Big weddings can get a bad rap. Too often, people spend way beyond their means, borrow from family members and create all sorts of drama. Other times shaky couples think a blow-out wedding will, somehow, resolve their relationship issues. But if it’s a solid marriage with two, well-off people, one would think there wouldn’t be any harm.

A woman shared her experience with a jealous family and a big wedding. She and her husband both have great careers and wanted to celebrate with a large, three-day event. Unfortunately, some of her extended family took umbrage and twisted the celebration into a personal attack against themselves.

Big weddings can seem like a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to have a massive celebration

Image credits: Álvaro CvG (not the actual photo)

So a well-off couple wanted to use their earnings and love of hosting events to really make their ceremony special

They planned multiple events, gifts, and other fun activities to take place over three days

Image credits: Dimitri Kuliuk (not the actual photo)

But some in the bride’s family decided that the whole thing was a ploy to show off

Image credits: Jonathan Borba (not the actual photo)

Jealousy got the best of them and they accused OP of wanting to rub her wealth in their face

Image credits: Liza Summer (not the actual photo)

Image credits: weddingwoe34

The size of a wedding can be a pretty clear indicator of wealth if the couple chooses it to be

It’s easy to roll your eyes when you hear “expensive wedding,” as it can seem, at best, foolish, to spend so much on basically a one-to-two-day event. Americans in particular will end up spending around five figures to host a medium-sized wedding. The national median wedding cost was roughly $33’000 in 2017, and this number has definitely only risen in recent years as inflation takes its toll. This does not include the honeymoon, by the way. Seeing as the average US worker makes $54,132 a year (2022,) it gets harder and harder to justify what ends up looking like a very, very all-out party. To be fair, like often in life, we have lies, big lies, and statistics. Many people will still spend less than $10’000 on their wedding and probably still have a great time.

The real issue in this story, however, is not the costs, as OP specified that they had no issue paying. Rather, the crux is a much older and more common concern, jealousy. Particularly when times are hard, people tend to feel more sensitive around those who are better off. Paradoxically, this emotion is stronger if it’s within the family. A rich stranger can make you jealous, but you can tell yourself that maybe they inherited it, or benefited from other advantages growing up. A rich sibling is ‘worse’ for people with insecurities. This seems irrational, but jealousy has been found to induce zero–sum thinking and, even worse, a desire to blame someone else.

Image credits: TranStudios Photography & Video (not the actual photo)

Envy and jealousy are generally limiting insecurities that can’t really be blamed on someone else

The general attitude of the family towards OP’s wealth is unclear from the story. Even if it was ambivalent, a wedding is, unfortunately, a pretty easy trigger. Envy and jealousy over wealth normally manifest after one party actually sees the other things. It’s possible to know someone is rich, but you only feel that pang of envy when they pull up in a Rolls-Royce. It’s pretty easy to compare things, a car, a wedding, or a house, and make quick judgments. Some studies show that not all envy is malicious. After all, you can envy your friend’s newfound success while also being happy for them. Normally, malicious envy happens when the person experiencing jealousy feels like the other party does not deserve what they have. Unfortunately, this might indicate that OP’s family doesn’t think she actually deserves her success.

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The unfortunate truth is that malicious envy is also self-destructive. People who suffer from it, besides possibly sabotaging a relationship with a wealthy person, will often be less motivated to improve their own status. They have decided the world is unfair and would prefer to not even try. Conversely, benign envy has been shown to have the opposite effect. It can inspire a person to try more and work harder. At the end of the day, OP can not control the insecurities of her family. Instead of pride in her success, they chose petty jealousy.

Image credits: Emma Bauso (not the actual photo)

Commenters reassured OP that she was absolutely not in the wrong

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