Hearing that a close friend is getting married can be an emotional but exciting time. While you instinctively know things might change once they tie the knot, you’ll also get to witness them taking one of the biggest steps of their life. And hopefully, you’ll also get to walk parts of the new journey with them. But sometimes, it’s more bitter than sweet.

One woman shared how she was shunned by someone who once called her their best friend. The woman assumed she’d be a bridesmaid since the pair were quite tight. But instead of asking her to do the honors, the bride called her bestie to tell her she wasn’t invited to the wedding. As if that wasn’t enough, she texted her friend photos of the big day, rubbing a big handful of salt in the wound. The woman now feels it’s time to end the friendship.

When one bride announced she’d set a wedding date, her close friend got really excited

Image credits: Josh Applegate (not the actual photo)

But instead of being asked to be a bridesmaid, the bestie was told she’s not invited to the wedding

Image credits: YuriArcursPeopleimages (not the actual photo)

Image credits: LilRed78

“It’s not about you”: an expert’s advice on not being invited to a wedding

“Take a deep breath and remember that, most likely, it’s not about you,” notes The Knot, an expert wedding planning site. Those with experience say it’s easy to assume you’ll be invited but “you never know how someone—even a friend—will plan to celebrate their marriage, not to mention their budget and space limitations.” So, in a nutshell: manage your expectations.

If you’ve had an argument or fall-out with your friend, it’s safe to say you should prepare yourself to attend the wedding in spirit. But there are other reasons you might be left out of the celebrations.

“It’s possible they’re having a family-only affair, or they’re sticking only to friends and colleagues they’ve been in contact with in the past five years, while the two of you haven’t been in touch since high school,” reads The Knot site.

“Before taking your lack of an invitation as a personal jab, consider all the other potential reasons they may have had to make this decision.”

Either way, it’s not about you. It is your friend, colleague, or acquaintance’s special day. So manage your ego and emotions. The Knot advises not to take your grievances to social media or the internet, as the woman has done.

“Guess how long that will feel good for?” reads the site. You guessed it… “About a minute. And not only will it hurt the couple’s feelings and ruin their good vibes, everyone will also be able to see it—and we mean everyone (you never know what will take off on the internet). Be cool and keep it to yourself.”

If you’re the one getting hitched, experts warn you shouldn’t be blurting about your big day all over town. If you tell every Tom, Dick, and Harry about your wedding plans, and their aunts and distant relatives, you’re the one who’ll be creating high expectations….

“You’ve only got yourself to blame if you then have to turn around and say ‘oh actually you’re not invited’; and it does sound a little bit ‘playground’ to say that to people,” says William Hanson, British etiquette coach and the Director of The English Manner.

“The only reason you really want to dis-invite someone is maybe for financial reasons – you had wanted a wedding for 100 but actually you’re only going to be able to have 35 and so circumstances have changed; and real friends will understand that, as long as the reason is real.”

Image credits: Luwadlin Bosman (not the actual photo)

“This girl is in trouble”: many netizens believed the bride’s partner was manipulating her

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