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“Her Body, My Choice”: Woman Rethinks Relationship After BF Sabotages Her Birth Control
It practically goes without saying that a relationship where you can’t trust your partner just won’t last. Medical and health related decisions are just one of those things that you have to be on the same page about, without exception. So learning that your partner has been sneaking around your medicine cabinet is a surefire way to know that something is very, very wrong.
A woman discovered that her boyfriend had been purposefully hiding her birth control pills and, when confronted, he revealed that his mom wanted them to have kids. We reached out to the woman via private message and will update the article when she gets back to us.
RELATED:
Fertility questions are something every couple needs to really work out ahead of time
Image credits: Engin Akyurt / Pexels (not the actual photo)
A woman realized her partner had started hiding her birth control in secret
Image credits: Kaboompics.com / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: simonapilolla / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Image credits: ThrowRA_bcole
Image credits: Tomas Chevalier / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
His actions aren’t just dishonest, they are downright dangerous
It’s important to note that tampering or hiding someone’s birth control isn’t just poor behavior, but a form of violence. Some call it reproductive coercion. The fact that this woman had to turn to the internet just goes to show that many people don’t comprehend how widespread this issue is.
A 2019 study found that one in eight US teen girls experienced some form of reproductive coercion in the last three months. This generally involves the man refusing to use protection and trying to pressure his partner into overlooking it. However, any method to stop a woman from controlling her fertility is a type of violence.
Often, although not always, for example as in this story, women who experience reproductive coercion are also at increased risk of other forms of violence. After all, a partner willing to violate one boundary might not stop with another. Again, not only did he throw away her pills without permission, he lied about it.
This behavior is very troubling, because, again, interfering with the health of your partner is not normal at all and should not be tolerated. Fortunately, many of the commenters (some examples can be found below) did their best to express support and tried to ensure she got out of this relationship. Having a child is something both partners need to agree on, anything less is a dealbreaker.
Image credits: Alena Darmel / Pexels (not the actual photo)
This is not a relationship worth keeping
It goes without saying that this sort of “interference” and dishonesty is a major red flag. Again, he not only stole her pills, he lied about it. This means he knows very well that what he’s doing is entirely wrong. In other words, this man knows that his actions are wrong and will hurt his partner and he chooses to do them anyway. The fact that he blames his mother doesn’t really absolve him.
After all, we have no way of knowing if he is being honest. It’s not impossible that an overbearing mom might pressure her son to do something so stupid, but, equally, he could have just made it up in a desperate attempt to save face. This logic is very twisted, as it fully reveals just how bad of a person he is. This is not the sort of thing one can overlook.
Fortunately, at least there is some resolution, which the woman shared later. It can be found below, after the comments from her first post. Overall, this story serves as a warning that no matter how nice someone can be, there are certain lines that just can’t be crossed. Health and fertility are one of them.
People were shocked and some gave some advice
Later, she shared an update
Image credits: RDNE Stock project / Pexels (not the actual photo)
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What do you think ?
Guess Undheit 1 year ago
WTF? The percentages were 92%, 2%, 2% and 2% yesterday. A bunch of pro-rape types have skewed it.
Load More Replies...
Livingwithcfs 1 year ago
The red flags on this guy and his mum are so big you could use them as a tent.
Salma Hernández 1 year ago
I was thinking: Run away and never return. Hopedully she is planning to do that.
