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The Way This Guy Failed At Dirty Talk With His Girlfriend Is Making People Laugh Out Loud
Sex is one of life’s greatest pleasures. Right up there with eating a tasty meal, getting a refreshing night’s sleep, scoring a great goal, or just a nice cup of tea, the simple fulfillment of this basic human urge brings a sense of satisfaction that’s hard to beat.
However, being a complex coming together of two (or more) individuals with their own needs and expectations, sex can also be a physical and emotional minefield. One wrong slip and it can blow up in your face! (Facebook cover image: MediaProduction)
Image credits: Amy Moss (not the actual photo)
This story told on the subreddit r/tifu by anonymouslittlebitch is a good example of what not to do. To be fair to the guy, he is inexperienced and had to dive straight into the deep end: dirty talk. This is an area fraught with danger; you gotta walk a fine line between being edgy and imaginative, but be careful not to step into creepy. Creative wordplay, although funny and good for showcasing your clever wit, is probably best left for another time, too.
This killer combination of nervous naivety and copious amounts of rum was indeed a recipe for disaster. The fair maiden was left speechless, while anonymouslittlebitch’s ego, amongst other things, was swiftly deflated. Scroll down below to check out how it unfolded for yourself, and share your own stories in the comments!
Bored Panda contacted anonymouslittlebitch for an update and sadly, it’s over. “I decided to break up with her, but not necessarily over the dirty talk incident,” He told us. “I thought it’d be hilarious to show her my post and the replies, thinking she’d see my side clearer. Turns out she thought I “betrayed her trust” because I told the internet my story. It’s not like I posted her SSN and blood type.”
“As far as dirty talking goes, I’m out of the game. I’ll just slap on a snorkel next time I want to comment on something being wet. Generally, 75% of what I say is some form of wordplay or pop culture references. The other 25% is apologizing for it…”
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People reacted with laughter and empathy for the OP, while sharing their own experiences
What do you think ?
Aaron Kara 5 years ago
"Moister than a oyster" and "Slam her clam" - This is pure maritime filth and I absolutely love it. My gf will be laughing tonight...she usually is when I'm naked
Noez 5 years ago (edited)
Oh come on, that's FUNNY!!! Poor guy should not feel bad about this, this is only funny as hell! I would have laughed like a crazy person if my SO said something like that! Speaking of embarrasing sexual moments: I once had a boyfriend who thought he could turn me on buy sucking on my breasts and saying "Mommys Milk" over and over. That was a real Sahara moment there... Moister than an oyster, however, it's FKN FUNNY!!
Gracie Mae 5 years ago
If you can't laugh while having sex, you're seriously missing out on some great bonding moments!
pusheen buttercup 5 years ago
the difference between a new relationship and an old one xD you learn to appreciate/or forgive imperfection nothing about good, long lasting relationships is "always" elegant. Hell, sometimes people fart during sex. The awkward just happens XD
Taryn Wallace 5 years ago
I had a bf once that was in his late 30's NOT a virgin but not exactly a ladies man either. We were making out getting super hot and heavy and he pulled away from me and said, with a straight deathly serious face "you make my wee wee go ba-doink-a-doink" that was the last time we ever did anything. I wish I would have found it as hilarious as I do now but for some reason at that time all I could think was a full grown man calling his man part a "wee wee" just wasn't gonna work for me.
ivan bolitekurac 5 years ago
Having a sense of humor is one of the most important things,don't let anyone kill that.Moister than an oyster is something most stand up comedians would take hours to think of.
Roger Haywood 5 years ago
It wasn't really that bad. There are far worse things that could have been said. If she had got the giggles and lost the mood because of that, I would understand.
Petra Schaap 5 years ago
LOL I would die of laughter if my BF said that! and then start over again :-)
Harrison Rose 5 years ago
This is so funny! I gotta use that one sometime. If she doesn't appreciate that zinger, that's a red flag.
Bumble 5 years ago
If my boyfriend said that to me in the heat of the moment, after I had fallen over from laughing so hard, I would have loved him even more for the effort! Fair play, some people don't entertain the thought of trying something new for their partner. It will be a funny story to tell the grand kids!
Becki Errington 5 years ago
If you can’t laugh and have fun with the person (or people) you’re doing naked naughty things with, then you shouldn’t be doing naked naughty things with them! Sex is supposed to be fun, and classic slip-ups like that are perfect for creating inside jokes and special moments for just the two (or three or four or five...) of you which then makes your bond even stronger. Anyone who doesn’t get that shouldn’t get your Fish Stick, either!!
Jasmine Sunflower Laake 5 years ago
HAHAHA I would have laughed so hard if this happened to me! "Moister than an oyster"
Carolyn Aguilar Gorbea 5 years ago
I would have laughed my @ss off if my husband said this to me 😂😂😂
Bettina Jansen 5 years ago
The scene is hilarious, but posting the whole thing without consulting her first was a serious misstep.
