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Man’s “Thoughtful” Surprise Blows Up In His Face After Early Reveal Leaves GF In Tears
There’s really two options when it comes to giving presents. Either the gifter sticks to the script and chooses to buy something from the person’s wishlist or they think of something extra special and surprises them. The latter, however, can be a bit more tricky, as the room for error expands and not everyone finds getting caught off guard enjoyable.
When this guy decided to surprise his girlfriend, someone who doesn’t like grand gestures and the unexpected, he made a huge mistake. Once he finally revealed his plans, she became very upset and even accused him of ruining Christmas.
RELATED:
Surprising loved ones with gifts can be a great way to express love and appreciation for them
Image credits: Sandra Seitamaa / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
However, this woman didn’t like when her boyfriend surprised her and even accused him of ruining Christmas
Image credits: Jason Hawke 🇨🇦 / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Nicole Geri / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Daniel Martinez / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Feeling-Care-2877
“Choosing the wrong gift can be kind of risky for relationships”
A 2022 study found that over 40% of Americans would be the most disappointed to receive a holiday gift they didn’t want from their partner. This number is quite high compared to other gift givers like colleagues or friends.
In fact, research shows that a bad gift exchange between couples can hurt their relationship. “Choosing the wrong gift can be kind of risky for relationships because it says you don’t have anything in common,” says psychology professor Elizabeth Dunn. She has also found that unwanted gifts can seed doubts about the relationship’s future in the receiver’s mind.
If bad gifting becomes a continuous occurrence, resentment, anxiety, and questioning can start building for both partners. “If the recipient needs objects as symbols for the depth of their partner’s love, then disappointment will grow if they are with a bad gifter,” explains relationship expert Neil Wilkie.
Bad gifters can improve with a few tips and guidance
Image credits: Kira auf der Heide / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
The good news is that bad gifters can improve with a few tips and guidance. The most obvious or simple way to nail a present for a loved one is to ask what they want. Researchers have even proved that people appreciate the gifts they ask for more compared to the ones they don’t “People want to be creative and surprise the recipient,” notes Dunn, “but the better gift will be whatever it is they say they want.”
Unfortunately, the question ‘What do you want for gifts this year?’ has been seen as taboo between people, but if it weren’t, everyone would be better off receiving what they truly want. Besides, recipients wouldn’t need to worry about returning the unwanted presents, feeling disappointed, or trying to pretend they like it. It also saves gifts from entering the landfill as a present that person wished for will be loved and used.
If, for some reason, this option isn’t on the table, it’s advisable to buy presents based on shared interests. “People are better at choosing something for themselves,” she says, “so if you have something in common with somebody, get something that shares the same affinity, because something you would like will more likely be something they like.”
Or just try to avoid purchasing items from the most hated present list. Such as bad romance novels, diet plans, cleaning products, aftershave, boxers, dressing gown and apron. Some other unhonorable mentions include mousepads, scarves, gym memberships, mugs and iron.
The last piece of advice is not to overthink it, as having anxiety around gift giving can make it that much more stressful and hinder the ability to pick out a good present. Bad gifts are rare and chances are the person will still appreciate it even if it wasn’t their most desirable one.
The author provided more information in the comments
Most readers suggested returning the gifts she bought for his partner
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What do you think ?
Libstak 3 weeks ago
OK I see another side. She claims to have had an abusive childhood and scrappy parents where she really missed having a decent Christmas. She also makes clear she loves her sister, was like a mother to her and that they make time to play games online with her. I would bet my life she talked about how much she missed her sister and was sorry the poor girl was stuck with the c**p parents and howmmuch she loved her etc as general conversations over time. He can be forgiven for thinking it meant enough to her to want her sister with them having a proper Christmas when she talked up how much they never had one growing up. It was a serious misunderstanding but she says herself she can't cancel because of how much it will mean to her sister and there she is speaking from personal experience.
Ben Aziza 3 weeks ago
"In my head we would Stay home, have a low-key Christmas etc...." Then says I "felt like" I communicated it well and "my bf does not know me"... Yeh I agree with you on this. The "in her head" followed by "we communicate well" and "why does my bf not know me" Is insane to me... I mean there is the version in her head! But in real life the dude hears "My family was broken we never had a real Christmas but I love my sister so much and I miss her etc..." I am 80% blaming this on her communication skills and lack of selfawearness. The crying adult because they fail to explain what they want part is... Off-putting to me... Am i being too harsh? Am i assuming too much?
