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“Tears Each Christmas”: Man Ruins Christmas For Wife Every Year, Pushes Her To Consider Divorce
Any successful relationship is about compromise, but there are always people who are so set in their ways that they don’t even realize how annoying it can be. Even worse, they might not see how their preferences end up being so stiffing that their partners start to second guess the entire relationship.
A woman wondered if she really needed to end her marriage over her husband’s stubbornness over how they celebrate Christmas. No matter what she suggested, he had to have everything be the same, year after year. We reached out to her via private message and will update the article when she gets back to us.
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Every couple has to make certain compromises on how they celebrate Christmas
Image credits: Zinkevych_D / envato (not the actual photo)
But one wife was exhausted from the fact that her husband wouldn’t budge on anything
Image credits: monkeybusiness / envato (not the actual photo)
She shared an update later
Image credits: ThrowRA_Xmasblues
The husband does have some traits associated with autism
Some of the behaviors the husband exhibits do resemble common symptoms of autism, namely, a resistance to change and wanting to repeat certain actions. There are a lot of stubborn people out there, but folks with autism tend to feel and exhibit actual distress if they have to modify a common habit, like taking a new route to school or changing their diet. The mention of certain vegetables as part of Christmas dinner is quite telling here.
Similarly, people with autism tend to also enjoy repeated behaviors, in a very literal sense. Often these can be small things, like fidgeting or rocking in place, but it’s possible to see how the husband’s very particular ideas about different parts of celebrating Christmas could fall under this category.
However, it’s also worth adding that even if he does have autism, this isn’t an excuse to be totally uncompromising about this. His wife states that she started dreading Christmas each year, this should not be a feeling you cause your spouse to feel. It’s not like he hasn’t communicated this, she describes bringing it up on multiple occasions to no avail. It’s not at all strange to feel unhappy if your partner continues to do something you don’t like.
Ignoring your partner’s wishes over and over again is selfish
Image credit: RDNE Stock project / pexels (not the actual photo)
This highlights just how important compromise is in a relationship. Certainly, if someone feels like their entire relationship is just one compromise after another, it seems like it’s not a particularly successful relationship. Everyone has certain lines they will not cross, but this seems like an exceedingly strange hill to die on for the husband.
After all, it doesn’t seem like what she was asking for was that extreme. It’s not like it’s a choice between having some sort of celebration or nothing, or perhaps some very outlandish tradition. However, the fact that he can’t at all back down from a single thing is, ultimately, selfish. Because it seems like he is the only one who actually benefits from the very strict Christmas outline he has in his head.
The kids don’t seem to care about it and his wife dislikes it, so there doesn’t seem to be any real reason to maintain it. He also calls her things like “unreasonable” just for asking to do something a bit differently. This is, at best, unpleasant behavior, particularly coming from a man who is being entirely unreasonable.
This just highlights the importance of compromise and communication. The wife adds an important point for anyone reading a story like this, that we are only seeing a glimpse into a marriage that is 365 days a year. Even if it’s a “minor” point like this, having your preferences just ignored over and over again will end up causing a lot of strain in any relationship.
Netizens rushed to the comments to support her
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What do you think ?
Superb Owl 5 days ago
Using autism as an excuse to be another a-word (rhymes with coal), great job!
PeepPeep the duck 4 days ago
This depends though, we had a guy in our mermaid troop in Perth who was genuinely autistic and would use it any excuse whenever he could for a lot of bad stuff he did, me and my bff had to kick him from the group for trying to say very very very bad sexual things to a 13 yr old girl who wanted to be a mermaid for a day.
Load More Replies...
Daniel Gómez 4 days ago
I'm autistic and I would NEVER use it an an excuse to have things my way. I might cherish a lot of my childhood memories but I have my own family now, live in a different country and I would never expect for things to be the same as before. This guy's just an @$$h0le.
TribbleThinking 4 days ago
I'm autistic. He's an entitled jerk who happens to be autistic. One quick way to share Christmas is to alternate how you spend Christmas each year, as in your-choice-this-year, his-choice-next-year. Many couples do this with the more common problem of which grandparents get Christmas Day. If he refuses to share, then you simply have added confirmation of his jerk status.