BrownEyedPanda 1 year ago (edited)
Reproductive coercion: a type of abuse that involves attempting to control a person's reproductive choices or interfering with their reproductive autonomy. A relationship which involves this form of assault is non-redeeemable.
brandyy17 1 year ago
she should deff leave. something some men dont understand is birth control isnt just to stop pregnancy. ill even use myself as an example. i take the depo shot due to its strength. not bc i dont wanna get pregnant but bc my period and the horomones that come with it can trigger my epilepsy. i have a rare case where my epilepsy was dormant until puberty hit. so once a month id have seizures regardless of taking my meds or not. i was put on so many birth controls before the depo shot to make my horomones stable. im currently in the process of becoming 100% safe to have kids. if ur curious it is going very well so far. but ya my issue isnt the only kind. one of my friends has very painful and violent periods she is on the depo shot as well a since it stops periods for the most part. other women use it for horomone balancing or stabilizing. its not just to prevent pregnancy for some women. if the OP was in that category he could have accidently caused her medical issues. trying to trick someone into pregnancy is bad enough but if she was using it for more then birth control she couldve been in alot more trouble. i really hope she left him
winterwidow87 1 year ago (edited)
Yep this is extremely important to remind everyone: birth control pills are not just for birth control. I am a cis woman in a relationship with another cis woman, you'd think i shouldn't be on birth control, yet i am because i have uterine fibroids that cause me to bleed uncontrollably during my period (and sometimes even when i am not on my period). I am also anemic so this is not a very good combo. Birth control is the only thing that makes me bleed normally, and sometimes even that fails and i have to take anti hemorragic meds anyway. This person is an abuser and i hope OP left him for good.
Load More Replies...
Panda-sized Potato 1 year ago
What was the thought process, "I can't find my contraception, let's have unprotected sex anyways?"
Kristen Sharp 1 year ago
I am single. I have been for a while by my own choice. If some guy decided and said to me, or even if he didn't say "your body, my choice"... I have a size 8.5 steel toed boot to lodge directly up his r****m, and his mother too! None of this is ok. I'd call his mother and tell her "thanks for making the decision of me having kids for me, you dumb b****! Now take your little boy and get out of my life!" Sorry, I've been working two weeks straight and things like this anger me way too much!
LonelyLittleLeafSheep 1 year ago
No apologies necessary! Anger is the appropriate response.
Load More Replies...
PinkNekoGirl 1 year ago
In some US states it is, but not all, and I am not certain about other countries but I assume it is in most European countries since they tend to be better about female rights than parts of the US.
Load More Replies...
MrsEgonSpengler 1 year ago
Massive, massive red flag. Yes it'll hurt but looking back she will realise what a massive bullet she dodged with this man and his family.
StumblingThroughLife 1 year ago (edited)
Poor woman, to be betrayed by someone she loved, in such a vile way. Glad she dumped him. Pills can be thrown away - condoms pierced, which is why I always used to have the implant in before I married, and then until WE decided to have kids, and after 2, had another implant. Luckily, all contraceptives are free in the UK via your GP or health clinic, so I'm not sure how much it costs in other Countries, but yeah, I found the implant safest and free from sabotage.
Panda Kicki 1 year ago
Next time he will be microwaving or otherwise rampering the meds directly. Dont do this.
Kamal Hasan 1 year ago
This story highlights a deeply concerning issue of trust and control within a relationship. Hiding a partner's birth control pills is not only a violation of personal autonomy but also a serious breach of trust. Such actions can have significant emotional and physical consequences. It's crucial for individuals in relationships to communicate openly and respect each other's choices, especially regarding personal health decisions. This incident underscores the importance of mutual respect and honesty in maintaining a healthy and supportive relationship.
WonderWoman 1 year ago
This was a violation of trust that can never be fixed. I'm so glad she left him. Too many people think that just because you aren't having bones broken that the things their partners do don't amount to abuse. Conspiring with his mother, stealing her birth control, trying to engage in unprotected intercourse - all abuse. And abusers don't just do it once, it snowballs
Schmebulock 1 year ago
I can't believe they had been dating so long and this is the first time he acted bat s**t crazy.
Abner_Mality 1 year ago
Break up (major deal breaker) and send an open message to his family explaining why; he lied to them that she knew, so he knew they wouldn't buy into his tricking her. Maybe they'll watch him more closely or get him the professional help he needs, protecting his next potential victim.
Upstaged75 1 year ago
HE TALKED TO HIS MOM AND THEY DECIDED????????????????? I would be pressing charges and filing a restraining order!
