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“Next-Level Douchery”: An Awful Birthday Gift From Boyfriend Ruins A 4-Year Relationship
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“Next-Level Douchery”: An Awful Birthday Gift From Boyfriend Ruins A 4-Year Relationship

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Giving and receiving gifts is an important part of any relationship. Receiving a gift, even a symbolic one, makes a person feel appreciated, loved, and seen, and it can strengthen the bond between two people. That’s if the recipient likes the gift, of course.

This couple ran into a disagreement about the boyfriend’s inability to give good, thoughtful gifts. While the girlfriend showered him with expensive, elaborate presents, the boyfriend decided to gift her a photo album with pictures of his last solo trip. Not sure whether she overreacted in her disappointment about the bad gift, the woman decided to ask the Internet’s opinion.

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Giving and receiving gifts with your partner shows appreciation and brings you two closer

Image credits: Zinkevych_D / envatoelements (not the actual photo)

This woman had enough of her boyfriend’s bad gifts after receiving his solo travel photobook

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Image credits: AnnaStills / envatoelements (not the actual photo)

Image credits: ilikepeaches24

Image credits: Farknot / envatoelements (not the actual photo)

People often misunderstand those who like receiving gifts, but they’re neither materialistic nor shallow

‘Receiving gifts’ is one of the five love languages in the now-iconic The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts by Gary Chapman. Although it’s not a scientifically validated construct, many experts believe it’s a helpful way to categorize people’s behavior in relationships.

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“Approaching relationships from the love language perspective is really productive,” says Mark Williams, a licensed mental health counselor and relationship coach. “By learning how to ‘speak’ each other’s love language, you’re ensuring both people in a relationship feel supported and seen.”

It’s true that some people value receiving gifts more than others do. A partner might like receiving jewelry way more than spending quality time together by sitting on the couch and watching TV. Sometimes, others misunderstand their need to share love through presents as materialistic or greedy.

However, that notion isn’t true. Experts even go as far as to say it’s the most misunderstood of the five love languages. Oftentimes (just like in this story), the person whose love language is receiving gifts has nothing against inexpensive or ‘uncool’ presents. It’s always the thought that counts.

“Whether that item is a tiny trinket from a thrift store or a 50-foot sailboat is inconsequential,” Williams explained. “Either convey the same message: ‘I was thinking about you when I saw this. You’re always on my mind.'”

Giving gifts requires much attention to detail from the partner. They have to carefully follow the subtle likes and dislikes of the person. Special occasions like birthdays and Christmas are very important, too. Chapman wrote that forgetting that person’s birthday is like a dagger to their heart.

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Judging from what decision the author of this story made later, her love language most probably was receiving gifts.

Researchers might’ve debunked love languages, but people still believe them

Image credits: MaaHoo / envatoelements (not the actual photo)

Chapman worked as a pastor with couples and wrote the book about the patterns he noticed while counseling them. He never claimed to be a researcher; he merely described the behavior patterns he saw in the people he counseled.

“I’m not a researcher,” Chapman has said. “But I do think that there are significant numbers of people over the 30 years who have found that concept to be the thing that turned their marriage around emotionally.”

In 2024, a team of Canadian researchers set out to find whether there was any evidence behind Chapman’s classification. His main claim was that every person has a primary love language, one that’s more pronounced in the person than others.

However, the researchers found the opposite. Most of their study participants rated all five love languages highly. One of the co-authors of the study, Emily Impett, said that people might find more than one love language meaningful.

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“In real life, we know that people often don’t need to make these kinds of trade-offs between do you want a partner who is going to touch you versus express love in some other way,” she told The Washington Post.

Despite this debunking, fans of the concept choose to continue adhering to it. Many couples think it’s a nice guideline when considering what their partner wants in the relationship. One woman told The Guardian: “It’s helped explain to me why I dated certain people, and why it didn’t work out. Why can’t they just let us have fun with it? If we want to live in our delusions, let us.”

 The girlfriend gave more info about what her boyfriend is like in other aspects of the relationship

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People said it’s not about the gifts; it’s about the fact that the BF doesn’t bother to make an effort

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However, others called the girlfriend ungrateful and materialistic

The woman later posted an update, and the news wasn’t good

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Image credits: Tirachard / envatoelements (not the actual photo)

Image credits: ilikepeaches24

“Good riddance,” said people, congratulating her on getting out of a bad relationship

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Kornelija Viečaitė

Kornelija Viečaitė

Writer, BoredPanda staff

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Hi there, fellow pandas! As a person (over)educated both in social sciences and literature, I'm most interested in how we connect and behave online (and sometimes in real life too.) The human experience is weird, so I try my best to put its peculiarities in writing. As a person who grew up chronically online, I now try to marry two sides of myself: the one who knows too much about MySpace, and the one who can't settle and needs to see every corner of the world.

