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Woman Refuses To Let BF Pretend He Paid For Dinner To ‘Save Face’, Asks If She Was Wrong
Splitting the bill on a night out has become quite a topic of debate these days.
And since everyone has an opinion about it—ranging from either of the two extremes with who gets to cover 100% of the check, and everything in-between—there is pretty much an equivalent amount of hills to die on. Or sled from. Opinions can change!
This story is no different. A woman was out with her boyfriend and some friends, having dinner when the question of who’s paying comes up. And then drama ensued.
RELATED:
The topic of who’s paying has become a point of debate in recent times—debates that can get heated to an extreme degree
Image credits: RossHelen / envato (not the actual photo)
A couple was recently in a row over covering the dinner bill for a party of 8, and the guy just had to send a message with it
Image credits: bilyanas1 / envato (not the actual photo)
Image credits: freedinner
All it felt to the woman was that her boyfriend just wanted to save face, but she didn’t let him do it
The story goes that this one Redditor, a 24-year-old woman, was out with her boyfriend of 8 months on a dinner date with 6 other friends.
Once dinner was done, the 2 other guys in the party said they’re gonna cover the bill. OP wanted to chip in, but the boyfriend (the only other guy) said he’d like to do it for her, but he would want her to also pay him afterwards when nobody’s watching.
While intentions were not clear as to why he prompted for such a clunky approach, OP suspected that he just wanted to save face, being the gentleman that he is, in front of the other guys.
Well, she didn’t give him an opportunity to do it and just paid for the darned thing, with nobody batting an eye, except for the boyfriend, who was now sulking. He was upset for being emasculated by the girlfriend, making him look bad in front of the boys.
Folks online definitely had some things to say—things of any variety, arguing the situation on all sides
Image credits: Andrea Piacquadio / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Commenters had a hunch that the guy didn’t even have the money, so he was trying to save face double-time in front of the guys and OP. Which was super weird.
Others criticized his take credit for OP paying approach, elaborating on the idea of him being a gentleman, but only appearing to be one, when in reality there is insecurity, misogyny, and now anger underneath all that gentleness.
But, on the other hand, there were those who played the devil’s advocate. Her boyfriend was expected to pay as per a social norm within this particular group of friends that OP broke and created even more pressure for the boyfriend, who was seemingly new in the clique.
Others also bagged on her for inviting him to a fancy restaurant, knowing clearly that he can’t really afford it—it felt like sabotage from the beginning. This is besides some pointing out that she did not consider how the boyfriend feels at all before acting. And that’s just not something you do with a significant other.
So, what’s the deal with paying the bill? Who should pay for it?
Image credits: MargJohnsonVA / envato (not the actual photo)
The truth lies in the stars, and by that we mean it’s all over the place.
A 2019 survey done by dating website Elite Singles polled around 300,000 singles to learn that 63% of men believed that they should be the ones paying on a first date, with 46% of women having the same opinion.
Another survey considered the times after the first date, where 74% of men and 83% of women claimed they share their expenses after 6 months in a relationship, but 84% of men and 58% of women reported that men still end up paying for more.
The bottom line, though, is that it all boils down to being open with your communication. Whether you decide to split the bill, or base your decisions on gender norms or your income, it only takes a few moments to get this out of the way through a civil conversation so that you wouldn’t be surprised with the bill later on.
So, what are your thoughts on any of this? How would you split a bill? Or how would you approach the conundrum between OP and her boyfriend? Let us know in the comment section below!
While people argued and OP was there to provide context, the post garnered nearly 10K upvotes
What do you think ?
Deleila Charlie 2 years ago
Woman claims she's modern and her bf is outdated. But woman is fine with her rich male friends picking up the bill for all the women each time. And then is surprised when her bf feels pressure to pay as well. Maybe the woman should date a guy with equal income since she's clearly too old fashioned to see she's treating him like he's less.
Ace 2 years ago
It's not up to her to gatekeep how her friends choose to pay. None of her business,
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VioletHunter 2 years ago
Why do such young men still have such antiquated opinions? I'm starting to lose hope for human progress!
MR 2 years ago
Why do you women still allow them to do things based on those opinions solely when it benefits them? There's two factors here. What the guys do. What the gals allow them to do. If you want to stop the farmer's antiquated actions, you need to step up and not accept them. In this case it would have been easy for the women to all step up and pay their own way. But none did. They just expected the guys to step in.
Load More Replies...
Ima Manimal 2 years ago (edited)
Sometimes dating out of one’s socioeconomic status can cause problems if one or both aren’t ok with the difference.
Sergio Bicerra 2 years ago
That happened to a friend, he worked as a production assistant and started to date an actress in a sopa opera, she was used to high end restaurants, night clubs, trips. When they broke, he was literally broke with tons of credit card debt.
Load More Replies...
Papa 2 years ago
Normally I would agree with you, but not in this specific situation.
Load More Replies...
Happy_Pandalover 2 years ago
It‘s interesting how almost everyone in the comments call her a spoiled brat, arrogant or unmodern for letting her male friends pay for the group dinner. As for me - i’m a woman bdw - i also have male friends, who like to pay for the group dinner or cover a bigger part of it. Most of them will say that there still is a big gender pay gap and they actually think it’s just fair, that they pay more. Of course i’ll still return the favor and treat them next time. Why not, friendships are about giving and taking. As she said, she never expected her boyfriend to chip in and that she nevere cared about the income differences. I don‘t think it‘s fair she‘s getting so much hate.