Blue Flower 1 year ago
This was back in 1980, just graduated high school. One day bf said I was too wild and that I needed to have a baby to calm me down, I thought he was joking. I moved from a basement to a regular apartment, I had my bc pills exactly where I knew they would be. BF claims they must have gotten lost in the move. Got pregnant in August had my son in May, 1981. He went to prison for being stupid and I moved out of state. Never seen him or his family ever again. If I wasn’t so naive and I knew then what I know now, I would have kicked him to the curb and never looked back.
Shark bait hoo haha 1 year ago
Holy cow! I don't even know this woman but I want to have a face to face with the boyfriend and his mom and it wouldn't be nice at all! (I am a natural redhead and IYKYK). She needs to file a police report for theft, coercion, assault and reproductive abuse then get a restraining order against him and mom because you know they won't let sleeping dogs lie at this point. When she goes to get her stuff, she will need to not only have her dad with her but also a police officer in the event exbf tries something. Unbelievable!
Julia Cargile 1 year ago
My heart goes out to you because he does sound great on paper but he tried to manipulate you for his needs. It's time to move on to a better life. God bless you.
JayWantsACat 1 year ago
"This feels like a huge betrayal." Because it's literally a huge betrayal.
zovjraar me 1 year ago
all those "nice" things he was doing was just a way to reel her in and baby trap her. deep down, he didn't care what she wanted or cared about her feelings. it was always all about him and what he could get from her. i'm glad she dropped him. ladies (and gentlemen), do not ever stay with a person like this. you deserve someone who truly cares about YOU. someone who loves to make YOU happy, all the time! not just when it's convenient, not just when it's a special day, not just when they want something in return. a person who loves you will always have your happiness on their mind. it should be something they don't even consciously think about. it just happens because they love you.
Matthew Currie 1 year ago
My own take is "get out now before it's too late." It's not just that he's overridden a decision that was supposed to be mutual, but that he did it in such an underhanded way. He might have broached the subject, applied all sorts of persuasion and argument, and that would be OK. But it's clear that he did not think such an argument would work, and that suggests he knows it would be a bad argument. He knows this would not be a mutually agreeable thing, and doesn't care, or thinks he knows better than others what's best. I would never trust him again.
Mark Childers 1 year ago
She needs to get far away from him, or all of her life choices will be made by this guy and his mother.
Ben Aziza 1 year ago
This f*****g guy has literally 0 respect for his gf. It is like she is an acessory or something. The way he went and told everyone else BEFORE HER about the baby that she has to carry is completly f*****g insane to me. How can you spend so much time with someone and not see them as human? Also value his mom and friends above her? What the f**k?
Jill Peters 1 year ago
I broke up with a guy because he'd pout every time I got my period, because I wasn't pregnant. "Are you TRYING to knock me up?" We weren't married. I'm glad we split, because his family were white tr**h going back generations.
LeighAnne Brown-Pedersen 1 year ago
In every relationship, goals are important. Marriage isn’t always 100% for everyone but it sounds important to her. Why not marriage before babies? He wants a kid more than he wants her! Most likely, he knows divorce is easy but children are more permanent ? There can be a discussion, but I am glad she left.
Dragon mama 1 year ago
This is desperately sad. I'm glad she made the right choice but it must be so hard and hurtful still.
DC and S 1 year ago
To sum up: he decided that HE was going to have a baby, WITHOUT the CONSENT of the woman who would be co-creating and carrying this baby? And went out of his way to keep her in the dark about his plans to use her body as an incubator. That's next level red flag territory. The sneaky, insidious kind of red flag.
Prudence Putnam 1 year ago
Thank heavens … I thought I was going to read on and find out he’d replaced your pills with duds ,you were pregnant and now ‘locked in’ to the relationship. It’ll be tough but as previous commenters have said…trust is gone. Walk away now. Will save you years of anguish in the future.
