leaving when you're insulted is causing drama? the bf knew ahead of time that there would be a cake there, and also knew that his gf was making one ahead of time, this was intentional and designed to gaslight this poor woman into thinking she's overreacting so she doesn't cause a fuss when she's repeatedly treated like garbage.

The OP told her bf that she was going to make a cake for the party. HE KNEW. He also knew that her and his mother don't get along, and their past history. He and his mother are both the AH.

No, getting up and leaving, not drama. What I would have done would be "drama". I would have tossed her cake on the floor and shoved my cake into his face. But then, I would NEVER stay with a wimpy little boy who tolerated his mommy to insult me like that.

He knew that she was baking a cake. There was nothing stopping him from telling his mom to not bake or buy a cake. His fiancee did nothing wrong and would be smart to get out of this relationship.

She did mention it to her bf and he wanted the cake. He should have told his mother that he wanted his gf to make the cake, however I would not have caused a scene at the party, I would have waited until we caught home from party and had it out with him. I would also say reach out to the MIL and tell her how she makes you feel. If nothing comes from either conversation then move on. Life is to short to be made to feel wrong, small, inadequate everytime your around her.

It's clearly said he knew OP was going to bake a cake. And unless I'm mistaken he will have also known his mom got a cake. He should have told her that his mom planned already to buy a cake so she wouldn't have to spend time, money and stuff on baking. And from what I gather this has just been one of many events where they bullied and disrespected her. It's MIL who started the drama already way before this event. Not the OP. I would have walked out too. Why even spend the day around people who don't even appreciate your presence at all? No matter if she had swallowed her pride and stayed or left, it doesn't matter, she's not appreciated one way or the other. I would have left and used the time to pack my stuff and leave the engagement ring behind. I don't even think she ruined his party and that he enjoyed his time with his family. He came home by 11 PM and was angry but I'm quite certain in the hours before he didn't even bother. If he really had been bothered he would have left with her and tried to calm her down and spend the day with her elsewhere instead and tell his family to stop disrespecting her.

3 you know, I left my toxic narcissist ex one day before we'd travel abroad and told him to go on holiday alone. I removed all my personal belongings in that time. When he came back he tried to make me feel bad for ruining the holiday. His family begged me to get back with him. But I was done hating myself for doing nothing wrong. And I definitely wasn't going to feel bad for finally saying enough is enough and choosing myself over him first. His family didn't like that. Then they suddenly hated me even though they knew their son cheated. I have a no nonsense mentality. I don't accept people to bully me and then try to make me feel like I'm the bad one. I don't even waste my time on people who show red flags and they always show within 3 months (only because most people let feelings blind them they ignore them). Call me hard. But it works for me to love with my eyes wide open. I've been able to protect my heart and enjoy my life and focus on the things that give me energy in life.

2 And if you wonder how I can think that hard... I've been with a narcissist myself. His family who lived abroad loved me though so that wasn't an issue. But he always made me feel bad about anything and everything. My hamster died? "Don't be ridiculous, it's just a hamster" he said when I would cry. After dinner I need to take a dump? "Go, I'll do the dishes" even if I would say no I'd do it after being done on the toilet. And then complain to my dad that I wasn't responsible and would always use the toilet as an excuse to make him do the dishes all by his own. He could literally make me feel bad just for pooping. Then he cheated on me and I found out. And guess what, he tried to make me feel bad for that too because he thought I had been cheating on him which I didn't but I had given him that impression. Not that he let me spend any time alone to meet with anyone not even my own friends (not that I had many left because of him) so I don't see how I could have given that impression.

He's a child that has no backbone n may as well marry his mommy. The homemade was from heart n believe me she held her temper n he knew it being she said it ahead of time but he can't tell his mommy no. I'd wouldn't marry that pos. I'd have done damage lol

Since her alleged fiancee was all in with the cake, it would be safe to assume that he told his mother about it in advance. The attitude of letting the kids eat it; after all the work done, mom could have been gracious and sat it next to the other cake so ALL can enjoy both. This girl needs to cut her losses and kick these losers to the curb!

The b*tch mil didn't have to say "the kids can have it" that's blatant insult! The right mature answer would have been "ho well you can't have too much cake". And the bf should have "forced" himself (what a terrible sacrifice really /s) to eat a part of both to respect BOTH

No, MIL and hubby sucks, that is it!!! It's weird you have a problem with a woman standing up for herself.

I think the MIL could have been a little more gracious though. We had the same issue ( my son is 3). This is the first time we were able to have a party for him cause covid, so we had a venue, sent everyone a card and all. One of my uncles could not make it but he sends a cake for all of my birthdays and sent one for the kiddo too. Problem was he sent it to the venue by mistake instead if home, so we cut his cake and the 2 tier bakery cake as well. They were all different flavors so people could take what they liked and we packed what was left for home. Not a big deal. I agree with ESH- everyone mentioned in the post is not perfect. She should not have brought a cake without coordinating with the MIL and the MIL could have been a bit more gracious, it's her son's bday....

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I agree the move was overly dramatic. She probably was in the right in other scenarios but not this one. Her fiancée was the problem and they should have dealt with privately. Her MIL is not a nice person so she should've expected that behavior. But it was his birthday

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200% agree, ESH. MIL is rude, OP went in with a chip already on her shoulder and instantly triggered instead of anticipating trouble and being determined to handle it gracefully. Fiance knows about the 'surprise' cake (probably in his little boy mind, he's saying Oh boy! More cake! - and then being oblivious. He could have saved the day by saying, This is special because you made it just for me so we'll just take it home with us and share it together. MIL could have kept her precious thunder. Me, I would have taken a generous slice of the store bought cake and given it to one of the kids.