Bored Panda works better on our iPhone app
Continue in app Continue in browser

The Bored Panda iOS app is live! Fight boredom with iPhones and iPads here.

Woman Ends Her 2-Year Relationship After She Finds Out Cruise Tickets Are Her Birthday Gift
Woman Ends Her 2-Year Relationship After She Finds Out Cruise Tickets Are Her Birthday Gift
2.6K

Woman Ends Her 2-Year Relationship After She Finds Out Cruise Tickets Are Her Birthday Gift

165

ADVERTISEMENT

Ask any relationship professional about what’s important in a good relationship and no doubt at some point in their litany of things, they will mention communication. Good communication, open communication, honest communication—it all solves the achiest relationship problems just like that.

So why isn’t everyone around us in a perfect fairytale relationship? That is because good communication is hard. It requires openness, vulnerability, and a desire to hear and understand your partner, and managing it all can be tough.

The woman in this story found herself in a situation where the relationship she’s in wasn’t in a great spot due to poor communication. Mostly on the side of her partner, that is. Scroll down below to see what made her realize that, what actions she took to deal with the situation, and how Reddit’s True Off My Chest community reacted to it.

RELATED:

    Birthday gifts can be quite tricky to get right. You wish to give the person something that they will enjoy and appreciate, but also don’t want to gift them something they already have

    Image credits: RDNE Stock project (not the actual photo)

    The guy in this story really missed the mark on his girlfriend’s birthday gift. To the point that she was willing to break up with him

    ADVERTISEMENT


    Image credits: midiman (not the actual photo)

    ADVERTISEMENT
    ADVERTISEMENT


    Image credits: RDNE Stock project (not the actual photo)

    ADVERTISEMENT
    ADVERTISEMENT

    Image source: Helpful-Minimum8496


    Image credits: Sonyachny (not the actual photo)

    Image source: Helpful-Minimum8496

    Listening is the cornerstone of any healthy relationship

    Image credits: Edmond Dantès (not the actual photo)

    This sad situation is another confirmation of how important it is to listen to your partner. In everyday interactions, noting the details of their preferences and their exciting inner life, as well as the more serious conversations about the future of your relationship. The woman noted that she has raised her concerns a few times over the years and even then her partner didn’t hear her, which is an awful situation to be put in.

    If you wish to be a better listener, a good place to start is by trying out a mirroring technique. In it, when you’re talking about your feelings and emotions, you listen to what your partner says and then repeat it back to them how you understood it. This gives your partner a chance to clarify any misunderstandings and misconstructions.

    Knowing how to present your feelings is also very important

    Image credits: fauxels (not the actual photo)

    When trying to sort out issues with your partner, it is important not to start the conversation with animosity. Many of us like to jump straight to the issue and start accusing and blaming as if our partner is doing everything wrong. This is understandable as we are trying to vent our frustrations and jump to generalizations, but it’s not a good move.

    Instead, you have to try to keep your cool. When talking about feelings, you have to keep in mind that what you’re feeling is your perspective and there are other factors at play you might not be aware of. So, starting with statements like “I feel,” “I think,” is the best way to manage a tricky situation. For example, if you also feel like your desires are being ignored, you could say “I feel unvalued and unloved when you dismiss my wishes in preference to yours.” That’s, of course, not the whole conversation but a good start.

    Either way, if you see a behavior that upsets you, bring it up. Then, if it doesn’t change and becomes a pattern, don’t be afraid to walk away, just like the woman in this story did. You deserve better.

    The author got overwhelming support from commentators

    Share on Facebook
    Agne Steponaityte

    Agne Steponaityte

    Writer, Community member

    Read more »

    Agne Steponaityte is a writer at Bored Panda. After getting a BA Film Production degree in England, Agne moved around Europe living and writing in Lithuania, Belgium, and Portugal. Now, together with her partner and daughter, she is residing in Munich, Germany. Her favourite book is East of Eden, favourite movie – There Will Be Blood, favourite show – Succession.

    Read less »
    Agne Steponaityte

    Agne Steponaityte

    Writer, Community member

    Agne Steponaityte is a writer at Bored Panda. After getting a BA Film Production degree in England, Agne moved around Europe living and writing in Lithuania, Belgium, and Portugal. Now, together with her partner and daughter, she is residing in Munich, Germany. Her favourite book is East of Eden, favourite movie – There Will Be Blood, favourite show – Succession.

