Janelle Collard

Janelle Collard

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Doesn't seem like Dan's ever been around hungry kids. Of course you feed them first! Or, OP could've given Dan a Snickers cuz "you're not you when you're hungry." ;)

When you’re the newest member of the family, and going to your first family meal, you STFU and watch everyone else, to gauge how to act. You do NOT insist on being treated like the center of attention, ffs. That’s a really good way to be left out of family functions in the future, and eventually shoved out of the family entirely.

It's unconscionable to let the kids go hungry while feeding someone else first. Adults provide for their children and their spouses, that is what adult responsibility is. I can't fathom this level of selfishness. Hope she divorces him.

So, where is his wife in all of this? I would never stay silent while my husband disrespects my family this way! Maybe keep an eye out for a possible abusive relationship?

My relatives are scattered around the country, so my immediate family spent most holidays with our next door neighbors, a big welcoming Italian family. Holiday dinners were typically served buffet style, spread across the kitchen counters with everyone making their own plates (except for the kids too young to make their own). Kids ate off of the coffee table or TV trays in the living room, while the adults sat at the dining room table. It was a big deal when you were finally old enough to join the dining room, so I agree with the commenter who said that Dan should be seated at the kids table!

"Yes, Dan, men's work is hard. But nothing is harder than being around you. That's why people get to eat ahead of you. You know, before you ruin their appetite."

Kids are served first. If adults are served first, who will serve the kids? An adult who doesn't get to eat with the other adults- a WOMAN, if BIL has any say in it.

As a first time guest, he ought to observe, not demand. If he's "traditional" he ought to respect the Pater Familias, and PF told Dan that kids get fed first. Hungry kids are angry, whiny kids. Give them first and then you can eat in peace. Fixing others a plate seems complicated to me; what if someone wants lots of potato mash and just a little meat, and someone else wants lots of meat, but tomatoes instead of potatoes? In my family (16 people if we are all present) we put the food on a side-board and everyone helps themselves, in no determined order. Parents help their children, and everyone makes sure that everyone has had a chance to taste everything before second round. That's the norm in my family, and it works well for us.

if it were up to me, Dan wouldn't be served any food at all. He can have the kids leftovers if I'm feeling generous.

I've never heard of not getting the kids plates first and getting them settled as the adults start making their own plates.

I'd hate for kids - anyone - to have to count on him in an emergency.

absolutely not the AH... we feed children first, women second and then the men. I, as server will take my plate last - but that is my choice - no man is going to tell me I cannot eat until he does.

Dan is trying to change things when it's his first time here. Instead of asking why you do something, he deamanded you change it.

He should get served first since he's a crying baby

So, whose house was the dinner in? That's the tradition you follow. Don't like it? Don't eat.

Your house; your rules

Love that OP stood up and told him what's what, and that everybody fell into line. Eldest sister ftw!

The Taliban and Harrison Butker would wholeheartedly support this argument.

We we eat at your house, we'll do it your way, however at THIS house we do it this way. However as a lady having children, and family, AND having grown up experiencing homes with various traditions as to serving order, in our home we have settled with, 1)kids that feed themselves, kids as a rule take longer and have a harder time waiting, it'snot to make them important, its just the easiestway to do it! 2) elders (they tend to get more entitled with age so just get them done and keep it moving) 3) guests, that's actual guests not the extended family that lives in another house, 4) kids that require feeding get thier plates so the parent who is not serving can get them started 5) the rest of us. because this way works to have time that everyone is sitting down together. Also I no longer eat cold dinner by myself before washing up after everyone else is gone!!

OP did exactly the right thing. Not Dan's house and he needs to keep his mouth shut. I, too, grew up and still live on a farm. The kids are fed first, then the adults are served. My mom would have told Dan that until he did the cooking, serving and clearing up he should sit down and shut up or do without.

You really should prepare his plate first. Make it look like a smiley face or other childish looking. Make him feel like the baby he is..

Dan, STFU and get over yourself! You are not only a newcomer, but you are a narcissistic a*****e! In case you haven't learned, the children are ALWAYS served first, you moron! Just wait until you have children, then you will figure it out, dipshit! Perhaps you need to be seated at the kids table since you feel you need to be served first, wah wha wha, crybaby! Once Dad told you how it is, you should have shut up and get the f**k over yourself!

If my sister brought home a man who got into an argument with my family over his entitlement. Id out him in his place real fast and show him how little of a man he really is

Serve his meal at the same time as the children's meal and then declare loudly to the room that the children always get fed first.

At our house ( grandparents)the parents serve the younger kids 1st off a buffet style table, then everyone else serves themselves - saves more mashed potatoes from the floors and we've found it to be quicker for us in the long run plus it saves hangry little tummys. On a multi generational farm the harvest crews etc would have, at one time, come to a table mostly served up to save precious work time during key times of the year and it became tradition in your family for all gatherings. Your dad gets to play the ’ my house, my rules ' card on this one. Adaptation is everything buddy, if you want to be host with your own ideas of the rules, good on you, otherwise have a little bit of adult patience or sit at the kiddie table with the other people of immature years and actions

NTA… it’s actually good to have such experiences as it gets their character out. He just proved himself to be self centred and needs to be put in place every single time as he is being the baby of the house

He only gets served if he's wearing a bib and a diaper...

I always gave the kids their food first and I am faaaar from that traditional c**p where the men are waited on hand and foot. In my house they would starve to death before that happened. Junior would have to duck from the flying EMPTY plate aimed at his head!

I've been watching Married to Evil docu-series and this Dan sounds a lot like the power-hungry husbands who end up murdering their family.

It doesn't matter if your culture is different or how you do things in your home. You are in someone else's home, you go by their rules. Period!!!!