“I believe that language is really important and I don't like calling cats "jerks" or any other derogatory names,” says certified feline behavior consultant Heather Alvey. 

“To be called a jerk, I believe there needs to be a bad intention behind the offensive behavior. Cats have reasons for their behaviors, but they don't have the capacity to purposely act in a way that will upset us. Depending on what the undesired behavior is, it could be resulting from stress, conditioning, or even something that has been inadvertently reinforced by the human,” she further explains.

“There's definitely more to their behaviour than meets the eye!” agrees cat groomer and behaviour consultant Sarah Wendling. “Cats, unlike dogs and humans, aren't pack animals, so they can show affection/discontent in different ways. 

It's also important to note both the cat's history and personality. For example, a cat from outside who wasn't raised around humans is going to be more nervous around them. And some cats are just very sensitive to changes, even ones that seem insignificant to humans.”

In addition, she notes that owners don’t always understand the cues when cats want to be left alone, causing them to react in ways they find to be negative. “A common example is aggressive reactions to petting. People will say they were petting the cat and they were fine, then all of a sudden, the cat is swatting, hissing or biting. Some cats love petting, but only for a set amount of time.” It’s the same with us, humans. If we don't enjoy doing something after a certain amount of time, we want it to stop. 

Another thing that might make cats “jerks” in our eyes is that they’re very honest animals, says Wendling. “A common saying we have is "if you don't understand consent, you won't understand cats.” They don't have the social structure of humans, who sometimes engage in social interactions they don't want to due to society pressure.

So, if they don't want to do it, they won't. And they'll often let you know. Because we think of humans who behave like that as jerks, we transfer that to our cats. But in reality, they just interact with the world differently and it's important to meet them where they are,” she explains.

Alvey acknowledges that cats can definitely exhibit behaviors that are problematic for their owners but it’s important to identify why the pet is acting that way. “Once we understand what's going on with the cat, we can work on behavior modification using fear-free methods and positive reinforcement.”

Wendling suggests that problematic behaviors basically stem from nurture and nature. “Nurture is how a cat was raised and interacted with humans prior to living with their owners and this will have a big impact. Were they around humans as small kittens or not? If you're adopting an adult cat, what was their previous home like? People always worry about abuse, but it doesn't have to be that severe to really impact how a cat sees the world.”

It could’ve been that the pet wasn’t simply interacted with, which can take a lot to overcome. “If you have a shy or nervous cat, patience and empathy are going to go a long way,” she assures.

Meanwhile, nature is the cat's basic personality, says Wendling. “Just like people, cats have different personalities. Some are extremely cautious and nervous, some are very friendly and outgoing. Cats can express nervousness through fight, flight, or freeze. So, that cat hissing at you may not be angry, they may just be scared and trying to get you to back off. And if they're nervous by nature, they are easily distressed and will do better in a calm environment.”

Felines might also act out while trying to get attention they want. “So, if every time your cat jumps on the counter, you go over and pick them up, you've trained them that counter jumping = attention. Cats can get curious and bored as well, just like humans. So they may play with things that aren't toys, like your water glass on the table.”

Owners who wish to foster a more positive relationship with their pet and reduce the so-called “cattitude” should learn to identify their subtle signs so they don’t have to resort to more extreme ones, say the experts. Just like with the previous petting example Wendling gave us. “You should watch your cat closely for subtle signs they want to stop. This can include shifting slightly away from you, the tail whipping around, or moving their head away.”

She also recommends making sure the cat isn’t bored. “In addition to play time, have places for them to look out windows. Getting a good scratch post is essential. It's not just for conditioning their claws—amongst other benefits, it's a stress reliever. Playing with your cat helps too—remember that play mimics hunting. Training can also be a fun activity that uses the cat's brain and is a bonding activity with their owner.”

Most importantly, remember to never punish your cat, or any animal for that matter. “There's been a lot of research into why punishment doesn't work, but the gist of it is that punishment only suppresses a behaviour, it doesn't stop it. That means that if the punishment stops, the behaviour will return. Or that if the benefits to the cat of what they want outweigh their fear of the punishment, they'll do it anyway. Think of it like kids who sneak a candy bar they know they shouldn't or who act out in class in spite of the threat of detention.”

If you understand and foster positive relationships with your pet, it will award you with affection too! “A cat eating, grooming, or sleeping with their back to you shows that they trust you—they're engaging in a vulnerable activity and not on high alert. If your cat behaves in ways that show they trust you, take it as a compliment. A cat approaching with a relaxed gate and tail up like a question mark is displaying friendly behavior, as is one who rubs their face or sides on your legs,” says Wendling.