KatSaidWhat 4 days ago
Some people use autism as an excuse to get their own way sometimes, this sounds like one of those situations. Until gets an official diagnosis, he is not allowed to use it as a REASON, not an excuse.
lenka 4 days ago
Sounds to me like it has always been an issue for her but after years of sacrifice, compromise and trying she has had enough.
Load More Replies...
WonderWoman 4 days ago
Armchair diagnosis used as a catchall for being the world's biggest (jerk). I would never ever put up with someone like that. And those who have been diagnosed with neurodivergency look for ways to mitigate issues, they don't demand the world bend to their wishes and whims.
Skogsrået 4 days ago
He hasn't even been diagnosed with autism, i suspect he's using the autism card to always get what he wants. My kid has autism, he can compromise and he can handle changes. This guy is just a selfish douche.
Lauren Wilder 4 days ago
This. No diagnosis but just throwing it around as a means to get what you want is wrong. It's controlling. His wife has fallen for it for 11 years and it's time she made some hard decisions. The kids see it.
Load More Replies...
Meagan Glaser 4 days ago
gotta love the commentor that thinks that making one meal, singing some songs, opening presents and watching a movie is "exhausting" and that OP is refusing to compromise by suggesting doing anything she has ever enjoyed
Schmebulock 4 days ago
YTA- because I assume you knew he was an a*****e for at least the last 11 years, stayed with him and had kids. But life is too short to be unhappy so divorce him and move on.
GlitterPanda 4 days ago
as someone with ADHD and a suspected (but not confirmed) autism diagnosis as well... being neuro typical DOES NOT give you a license to be a jerk. There are strategies and coping mechanisms we can learn about and use. Yes, it very much does make day-to-day life harder, but no we don't just get to make life harder for everyone else just because our brains work differently than theirs.
Ge Po 4 days ago
One of my kids has autism. I always told it; your autism is a reason, never an excuse. It will usually mean that you will have to put in more energy, or have to find ways to deal with challenging situations and pick your fights. If you do that, it will be much easier for people to accept that you react differently and they will more often help you find those strategies and win those fights, than when you keep choosing the easy way out.
The Starsong Princess 4 days ago
I suspect he’s ok to live with the rest of the year because the schedule suits him and he gets his way. Autism isn’t an excuse to make your partner miserable when they don’t do things your way. I think you need to have a few fights with him before Christmas away from the kids. Firstly, tell him how you and the children will be spending Christmas and what you will be cooking. If he doesn’t like it, he is welcome to spend Christmas elsewhere. If he tantrums on the day, your new year’s resolution is a divorce lawyer. Secondly, if he wants to play the autism card, he needs a formal diagnosis and a treatment plan because being autistic doesn’t mean everyone does what you want so you don’t get upset.
tee-lena 4 days ago
Im doing that. Zero out of ten enjoyments. My nose feels even bigger than it actually is! That saying something. I've got a honker and it's not happy.
Load More Replies...
Orange Panda 4 days ago (edited)
Having had years of s****y Christmas's in relationships, I get that bit. However, who ever thought making children wait to open their presents so they can slowly make and eat breakfast first was truly awful and selfish. Grab your coffee, open presents, then worry about breakfast. It's not hard, and the kids are entertaining themselves.
Gen X Feral 4 days ago
My husband is autistic and the first Christmas he acted like that I'd be planting a Christmas tree on his unmarked grave December 26th. Idc if he's autistic or an aardvark he needs to grow tf up, it's not all of him ffs. What a dickk!!!
Mad McQueen 4 days ago
Maybe when the kids are older you can talk with them and see if they would consider doing it your way on Xmas. Regardless what dad says they could be "we want to do it this way FOR MOM" to make mom happy. And I know he will try to ruin it but if the kids follow what u plan he might either go sulk or try to commandeer it or play along.
