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New Mom Left Heartbroken After Boyfriend Asks For A Paternity Test, Decides To Leave Him Immediately After The Test Shows He’s The Father
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New Mom Left Heartbroken After Boyfriend Asks For A Paternity Test, Decides To Leave Him Immediately After The Test Shows He’s The Father

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A paternity test is not only a physical examination but also an emotional one. So when Reddit user ImShattered‘s boyfriend asked her to do one for their baby, the woman, as the name of her anonymous account suggests, was heartbroken.

She digested the request for a couple of days but still couldn’t figure out where it came from; the woman has been faithful to her partner throughout their relationship.

What she’s certain of, however, is that she can’t be involved with someone who doesn’t trust her. So she made a post on the subreddit r/TrueOffMyChest to pour out her disappointment, revealing her plans to cut out the man from her life.

RELATED:

    This woman was surprised by her boyfriend’s request to paternity-test their child

    Image credits: Picsea (not the actual photo)

    And figured she can’t be in a relationship with so much doubt

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    So she decided to end it

    Image credits: u/imshattered_

    Trust might be the most important piece of a successful relationship. It’s the thing that allows two people to open up to one another and share their most authentic selves without fear of judgment or shame.

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    While it’s not entirely clear why ImShattered’s boyfriend suddenly got so suspicious, he obviously no longer believes her words or actions.

    “Typically, when I talk to people who are experiencing trust issues in their relationship, there is a strong feeling of uneasiness as well as anxiety about their partner,” Liz Higgins, LMFT and founder of Millennial Life Counseling, told Elite Daily.

    Even if he hasn’t explicitly noticed her lying or doing things behind his back, it seems that the man just has a feeling that something bad is going on, and it has totally taken over his brain space.

    To the man’s credit, he could’ve been sneaky about it and tried to collect samples for the test without his girlfriend knowing but he chose to be upfront about it.

    “Open communication will always be a relationship saver,” Higgins noted. “If you can find the bravery to confront your partner about your feelings and experience in the relationship, there is always a chance to save it.”

    However, the message he sent was clear: “I don’t trust you.”

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    Image credits: Ousa Chea (not the actual photo)

    Biomedical ethics researchers Heather Draper and Jonathan Ives think that there are few morally acceptable justifications for a man to seek a paternity test.

    “We suggest that the meaning of ‘father’ has three components that may be found in the person of one father, or spread amongst different men,” they wrote in Paternity testing: a poor test of fatherhood.

    “These are ‘causal father’, ‘material father’ and ‘moral father’. ‘Causal father’ refers to the man responsible for bringing a child into existence, with one such causal route being the provision of sperm in natural reproduction. ‘Material father’ refers to a man who provides materially for a child (in terms of providing physical care, or the means of providing physical care, such as food, shelter, clothing, etc.). On the other hand, a ‘moral father’ refers to a man who forms a loving parental relationship with a child. Moral fatherhood seems to be that which is valued most highly, both philosophically and by … men [themselves].”

    Where it is not in the interests of the child for their genetic origins to be established (urgent medical needs might be one such justification), Draper and Ives argue that the decision to perform infidelity testing can be left for the child to make for themselves when they are sufficiently mature.

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    People had a lot to say about this conflict

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    Rokas Laurinavičius

    Rokas Laurinavičius

    Author, BoredPanda staff

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    Rokas is a writer at Bored Panda with a BA in Communication. After working for a sculptor, he fell in love with visual storytelling and enjoys covering everything from TV shows (any Sopranos fans out there?) to photography. Throughout his years in Bored Panda, over 300 million people have read the posts he's written, which is probably more than he could count to.

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    Rokas Laurinavičius

    Rokas Laurinavičius

    Author, BoredPanda staff

    Rokas is a writer at Bored Panda with a BA in Communication. After working for a sculptor, he fell in love with visual storytelling and enjoys covering everything from TV shows (any Sopranos fans out there?) to photography. Throughout his years in Bored Panda, over 300 million people have read the posts he's written, which is probably more than he could count to.

    Vėja Elkimavičiūtė

    Vėja Elkimavičiūtė

    Author, Community member

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    I'm a visual editor at Bored Panda. Looking at pets and memes is the best part of my work. I love to travel and want to see the world. Still looking and exploring stuff I like and want to do so thats exciting... and sometimes not

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    Vėja Elkimavičiūtė

    Vėja Elkimavičiūtė

    Author, Community member

    I'm a visual editor at Bored Panda. Looking at pets and memes is the best part of my work. I love to travel and want to see the world. Still looking and exploring stuff I like and want to do so thats exciting... and sometimes not

    What do you think ?
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    POST
    Krysta Pandoo
    Community Member
    1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    She's right. There will never be any trust there again after that; it's over. Sounds awful; talk about falling out of love with someone in a split second. He is a cruel a*****e.

    Vic
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    After reading the whole thing, I feel really bad for her. She seems heart broken and defeated. I hope she has someone for emotional support.

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    Libstak
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    He is getting bad advice or even having bad ideas about her planted by someone in his life who doesn't like her, doesn't trust women or who wants to wreck his relationship for their own reasons. Otherwise he is a cheater and therefore doesn't trust others not to do the same. Or he may never have wanted to be a father, isn't coping and is looking for a way out. So many possibilities, none of them are her problem. I agree with what she is doing, that's not true love talking on his part.

    Marion Goriak
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Aww, one of his buddies misses him and wants him back as a wingman.

    Ches Yamada
    Community Member
    1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I have seen SO MANY men freak out when women don't like these "loyalty tests". They come out of the woodwork to defend the guys, saying it should be a standard test, etc. Saying that they need to know, as they're going to be paying for a child. But it's just that - a loyalty test. I say she did exactly the right thing, leave his @ss after it's proven he is the father. And ask him to get an STD test - that's about the only cross check we as ladies can do to them.

    Luke Oakridge
    Community Member
    1 year ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    I would have no problem exchanging an STD test for a paternity test. Women automatically know any children born of her womb is her biological child. Why do we criticize men for wanting the same thing via a paternity test?

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    ERIKA H.
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My bet is life is just getting to real for him. He wants an out, but also doesn't want to be the "bad guy". By accusing her of cheating (and probably hoping she did, even though he likely knows she didn't), he can leave seemingly guilt free. Regardless, she's making the right choice imo.

