Limp Dickzquit

Originally from the Catskills.

You can't get mad if it's true.

David Bowie frightened a few underage girls.

Number 38 and there goes my coffee.

He cheated, she yeeted.

Now that's funny.

Dutch police

Hello Fallout Shelter

In the dark, eyes closed, pray you don’t miss, or stub anything.

If you can take an officer's gun with a dino grabber, I think that officer should be in trouble.

🔔🫨

I love a good nerd reply (which probably explains why I'm married to Mr Auntriarch)

Never mind Americans, it's been centuries since Jesus was portrayed realistically in Europe. Unless there's a recent version of Christ Pantocrator that I haven't seen.

Watch for the spit.

i've seen it more from white men though? and um, it's pretty bad

And we’ve got another four years of this to look forward to

Trust the best.

I’ll be right back.

Not a fan of public armpits either lil buddy

I will be calling beer "bread flavored soda" from now on.

Liam Neeson is f**king brilliant.

The answer is uranium

No kink shaming.

That'll do, pig.

I’ll take two.

Franklin would laugh because he'd expect it. Adams would beat you to death with your own arms.

I’d increase their tip by 10%

Get a second opinion.

All aboard the Fe-Line.

For sheer fear, think of baby birds leaving the nest for that first time - fly or die! Makes your first date feel pretty tame, eh, boys?

All newborns are ugly. Except mine. 😉

I read that in David Attenborough’s voice.

Soup of the Day is the result of yesterday's 'Leftovers of the day'

I second this request.

Only on Fridays

Self reproduction isn't totally unknown, but it only produces females. Maybe Jesus was trans?

I was late to a wedding and ran in just after "Does anyone have any objections?" All eyes swiveled around as I swiftly took a seat and lowered my head.

that is a badass name, little guy

Wait till they hear about humans. They’ll wear anything just for the halibut.

Go to a Trade School

Using your couch

Attention hog.

C’mon, alive is totally in there.

My sister has more siblings than I do and that feels really weird to me

Oh god yes, Luigi is gonna become a martyr 🤣

The ghosts of Christmas Past, Present, Future, and- wait what who’s this

Darwin Award.

More plastic in the ocean.

There's only one group of people who are more stupid than "inflencers", and that's the influenced.