Tell him to get an assessment from a specialist or GTFO.

I'm autistic and I would NEVER use it an an excuse to have things my way. I might cherish a lot of my childhood memories but I have my own family now, live in a different country and I would never expect for things to be the same as before. This guy's just an @$$h0le.

Some people use autism as an excuse to get their own way sometimes, this sounds like one of those situations. Until gets an official diagnosis, he is not allowed to use it as a REASON, not an excuse.

Armchair diagnosis used as a catchall for being the world's biggest (jerk). I would never ever put up with someone like that. And those who have been diagnosed with neurodivergency look for ways to mitigate issues, they don't demand the world bend to their wishes and whims.

gotta love the commentor that thinks that making one meal, singing some songs, opening presents and watching a movie is "exhausting" and that OP is refusing to compromise by suggesting doing anything she has ever enjoyed

YTA- because I assume you knew he was an a*****e for at least the last 11 years, stayed with him and had kids. But life is too short to be unhappy so divorce him and move on.

I suspect he’s ok to live with the rest of the year because the schedule suits him and he gets his way. Autism isn’t an excuse to make your partner miserable when they don’t do things your way. I think you need to have a few fights with him before Christmas away from the kids. Firstly, tell him how you and the children will be spending Christmas and what you will be cooking. If he doesn’t like it, he is welcome to spend Christmas elsewhere. If he tantrums on the day, your new year’s resolution is a divorce lawyer. Secondly, if he wants to play the autism card, he needs a formal diagnosis and a treatment plan because being autistic doesn’t mean everyone does what you want so you don’t get upset.

Having had years of s****y Christmas's in relationships, I get that bit. However, who ever thought making children wait to open their presents so they can slowly make and eat breakfast first was truly awful and selfish. Grab your coffee, open presents, then worry about breakfast. It's not hard, and the kids are entertaining themselves.

Maybe when the kids are older you can talk with them and see if they would consider doing it your way on Xmas. Regardless what dad says they could be "we want to do it this way FOR MOM" to make mom happy. And I know he will try to ruin it but if the kids follow what u plan he might either go sulk or try to commandeer it or play along.

My ex (17 years together, 2 kids) is from a different culture that does not celebrate Xmas. I was always the one who did all the prep/gifts/tree because I wanted my kids to have the same magical time I had as a child. He did try to complain about stuff not being as he would like. Did he contribute? No. So did I listen to his complaints? Again, no. It is OK to not agree on everything and just do stuff your way if it is just for few days a year

He just wants Christmas the way that his family celebrated it an you want it the way you celebrated it. So there should be compromise on both sides. You should certainly let the children open their gifts in the morning, that's torture to make them wait, and he should help in the kitchen. It's no fun playing board games if no one really wants play. You can't recoup your Christmas as a child, won't happen. It's for the kids. Relax and try to enjoy your children playing with their new presents

I wonder if this was happening before they got married.

It's not just HIS holiday and he is selfish to push what he wants on everyone.

Wife sounds exgausting, you're nad at him because you want Christmas done YOUR way, and you say he won't compromise? Sounds like you won't either. You saying you're reduced to tears is just ridiculous, it's Christmas, lighten the f**k up, it doesnt all have to be done your way, you just sound exhausting. Ket the kids chill, yoh don't need to be a damn drill Sargeant.

I've never heard of 24 - Hour Christmas Autism. Must be a new disease.

I'm autistic and I loooove my Christmas memories, and yes, I had the same routine every year as a child. But my routine was itself a compromise to be with my family but not too much because... people. The first time I had to organise Christmas myself, I was with my half-sister (both young adults), and we wanted to invite our father and her mother because she never had a real family Christmas herself. Her mother is both in a cult & loves traditions (you know... the orange as the only gift when she was little ?). My father loved our Christmas with my mom. My sister didn't know what she loved... and you know what ? We made it ! We had to talk, we discussed a lot, but now, 20 years later, we are still creating really good memories for her children and our younger bro & sis ! And you know what (again) ? My 2 sisters, my brother, my father and my 2 nephews are all autistic like me ! So if 7 autistic people can do it, only ONE can too !

I can't really imagine that if he were really autistich, that it would create such problems at Christmas and zero problems the rest of the year. Surely, if he can't deal with change, it would lead to problems the rest of the year too? I don't know, sounds like something else is going on, or simply a fake story.