    Courtney Christelle
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Maybe he was hoping she'd say no to the test and he could use that against her in some way.

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    Luke Oakridge
    Community Member
    1 year ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    But she already knows the child is hers, while he just has to trust her. Why is it we are fine with women being sure a child is hers, but we criticize men for wanting the same knowledge via a paternity test. He should have done the test privately, but I don't think there is anything wrong with him doing it.

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    Nora12
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Your title is wrong. It says “Boyfriend Asks Pregnant Girlfriend For A Paternity Test” but it is clear from the post that the baby boy has been born already. “I'm a new mom to a baby boy who is my pride and joy and though it's been a rollercoaster adjusting to taking care of a baby, the past few months have been great, tiring but great.”

    Paul Mitchell
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Trust was lost when he felt he had to ask. The relationship was over before he said anything.

    Luke Oakridge
    Community Member
    1 year ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    That's why he should have done the test privately. We don't blame women because they can be sure that any child born of her womb is hers. It's sad that we judge men for wanting to have the same knowledge.

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    StayClassy
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That comment about seeing a rise in the last 5 years.... That's all this toxic masculinity BS from moronic YouTubers and influencers. Careful who you let in your head 'cause it might cost you your family

    Luke Oakridge
    Community Member
    1 year ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    If he had done the test privately then it wouldn't have cost him his family. The test should be done automatically with every birth so the guy wouldn't have to accuse the woman of anything, but would still know the child was his. Women never have to worry about the child not being hers biologically. Why do we criticize men for wanting the same knowledge that women get automatically?

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    Wheeskers
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I applaud your decision. So many times I've seen the "you prove I'm wrong about you". And when the proof comes back the " liar" takes him back, "see? I never cheated!" All hugs. I'm the screw you type for doubting me, f off.

    Luke Oakridge
    Community Member
    1 year ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    The test should have been done privately, but we shouldn't bash him for doing it. Women know any child born of her womb is hers. It's sad that we criticize men for wanting the same knowledge about a child born in his relationship.

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    Tabernus
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Looking at the number of fractured relationships that seem to be the result of everyone doing DNA tests I'm not convinced this is a good idea - you can be a loving, supportive to a child you did not biologically create, and until we started looking we never knew how many perfectly normal and well adjusted people were brought up by people they weren't related to.

    Tabernus
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    (that was supposed to be as a response to the person who said DNA tests should be performed as standard)

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    Asha Sc de Ro
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Good on you girl! My husband once made the joke: is it mine? I was so angry: do you realize what you imply with this joke? Indeed that I not only cheated on him while we where getting pregnant, that I also pass off this baby boy as his, while from another? Never made that joke again.

    Dre Mosley
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Wonder if someone he knew who didn't like seeing him happy, got in his head and planted doubt? Seems odd to just come out of the blue with such a request.

    WonderWoman
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    She can't trust him, The hardest part going forward will be trusting him to parent properly, and never ever being able to trust what he is saying or doing with their son.

    Luke Oakridge
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Women know that any child born of her womb is hers. It's sad that people criticize men just because he wants to know the same thing about any child born in a relationship. He should have done the test privately, but he has the right to do the test. It's selfish of the woman to leave him over wanting to know he was the biological parent when she knew she was the biological parent for sure herself.

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    Miss Yakekyn Pichinte
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This is so sad, I myself have to deal with a person like this. Everything was awesome until he started drinking and when he does so he insults me. He said just a week ago that our marriage was c**p. And I should leave. I understand the pain she is going through because I too plan to leave for the sake of my son.

    Luke Oakridge
    Community Member
    1 year ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    Women automatically know they are the biological parent of the baby born. It's sad that people bash men for wanting the same knowledge of a child born in his relationship. He should have done the test privately, but he shouldn't be criticized for doing it.

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    sayanything
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I think this man does not love his son or her and is leaving, but doesn't want to be the bad guy. Either way, I think he's getting what he wants. Now he needs to see if he has to pay for the mess he help create.

    Poeha
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Or he's afraid and it's a self fulfilling prophesy. Fear of losing someone makes em leave.

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    April W
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My first thought was he’s cheating and wants an out. And then- she’s going to be miserable trying to co-parent with this AH for 18 years. I’d skip the test and run.

    Kate Micheals
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Does he understand what a paternity test is? There's some really stupid people out there. He may think it's testing something else.

    TarrieB
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Its so easy to judge people when you only have one side of the story. I usually take these posts with a 'pinch of salt' as more often the not they are either complete BS or very far from the whole story.

    Cathy
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yes! Thank you. Vice had an article on people who make up stories for reddit etc.

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    Ladytron
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If my partner did that after I carried and gave birth to our child I would do the same. That relationship is over. It's nothing but wanting control and lack of respect. To me it sounds just as bad as seeing her and their child as his property that he needs full control over.

    Asia
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Of all the possible fathers who take a paternity test, about 32% are not the biological father. But remember, this is 1/3 of men who have a reason to take a paternity test - not 1/3 of all men.

    Luke Oakridge
    Community Member
    1 year ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    Still, I think if paternity tests were automatically done for every child, then men and women would both have peace of mind that the child was theirs without having to accuse anyone of cheating. It would also catch all the people who actually cheated. The people who are against this idea are probably people who want to cheat and get away with it.

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    Bi-Polar Express
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I love the people who say that it is perfectly fine for him to basically accuse her of cheating because someone else cheated. You should never stay with someone who doesn't trust you.

    birdhouse
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I have 3 children and have never entertained the idea they weren't mine. If you feel the need to ask this of your partner the relationship is already over.

    CC
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Seems like alot more going on here. Personally, I'd get the DNA test, once results come in, I'd set it up like a gender reveal party. Invite the WHOLE family over, have an exit plan. Then after revealing he is the father, say im.sorry you don't trust me enough, and that things what you requested, here's your court date for custody. I've got huge titanium b***s, and would not care at that point. Bye Felicia

    CatWoman312
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    No one just asks for a paternity test out of nowhere. I feel someone, likely a parent, placed that seed of doubt and he acted on it. Had he said, “mom is saying things I just want a test to shut her up”, maybe that would be different? On the flip side maybe he’s cheating and this is his was of projecting his guilt. Either way I don’t blame her for ending it and on a positive note it’s when the baby is too young to remember anything so that’ll be an easy transition for him.