Brendan 2 years ago
The gender pay gap is real, but it's a general issue i.e. not every man earns more the women. So, if I had a female friend who I knew earned more than me, I wouldn't cover her drinks just because there's a pay gap in our society.
Load More Replies... Ben 2 years ago
I think you mean my parents and Ben's parents are from a different tax bracket. I think this girl thinks very highly of herself. This girl sounds like a spoiled child. I would have been embarrassed for this guy as well. She is sitting him up to be a failure in her eyes.
N. 2 years ago
Why do you say that? They're adults earning their own money.
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Alexandra 2 years ago
I think this couple needs to have a serious conversation about money: how they feel about the difference between them and how it impacts their relationship. Say what you will about true and only love, but money is an important factor in any relationship.
Vinnie 2 years ago
Very wise advice. It'll also help with seeing if they can communicate (both talking and listening). They might need professional help for this. One of my relatives and their partner attended a course about the personal meaning of money. Both were willing to discuss their differences and where they came from. From there, they compromised to the satisfaction of both.
Load More Replies...
Saphyre Fyre 2 years ago
You two should break up and each find a better match as a significant other.
FluffyDreg 1 year ago
Guys in a friend group: hey we got it covered. People here: what outdated misogynistic views this friend group has because the same two people offer to pick up the check every time. Let's ignore that no one cared if OP joined in splitting the check and didnt bat an eye to it; which would have happened if they ACTUALLY had the thought that men shoukd pay. Also people s******g on OP for repeating what her bf said to her really shows how smart they are. "My BOYFRIEND SAYS he feels bad because he feels bad because he cant impress me as he cant afford what im used to.... yeah i dont get it."
Deleila Charlie 2 years ago
Woman claims she's modern and her bf is outdated. But woman is fine with her rich male friends picking up the bill for all the women each time. And then is surprised when her bf feels pressure to pay as well. Maybe the woman should date a guy with equal income since she's clearly too old fashioned to see she's treating him like he's less.
Ace 2 years ago
It's not up to her to gatekeep how her friends choose to pay. None of her business,
Load More Replies... VioletHunter 2 years ago
Why do such young men still have such antiquated opinions? I'm starting to lose hope for human progress!
MR 2 years ago
Why do you women still allow them to do things based on those opinions solely when it benefits them? There's two factors here. What the guys do. What the gals allow them to do. If you want to stop the farmer's antiquated actions, you need to step up and not accept them. In this case it would have been easy for the women to all step up and pay their own way. But none did. They just expected the guys to step in.
Load More Replies... Ima Manimal 2 years ago (edited)
Sometimes dating out of one’s socioeconomic status can cause problems if one or both aren’t ok with the difference.
Sergio Bicerra 2 years ago
That happened to a friend, he worked as a production assistant and started to date an actress in a sopa opera, she was used to high end restaurants, night clubs, trips. When they broke, he was literally broke with tons of credit card debt.
Load More Replies... Papa 2 years ago
Normally I would agree with you, but not in this specific situation.
Load More Replies... Happy_Pandalover 2 years ago
It‘s interesting how almost everyone in the comments call her a spoiled brat, arrogant or unmodern for letting her male friends pay for the group dinner. As for me - i’m a woman bdw - i also have male friends, who like to pay for the group dinner or cover a bigger part of it. Most of them will say that there still is a big gender pay gap and they actually think it’s just fair, that they pay more. Of course i’ll still return the favor and treat them next time. Why not, friendships are about giving and taking. As she said, she never expected her boyfriend to chip in and that she nevere cared about the income differences. I don‘t think it‘s fair she‘s getting so much hate.
Brendan 2 years ago
The gender pay gap is real, but it's a general issue i.e. not every man earns more the women. So, if I had a female friend who I knew earned more than me, I wouldn't cover her drinks just because there's a pay gap in our society.
Load More Replies... Ben 2 years ago
I think you mean my parents and Ben's parents are from a different tax bracket. I think this girl thinks very highly of herself. This girl sounds like a spoiled child. I would have been embarrassed for this guy as well. She is sitting him up to be a failure in her eyes.
N. 2 years ago
Why do you say that? They're adults earning their own money.
Load More Replies... Alexandra 2 years ago
I think this couple needs to have a serious conversation about money: how they feel about the difference between them and how it impacts their relationship. Say what you will about true and only love, but money is an important factor in any relationship.
Vinnie 2 years ago
Very wise advice. It'll also help with seeing if they can communicate (both talking and listening). They might need professional help for this. One of my relatives and their partner attended a course about the personal meaning of money. Both were willing to discuss their differences and where they came from. From there, they compromised to the satisfaction of both.
Load More Replies... Saphyre Fyre 2 years ago
You two should break up and each find a better match as a significant other.
FluffyDreg 1 year ago
Guys in a friend group: hey we got it covered. People here: what outdated misogynistic views this friend group has because the same two people offer to pick up the check every time. Let's ignore that no one cared if OP joined in splitting the check and didnt bat an eye to it; which would have happened if they ACTUALLY had the thought that men shoukd pay. Also people s******g on OP for repeating what her bf said to her really shows how smart they are. "My BOYFRIEND SAYS he feels bad because he feels bad because he cant impress me as he cant afford what im used to.... yeah i dont get it."
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