Nira Amana 4 days ago
My ex (17 years together, 2 kids) is from a different culture that does not celebrate Xmas. I was always the one who did all the prep/gifts/tree because I wanted my kids to have the same magical time I had as a child. He did try to complain about stuff not being as he would like. Did he contribute? No. So did I listen to his complaints? Again, no. It is OK to not agree on everything and just do stuff your way if it is just for few days a year
Paul Rabit 4 days ago
Nothing is worse than using a self-diagnosed condition as an excuse. I can't think of a more detestable personality trait.
tee-lena 4 days ago
It sucks being disabled. I don't understand people who glorify it. I talk about it cuz it's my life, and I occasionally like f*****g with trolls but this is wrong. He's simply being mean and there's no excuse for that
Load More Replies... Patti 4 days ago
He just wants Christmas the way that his family celebrated it an you want it the way you celebrated it. So there should be compromise on both sides. You should certainly let the children open their gifts in the morning, that's torture to make them wait, and he should help in the kitchen. It's no fun playing board games if no one really wants play. You can't recoup your Christmas as a child, won't happen. It's for the kids. Relax and try to enjoy your children playing with their new presents
Tams21 4 days ago
He really ought to get help. It does sound like he has got some problems but it's not even clear if he even has a diagnosis from the post. Either way, it's unreasonable to expect a family to make so many sacrifices to accommodate him without moving an inch towards helping himself.
Winnie the Moo 4 days ago
So these people did not live together before getting married? It seems they are not a good match overall. Why she married him is a mystery to me…
Laura A Ivett 3 days ago (edited)
Wife sounds exgausting, you're nad at him because you want Christmas done YOUR way, and you say he won't compromise? Sounds like you won't either. You saying you're reduced to tears is just ridiculous, it's Christmas, lighten the f**k up, it doesnt all have to be done your way, you just sound exhausting. Ket the kids chill, yoh don't need to be a damn drill Sargeant.
Ashley Noelle 3 days ago
I'm autistic but I still manage to compromise! I really dislike others using it as an excuse to pardon s****y behavior. They could both use some therapy, IMO.
smithyjones 4 days ago (edited)
I've never heard of 24 - Hour Christmas Autism. Must be a new disease.
Joanne Mendonza-Earle 4 days ago
Getting real tired of people slapping the 'I'm autistic' label on themselves or their kids to excuse rude behavior.
Sarah Léon 4 days ago
I'm autistic and I loooove my Christmas memories, and yes, I had the same routine every year as a child. But my routine was itself a compromise to be with my family but not too much because... people. The first time I had to organise Christmas myself, I was with my half-sister (both young adults), and we wanted to invite our father and her mother because she never had a real family Christmas herself. Her mother is both in a cult & loves traditions (you know... the orange as the only gift when she was little ?). My father loved our Christmas with my mom. My sister didn't know what she loved... and you know what ? We made it ! We had to talk, we discussed a lot, but now, 20 years later, we are still creating really good memories for her children and our younger bro & sis ! And you know what (again) ? My 2 sisters, my brother, my father and my 2 nephews are all autistic like me ! So if 7 autistic people can do it, only ONE can too !
Grady Kelly 4 days ago
Had the same problem. My solution. Booked a solo vacation for two weeks over the Xmas vacation. DH. Had to do. Xmas with the kids and family by himself. Never had a problem w Xmas after that
Jaya 4 days ago
I can't really imagine that if he were really autistich, that it would create such problems at Christmas and zero problems the rest of the year. Surely, if he can't deal with change, it would lead to problems the rest of the year too? I don't know, sounds like something else is going on, or simply a fake story.
Superb Owl 5 days ago
Using autism as an excuse to be another a-word (rhymes with coal), great job!
PeepPeep the duck 4 days ago
This depends though, we had a guy in our mermaid troop in Perth who was genuinely autistic and would use it any excuse whenever he could for a lot of bad stuff he did, me and my bff had to kick him from the group for trying to say very very very bad sexual things to a 13 yr old girl who wanted to be a mermaid for a day.