    Lunar
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The bf could be cheating on her, hence his anxiety of her cheating on him. Imagine a husband demand a paternity test of every child the wife giving birth to.

    Luke Oakridge
    Community Member
    1 year ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    Paternity tests should be done automatically with every birth. That way the father has the same peace of mind that the mother does without having the accuse her of cheating since every mother does it. Women automatically know that any child born is hers biologically. It's sad that we criticize men for wanting the same peace of mind.

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    Seabeast
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I agree with the people telling her that he should get an STD test. When someone effectively accuses you of cheating with no basis for it, it often means that they are cheating on you.

    John Powers
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I've never had or asked for tests for my 3. But everyone, and I mean everyone tried to get me to do it. Unfortunately I later discovered I was with cheaters, but now I don't want to know. They are my children no matter. but that's why I'm single too. That sh** f**ks you up

    Luke Oakridge
    Community Member
    1 year ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    If paternity tests were done automatically for every birth, then you'd never be in this situation. You shouldn't have to ask. It should be something every hospital gives you automatically. Women know that their children are theirs biologically. Why shouldn't men be allowed to know the same thing?

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    Tinderella
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Guess I’m in the minority. My feelings would be a little hurt but I’d be open to giving him that reassurance.

    Squirrelly Panda
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Depends how he approached it. From what OP said he basically bluntly said "I want a paternity test" which says alot about what he thinks of her. If he approached with a "I have a problem. Some conversations with others has put a stupid doubt in my head that I can't get rid of on my own" If he had approached it as a "me" problem and not a "you need to prove your loyalty" problem, maybe they could have survived this. Gotten counseling, even gotten the test, but worked on the core trust issue rather than putting it on her to prove it.

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    Cathy
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Wow both sides are bonkers imho. To ask that but also to get divorced over that and let your child grow up in a split family. Maybe both are sleep deprived because baby?! 🤔 Pfff.

    crowspectre 2.0 (he/they)
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yeah. If I had a kid I feel like this would be fine. Why does it matter? Everyone is fallible and although I'd be more than a little hurt and would want to talk with them about why they'd think I could have cheated, it wouldn't cause this type of split. That's insane

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    Hoodoo
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    NTA & kudos to OP for heeding an ominous warning. BF obviously has no regard for her, let alone trust in her. Chances are he's either been cheating on OP or he's got some epic family/ emotional baggage. OP sounds like a smart cookie.

    Luke Oakridge
    Community Member
    1 year ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    Knowing that a child is yours biologically shouldn't be something you just have to trust a partner about. Women know that the children they give birth to are biologically their children. Why do we blame men for wanting to know the same thing? He should have done the test privately, but we shouldn't blame him for doing it.

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    Momica98
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Luke's repeated ramblings are not the clap back he thinks they are.😂 "But women don't have to take a test when their kid is born to prove they're the mother!" Are you high?

    Vladimíra Matejová
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    As there were cases of switches in hospitals sometimes a woman would need a test as well so not even this argument of his is valid. I wonder if Luke is OP's ex boyfriend as he spends so much energy on this. The baby looks like his father no need for a test in this case. Someone is manipulating him to think OP is a cheat ( parents or "friends")

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    Mandy Delaforce (PC Girl)
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'd leave first and make him chase me for the paternity test through the courts. I probably would have packed my bags the moment after he said it.

    Lisa Kaffner
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Trust/insecurity is the root cause but from my experience, it never fails that if someone accuses me of something that I never considered, never crossed my mind, never thought of, it's because they're doing it.

    Wolf127
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yeah, she maybe clean. Who knows. My first wife was 4 months pregnant when I came back from Vietnam. Asked her if she was f*****g around even before I was sent to ' Nam (training, et al), she did not answer. Ha! What b***h!

    Barbara Skolly
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Devil's advocate here.... how many articles do we read about women who did get pregnant from someone else and the "dad" didn't know. I understand she is insulted but the sad reality is that there are a lot of cheaters out there.

    Tinderella
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    And really profound liars. And people who are bad at math. I’m currently pregnant and waiting for my abortion but if I was keeping it, I’d want to give my guy a reassurance that it’s his. We are exclusive sexually but not committed. Fair is fair. It’s easy to lie about who you’ve been with, especially when so much is on the line. That shouldn’t be an option.

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    NamiKoa
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Technically, I would say that it makes sense to have a dna test be a standard - from a medical point of view. Whenever doctors ask me about the medical history in my family, it's important whether or not my parents are in fact my biological parents. If we are working from the wrong assumption about my parents medical history, then that can be highly problematic for me. Morally on the other hand it's not great for relationships. I don't know how I'd have felt if my husband had requested a paternity test for our kids. Probably not great. I guess if it were a routine thing that everyone just automatically does during prenatal care there would not be any implications of infidelity?

    DrBronxx
    Community Member
    11 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Either he cheated on her and is projecting, or he doesn’t want to be a father.

    Quant
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    30% of all the men who take the paternity test find out that they are raising a child of another man. Hard to tell why he asked for it but somehow I doubt it came without a reason. Either someone said something to him or she has provided a reason herself.

    Alexander Williamson
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If a woman is being sneaky yes you he should ask but she's not he's cheating

    lakitha tolbert
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I ultimately don’t care why he did it! The impact of it is that he showed a complete lack of trust in his gf and once that’s gone it can’t ever be gotten back. He allowed someone he wasn’t in a relationship with or in love with to fill his head up with bs about his current gf and he wasn’t emotionally strong enough to withstand that, and that too is a red flag because if that happens once someone can do it to him again.

    tHeBoRdEsTpAnDa
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    One of the comments said `we can go full reddit on him and say that he might be cheating and is projecting` and that is definitely reddit relationship advice in a nutshell

    JamesRTK
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I can’t imagine leaving my partner if they asked me if I was cheating on them. Why? I don’t exactly know. Maybe because I love them? Or could it be because there are misunderstandings and this is my duty to figure everything together with my partner? Or could it be that I believe that there are ups and downs in the relationship, and also that neither I nor my partner are ideal? Or maybe because I think that loving is forgiving?