    What do you think ?
    LittleWombat
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I've been there. So glad she's ended this relationship! Glad to see someone referenced Homer Simpson getting Marge a bowling ball for her birthday, with the ball already engraved "Homer" and fit to his fingers!

    Sergio Bicerra
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Been there. My last ex couldn't understamd I didn't like celebrating my birthday, and the last straw was in 2018, I just ate, was full (got late from work, about 11) and she called me to the living room... and there were my whole family with cake and dinner. I just wanted to lay in bes and sleep after a 13 hour shift. And yes, I told her several times that day and the days before I wanted nothing

    Curry on...
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I hate surprise birthday parties. I'd rather just ignore the day.

    Load More Replies...
    ADVERTISEMENT
    H G
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    So so proud of her. I wish more women, girlfriends and partners get inspired by this brilliant example. End things earlier is better, and to not compromise one self so much for nothing. I salute you!

    Stephanie Goadsby
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Too bad she wasn't petty enough to play the long game. Take the tickets, sell or gift them away. The tickets were gifted to her after all. She's free to do with them what she will.

    Load More Replies...
    Howl's sleeping castle
    Community Member
    2 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Receiving a birthday gift marked the penultimate straw for me, the final one being the discovery of romantic texts between him and a colleague about whom he always said 'dont be an idiot , she is a pure girl and just a friend.' He had more pictures of her than me. As we were living together, I received an Amazon package addressed to me, with no gift wrap. I opened it, assuming it was from my family, only to find something I had been telling him for six years that I absolutely despise. The bill had his name so i thought maybe he bought it for someone else, because there is no way he will pick this as my gift. I called him to inform, and he confirmed that he indeed ordered it as my gift. When I asked him why he spent money on something he knew I would hate, his response was, "Buying gifts for you is a chore. Don't give me anything next time, and I won't have to do it for you." He was quite skilled at manipulation, and I reluctantly used the gift, feeling as if I were in the wrong.

    Sergio Bicerra
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That was a gift for him, obviously. I am hard to gift too, so I always say, weeks before, I DIN'T WANT NOTHING, IF YOUNGIVE ME ANYTHING IT GOES TO THE DONATION BIX. The last gift I recieved was a box of chocolates 2 months ago,... while on a diet. Smh.

    Load More Replies...
    Royal Stray
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Him being selfish about the cruise is one thing (a huge issue but not the thing I wanted to focus on) but who tf books in another trip at the same time when he knows that she already has something planned? It's incredibly manipulative, he's so obviously doing this on purpose and is just playing dumb because he got busted. That and how he picked something he obviously knew made her sick. The entire situation is actually pretty messed up.

    Hphizzle
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Counseling wouldn’t work because she was already done with the relationship. It would have money spent on him learning to accept that it was over. I wouldn’t let friends treat me like that, let alone a significant other.

    -
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The counselling suggestion can mean: "I want a trusted professional to take my side and tell you that you're wrong." I don't know if that's the case here. If the ex is sincere about changing, he'll have to do that on his own and make a real effort to do better in the next relationship.

    Load More Replies...
    J
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That was a fantastic lesson in healthy boundaries.

    Tom De Paul
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    And an even greater break from OPs that post TL;DR diatribes about how horribly they're being treated and "Oh I don't know what to do." She analyzed the situation with perfect awareness, devised the correct solution, and refused to be manipulated further. She even went back and reality-tested her evidence. With more like her, she would put therapists out of business. Hooray for her. Have fun at the Renfair.

    Load More Replies...
    Elio
    Community Member
    2 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Sounds like OP's friends and family are easily distracted by $$$. This is a good example of how you can give someone a present that seems generous because it cost money, but it's really not. I don't have f u money and my dad would probably react the same way if I bought him cruise tickets (too many plumbing disasters). A cruise is not going to be fun for anyone who gets sea sick and was planning to go to the Renaissance Fair for months instead.

    Joey Jo Jo Shabadoo
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    You just know that the ex is out there telling people that she broke up with him out of nowhere because he got her the wrong gift. He learned nothing.

    Cathy
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm all for couples therapy but only if there's something to save and when you have a long history together. 2 years is really not that long and this is something that is really hard to change.

    María Hermida
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    You can solve misunderstandings, or adjust your expectations to each other but you can't change your personality or values. If one member of the couple doesn't value the other, there's nothing to do.

    Load More Replies...
    Load More Comments
    LittleWombat
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I've been there. So glad she's ended this relationship! Glad to see someone referenced Homer Simpson getting Marge a bowling ball for her birthday, with the ball already engraved "Homer" and fit to his fingers!