Load More Replies... Daniel Gómez 4 days ago
I'm autistic and I would NEVER use it an an excuse to have things my way. I might cherish a lot of my childhood memories but I have my own family now, live in a different country and I would never expect for things to be the same as before. This guy's just an @$$h0le.
TribbleThinking 4 days ago
I'm autistic. He's an entitled jerk who happens to be autistic. One quick way to share Christmas is to alternate how you spend Christmas each year, as in your-choice-this-year, his-choice-next-year. Many couples do this with the more common problem of which grandparents get Christmas Day. If he refuses to share, then you simply have added confirmation of his jerk status.
KatSaidWhat 4 days ago
Some people use autism as an excuse to get their own way sometimes, this sounds like one of those situations. Until gets an official diagnosis, he is not allowed to use it as a REASON, not an excuse.
lenka 4 days ago
Sounds to me like it has always been an issue for her but after years of sacrifice, compromise and trying she has had enough.
Load More Replies... WonderWoman 4 days ago
Armchair diagnosis used as a catchall for being the world's biggest (jerk). I would never ever put up with someone like that. And those who have been diagnosed with neurodivergency look for ways to mitigate issues, they don't demand the world bend to their wishes and whims.
Skogsrået 4 days ago
He hasn't even been diagnosed with autism, i suspect he's using the autism card to always get what he wants. My kid has autism, he can compromise and he can handle changes. This guy is just a selfish douche.
Lauren Wilder 4 days ago
This. No diagnosis but just throwing it around as a means to get what you want is wrong. It's controlling. His wife has fallen for it for 11 years and it's time she made some hard decisions. The kids see it.
Load More Replies... Meagan Glaser 4 days ago
gotta love the commentor that thinks that making one meal, singing some songs, opening presents and watching a movie is "exhausting" and that OP is refusing to compromise by suggesting doing anything she has ever enjoyed
Schmebulock 4 days ago
YTA- because I assume you knew he was an a*****e for at least the last 11 years, stayed with him and had kids. But life is too short to be unhappy so divorce him and move on.
GlitterPanda 4 days ago
as someone with ADHD and a suspected (but not confirmed) autism diagnosis as well... being neuro typical DOES NOT give you a license to be a jerk. There are strategies and coping mechanisms we can learn about and use. Yes, it very much does make day-to-day life harder, but no we don't just get to make life harder for everyone else just because our brains work differently than theirs.
Ge Po 4 days ago
One of my kids has autism. I always told it; your autism is a reason, never an excuse. It will usually mean that you will have to put in more energy, or have to find ways to deal with challenging situations and pick your fights. If you do that, it will be much easier for people to accept that you react differently and they will more often help you find those strategies and win those fights, than when you keep choosing the easy way out.
The Starsong Princess 4 days ago
I suspect he’s ok to live with the rest of the year because the schedule suits him and he gets his way. Autism isn’t an excuse to make your partner miserable when they don’t do things your way. I think you need to have a few fights with him before Christmas away from the kids. Firstly, tell him how you and the children will be spending Christmas and what you will be cooking. If he doesn’t like it, he is welcome to spend Christmas elsewhere. If he tantrums on the day, your new year’s resolution is a divorce lawyer. Secondly, if he wants to play the autism card, he needs a formal diagnosis and a treatment plan because being autistic doesn’t mean everyone does what you want so you don’t get upset.
tee-lena 4 days ago
Im doing that. Zero out of ten enjoyments. My nose feels even bigger than it actually is! That saying something. I've got a honker and it's not happy.
Load More Replies... Orange Panda 4 days ago (edited)
Having had years of s****y Christmas's in relationships, I get that bit. However, who ever thought making children wait to open their presents so they can slowly make and eat breakfast first was truly awful and selfish. Grab your coffee, open presents, then worry about breakfast. It's not hard, and the kids are entertaining themselves.
Gen X Feral 4 days ago
My husband is autistic and the first Christmas he acted like that I'd be planting a Christmas tree on his unmarked grave December 26th. Idc if he's autistic or an aardvark he needs to grow tf up, it's not all of him ffs. What a dickk!!!