Lee Marks 11 months ago
Your boyfriend making this sort of decision without your knowledge is a huge RED FLAG. He does not respect you. He'll make more unilateral decisions without you if you don't put an end to it right away. He's trying to justify to you a decision he made that will affect the both of you for the rest of your lives. He's realized that what he agreed to no longer applies to him and he will exercise unilateral control of your relationship if you let him. Either re-establish your decision to wait, with his agreement to new boundaries, or get away from him and his mother as soon as possible. He's not going to change and she will always back him up.
Nina 11 months ago
This is so grossly betraying. She needs to tell her dad so he can go and kick that bastards a**e for trying to rape his daughter and knock her up because he 'felt like this was a good time for him'. The fact that his mum was okay with the raping is bloody shocking. Hope she never goes back.
Mad McQueen 1 year ago
A nine month tumor and an 18 yr financial And emotional responsibly because him an his mom think YOU should start having kids? What about her "son go get married and have legal responsibilities to your partner" instead of playing rapist to your womb for kids you might die having cuz they want them. Leave and move on. That like selling your organs while you're asleep. Ah no big deal.
Ben Aziza 1 year ago (edited)
Reminds me of the drunk confession story where a woman preplanned and "secuced" a guy and made sure she was having "her" baby. Without the dude even knowing... Those ppl like this bf and the woman I mentioned are sick and twisted... they dont see others as equal humans... just as tools. That is why it is so...rapy...
Load More Replies... Disgruntled Pelican 1 year ago
I don't even know where to start with this...
Load More Replies... Guess Undheit 1 year ago
WTF? The percentages were 92%, 2%, 2% and 2% yesterday. A bunch of pro-rape types have skewed it.
Load More Replies... Livingwithcfs 1 year ago
The red flags on this guy and his mum are so big you could use them as a tent.
Salma Hernández 1 year ago
I was thinking: Run away and never return. Hopedully she is planning to do that.
BrownEyedPanda 1 year ago (edited)
Reproductive coercion: a type of abuse that involves attempting to control a person's reproductive choices or interfering with their reproductive autonomy. A relationship which involves this form of assault is non-redeeemable.
brandyy17 1 year ago
she should deff leave. something some men dont understand is birth control isnt just to stop pregnancy. ill even use myself as an example. i take the depo shot due to its strength. not bc i dont wanna get pregnant but bc my period and the horomones that come with it can trigger my epilepsy. i have a rare case where my epilepsy was dormant until puberty hit. so once a month id have seizures regardless of taking my meds or not. i was put on so many birth controls before the depo shot to make my horomones stable. im currently in the process of becoming 100% safe to have kids. if ur curious it is going very well so far. but ya my issue isnt the only kind. one of my friends has very painful and violent periods she is on the depo shot as well a since it stops periods for the most part. other women use it for horomone balancing or stabilizing. its not just to prevent pregnancy for some women. if the OP was in that category he could have accidently caused her medical issues. trying to trick someone into pregnancy is bad enough but if she was using it for more then birth control she couldve been in alot more trouble. i really hope she left him
winterwidow87 1 year ago (edited)
Yep this is extremely important to remind everyone: birth control pills are not just for birth control. I am a cis woman in a relationship with another cis woman, you'd think i shouldn't be on birth control, yet i am because i have uterine fibroids that cause me to bleed uncontrollably during my period (and sometimes even when i am not on my period). I am also anemic so this is not a very good combo. Birth control is the only thing that makes me bleed normally, and sometimes even that fails and i have to take anti hemorragic meds anyway. This person is an abuser and i hope OP left him for good.
Load More Replies... Panda-sized Potato 1 year ago
What was the thought process, "I can't find my contraception, let's have unprotected sex anyways?"
Kristen Sharp 1 year ago
I am single. I have been for a while by my own choice. If some guy decided and said to me, or even if he didn't say "your body, my choice"... I have a size 8.5 steel toed boot to lodge directly up his r****m, and his mother too! None of this is ok. I'd call his mother and tell her "thanks for making the decision of me having kids for me, you dumb b****! Now take your little boy and get out of my life!" Sorry, I've been working two weeks straight and things like this anger me way too much!
