a different city 4 hrs away. Meanwhile, I don't even live there, I live across the country. But there was no father in the picture, and my sis has a touchy relationship with our parents, so she wanted me to be the one in the room with her. I drive out, and I guess with the stress of it all, I ended up getting shingles a few days before she was to be induced. So, I ended up staying at my parents house while they went to the hospital. Baby was fine. Later, I was telling someone about all this, and how I'd been so stressed and in so much pain at that point, I was almost just glad when I got off the road and could just crawl into bed at my mom and dad's. The person basically called me an a-hole for being so selfish about it. Maybe they didn't understand that people with shingles shouldn't be around newborns, idk, but I was like, excuse me? I'm sorry? The world doesn't stop turning just because one person is having a baby. Other people still exist. You can't gatekeep suffering. I was *sick*. It really made me see that just because someone else might be experiencing something terrible, something worse than you, even, it doesn't invalidate your own feelings. They're still yours. Your life is 100% of what *you* experience. If you're going to start comparing yourself to other people just to ask if you're allowed to feel a certain way, you might as well ask if they're allowed to feel the way they do, too. Because it just goes up and up. You might as well compare them to, idk, holocaust victims, or the one person in the world who has suffered the absolute most in life, and nobody else gets to feel anything. That's not how it works. The same thing can be applied to happiness, too. If you can snatch at little pieces of happiness In life, god bless you. And I don't really know what this person was talking about anyway. I basically dropped everything, and put my life on hold for 3 months to go live in another state, and look after someone else's child. And they're going to call me selfish? Incredible.

F*****g hell you didn't throw a rager, you had an evening at home with your girlfriend. Your family is nuts.

I can kind of relate to this. When I was a senior in high school, my grandmother passed away. It was a very hard time for our entire family. A month later, a classmate of mine passed away and I didn't attend her funeral. I told my parents that I didn't have it in me to attend another funeral so soon and this classmate and I weren't that close anyway. I was essentially called a jerk by a lot of my classmates because I didn't attend my classmate's funeral. I said that it was too soon to be attending another funeral, but my classmates essentially told me that my grandmother was an older lady so her death was not as big of a deal as my classmate's. I really lost trust in my schoolmates at this point.

Wow. Have a banger next year. Maybe I AM and a*****e here but seriously. Get into this gig hunties. My son was born an entire 3 months before my brothers girlfriends daughters son was supposed to be born but this woman had the audacity to try and demand that I not bring my son to meet his uncle because her daughter had a stillborn. Full disclosure how long would any of you fine womb baring individuals wait before seeking medical attention if your baby hadn't moved? Would you wait 48 hours? No. So I'm not victim blaming here but you can't gatekeep people being alive while someone you were waiting on just didn't show up.

My Grandfather died a couple of days before my birthday, you better believe my Grandmother made sure NOT to have the funeral on the day and to fully celebrate it. It was somber of course but she wanted to cling to every bit of positivity she could. Funeral was two days later and frankly she never full recovered, even after a few years, but she still tries to celebrate everything she can.

i mean it's sad that the lil one died... on your birthday even. BUT it's more sad that they even forget about your birthday, a living beeing.

US here. Friends birthday falls on September 11. Awkward

Erm no, im sorry but op stayed with her the first part of the day you clearly care for her and wasn't disregarding it, you're allowed to celebrate your damn birthday and I think it's awful Nobody even bothered to acknowledge your birthday either!

Definitely not the a-hole. My husband’s family never really celebrated his birthday but celebrated his name day. One year I had an Uncle pass away on the morning of name day celebration. Celebration was immediately canceled and all food planned was re-directed to my family in mourning while giving us space, made food for us probably everyday for a few days. Out of respect for my Uncle they have never had a big celebration since he passed. Macedonians do things very differently though. If it was my husband’s birthday, I wouldn’t allow it for too long, but that just isn’t celebrated. I’d rather celebrate my husband’s birthday than his name after being named after some Saint. What was done was very low key, there is nothing wrong with that. I’m sure they will eventually understand, but it’s still very raw to them.

I would have said to them, "If this date can mark only sorrow for you, then I guess you are sorry that I was born."

NTA. But did the girlfriend have to put anything at all on Instagram?

I'm a mother of 4 (26; 21; 19;17.5) and became a first time "GILF" in January. Unfortunately, my beautiful grandson passed away at almost 3 months of age from SIDS on my 3rd child's 19th birthday. I can't imagine lashing out at my son for celebrating his birthday. And neither of them wished you a happy b-day?! Doll, you don't have to tolerate. I would've replied to their comments wishing myself a hppybhdy. You can snap them back to reality. She might need in-patient treatment. I understand if it happend suddenly, but with cancer, there's time to prepare for death. You're NTA! They both are!!

The death of a child can be especially traumatic because typically it's not supposed to happen (ie death is part of life but we expect it much later in life and we expect our parents will eventually die but we don't expect our children will until after we're gone. - hope that all makes sense what I'm trying to say). So, I can see why this would be especially sensitive for the sister and that her grief might come out sideways. Sometimes, grief does. At the same time, the OP absolutely didn't do anything wrong and was really respectful towards the grief the family was feeling. It can be important to have some joy and not forget our own needs even in a time of grieving in order to buoy us through it. I'm so sorry for all involved and hope all of them find the healing they need.

My son died at the age of 16 after a bycicle accident on the 5th of may 2020. His best friend's (T, now 18)birthday is on the sixth. In 2021 I made a deal with him that from now on, 5 may is a grieving and crying day and 6 may is a partyday. I suprise him on his birthday as if I was my son who would've done it if he was stil alive. T and me, we're close since my son died. So no, absolutely NTA. I know i was relieved my boy didn't leave us on the 6th. Although I will miss him for the rest of my days, life keeps on going and I try to find a way that can combine both grief and happiness.

You did absolutely nothing wrong.

There is a really easy fix for this one; just don't post it to social media. Of course she should be able to celebrate her birthday with friends, but not every part of your life needs to be public.