    KimB
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Here come the downvotes but I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting a paternity test for piece of mind. He did approach the subject all wrong a calm and level headed conversation should have taken before it went nuclear. As many said women know because they carry the child. This is the age of technology if a man wants to see it on a piece of paper so be it. As long as he is a good parent and takes care of his child I don't see the issue here.

    crowspectre 2.0 (he/they)
    Community Member
    1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Please don't ban me for saying this but hey what the f**k? He definitely needs to talk to her about his paranoia, but she's overreacting hugely. Who would sacrifice love for some insensitive and s****y comment?

    Luke Oakridge
    Community Member
    1 year ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    He should have done the test privately, but it is cruel of her to break up the relationship given that she knows the child is hers biologically, but gets angry at him because he wants to know whether the child is his. Why the double standard?

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    Christian Edwards
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Most people in this comment section are either brain dead chicks, or low testosterone reddit moderators. While I do find the situation saddening for this lady, it seems like all the sheep comments I'm reading are talking about...feelings. Men don't operate on feelings, otherwise we get shamed exactly like everyone is doing here. DNA tests should be mandatory and made standard. Why do I think this well it's easy. The mother is the one giving birth 100% of the time we know it's hers. With studies putting paternity fraud around the 30% area that's scary for any man. FYI that's only out of a smaller portion of one's that test. Imagine the ones that never tell, and the men that never ask. Rates are probably a tad higher. Second reason, if it becomes mandatory and standard two things suddenly start happening. With it being normalized there will be no awkwardness or shame or guilt felt with it being asked because it'll just be completed and processed automatically. It'll remove leeches.

    Carol Duplessis
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I’m going against the norm of responses here, but if you watch those court paternity shows you would know that women cheat all the time. We’re assuming that she is telling the truth, but she could be telling the story she wants readers to hear and it’s not the whole truth. I was a child counselor before retirement and I saw too many instances where mom was passing off a baby (or two) onto the guy who could be depended upon for constant support. Another example is when my husband and I saw the baby of one of our children who wanted to marry the mother. I took one look at the baby and advised him to go a DNA test. She finally admitted that it wasn’t his (he was just a paycheck) and she moved out immediately. I’m not saying this is the case but it happens… a lot! If she loves him she should calm his fears about the baby (especially if it’s his first) and take the test. Then they should do some family counseling so they both can understand where this fear is coming from.

    Katherine Dobias
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Take a look around in the world we live in. People are cheating on each other everywhere. If I was a man I would want a paternity test too. I would find it suspicious if the mother doesn't want to do one. I think a paternity test is a good way moving forward because this is the world we live in. There's no trust anymore.

    crowspectre 2.0 (he/they)
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Same. I'm a gay guy so this would never happen to me, but if I was with a girl, although I probably wouldn't ask, I'd definitely not be opposed to getting one. It's not about trust, it's about absolute certainty. Too many people discover that their kids aren't theirs after decades of marriage and it shatters them forever. I don't want that to be me.

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    fffab74
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Because a woman would never do that... He is the AH, until we find out that his buddy told him he fcked her, which of course could NEVER happen...

    Scott T Brynildsen
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Not to justify it for him asking, but without context on her side, I'm guessing he's been cheated on before and someone tried to pass off someone else's child for his. He's doesn't talk about it because it's a painful memory. Maybe he has money or his parents do and he needs the test to get his parents to back off. Who knows, but several people commenting have similar questions. Maybe his buddies took him to get his cards read and they said she'll cheat... maybe not this baby but the next, so he asked.

    Luke Oakridge
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The boyfriend could have done the test privately without telling the girlfriend. I don't blame him for wanting to know for sure whether the child was his. We don't blame women for knowing for sure a baby is hers, so why treat men differently? Paternity tests should automatically be done on all children born. That way men would know for sure that the children were theirs and get the same knowledge that all women get when the child is born. It's sad that people judge men for just wanting the same thing women get automatically.

    Roxie Carter
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Going against the crowd and saying this is no big deal. It's just for his peace of mind. I have two kids and my husband knows he can absolutely get a paternity test anytime, with or without my knowledge. I'd rather him feel secure in his paternity than let myself feel THAT offended and self-important.

    Phillip Moderow
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Let me get this straight. She is willing to sentence an innocent baby to a lifetime of fatherless misery all because SHE was so terribly offended ??? Does she hate him MORE than she loves her baby ? When friends enter into a legal agreement, such as renting an apartment, the landlord (and friend) does a credit check. Why ? Is it because he (or she) doesn't TRUST their friend ? NO ! It's just *good business*, that's all. I think she's making a mountain out of a mole hill. Even she said that he "just needs certainty. And to the person who commented that she should make him get an STD test, well ... that's just plain vindictive. Wife needs a reality check and to focus on bringing up THEIR baby as a complete family and end this mentality of throwing out the baby with the bathwater.

    Temporary Dork
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Get it straight, then. She wants to co-parent. There is no 'lifetime of fatherless misery'.

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    Miki
    Community Member
    1 year ago (edited)

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    All comments here shows how men are treated today. Double standards.... Somebody planted a seed of doubt in a guy. That's bad. Maybe he was depressed and didn't believe in himself. Many will say "it's not her problem". That's just ugly. When you are with somebody you try to help this person! Maybe as many says he was cheating. Maybe she actually was cheating even if child is his. We don't know. But sure. It's a men, so he is bad. Instead of talking with him WHY he want it, she just left the guy. That's just sad... I know I will get a ton of downvoted because I am trying to be objective. I dont care.

    Mistie Kelley
    Community Member
    1 year ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    Seriously. This argument shouldn't even exist. Retired child support enforcement person here. I am telling you, DNA testing should be mandatory at birth for every child. Period. You think that cheating happens at a rate of 1/3 births? Guess again. With proving paternity, it's very rare to find the paternity it's as first claimed. Always get a test. It's worth the small fee over years of paint child support.

    Judes
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That would be a massive waste of money. The 1/3 rate of negative paternity tests is high because paternity tests are (mostly) only done by people who already suspect they aren't the dad. The vast majority of men do not do paternity tests because there is no reason to.

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    Rahul Pawa
    Community Member
    1 year ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    Sounds like both people need to work on their communication. People don't ask that out of the blue, he's been thinking about it for a long time. That she was blindsided means he hasn't been communicating with her about it. It's also not clear if she told him how that question affected her emotionally. I do wish they would both go to therapy (separately) before ending the relationship. There's definitely underlying unresolved issues going on.

