Hey! Who took a bite of my apple?” I asked the three Presidents.“I can not tell a lie,” George said. “I did not do it.” “They don’t call me ‘Honest Abe’ for nothing,” Abraham said. “I didn’t do it either.” Then it was Donald’s turn. He swallowed what was in his mouth and simply said, “Obama!”

Some moments are beyond words.

I didn't ask how she got the plastic six-pack holder stuck around her neck. I was just happy to help.

"Look at us," I said. “We're lost in the woods. It's almost dark. Whose idea was it to take this stupid hike anyway?"

When we really need one, there's nothing better than a strong friend to lean on. Someone who'll just stand there and listen. Like a giant robot.

You know when you imagine someone else's life is more comfortable than it actually is? Yeah, that's how I felt up there on that doghouse.

At a moment when violence and deep hatred is literally burning across our country, I offer this image as a call for peace and a prayer that one day every black boy and girl will be able to grow up in the United States with respect, opportunity and safety.

I'd never really given it much thought… but tonight, as my brothers chirped on and on about their favorite kind of worm and my sisters pecked mites out of their feathers, the idea occurred to me that perhaps I'd been adopted.

When Impala Safari promises "Up Close Nature Tours," they are not kidding.

I almost never ask for directions. But when I finally admitted I was lost to a local down on the beach, he actually offered to give me a ride.

Of all the days to take my cow for a ride, I had to choose this one.

"There's more racism over there," I said.
"Hulk smash!" The Hulk replied.

When I was asked to go duck hunting, this is not at all what I expected.

True friends stay beside us when times get tough.

Shadow thought she could jump across the canyon. I didn't think she could make it.
Then she tried.
Unfortunately, I was right.

It was such an honor to be in the field as the turtledoves were hatching.

You know that expression: Look before you leap? Yeah, maybe a quick peek isn't a bad idea.

It was one of the most beautiful sunsets I'd ever seen, but the little penguin on my shoulder just kept talking about sardines, sardines, sardines.

"Do NOT take me to your leader," the martian said.
"Yeah. Good call," I agreed. "He's not so big on illegal aliens."

"Are you the great and powerful Genie?"
"No. Sorry, love. I'm the cleaning lady. Just tidying up between renters."

Medical professionals think heat may weaken the virus, so I'm keeping my dragon close.

"Are you coming for me?" I asked Death. "Is it because of the virus?" "Oh, no," Death replied. "I just thought I’d trim these bushes."

I offered to drive to the restaurant, but Supergirl said she knew a shortcut.

“Okay, little guy. You can do it. Just one word and you get the treat. Can you say: John? Jaaawwwn."

"Are you ready to switch yet? I think I've had just about enough of the milk crate."

After the strict leash law went into effect, things got a little weird between Goofy and me.

After the wedding, I had no idea how I was going to satisfy Queen Kong, but sometimes… you just need to dive right in and see what happens.

"Do you think we're praying for the same thing?" I asked the mantis. "Probably not," the mantis replied. "Why? What are you praying for?" I asked. "Fat juicy aphids on the rose bushes," the mantis admitted. "Yeah, probably not," I said.

They call it a Mer-tini. Or a Mer-garita. Something like that. And while it's a fun novelty for summer, I'm not sure exactly how to drink it.