LonelyLittleLeafSheep 1 year ago
No apologies necessary! Anger is the appropriate response.
Load More Replies... PinkNekoGirl 1 year ago
In some US states it is, but not all, and I am not certain about other countries but I assume it is in most European countries since they tend to be better about female rights than parts of the US.
Load More Replies... MrsEgonSpengler 1 year ago
Massive, massive red flag. Yes it'll hurt but looking back she will realise what a massive bullet she dodged with this man and his family.
StumblingThroughLife 1 year ago (edited)
Poor woman, to be betrayed by someone she loved, in such a vile way. Glad she dumped him. Pills can be thrown away - condoms pierced, which is why I always used to have the implant in before I married, and then until WE decided to have kids, and after 2, had another implant. Luckily, all contraceptives are free in the UK via your GP or health clinic, so I'm not sure how much it costs in other Countries, but yeah, I found the implant safest and free from sabotage.
Panda Kicki 1 year ago
Next time he will be microwaving or otherwise rampering the meds directly. Dont do this.
Kamal Hasan 1 year ago
This story highlights a deeply concerning issue of trust and control within a relationship. Hiding a partner's birth control pills is not only a violation of personal autonomy but also a serious breach of trust. Such actions can have significant emotional and physical consequences. It's crucial for individuals in relationships to communicate openly and respect each other's choices, especially regarding personal health decisions. This incident underscores the importance of mutual respect and honesty in maintaining a healthy and supportive relationship.
WonderWoman 1 year ago
This was a violation of trust that can never be fixed. I'm so glad she left him. Too many people think that just because you aren't having bones broken that the things their partners do don't amount to abuse. Conspiring with his mother, stealing her birth control, trying to engage in unprotected intercourse - all abuse. And abusers don't just do it once, it snowballs
Schmebulock 1 year ago
I can't believe they had been dating so long and this is the first time he acted bat s**t crazy.
Abner_Mality 1 year ago
Break up (major deal breaker) and send an open message to his family explaining why; he lied to them that she knew, so he knew they wouldn't buy into his tricking her. Maybe they'll watch him more closely or get him the professional help he needs, protecting his next potential victim.
Upstaged75 1 year ago
HE TALKED TO HIS MOM AND THEY DECIDED????????????????? I would be pressing charges and filing a restraining order!
Blue Flower 1 year ago
This was back in 1980, just graduated high school. One day bf said I was too wild and that I needed to have a baby to calm me down, I thought he was joking. I moved from a basement to a regular apartment, I had my bc pills exactly where I knew they would be. BF claims they must have gotten lost in the move. Got pregnant in August had my son in May, 1981. He went to prison for being stupid and I moved out of state. Never seen him or his family ever again. If I wasn’t so naive and I knew then what I know now, I would have kicked him to the curb and never looked back.
Shark bait hoo haha 1 year ago
Holy cow! I don't even know this woman but I want to have a face to face with the boyfriend and his mom and it wouldn't be nice at all! (I am a natural redhead and IYKYK). She needs to file a police report for theft, coercion, assault and reproductive abuse then get a restraining order against him and mom because you know they won't let sleeping dogs lie at this point. When she goes to get her stuff, she will need to not only have her dad with her but also a police officer in the event exbf tries something. Unbelievable!
Julia Cargile 1 year ago
My heart goes out to you because he does sound great on paper but he tried to manipulate you for his needs. It's time to move on to a better life. God bless you.