    OmBoyGanesh
    Community Member
    1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    ???? Lot of assumptions there. I can j think of three guys I know off hand who never once cheated on their partners and would swear up & down their girls would never cheat. And each of them were cajoled into questioning the paternity, usually from horror stories from coworkers and bros. They each also communicated clearly their distrust that comes from asking their loyal monogamous partner if they cheated, by way of asking for a paternity. At this point, I cannot see any amount of therapy repairing trust. Even with full understanding and forgiveness, the fact this man can so easily suspect her of potentially cheating exists. It happened. It therefore can happen again and in myriad ways. Therapy is for relationships that are tenable. This one isn’t.

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    socialmedianamehere1
    Community Member
    1 year ago

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    Playing devil's advocate here and saying there has to be more to the story she isn't letting out. Does she have a history of cheating maybe? Was she seen with a guy and he heard about it? You don't just come home and ask for a paternity test for absolutely no reason.

    Emie N.
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    She literally said she's never cheated and doesn't understand why he's like this. Maybe he was cheated on by a previous girlfriend. Or even worse, he's cheating and paranoid about her.

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    Mathias
    Community Member
    1 year ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    Wow, so many people judging when there is extremely limited and only one sided information of a situation and applauding a decision that has severe and unpredictable consequences for the life of the child. What happened to fixing issues instead of just quitting? She obviously is hurt, but she doesn't dig deeper and looks where the hurt comes from but blames him - when as far as I can see he even tried to explain. Yet she is the one assuming his reasoning without knowing it. Why do I say that? Because I have that same urge for a paternity test in me just at the thought of it and many man do. It doesn't necessarily mean he suspects here of cheating. Instead of being happy he is speaking his truth and talking it out, taking the chance to deepen the relationship. She decides to just rage quit and take the father away from the child. The data is clear: single parent children have severe disadvantages later in live compared to children that grew up with both parents. Be responsible!

    Paul Richards
    Community Member
    1 year ago (edited)

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    Just have an abortion don't put everyone through this.

    OmBoyGanesh
    Community Member
    1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I don’t want to question your reading comprehension skills, but you really can’t abort a new baby boy who is her pride & joy. Lol

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    Krysta Pandoo
    Community Member
    1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    She's right. There will never be any trust there again after that; it's over. Sounds awful; talk about falling out of love with someone in a split second. He is a cruel a*****e.

    Vic
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    After reading the whole thing, I feel really bad for her. She seems heart broken and defeated. I hope she has someone for emotional support.

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    Libstak
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    He is getting bad advice or even having bad ideas about her planted by someone in his life who doesn't like her, doesn't trust women or who wants to wreck his relationship for their own reasons. Otherwise he is a cheater and therefore doesn't trust others not to do the same. Or he may never have wanted to be a father, isn't coping and is looking for a way out. So many possibilities, none of them are her problem. I agree with what she is doing, that's not true love talking on his part.

    Marion Goriak
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Aww, one of his buddies misses him and wants him back as a wingman.

    Ches Yamada
    Community Member
    1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I have seen SO MANY men freak out when women don't like these "loyalty tests". They come out of the woodwork to defend the guys, saying it should be a standard test, etc. Saying that they need to know, as they're going to be paying for a child. But it's just that - a loyalty test. I say she did exactly the right thing, leave his @ss after it's proven he is the father. And ask him to get an STD test - that's about the only cross check we as ladies can do to them.

    Luke Oakridge
    Community Member
    1 year ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    I would have no problem exchanging an STD test for a paternity test. Women automatically know any children born of her womb is her biological child. Why do we criticize men for wanting the same thing via a paternity test?

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    ERIKA H.
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My bet is life is just getting to real for him. He wants an out, but also doesn't want to be the "bad guy". By accusing her of cheating (and probably hoping she did, even though he likely knows she didn't), he can leave seemingly guilt free. Regardless, she's making the right choice imo.

    Courtney Christelle
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Maybe he was hoping she'd say no to the test and he could use that against her in some way.

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    Luke Oakridge
    Community Member
    1 year ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    But she already knows the child is hers, while he just has to trust her. Why is it we are fine with women being sure a child is hers, but we criticize men for wanting the same knowledge via a paternity test. He should have done the test privately, but I don't think there is anything wrong with him doing it.

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    Nora12
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Your title is wrong. It says “Boyfriend Asks Pregnant Girlfriend For A Paternity Test” but it is clear from the post that the baby boy has been born already. “I'm a new mom to a baby boy who is my pride and joy and though it's been a rollercoaster adjusting to taking care of a baby, the past few months have been great, tiring but great.”

    Paul Mitchell
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Trust was lost when he felt he had to ask. The relationship was over before he said anything.

    Luke Oakridge
    Community Member
    1 year ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    That's why he should have done the test privately. We don't blame women because they can be sure that any child born of her womb is hers. It's sad that we judge men for wanting to have the same knowledge.

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    StayClassy
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That comment about seeing a rise in the last 5 years.... That's all this toxic masculinity BS from moronic YouTubers and influencers. Careful who you let in your head 'cause it might cost you your family

    Luke Oakridge
    Community Member
    1 year ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    If he had done the test privately then it wouldn't have cost him his family. The test should be done automatically with every birth so the guy wouldn't have to accuse the woman of anything, but would still know the child was his. Women never have to worry about the child not being hers biologically. Why do we criticize men for wanting the same knowledge that women get automatically?

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    Wheeskers
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I applaud your decision. So many times I've seen the "you prove I'm wrong about you". And when the proof comes back the " liar" takes him back, "see? I never cheated!" All hugs. I'm the screw you type for doubting me, f off.

    Luke Oakridge
    Community Member
    1 year ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    The test should have been done privately, but we shouldn't bash him for doing it. Women know any child born of her womb is hers. It's sad that we criticize men for wanting the same knowledge about a child born in his relationship.

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    Tabernus
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Looking at the number of fractured relationships that seem to be the result of everyone doing DNA tests I'm not convinced this is a good idea - you can be a loving, supportive to a child you did not biologically create, and until we started looking we never knew how many perfectly normal and well adjusted people were brought up by people they weren't related to.

