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Widowed BF Keeps GF Away From His Home For 6 Months, Always Has Weird Excuses, She Gets Suspicious
We all have secrets, but when you’ve been going out with someone for a while, there comes a time when you have to start opening up about those secrets. My therapist says that being vulnerable and sharing things is an important aspect for a relationship to move forward.
Just take the example of the original poster (OP) who is annoyed that her boyfriend of 6 months absolutely refuses to let her in his house. She keeps wondering the reason why as he always comes up with lame excuses to avoid it, and even netizens are highly confused about his secret!
More info: Mumsnet
RELATED:
When a relationship progresses, you have to let the person in and start sharing things; otherwise, it might not work out
Image credits: alexeyzhilkin / Freepik (not the actual photo)
For the last 6 months, the poster has been with a guy who was widowed 10 years ago, and he has a 35-year-old daughter who lives with him
Image credits: Swimminglikeaswan
Image credits: EyeEm / Freepik (not the actual photo)
They spend five nights together per week, but it’s always at her place as he never lets her visit his house, even though she has waited outside in the car
Image credits: Swimminglikeaswan
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
She is not able to understand why because whenever she confronts him about it, he comes up with a lame excuse
Image credits: Swimminglikeaswan
This is really bothering her as she expects more transparency from him after dating for 6 months, so she might consider a break from him
Today, we are going to dive into quite a strange story that left netizens scratching their heads with confusion after OP’s boyfriend refused to let her visit his home. She tells us that they have been going out for 6 months and she finds him lovely.
His backstory is that he was widowed 10 years ago and now lives with his daughter who is 35 years old. The poster adds that the daughter doesn’t contribute to anything in the house and has no intention of leaving the nest. Furthermore, she has also been standoffish when the poster has tried to be friendly with her; however, OP does get along with his elder daughter.
Now, it all sounds fine, but the big problem pops up when the couple spends time together, which is five nights a week, and it’s always at her place. There have been times when she has waited outside his house in the car, but she’s never been invited inside.
Whenever she brings up the topic, he always has an excuse up his sleeve that the house is messy or he’s decorating so that it will be nice when she comes to visit, blah, blah, blah. It honestly sounds very suspicious, doesn’t it? It’s only natural for the poster to feel confused about the whole thing because this is definitely not normal behavior.
She says that the outside seems fine, so she can’t imagine the inside being bad either. Plus, his family knows her, so she has ruled out the possibility that there’s someone else, and all she can think of is that it’s probably a “marriage” shrine. She’s also tired of always hosting him and is really considering whether it’s worth it or if she should take a break from him.
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Many folks found the guy very suspicious and they couldn’t really wrap their heads around his strange behavior. Some even said that it was unfair how the poster always ended up hosting him, and honestly, we agree with them because hosting involves spending money and she mentions that he only helps occasionally.
According to Statista, “In October 2024, prices had increased by 2.6 percent compared to October 2023 according to the 12-month percentage change in the consumer price index—the monthly inflation rate for goods and services in the United States.” With inflation on the rise, I definitely wouldn’t want to be a host all the time.
Some pointed out that the guy’s house could actually be a shrine to his ex-wife that he didn’t want her to see, while some even expressed that it could be some other creepy thing that they couldn’t even think of. A few claimed that it could be because his daughter didn’t like her, so he refused to let her in.
Others were offended by how OP called her the “third wheel” and said that it was unfair of her to expect things to move so quickly in a 6-month-old relationship. They said that the daughter had lost her mother and the poster didn’t get to decide whether she “flew the nest” or not.
Research says that grief most often gets less intense over time, but the sense of loss can last for decades, and certain events, mementos or memories can bring back strong emotions that usually last for a short time. Netizens said that the loss might still be affecting the daughter, so she was living with her father.
Some even questioned whether the poster wanted such a complicated and strange relationship, and said that a break might actually work, while a few suggested that she give an ultimatum to the guy. However, ultimatums are never a good sign in a relationship, are they?
What do you think the poster should do about it? Feel free to express yourself in the comments!
Folks were equally confused by his behavior and suggested quite a few thought-provoking things, including the fact that his house might be a “shrine to his ex”
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What do you think ?
