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“Several People Have Denied The Invitation”: Bride Wonders If Her ‘No Plus Ones’ Wedding Rule Is Too Ridiculous
Weddings are supposed to be a once-in-a-lifetime event, so the people who organize it have a lot of pressure to do it right. Because of the stress and the desire to have it all perfect, weddings are often surrounded by drama that makes families and friends get into fights.
Brides always feel that they are in the right because it is their big day, so why should anyone else have a say in it? This is true, but they shouldn’t be mad if someone refuses to come because they won’t feel comfortable at their ceremony.
Reddit user TAplusonedrama is a bride and she won’t apply the plus one tradition at her wedding, so only people that get an invitation can come. Although it is a person’s right to decide if they will come, she feels offended that several people didn’t want to attend anymore, but redditors think it is not the bride’s place to insist that someone come.
More info: Reddit
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Bride has strict rules about who can come to her wedding but is upset about other people declining her invitation
Image credits: an iconoclast (not the actual photo)
The Original Poster (OP) is a bride and the wedding is her and her fiancé’s love celebration, so in order for it to be enjoyable for them, they have certain rules. One of the rules is that only people who have an invitation can come.
According to wedding etiquette, married, engaged and cohabiting guests traditionally get a plus-one as they are considered kind of as a unit. Other guests may also be allowed to bring people so that they won’t be uncomfortable, but these rules aren’t the law and you really don’t have to follow them.
Image credits: TAplusonedrama
The OP has a few criteria if her guests want to take a plus one
Image credits: TAplusonedrama
Both the bride and the groom have to know that person and have a good relationship with them
Image credits: TAplusonedrama
The OP said that she would allow her guests to bring a plus one if both she and her fiancé already know that person, if their relationship is close enough that they would enjoy having dinner together with them, if they would get a separate invitation anyway and if that person is also her friend.
It doesn’t matter if the guest is married, engaged or in a long-term relationship, their significant other can’t come if they don’t meet the criteria. This might not seem fair for everyone, but if the bride and groom only want close friends and family to attend that they know and cherish; it is their decision.
Image credits: TAplusonedrama
Which doesn’t necessarily mean that married and long-term couples can automatically bring their partners
Image credits: TAplusonedrama
Understandably, some people declined the wedding invitation because maybe they don’t feel comfortable going there alone or they don’t want to go to a celebration without their partner.
In general, the bride should have expected a similar reaction from people, but what she didn’t expect was for her cousin to refuse to attend. The cousin has been engaged with his fiancée for a year and was upset that she wasn’t invited.
Which led to some people declining invitations
Image credits: TAplusonedrama
The OP was mostly upset about her cousin not attending because he didn’t want to come without his fiancée
Image credits: TAplusonedrama
She wasn’t invited because the OP’s fiancé hasn’t met her yet and it seems that the bride isn’t fond of the woman either. But the OP still wanted her cousin to come and told him how heartbroken she was he couldn’t leave his fiancée for a few hours to celebrate his cousin’s big day.
The cousin got angry and said that being separated from his fiancée was not the point because they can easily spend time away from each other because they go on separate vacations and have separate friend groups. What bothered him was that he felt disrespected and that she excluded his long-term partner.
Image credits: TAplusonedrama
He thought that the OP was disrespecting him by not inviting his fiancée, but the OP though he was the one being disrespectful for not coming to her wedding
Image credits: TAplusonedrama
But the cousin also realized that he doesn’t have a chance in changing her mind because it is the OP’s big day and those are her rules. When he admitted this, the OP jumped in and asked him to respect them and to attend the wedding.
This whole interaction didn’t sit right with redditors and what bothered them was that the bride was trying to guilt trip the cousin to come. They also were on the cousin’s side because if someone doesn’t want to go to a wedding for not liking the rules, the organizers of the event should respect that as the guest showed respect by not breaking those rules.
People were of the opinion that if the bride and groom have the power to decide who can come and who can’t, guests have a right to decide whether to accept that invitation or not.
Image credits: TAplusonedrama
Now the OP wonders if she might be in the wrong here and asks if her reasons for no plus ones are unreasonable
Image credits: TAplusonedrama
Image credits: rocksee (not the actual photo)
The OP responded to a few comments and it became clearer why she didn’t understand why her cousin made such a huge deal. Turns out, she was in the same situation as him and didn’t mind it. “In the past, one friend of my fiancé got married and I hadn’t met him so I wasn’t invited. I wasn’t mad.”
In her eyes, her cousin declining the invitation was disrespectful towards her because “he cares more about some moment of discomfort rather than supporting his cousin,” even though she understands that he is allowed not to come. “Of course he has an option, I don’t disagree with that. But that decision could also be disrespectful of him, no?”
It is a situation when both sides have their own logic and feelings, so it’s hard to convince the other. But looking from the outside, who do you think is in the wrong here? Do you feel the bride has too strict of a rule or the cousin is being petty by not coming? Let us know in the comments!
People in the comments were mostly not bothered by OP’s wedding rules but the way how she reacted to her cousin declining her invitation didn’t sit well with them
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What do you think ?
Shelp 2 years ago
On the last AITA post I complained on how all of these have a very clearly non-assehole OP. BoredPanda listened to me and gave me the story of someone who was very much an a*****e.
NsG 2 years ago
... wow... Yeah. YTA. So is your fiance if he's going along with this. I'd love to be able to watch your friend circle diminish as you apply these frankly batcrap crazy rules to future dinner parties, only to discover your own rules mean you'll invite fewer and fewer people and fewer and fewer people will accept. Enjoy your enforced hermithood.
Shelp 2 years ago
On the last AITA post I complained on how all of these have a very clearly non-assehole OP. BoredPanda listened to me and gave me the story of someone who was very much an a*****e.
NsG 2 years ago
... wow... Yeah. YTA. So is your fiance if he's going along with this. I'd love to be able to watch your friend circle diminish as you apply these frankly batcrap crazy rules to future dinner parties, only to discover your own rules mean you'll invite fewer and fewer people and fewer and fewer people will accept. Enjoy your enforced hermithood.
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