Tell him to get an assessment from a specialist or GTFO.

Some people use autism as an excuse to get their own way sometimes, this sounds like one of those situations. Until gets an official diagnosis, he is not allowed to use it as a REASON, not an excuse.

I'm autistic. He's an entitled jerk who happens to be autistic. One quick way to share Christmas is to alternate how you spend Christmas each year, as in your-choice-this-year, his-choice-next-year. Many couples do this with the more common problem of which grandparents get Christmas Day. If he refuses to share, then you simply have added confirmation of his jerk status.

Armchair diagnosis used as a catchall for being the world's biggest (jerk). I would never ever put up with someone like that. And those who have been diagnosed with neurodivergency look for ways to mitigate issues, they don't demand the world bend to their wishes and whims.

gotta love the commentor that thinks that making one meal, singing some songs, opening presents and watching a movie is "exhausting" and that OP is refusing to compromise by suggesting doing anything she has ever enjoyed

as someone with ADHD and a suspected (but not confirmed) autism diagnosis as well... being neuro typical DOES NOT give you a license to be a jerk. There are strategies and coping mechanisms we can learn about and use. Yes, it very much does make day-to-day life harder, but no we don't just get to make life harder for everyone else just because our brains work differently than theirs.

I suspect he’s ok to live with the rest of the year because the schedule suits him and he gets his way. Autism isn’t an excuse to make your partner miserable when they don’t do things your way. I think you need to have a few fights with him before Christmas away from the kids. Firstly, tell him how you and the children will be spending Christmas and what you will be cooking. If he doesn’t like it, he is welcome to spend Christmas elsewhere. If he tantrums on the day, your new year’s resolution is a divorce lawyer. Secondly, if he wants to play the autism card, he needs a formal diagnosis and a treatment plan because being autistic doesn’t mean everyone does what you want so you don’t get upset.

Having had years of s****y Christmas's in relationships, I get that bit. However, who ever thought making children wait to open their presents so they can slowly make and eat breakfast first was truly awful and selfish. Grab your coffee, open presents, then worry about breakfast. It's not hard, and the kids are entertaining themselves.

Maybe when the kids are older you can talk with them and see if they would consider doing it your way on Xmas. Regardless what dad says they could be "we want to do it this way FOR MOM" to make mom happy. And I know he will try to ruin it but if the kids follow what u plan he might either go sulk or try to commandeer it or play along.

My ex (17 years together, 2 kids) is from a different culture that does not celebrate Xmas. I was always the one who did all the prep/gifts/tree because I wanted my kids to have the same magical time I had as a child. He did try to complain about stuff not being as he would like. Did he contribute? No. So did I listen to his complaints? Again, no. It is OK to not agree on everything and just do stuff your way if it is just for few days a year

He just wants Christmas the way that his family celebrated it an you want it the way you celebrated it. So there should be compromise on both sides. You should certainly let the children open their gifts in the morning, that's torture to make them wait, and he should help in the kitchen. It's no fun playing board games if no one really wants play. You can't recoup your Christmas as a child, won't happen. It's for the kids. Relax and try to enjoy your children playing with their new presents

I wonder if this was happening before they got married.

I'm autistic but I still manage to compromise! I really dislike others using it as an excuse to pardon s****y behavior. They could both use some therapy, IMO.

Getting real tired of people slapping the 'I'm autistic' label on themselves or their kids to excuse rude behavior.

Had the same problem. My solution. Booked a solo vacation for two weeks over the Xmas vacation. DH. Had to do. Xmas with the kids and family by himself. Never had a problem w Xmas after that