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TribbleThinking 3 weeks ago
He changed the rules. That sucks and you're entitled to feel sad. That said, follow his new rules - buy him the monetary equivalent of items 1-3 on your list, and spend the rest on yourself. You're not being mean, you're being compliant and dang girl, you really are not asking for too much when you want STATED NECESSITIES for Christmas! *hugs*
Joey Jo Jo Shabadoo 3 weeks ago
To me, the fact that he got mad at her and called her ungrateful is the most concerning. I can sort of see him thinking this was a good idea, but the only appropriate reaction to your partner crying in disappointment at your gift is to feel bad, apologize, and try to fix it. Honestly, whether or not shes an a*****e (spolier: she's not), the point of a gift is to make the other person happy.
TribbleThinking 3 weeks ago
I think you're absolutely right here. We've all made mistakes. Your point is an excellent one about his lack of willingness to even acknowledge her upset being a cause of more concern than her potential lack of sufficient undergarments in the year ahead.
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Mark Childers 3 weeks ago
No one likes surprises. I wish people understood this. If someone has a great idea for a friend or family member, they should run it by them first. If I had made specific plans and was looking forward to them, I would be upset that someone else was coming out of the blue, too. Entertaining someone else, even family, is hard. It's exhausting. All she wanted was a relaxing Christmas.
Vincent Philippart 3 weeks ago
You don't like surprises, I don't like surprises, some people love surprises. Not everyone is the same.
Load More Replies...
Mäandertal 3 weeks ago
No matter the circumstance, no matter if you are my mother, my sister or the pope himself: If you invite anyone to stay at my house without my consent, we're through. That's the worst thing you could do to me any time of year.
Littlemiss 3 weeks ago (edited)
Way to go BF, great listening to your gf and deciding exactly what she'd want. In conjunction with her estranged abusive family members.
The Darkest Timeline 3 weeks ago
When giving gifts, don’t try to be clever by getting someone something you think they would like, get them something they have expressed wanting.
Betsy S 3 weeks ago
Creating an intense amount of work for someone should NEVER be considered a gift! I agree with the one who said she should do nothing. Let HIM do all the cooking, all the cleaning, all the prepping of the guest room, all the transportation, all the entertaining, all the errand running, all the shopping etc. See how HE likes his "gift" of a hell of a lot of work to do with no gifts to at least offset the intense amount of work. At least he's volunteered for it, not had it thrust upon him, like he's done to her. Such an a*s!
Erla Zwingle 3 weeks ago
The hugest red flag here is that he did this all behind your back. ALL OF IT BEHIND YOUR BACK. WTF? Some little thing like a surprise dinner out can be planned behind your back. But not an entire holiday with your sister and no presents and the Mormon Tabernacle Choir too. BEHIND YOUR BACK. I can't get past that. That is what really needs a serious discussion. You only do that if you KNOW the person wants it. He did not know that. In fact, doing it behind your back shows that he absolutely knew you wouldn't want it. Doing things behind your partner's back is GAME OVER. Now that I think of it, this is an exciting new form of emotional and psychological abuse. Give this some serious consideration, OP. It looks like abuse to me.
Nathan Yarwood 3 weeks ago
This feels more like "dammed if do and dammed if you don't" situation.
Scott Rackley 3 weeks ago
Return his gifts and buy an airplane ticket to somewhere fun for Xmas. Let them celebrate together.
Janelle Collard 3 weeks ago
I'd return all the gifts I bought for him + go someplace else for a few days. (after + bought the stuff *I* need.)
Crouching hippo hidden panda 3 weeks ago
I can see why he did think this would be appreciated. She says they haven’t seen the sister for 4 years, and that they have crappy parents. She says how much she loves and misses her sister. He probably thought, since they were finally financially stable, that it would be a nice thing to do for them both. If she’s doing so well she can buy herself the things she needs IMO. She sounds very ungrateful for what he tried to do
mp7dvnrw85 3 weeks ago
She says ‘We both live across the country from our families and see them a few times a year for a week or so at a time.’ She sees her sister regularly! He doesn’t go with her, presumably to save money. They’re finally stable financially because they’ve been doing without. She needs warm clothes! Shoes. A new bra. Essentials not luxuries. Now he has everything he needed and she has to go without.
Load More Replies...
Marnie 3 weeks ago
How is it nice to buy your girlfriend "babysitting duties" for Christmas?
Load More Replies...
Libstak 3 weeks ago
OK I see another side. She claims to have had an abusive childhood and scrappy parents where she really missed having a decent Christmas. She also makes clear she loves her sister, was like a mother to her and that they make time to play games online with her. I would bet my life she talked about how much she missed her sister and was sorry the poor girl was stuck with the c**p parents and howmmuch she loved her etc as general conversations over time. He can be forgiven for thinking it meant enough to her to want her sister with them having a proper Christmas when she talked up how much they never had one growing up. It was a serious misunderstanding but she says herself she can't cancel because of how much it will mean to her sister and there she is speaking from personal experience.