    Sergio Bicerra
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Been there. My last ex couldn't understamd I didn't like celebrating my birthday, and the last straw was in 2018, I just ate, was full (got late from work, about 11) and she called me to the living room... and there were my whole family with cake and dinner. I just wanted to lay in bes and sleep after a 13 hour shift. And yes, I told her several times that day and the days before I wanted nothing

    Curry on...
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I hate surprise birthday parties. I'd rather just ignore the day.

    Load More Replies...
    ADVERTISEMENT
    H G
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    So so proud of her. I wish more women, girlfriends and partners get inspired by this brilliant example. End things earlier is better, and to not compromise one self so much for nothing. I salute you!

    Stephanie Goadsby
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Too bad she wasn't petty enough to play the long game. Take the tickets, sell or gift them away. The tickets were gifted to her after all. She's free to do with them what she will.

    Load More Replies...
    Howl's sleeping castle
    Community Member
    2 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Receiving a birthday gift marked the penultimate straw for me, the final one being the discovery of romantic texts between him and a colleague about whom he always said 'dont be an idiot , she is a pure girl and just a friend.' He had more pictures of her than me. As we were living together, I received an Amazon package addressed to me, with no gift wrap. I opened it, assuming it was from my family, only to find something I had been telling him for six years that I absolutely despise. The bill had his name so i thought maybe he bought it for someone else, because there is no way he will pick this as my gift. I called him to inform, and he confirmed that he indeed ordered it as my gift. When I asked him why he spent money on something he knew I would hate, his response was, "Buying gifts for you is a chore. Don't give me anything next time, and I won't have to do it for you." He was quite skilled at manipulation, and I reluctantly used the gift, feeling as if I were in the wrong.

    Sergio Bicerra
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That was a gift for him, obviously. I am hard to gift too, so I always say, weeks before, I DIN'T WANT NOTHING, IF YOUNGIVE ME ANYTHING IT GOES TO THE DONATION BIX. The last gift I recieved was a box of chocolates 2 months ago,... while on a diet. Smh.

    Load More Replies...
    Royal Stray
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Him being selfish about the cruise is one thing (a huge issue but not the thing I wanted to focus on) but who tf books in another trip at the same time when he knows that she already has something planned? It's incredibly manipulative, he's so obviously doing this on purpose and is just playing dumb because he got busted. That and how he picked something he obviously knew made her sick. The entire situation is actually pretty messed up.

    Hphizzle
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Counseling wouldn’t work because she was already done with the relationship. It would have money spent on him learning to accept that it was over. I wouldn’t let friends treat me like that, let alone a significant other.

    -
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The counselling suggestion can mean: "I want a trusted professional to take my side and tell you that you're wrong." I don't know if that's the case here. If the ex is sincere about changing, he'll have to do that on his own and make a real effort to do better in the next relationship.

    Load More Replies...
    J
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That was a fantastic lesson in healthy boundaries.

    Tom De Paul
    Community Member
    9 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    And an even greater break from OPs that post TL;DR diatribes about how horribly they're being treated and "Oh I don't know what to do." She analyzed the situation with perfect awareness, devised the correct solution, and refused to be manipulated further. She even went back and reality-tested her evidence. With more like her, she would put therapists out of business. Hooray for her. Have fun at the Renfair.

    Load More Replies...
    Elio
    Community Member
    2 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Sounds like OP's friends and family are easily distracted by $$$. This is a good example of how you can give someone a present that seems generous because it cost money, but it's really not. I don't have f u money and my dad would probably react the same way if I bought him cruise tickets (too many plumbing disasters). A cruise is not going to be fun for anyone who gets sea sick and was planning to go to the Renaissance Fair for months instead.

    Joey Jo Jo Shabadoo
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    You just know that the ex is out there telling people that she broke up with him out of nowhere because he got her the wrong gift. He learned nothing.

    Cathy
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm all for couples therapy but only if there's something to save and when you have a long history together. 2 years is really not that long and this is something that is really hard to change.

    María Hermida
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    You can solve misunderstandings, or adjust your expectations to each other but you can't change your personality or values. If one member of the couple doesn't value the other, there's nothing to do.

    Load More Replies...
    Load More Comments
    You May Like
    Related on Bored Panda
    Popular on Bored Panda
    Trending on Bored Panda
    Also on Bored Panda
    ADVERTISEMENT