When you and your partner are ready, starting a family is a beautiful thing. Bringing new life into the world and raising little ones into lovely adults can be an amazing experience. But the thing about having children is that you should only do it when you’re certain that you’re ready, and trying to force someone to become a parent is a horrible thing to do.

One woman recently reached out to Reddit seeking advice after she caught her boyfriend tampering with her birth control and immediately sent him packing. Below, you’ll find all of the details, as well as some of the replies concerned readers shared. 

Everyone has the right to choose whether or not they want to become a parent

Image credits: Dimaberlin/Envato (not the actual photo)

So when this woman caught her boyfriend trying to tamper with her birth control, she knew the relationship was over

Image credits:  towfiqu98/Envato (not the actual photo)

Image credits: SufficientThrowRA

There are many factors to consider before deciding to become a mother

Image credits: mariiaplosh/Envato (not the actual photo)

It’s common for one partner to have baby fever sooner than the other. Whether you’ve just visited your adorable nieces and nephews or it seems like all of your friends have gotten pregnant at the same time, you might be more eager to start a family than your partner or spouse. But it’s important to wait until you’re both on the same page, for the sake of your relationship and your child. And if one person isn’t ready, “no” means “absolutely not.”

While having a baby can be a daunting experience for anyone, there’s no doubt that it takes a larger toll on women. Pregnancy is certainly no walk in the park, but it only gets more challenging from there. 

Childbirth is still quite dangerous for both mother and child, and about 15% of moms will experience postpartum depression after having a child. And despite the fact that 98% of women want to keep their jobs after having kids, it often takes over a decade for their careers to bounce back after starting a family.

It’s understandable that men may sometimes overlook all of these concerns that women have to consider before deciding to get pregnant, because they don’t all directly affect them. But if your partner explains that they’re not ready to have children, that boundary should be accepted.

Unfortunately, the man in this story is not the first to ever try tampering with a partner’s birth control. According to the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists, this is a form of abuse called reproductive coercion, or birth control sabotage. 

Common examples of this include hiding or destroying birth control pills, poking holes in condoms or removing a condom without alerting the partner, refusing to pull out after agreeing to ahead of time, and removing a birth control device, such as an IUD or vaginal ring, without informing the partner.

Birth control sabotage is a common yet dangerous form of abuse

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If a woman who’s a victim of reproductive coercion does become pregnant, her partner may continue their abuse by using violence or threats to force her to carry out the pregnancy to full term. Sadly, this abuse is much more common than many people realize.

USA Today reports that a quarter of teen girls with abusive partners and 15% of women who have been physically abused have also been victims of birth control sabotage. Another study from Northern California found that a fifth of women between the ages of 16 and 29 who attended health clinics admitted that their partners had pressured them to get pregnant.

So what can women do when their partners go out of their way to secretly get them pregnant? Well, unfortunately, FindLaw notes on their site that birth control sabotage is not technically illegal at the moment. However, there are some laws that might be able to help victims, depending on where they live. For example, coercive control is illegal in England and Wales.

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FindLaw also notes that the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists considers reproductive coercion to be a form of violence. So it’s possible that abuse in this form could be considered assault or rape, depending on the circumstances. It would not be the easiest crime to prosecute, but the law protects victims of violence. And being impregnated without consent would almost certainly be considered an act of violence by victims. 

We would love to hear your thoughts on this situation in the comments below, pandas. Do you think this woman was right to immediately break up with her boyfriend over this? Feel free to share, and then if you’re interested in reading another Bored Panda piece discussing similar relationship issues, look no further than right here.

Readers were quick to share their concern for the woman, and she joined in on the conversation to provide more details

Readers unanimously agreed that breaking up was the right choice

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