Ben Aziza 3 weeks ago
"In my head we would Stay home, have a low-key Christmas etc...." Then says I "felt like" I communicated it well and "my bf does not know me"... Yeh I agree with you on this. The "in her head" followed by "we communicate well" and "why does my bf not know me" Is insane to me... I mean there is the version in her head! But in real life the dude hears "My family was broken we never had a real Christmas but I love my sister so much and I miss her etc..." I am 80% blaming this on her communication skills and lack of selfawearness. The crying adult because they fail to explain what they want part is... Off-putting to me... Am i being too harsh? Am i assuming too much?
Load More Replies... TribbleThinking 3 weeks ago
He changed the rules. That sucks and you're entitled to feel sad. That said, follow his new rules - buy him the monetary equivalent of items 1-3 on your list, and spend the rest on yourself. You're not being mean, you're being compliant and dang girl, you really are not asking for too much when you want STATED NECESSITIES for Christmas! *hugs*
Joey Jo Jo Shabadoo 3 weeks ago
To me, the fact that he got mad at her and called her ungrateful is the most concerning. I can sort of see him thinking this was a good idea, but the only appropriate reaction to your partner crying in disappointment at your gift is to feel bad, apologize, and try to fix it. Honestly, whether or not shes an a*****e (spolier: she's not), the point of a gift is to make the other person happy.
TribbleThinking 3 weeks ago
I think you're absolutely right here. We've all made mistakes. Your point is an excellent one about his lack of willingness to even acknowledge her upset being a cause of more concern than her potential lack of sufficient undergarments in the year ahead.
Load More Replies... Mark Childers 3 weeks ago
No one likes surprises. I wish people understood this. If someone has a great idea for a friend or family member, they should run it by them first. If I had made specific plans and was looking forward to them, I would be upset that someone else was coming out of the blue, too. Entertaining someone else, even family, is hard. It's exhausting. All she wanted was a relaxing Christmas.
Vincent Philippart 3 weeks ago
You don't like surprises, I don't like surprises, some people love surprises. Not everyone is the same.
Load More Replies... Mäandertal 3 weeks ago
No matter the circumstance, no matter if you are my mother, my sister or the pope himself: If you invite anyone to stay at my house without my consent, we're through. That's the worst thing you could do to me any time of year.
Littlemiss 3 weeks ago (edited)
Way to go BF, great listening to your gf and deciding exactly what she'd want. In conjunction with her estranged abusive family members.
The Darkest Timeline 3 weeks ago
When giving gifts, don’t try to be clever by getting someone something you think they would like, get them something they have expressed wanting.
Betsy S 3 weeks ago
Creating an intense amount of work for someone should NEVER be considered a gift! I agree with the one who said she should do nothing. Let HIM do all the cooking, all the cleaning, all the prepping of the guest room, all the transportation, all the entertaining, all the errand running, all the shopping etc. See how HE likes his "gift" of a hell of a lot of work to do with no gifts to at least offset the intense amount of work. At least he's volunteered for it, not had it thrust upon him, like he's done to her. Such an a*s!
Erla Zwingle 3 weeks ago
The hugest red flag here is that he did this all behind your back. ALL OF IT BEHIND YOUR BACK. WTF? Some little thing like a surprise dinner out can be planned behind your back. But not an entire holiday with your sister and no presents and the Mormon Tabernacle Choir too. BEHIND YOUR BACK. I can't get past that. That is what really needs a serious discussion. You only do that if you KNOW the person wants it. He did not know that. In fact, doing it behind your back shows that he absolutely knew you wouldn't want it. Doing things behind your partner's back is GAME OVER. Now that I think of it, this is an exciting new form of emotional and psychological abuse. Give this some serious consideration, OP. It looks like abuse to me.
Nathan Yarwood 3 weeks ago
This feels more like "dammed if do and dammed if you don't" situation.
Scott Rackley 3 weeks ago
Return his gifts and buy an airplane ticket to somewhere fun for Xmas. Let them celebrate together.
Janelle Collard 3 weeks ago
I'd return all the gifts I bought for him + go someplace else for a few days. (after + bought the stuff *I* need.)
Crouching hippo hidden panda 3 weeks ago
I can see why he did think this would be appreciated. She says they haven’t seen the sister for 4 years, and that they have crappy parents. She says how much she loves and misses her sister. He probably thought, since they were finally financially stable, that it would be a nice thing to do for them both. If she’s doing so well she can buy herself the things she needs IMO. She sounds very ungrateful for what he tried to do
mp7dvnrw85 3 weeks ago
She says ‘We both live across the country from our families and see them a few times a year for a week or so at a time.’ She sees her sister regularly! He doesn’t go with her, presumably to save money. They’re finally stable financially because they’ve been doing without. She needs warm clothes! Shoes. A new bra. Essentials not luxuries. Now he has everything he needed and she has to go without.
Load More Replies... Marnie 3 weeks ago
How is it nice to buy your girlfriend "babysitting duties" for Christmas?
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