    Tabernus
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    (that was supposed to be as a response to the person who said DNA tests should be performed as standard)

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    Asha Sc de Ro
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Good on you girl! My husband once made the joke: is it mine? I was so angry: do you realize what you imply with this joke? Indeed that I not only cheated on him while we where getting pregnant, that I also pass off this baby boy as his, while from another? Never made that joke again.

    Dre Mosley
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Wonder if someone he knew who didn't like seeing him happy, got in his head and planted doubt? Seems odd to just come out of the blue with such a request.

    WonderWoman
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    She can't trust him, The hardest part going forward will be trusting him to parent properly, and never ever being able to trust what he is saying or doing with their son.

    Luke Oakridge
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Women know that any child born of her womb is hers. It's sad that people criticize men just because he wants to know the same thing about any child born in a relationship. He should have done the test privately, but he has the right to do the test. It's selfish of the woman to leave him over wanting to know he was the biological parent when she knew she was the biological parent for sure herself.

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    Miss Yakekyn Pichinte
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This is so sad, I myself have to deal with a person like this. Everything was awesome until he started drinking and when he does so he insults me. He said just a week ago that our marriage was c**p. And I should leave. I understand the pain she is going through because I too plan to leave for the sake of my son.

    Luke Oakridge
    Community Member
    1 year ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    Women automatically know they are the biological parent of the baby born. It's sad that people bash men for wanting the same knowledge of a child born in his relationship. He should have done the test privately, but he shouldn't be criticized for doing it.

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    sayanything
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I think this man does not love his son or her and is leaving, but doesn't want to be the bad guy. Either way, I think he's getting what he wants. Now he needs to see if he has to pay for the mess he help create.

    Poeha
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Or he's afraid and it's a self fulfilling prophesy. Fear of losing someone makes em leave.

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    April W
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My first thought was he’s cheating and wants an out. And then- she’s going to be miserable trying to co-parent with this AH for 18 years. I’d skip the test and run.

    Kate Micheals
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Does he understand what a paternity test is? There's some really stupid people out there. He may think it's testing something else.

    TarrieB
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Its so easy to judge people when you only have one side of the story. I usually take these posts with a 'pinch of salt' as more often the not they are either complete BS or very far from the whole story.

    Cathy
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yes! Thank you. Vice had an article on people who make up stories for reddit etc.

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    Ladytron
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If my partner did that after I carried and gave birth to our child I would do the same. That relationship is over. It's nothing but wanting control and lack of respect. To me it sounds just as bad as seeing her and their child as his property that he needs full control over.

    Asia
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Of all the possible fathers who take a paternity test, about 32% are not the biological father. But remember, this is 1/3 of men who have a reason to take a paternity test - not 1/3 of all men.

    Luke Oakridge
    Community Member
    1 year ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    Still, I think if paternity tests were automatically done for every child, then men and women would both have peace of mind that the child was theirs without having to accuse anyone of cheating. It would also catch all the people who actually cheated. The people who are against this idea are probably people who want to cheat and get away with it.

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    Bi-Polar Express
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I love the people who say that it is perfectly fine for him to basically accuse her of cheating because someone else cheated. You should never stay with someone who doesn't trust you.

    birdhouse
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I have 3 children and have never entertained the idea they weren't mine. If you feel the need to ask this of your partner the relationship is already over.

    CC
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Seems like alot more going on here. Personally, I'd get the DNA test, once results come in, I'd set it up like a gender reveal party. Invite the WHOLE family over, have an exit plan. Then after revealing he is the father, say im.sorry you don't trust me enough, and that things what you requested, here's your court date for custody. I've got huge titanium b***s, and would not care at that point. Bye Felicia

    CatWoman312
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    No one just asks for a paternity test out of nowhere. I feel someone, likely a parent, placed that seed of doubt and he acted on it. Had he said, “mom is saying things I just want a test to shut her up”, maybe that would be different? On the flip side maybe he’s cheating and this is his was of projecting his guilt. Either way I don’t blame her for ending it and on a positive note it’s when the baby is too young to remember anything so that’ll be an easy transition for him.

    Lunar
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The bf could be cheating on her, hence his anxiety of her cheating on him. Imagine a husband demand a paternity test of every child the wife giving birth to.

    Luke Oakridge
    Community Member
    1 year ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    Paternity tests should be done automatically with every birth. That way the father has the same peace of mind that the mother does without having the accuse her of cheating since every mother does it. Women automatically know that any child born is hers biologically. It's sad that we criticize men for wanting the same peace of mind.

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    Seabeast
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I agree with the people telling her that he should get an STD test. When someone effectively accuses you of cheating with no basis for it, it often means that they are cheating on you.

    John Powers
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I've never had or asked for tests for my 3. But everyone, and I mean everyone tried to get me to do it. Unfortunately I later discovered I was with cheaters, but now I don't want to know. They are my children no matter. but that's why I'm single too. That sh** f**ks you up

    Luke Oakridge
    Community Member
    1 year ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    If paternity tests were done automatically for every birth, then you'd never be in this situation. You shouldn't have to ask. It should be something every hospital gives you automatically. Women know that their children are theirs biologically. Why shouldn't men be allowed to know the same thing?

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    Tinderella
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Guess I’m in the minority. My feelings would be a little hurt but I’d be open to giving him that reassurance.

    Squirrelly Panda
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Depends how he approached it. From what OP said he basically bluntly said "I want a paternity test" which says alot about what he thinks of her. If he approached with a "I have a problem. Some conversations with others has put a stupid doubt in my head that I can't get rid of on my own" If he had approached it as a "me" problem and not a "you need to prove your loyalty" problem, maybe they could have survived this. Gotten counseling, even gotten the test, but worked on the core trust issue rather than putting it on her to prove it.

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    Cathy
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Wow both sides are bonkers imho. To ask that but also to get divorced over that and let your child grow up in a split family. Maybe both are sleep deprived because baby?! 🤔 Pfff.

    crowspectre 2.0 (he/they)
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yeah. If I had a kid I feel like this would be fine. Why does it matter? Everyone is fallible and although I'd be more than a little hurt and would want to talk with them about why they'd think I could have cheated, it wouldn't cause this type of split. That's insane

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    Hoodoo
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    NTA & kudos to OP for heeding an ominous warning. BF obviously has no regard for her, let alone trust in her. Chances are he's either been cheating on OP or he's got some epic family/ emotional baggage. OP sounds like a smart cookie.