JayWantsACat 1 year ago
"This feels like a huge betrayal." Because it's literally a huge betrayal.
zovjraar me 1 year ago
all those "nice" things he was doing was just a way to reel her in and baby trap her. deep down, he didn't care what she wanted or cared about her feelings. it was always all about him and what he could get from her. i'm glad she dropped him. ladies (and gentlemen), do not ever stay with a person like this. you deserve someone who truly cares about YOU. someone who loves to make YOU happy, all the time! not just when it's convenient, not just when it's a special day, not just when they want something in return. a person who loves you will always have your happiness on their mind. it should be something they don't even consciously think about. it just happens because they love you.
Matthew Currie 1 year ago
My own take is "get out now before it's too late." It's not just that he's overridden a decision that was supposed to be mutual, but that he did it in such an underhanded way. He might have broached the subject, applied all sorts of persuasion and argument, and that would be OK. But it's clear that he did not think such an argument would work, and that suggests he knows it would be a bad argument. He knows this would not be a mutually agreeable thing, and doesn't care, or thinks he knows better than others what's best. I would never trust him again.
Mark Childers 1 year ago
She needs to get far away from him, or all of her life choices will be made by this guy and his mother.
Ben Aziza 1 year ago
This f*****g guy has literally 0 respect for his gf. It is like she is an acessory or something. The way he went and told everyone else BEFORE HER about the baby that she has to carry is completly f*****g insane to me. How can you spend so much time with someone and not see them as human? Also value his mom and friends above her? What the f**k?
Jill Peters 1 year ago
I broke up with a guy because he'd pout every time I got my period, because I wasn't pregnant. "Are you TRYING to knock me up?" We weren't married. I'm glad we split, because his family were white tr**h going back generations.
LeighAnne Brown-Pedersen 1 year ago
In every relationship, goals are important. Marriage isn’t always 100% for everyone but it sounds important to her. Why not marriage before babies? He wants a kid more than he wants her! Most likely, he knows divorce is easy but children are more permanent ? There can be a discussion, but I am glad she left.
Dragon mama 1 year ago
This is desperately sad. I'm glad she made the right choice but it must be so hard and hurtful still.
DC and S 1 year ago
To sum up: he decided that HE was going to have a baby, WITHOUT the CONSENT of the woman who would be co-creating and carrying this baby? And went out of his way to keep her in the dark about his plans to use her body as an incubator. That's next level red flag territory. The sneaky, insidious kind of red flag.
Prudence Putnam 1 year ago
Thank heavens … I thought I was going to read on and find out he’d replaced your pills with duds ,you were pregnant and now ‘locked in’ to the relationship. It’ll be tough but as previous commenters have said…trust is gone. Walk away now. Will save you years of anguish in the future.
Lee Marks 11 months ago
Your boyfriend making this sort of decision without your knowledge is a huge RED FLAG. He does not respect you. He'll make more unilateral decisions without you if you don't put an end to it right away. He's trying to justify to you a decision he made that will affect the both of you for the rest of your lives. He's realized that what he agreed to no longer applies to him and he will exercise unilateral control of your relationship if you let him. Either re-establish your decision to wait, with his agreement to new boundaries, or get away from him and his mother as soon as possible. He's not going to change and she will always back him up.
Nina 11 months ago
This is so grossly betraying. She needs to tell her dad so he can go and kick that bastards a**e for trying to rape his daughter and knock her up because he 'felt like this was a good time for him'. The fact that his mum was okay with the raping is bloody shocking. Hope she never goes back.
Mad McQueen 1 year ago
A nine month tumor and an 18 yr financial And emotional responsibly because him an his mom think YOU should start having kids? What about her "son go get married and have legal responsibilities to your partner" instead of playing rapist to your womb for kids you might die having cuz they want them. Leave and move on. That like selling your organs while you're asleep. Ah no big deal.
Ben Aziza 1 year ago (edited)
Reminds me of the drunk confession story where a woman preplanned and "secuced" a guy and made sure she was having "her" baby. Without the dude even knowing... Those ppl like this bf and the woman I mentioned are sick and twisted... they dont see others as equal humans... just as tools. That is why it is so...rapy...
Load More Replies... Disgruntled Pelican 1 year ago
I don't even know where to start with this...
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