Mad McQueen 4 days ago
Maybe when the kids are older you can talk with them and see if they would consider doing it your way on Xmas. Regardless what dad says they could be "we want to do it this way FOR MOM" to make mom happy. And I know he will try to ruin it but if the kids follow what u plan he might either go sulk or try to commandeer it or play along.
Nira Amana 4 days ago
My ex (17 years together, 2 kids) is from a different culture that does not celebrate Xmas. I was always the one who did all the prep/gifts/tree because I wanted my kids to have the same magical time I had as a child. He did try to complain about stuff not being as he would like. Did he contribute? No. So did I listen to his complaints? Again, no. It is OK to not agree on everything and just do stuff your way if it is just for few days a year
Paul Rabit 4 days ago
Nothing is worse than using a self-diagnosed condition as an excuse. I can't think of a more detestable personality trait.
tee-lena 4 days ago
It sucks being disabled. I don't understand people who glorify it. I talk about it cuz it's my life, and I occasionally like f*****g with trolls but this is wrong. He's simply being mean and there's no excuse for that
Load More Replies... Patti 4 days ago
He just wants Christmas the way that his family celebrated it an you want it the way you celebrated it. So there should be compromise on both sides. You should certainly let the children open their gifts in the morning, that's torture to make them wait, and he should help in the kitchen. It's no fun playing board games if no one really wants play. You can't recoup your Christmas as a child, won't happen. It's for the kids. Relax and try to enjoy your children playing with their new presents
Tams21 4 days ago
He really ought to get help. It does sound like he has got some problems but it's not even clear if he even has a diagnosis from the post. Either way, it's unreasonable to expect a family to make so many sacrifices to accommodate him without moving an inch towards helping himself.
Winnie the Moo 4 days ago
So these people did not live together before getting married? It seems they are not a good match overall. Why she married him is a mystery to me…
Laura A Ivett 3 days ago (edited)
Wife sounds exgausting, you're nad at him because you want Christmas done YOUR way, and you say he won't compromise? Sounds like you won't either. You saying you're reduced to tears is just ridiculous, it's Christmas, lighten the f**k up, it doesnt all have to be done your way, you just sound exhausting. Ket the kids chill, yoh don't need to be a damn drill Sargeant.
Ashley Noelle 3 days ago
I'm autistic but I still manage to compromise! I really dislike others using it as an excuse to pardon s****y behavior. They could both use some therapy, IMO.
smithyjones 4 days ago (edited)
I've never heard of 24 - Hour Christmas Autism. Must be a new disease.
Joanne Mendonza-Earle 4 days ago
Getting real tired of people slapping the 'I'm autistic' label on themselves or their kids to excuse rude behavior.
Sarah Léon 4 days ago
I'm autistic and I loooove my Christmas memories, and yes, I had the same routine every year as a child. But my routine was itself a compromise to be with my family but not too much because... people. The first time I had to organise Christmas myself, I was with my half-sister (both young adults), and we wanted to invite our father and her mother because she never had a real family Christmas herself. Her mother is both in a cult & loves traditions (you know... the orange as the only gift when she was little ?). My father loved our Christmas with my mom. My sister didn't know what she loved... and you know what ? We made it ! We had to talk, we discussed a lot, but now, 20 years later, we are still creating really good memories for her children and our younger bro & sis ! And you know what (again) ? My 2 sisters, my brother, my father and my 2 nephews are all autistic like me ! So if 7 autistic people can do it, only ONE can too !
Grady Kelly 4 days ago
Had the same problem. My solution. Booked a solo vacation for two weeks over the Xmas vacation. DH. Had to do. Xmas with the kids and family by himself. Never had a problem w Xmas after that
Jaya 4 days ago
I can't really imagine that if he were really autistich, that it would create such problems at Christmas and zero problems the rest of the year. Surely, if he can't deal with change, it would lead to problems the rest of the year too? I don't know, sounds like something else is going on, or simply a fake story.
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