    Luke Oakridge
    Community Member
    1 year ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    Knowing that a child is yours biologically shouldn't be something you just have to trust a partner about. Women know that the children they give birth to are biologically their children. Why do we blame men for wanting to know the same thing? He should have done the test privately, but we shouldn't blame him for doing it.

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    Momica98
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Luke's repeated ramblings are not the clap back he thinks they are.😂 "But women don't have to take a test when their kid is born to prove they're the mother!" Are you high?

    Vladimíra Matejová
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    As there were cases of switches in hospitals sometimes a woman would need a test as well so not even this argument of his is valid. I wonder if Luke is OP's ex boyfriend as he spends so much energy on this. The baby looks like his father no need for a test in this case. Someone is manipulating him to think OP is a cheat ( parents or "friends")

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    Mandy Delaforce (PC Girl)
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'd leave first and make him chase me for the paternity test through the courts. I probably would have packed my bags the moment after he said it.

    Lisa Kaffner
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Trust/insecurity is the root cause but from my experience, it never fails that if someone accuses me of something that I never considered, never crossed my mind, never thought of, it's because they're doing it.

    Wolf127
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yeah, she maybe clean. Who knows. My first wife was 4 months pregnant when I came back from Vietnam. Asked her if she was f*****g around even before I was sent to ' Nam (training, et al), she did not answer. Ha! What b***h!

    Barbara Skolly
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Devil's advocate here.... how many articles do we read about women who did get pregnant from someone else and the "dad" didn't know. I understand she is insulted but the sad reality is that there are a lot of cheaters out there.

    Tinderella
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    And really profound liars. And people who are bad at math. I’m currently pregnant and waiting for my abortion but if I was keeping it, I’d want to give my guy a reassurance that it’s his. We are exclusive sexually but not committed. Fair is fair. It’s easy to lie about who you’ve been with, especially when so much is on the line. That shouldn’t be an option.

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    NamiKoa
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Technically, I would say that it makes sense to have a dna test be a standard - from a medical point of view. Whenever doctors ask me about the medical history in my family, it's important whether or not my parents are in fact my biological parents. If we are working from the wrong assumption about my parents medical history, then that can be highly problematic for me. Morally on the other hand it's not great for relationships. I don't know how I'd have felt if my husband had requested a paternity test for our kids. Probably not great. I guess if it were a routine thing that everyone just automatically does during prenatal care there would not be any implications of infidelity?

    DrBronxx
    Community Member
    11 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Either he cheated on her and is projecting, or he doesn’t want to be a father.

    Quant
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    30% of all the men who take the paternity test find out that they are raising a child of another man. Hard to tell why he asked for it but somehow I doubt it came without a reason. Either someone said something to him or she has provided a reason herself.

    Alexander Williamson
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If a woman is being sneaky yes you he should ask but she's not he's cheating

    lakitha tolbert
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I ultimately don’t care why he did it! The impact of it is that he showed a complete lack of trust in his gf and once that’s gone it can’t ever be gotten back. He allowed someone he wasn’t in a relationship with or in love with to fill his head up with bs about his current gf and he wasn’t emotionally strong enough to withstand that, and that too is a red flag because if that happens once someone can do it to him again.

    tHeBoRdEsTpAnDa
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    One of the comments said `we can go full reddit on him and say that he might be cheating and is projecting` and that is definitely reddit relationship advice in a nutshell

    JamesRTK
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I can’t imagine leaving my partner if they asked me if I was cheating on them. Why? I don’t exactly know. Maybe because I love them? Or could it be because there are misunderstandings and this is my duty to figure everything together with my partner? Or could it be that I believe that there are ups and downs in the relationship, and also that neither I nor my partner are ideal? Or maybe because I think that loving is forgiving?

    KimB
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Here come the downvotes but I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting a paternity test for piece of mind. He did approach the subject all wrong a calm and level headed conversation should have taken before it went nuclear. As many said women know because they carry the child. This is the age of technology if a man wants to see it on a piece of paper so be it. As long as he is a good parent and takes care of his child I don't see the issue here.

    crowspectre 2.0 (he/they)
    Community Member
    1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Please don't ban me for saying this but hey what the f**k? He definitely needs to talk to her about his paranoia, but she's overreacting hugely. Who would sacrifice love for some insensitive and s****y comment?

    Luke Oakridge
    Community Member
    1 year ago

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    He should have done the test privately, but it is cruel of her to break up the relationship given that she knows the child is hers biologically, but gets angry at him because he wants to know whether the child is his. Why the double standard?

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    Christian Edwards
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Most people in this comment section are either brain dead chicks, or low testosterone reddit moderators. While I do find the situation saddening for this lady, it seems like all the sheep comments I'm reading are talking about...feelings. Men don't operate on feelings, otherwise we get shamed exactly like everyone is doing here. DNA tests should be mandatory and made standard. Why do I think this well it's easy. The mother is the one giving birth 100% of the time we know it's hers. With studies putting paternity fraud around the 30% area that's scary for any man. FYI that's only out of a smaller portion of one's that test. Imagine the ones that never tell, and the men that never ask. Rates are probably a tad higher. Second reason, if it becomes mandatory and standard two things suddenly start happening. With it being normalized there will be no awkwardness or shame or guilt felt with it being asked because it'll just be completed and processed automatically. It'll remove leeches.

    Carol Duplessis
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I’m going against the norm of responses here, but if you watch those court paternity shows you would know that women cheat all the time. We’re assuming that she is telling the truth, but she could be telling the story she wants readers to hear and it’s not the whole truth. I was a child counselor before retirement and I saw too many instances where mom was passing off a baby (or two) onto the guy who could be depended upon for constant support. Another example is when my husband and I saw the baby of one of our children who wanted to marry the mother. I took one look at the baby and advised him to go a DNA test. She finally admitted that it wasn’t his (he was just a paycheck) and she moved out immediately. I’m not saying this is the case but it happens… a lot! If she loves him she should calm his fears about the baby (especially if it’s his first) and take the test. Then they should do some family counseling so they both can understand where this fear is coming from.