Read less »
Kornelija Viečaitė

Kornelija Viečaitė

Writer, BoredPanda staff

Hi there, fellow pandas! As a person (over)educated both in social sciences and literature, I'm most interested in how we connect and behave online (and sometimes in real life too.) The human experience is weird, so I try my best to put its peculiarities in writing. As a person who grew up chronically online, I now try to marry two sides of myself: the one who knows too much about MySpace, and the one who can't settle and needs to see every corner of the world.

Viktorija Ošikaitė

Viktorija Ošikaitė

Author, BoredPanda staff

Read more »

I'm a visual editor here at Bored Panda and I enjoy a good laugh. My work ranges from serious topics related to toxic work environments and relationship difficulties to humorous articles about online shopping fails and introvert memes. When I'm not at my work desk, checking if every single pixel is in the right place, I usually spend my free time playing board games, taking pictures, and watching documentaries

Read less »

Viktorija Ošikaitė

Viktorija Ošikaitė

Author, BoredPanda staff

I'm a visual editor here at Bored Panda and I enjoy a good laugh. My work ranges from serious topics related to toxic work environments and relationship difficulties to humorous articles about online shopping fails and introvert memes. When I'm not at my work desk, checking if every single pixel is in the right place, I usually spend my free time playing board games, taking pictures, and watching documentaries

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JasonK
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

OP keeps talking about her bf's anxiety over being in poverty again and not wanting to spend money on gifts. He just spent 3 MONTHS on a "self-care" vacation! He doesn't have trouble spending money or not making money, he has trouble spending money on anyone other than himself. Hopefully she wisens up to this narcissist's shenanigans.

Frozengeckolover
Community Member
3 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yes! At first I thought he was just broke, and bad at giving gifts. Then she said he went on a 3 month vacation! Omg!

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The Starsong Princess
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Some guys aren’t gift givers but that photo book was an exercise in narcissism. I suspect he’s one of those guys who’s quite pleasant to be with when everything revolves around him but the mask slips when it’s time to focus on his partner.

MsLou
Community Member
3 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Exactly! Like I hate parties, but if my boyfriend has a birthday party of course I would be there for him. Her boyfriend couldn't even show up her. A simple act doesn't even cost anything.

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BewilderedBanana
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't consider OP materialistic. She expects thoughtful, not necessarily expensive, gifts. Materialistic would be the opposite - like someone expecting or asking for something but it MUST be a designer brand. The gifts she gave her now ex were probably expensive, but what was more important was the thought she put into them. She could have spent the same amount of money on something random, but she didn't. Douchecanoe could have given her a photobook, if it was full of photos of their time together, or things that reminded him of her for example, and added a nice personalised note to it. Giving her the exact same thing he's giving everyone else (on top of all the other stuff OP mentioned) just makes him lazy and inconsiderate. Growing up poor is no excuse for giving shîtty gifts the other person specifically told you they don't like. Spend the same amount, but on something the other person will actually like, and which shows you care. That's my 2 cents anyway :)

Roland Nijveld
Community Member
3 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You're not wrong but also understand there are people who just hate giving gifts. I'm on of them. I always give cash money. Why? Because that's also what I want to receive but unfortunately some are of the opinion money isn't a gift so I end up with stuff I don't want.

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JasonK
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

OP keeps talking about her bf's anxiety over being in poverty again and not wanting to spend money on gifts. He just spent 3 MONTHS on a "self-care" vacation! He doesn't have trouble spending money or not making money, he has trouble spending money on anyone other than himself. Hopefully she wisens up to this narcissist's shenanigans.

Frozengeckolover
Community Member
3 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yes! At first I thought he was just broke, and bad at giving gifts. Then she said he went on a 3 month vacation! Omg!

Load More Replies...
The Starsong Princess
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Some guys aren’t gift givers but that photo book was an exercise in narcissism. I suspect he’s one of those guys who’s quite pleasant to be with when everything revolves around him but the mask slips when it’s time to focus on his partner.

MsLou
Community Member
3 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Exactly! Like I hate parties, but if my boyfriend has a birthday party of course I would be there for him. Her boyfriend couldn't even show up her. A simple act doesn't even cost anything.

Load More Replies...
BewilderedBanana
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't consider OP materialistic. She expects thoughtful, not necessarily expensive, gifts. Materialistic would be the opposite - like someone expecting or asking for something but it MUST be a designer brand. The gifts she gave her now ex were probably expensive, but what was more important was the thought she put into them. She could have spent the same amount of money on something random, but she didn't. Douchecanoe could have given her a photobook, if it was full of photos of their time together, or things that reminded him of her for example, and added a nice personalised note to it. Giving her the exact same thing he's giving everyone else (on top of all the other stuff OP mentioned) just makes him lazy and inconsiderate. Growing up poor is no excuse for giving shîtty gifts the other person specifically told you they don't like. Spend the same amount, but on something the other person will actually like, and which shows you care. That's my 2 cents anyway :)

Roland Nijveld
Community Member
3 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You're not wrong but also understand there are people who just hate giving gifts. I'm on of them. I always give cash money. Why? Because that's also what I want to receive but unfortunately some are of the opinion money isn't a gift so I end up with stuff I don't want.

Load More Replies...
Load More Comments
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