Ann Abdelzaher 5 years ago
This would Have Absolutely cracked me and my husband both up wondering where the hell that came from... we have been together 22 years and sex can most definitely be funny :D
HoffLensMetalHedLovesAnimalsUK 5 years ago (edited)
The writer of the article thinks that sex is a pleasure as good as a nice cup of tea, either he is having rubbish sex or he knows about some secret tea that i would like a cup of please. Great article.
Amanda Ferraz 5 years ago
Man, this is amazing! I really don't get why she didn't like it! Unless she's (only) into hardcore dirty talking, I don't understand... I'm more for rough, but fun has its place,
King Panda 5 years ago
Yes, we contact them and interview them. If anyone has a problem with us posting their stories - we remove these stories. Also, we saw that Reddit thread where some Redditors were annoyed with us using their content. However, we had the permission and even an interview from the author himself. That being said, most Redditors don't ask for permission to post images, not to mention the screenshots from Twitter and Facebook they share everyday.
Load More Replies...
Nosfentor 5 years ago
Especially you, because you are stupid and ignorant.
Load More Replies... Aaron Kara 5 years ago
"Moister than a oyster" and "Slam her clam" - This is pure maritime filth and I absolutely love it. My gf will be laughing tonight...she usually is when I'm naked
Noez 5 years ago (edited)
Oh come on, that's FUNNY!!! Poor guy should not feel bad about this, this is only funny as hell! I would have laughed like a crazy person if my SO said something like that! Speaking of embarrasing sexual moments: I once had a boyfriend who thought he could turn me on buy sucking on my breasts and saying "Mommys Milk" over and over. That was a real Sahara moment there... Moister than an oyster, however, it's FKN FUNNY!!
Gracie Mae 5 years ago
If you can't laugh while having sex, you're seriously missing out on some great bonding moments!
pusheen buttercup 5 years ago
the difference between a new relationship and an old one xD you learn to appreciate/or forgive imperfection nothing about good, long lasting relationships is "always" elegant. Hell, sometimes people fart during sex. The awkward just happens XD
Taryn Wallace 5 years ago
I had a bf once that was in his late 30's NOT a virgin but not exactly a ladies man either. We were making out getting super hot and heavy and he pulled away from me and said, with a straight deathly serious face "you make my wee wee go ba-doink-a-doink" that was the last time we ever did anything. I wish I would have found it as hilarious as I do now but for some reason at that time all I could think was a full grown man calling his man part a "wee wee" just wasn't gonna work for me.
ivan bolitekurac 5 years ago
Having a sense of humor is one of the most important things,don't let anyone kill that.Moister than an oyster is something most stand up comedians would take hours to think of.
Roger Haywood 5 years ago
It wasn't really that bad. There are far worse things that could have been said. If she had got the giggles and lost the mood because of that, I would understand.
Petra Schaap 5 years ago
LOL I would die of laughter if my BF said that! and then start over again :-)
Harrison Rose 5 years ago
This is so funny! I gotta use that one sometime. If she doesn't appreciate that zinger, that's a red flag.
Bumble 5 years ago
If my boyfriend said that to me in the heat of the moment, after I had fallen over from laughing so hard, I would have loved him even more for the effort! Fair play, some people don't entertain the thought of trying something new for their partner. It will be a funny story to tell the grand kids!
Becki Errington 5 years ago
If you can’t laugh and have fun with the person (or people) you’re doing naked naughty things with, then you shouldn’t be doing naked naughty things with them! Sex is supposed to be fun, and classic slip-ups like that are perfect for creating inside jokes and special moments for just the two (or three or four or five...) of you which then makes your bond even stronger. Anyone who doesn’t get that shouldn’t get your Fish Stick, either!!
Jasmine Sunflower Laake 5 years ago
HAHAHA I would have laughed so hard if this happened to me! "Moister than an oyster"
Carolyn Aguilar Gorbea 5 years ago
I would have laughed my @ss off if my husband said this to me 😂😂😂
Bettina Jansen 5 years ago
The scene is hilarious, but posting the whole thing without consulting her first was a serious misstep.
Ann Abdelzaher 5 years ago
This would Have Absolutely cracked me and my husband both up wondering where the hell that came from... we have been together 22 years and sex can most definitely be funny :D
HoffLensMetalHedLovesAnimalsUK 5 years ago (edited)
The writer of the article thinks that sex is a pleasure as good as a nice cup of tea, either he is having rubbish sex or he knows about some secret tea that i would like a cup of please. Great article.
Amanda Ferraz 5 years ago
Man, this is amazing! I really don't get why she didn't like it! Unless she's (only) into hardcore dirty talking, I don't understand... I'm more for rough, but fun has its place,
King Panda 5 years ago
Yes, we contact them and interview them. If anyone has a problem with us posting their stories - we remove these stories. Also, we saw that Reddit thread where some Redditors were annoyed with us using their content. However, we had the permission and even an interview from the author himself. That being said, most Redditors don't ask for permission to post images, not to mention the screenshots from Twitter and Facebook they share everyday.
Load More Replies... Nosfentor 5 years ago
Especially you, because you are stupid and ignorant.
Load More Replies... Related on Bored Panda
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