    Katherine Dobias
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Take a look around in the world we live in. People are cheating on each other everywhere. If I was a man I would want a paternity test too. I would find it suspicious if the mother doesn't want to do one. I think a paternity test is a good way moving forward because this is the world we live in. There's no trust anymore.

    crowspectre 2.0 (he/they)
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Same. I'm a gay guy so this would never happen to me, but if I was with a girl, although I probably wouldn't ask, I'd definitely not be opposed to getting one. It's not about trust, it's about absolute certainty. Too many people discover that their kids aren't theirs after decades of marriage and it shatters them forever. I don't want that to be me.

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    fffab74
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Because a woman would never do that... He is the AH, until we find out that his buddy told him he fcked her, which of course could NEVER happen...

    Scott T Brynildsen
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Not to justify it for him asking, but without context on her side, I'm guessing he's been cheated on before and someone tried to pass off someone else's child for his. He's doesn't talk about it because it's a painful memory. Maybe he has money or his parents do and he needs the test to get his parents to back off. Who knows, but several people commenting have similar questions. Maybe his buddies took him to get his cards read and they said she'll cheat... maybe not this baby but the next, so he asked.

    Luke Oakridge
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The boyfriend could have done the test privately without telling the girlfriend. I don't blame him for wanting to know for sure whether the child was his. We don't blame women for knowing for sure a baby is hers, so why treat men differently? Paternity tests should automatically be done on all children born. That way men would know for sure that the children were theirs and get the same knowledge that all women get when the child is born. It's sad that people judge men for just wanting the same thing women get automatically.

    Roxie Carter
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Going against the crowd and saying this is no big deal. It's just for his peace of mind. I have two kids and my husband knows he can absolutely get a paternity test anytime, with or without my knowledge. I'd rather him feel secure in his paternity than let myself feel THAT offended and self-important.

    Phillip Moderow
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Let me get this straight. She is willing to sentence an innocent baby to a lifetime of fatherless misery all because SHE was so terribly offended ??? Does she hate him MORE than she loves her baby ? When friends enter into a legal agreement, such as renting an apartment, the landlord (and friend) does a credit check. Why ? Is it because he (or she) doesn't TRUST their friend ? NO ! It's just *good business*, that's all. I think she's making a mountain out of a mole hill. Even she said that he "just needs certainty. And to the person who commented that she should make him get an STD test, well ... that's just plain vindictive. Wife needs a reality check and to focus on bringing up THEIR baby as a complete family and end this mentality of throwing out the baby with the bathwater.

    Temporary Dork
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Get it straight, then. She wants to co-parent. There is no 'lifetime of fatherless misery'.

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    Miki
    Community Member
    1 year ago (edited)

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    All comments here shows how men are treated today. Double standards.... Somebody planted a seed of doubt in a guy. That's bad. Maybe he was depressed and didn't believe in himself. Many will say "it's not her problem". That's just ugly. When you are with somebody you try to help this person! Maybe as many says he was cheating. Maybe she actually was cheating even if child is his. We don't know. But sure. It's a men, so he is bad. Instead of talking with him WHY he want it, she just left the guy. That's just sad... I know I will get a ton of downvoted because I am trying to be objective. I dont care.

    Mistie Kelley
    Community Member
    1 year ago

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    Seriously. This argument shouldn't even exist. Retired child support enforcement person here. I am telling you, DNA testing should be mandatory at birth for every child. Period. You think that cheating happens at a rate of 1/3 births? Guess again. With proving paternity, it's very rare to find the paternity it's as first claimed. Always get a test. It's worth the small fee over years of paint child support.

    Judes
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That would be a massive waste of money. The 1/3 rate of negative paternity tests is high because paternity tests are (mostly) only done by people who already suspect they aren't the dad. The vast majority of men do not do paternity tests because there is no reason to.

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    Rahul Pawa
    Community Member
    1 year ago

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    Sounds like both people need to work on their communication. People don't ask that out of the blue, he's been thinking about it for a long time. That she was blindsided means he hasn't been communicating with her about it. It's also not clear if she told him how that question affected her emotionally. I do wish they would both go to therapy (separately) before ending the relationship. There's definitely underlying unresolved issues going on.

    OmBoyGanesh
    Community Member
    1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    ???? Lot of assumptions there. I can j think of three guys I know off hand who never once cheated on their partners and would swear up & down their girls would never cheat. And each of them were cajoled into questioning the paternity, usually from horror stories from coworkers and bros. They each also communicated clearly their distrust that comes from asking their loyal monogamous partner if they cheated, by way of asking for a paternity. At this point, I cannot see any amount of therapy repairing trust. Even with full understanding and forgiveness, the fact this man can so easily suspect her of potentially cheating exists. It happened. It therefore can happen again and in myriad ways. Therapy is for relationships that are tenable. This one isn’t.

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    socialmedianamehere1
    Community Member
    1 year ago

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    Playing devil's advocate here and saying there has to be more to the story she isn't letting out. Does she have a history of cheating maybe? Was she seen with a guy and he heard about it? You don't just come home and ask for a paternity test for absolutely no reason.

    Emie N.
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    She literally said she's never cheated and doesn't understand why he's like this. Maybe he was cheated on by a previous girlfriend. Or even worse, he's cheating and paranoid about her.

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    Mathias
    Community Member
    1 year ago

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    Wow, so many people judging when there is extremely limited and only one sided information of a situation and applauding a decision that has severe and unpredictable consequences for the life of the child. What happened to fixing issues instead of just quitting? She obviously is hurt, but she doesn't dig deeper and looks where the hurt comes from but blames him - when as far as I can see he even tried to explain. Yet she is the one assuming his reasoning without knowing it. Why do I say that? Because I have that same urge for a paternity test in me just at the thought of it and many man do. It doesn't necessarily mean he suspects here of cheating. Instead of being happy he is speaking his truth and talking it out, taking the chance to deepen the relationship. She decides to just rage quit and take the father away from the child. The data is clear: single parent children have severe disadvantages later in live compared to children that grew up with both parents. Be responsible!

    Paul Richards
    Community Member
    1 year ago (edited)

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    Just have an abortion don't put everyone through this.

    OmBoyGanesh
    Community Member
    1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I don’t want to question your reading comprehension skills, but you really can’t abort a new baby boy who is her pride & joy. Lol

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