Debbie 1 week ago
I think it's a hoarders house. That can still be clean on the outside but horrible on the inside. Or he just uses her for pleasure (both as a hotel, and for physical pleasure) and is not interested in getting emotionally invested. To the daughter, she might be just another of her dad's line of girlfriends. She should ask him if he is ashamed of his house. Why isn't she invited in. Tell him he is hiding part of his life from her and she feels she can't trust him because of this.
Ms.GB 1 week ago (edited)
That's the first thing that came to my mind. I had a friend in hs who lived in a hoarder house. I didn't even know what a hoarder was so the first time I went over I started trying to kinda straighten things up so we had a space to do homework. Nothing much but I was just throwing some trash out and stacking some things and her mom kinda freaked out. I was really confused.
Load More Replies...
UpupaEpops 1 week ago
Or the house isn't actually in his name. He wouldn't be the first man to pretend he owns the house he lives in. Maybe it's actually the daughter's and she doesn't want OP around.
Helen Rohrlach 5 days ago
Same thing I'm thinking. Daughter doesn't want daddy's girlfriend over.
Load More Replies...
WonderWoman 1 week ago
6 months in and he spends 5/7 days at your place but never hosts? Girl - run.
Libstak 1 week ago
It may not be his house at all. He could be living with the daughter in her home because he either lost his assets or never accumulated any. Daughter may want her own space but in return for him living there she has him doing chores on the weekend in lieu of rent as he doesn't have the means to support himself...
The Starsong Princess 1 week ago
He lives at yours the majority of the time but doesn’t pay rent or utilities or groceries and presumably doesn’t do housework. He’s also able to provide a home for his daughter without her underfoot at no extra cost. Things are really working out for him. My guess is he or the daughter is a hoarder. Anyway, cut this one loose.
Abner_Mality 1 week ago
Certainly more to the story than he's letting on... Yeah, maybe hoarder, but maybe his wife is still alive, "living" at home but infirmed (dementia, stroke, etc.)? The two firm days might be the caregiver's days off?
Nils Skirnir 1 week ago
Just as worrying is that he has two firm days that he WON’T go to OP’s place.
Robert T 1 week ago
Grief affects different people in different ways. When I lost my wife, I kept a lot of her things for a while, before I finally plucked up the courage to get rid of all but the most sentimental of items. I was wary of what my new gf would think and also worried she might try to get me to get rid of things before I was ready. My wife's parent's on the other hand left her room as it was, almost like a shrine. It needn't be the father the wants to keep things either, it could easily be the daughter who doesn't want to let go. And yes, she is a third wheel if she doesn't want to let her dad move on with his life. At 35 she really should be thinking of giving him his own space and wanting some of her own.
painttheyellowsubgreen 1 week ago
So interesting that you say that. I went to a different place as the reason he won't let her in. And I'm a little disturbed at myself for even thinking it, but.... Anyone else thinking he and the daughter do a little bit more than just "cohabitate"?
Load More Replies...
Captain Grump 1 week ago (edited)
OP describes the daughter as a freeloading third wheel, wants her out of the picture, then is confused as to why said daughter is "stand-offish", and why the father is hesitant to have them hanging around the house together. The only mystery here is why the father/boyfriend is wasting his time with this woman. And for those saying he's using her - that cuts two ways. She clearly has grand plans for marriage and a shared house in her head, and there's a lot of good reasons why older (60+) folks are very hesitant to start a new marriage.
Tyranamar Suess 1 week ago
I'm going with the guy or his daughter is a hoarder. And/or, maybe the daughter has some type of mental illness that reflects in the house some way. Like super messy. Or OCD.
Sand Ers 1 week ago
It's impressive how many people have made excuses for his deeply bizarre behavior. And projected an impressive level of assumptions onto her completely reasonable confusion and questions. It's not like he "doesn't have her around much". It's been six months, and she has been to his house multiple times but is never allowed inside. He's de facto living in her house and sponging off her income. The reasons don't matter. He's a leach, a liar, and a loser. She should kick him to the kerb and find a grownup to date.
Yu Pan 1 week ago
Op: "He treats me well in all other ways". Also Op: "He contributes nothing other than the odd night out and help out with a couple of jobs here". It's funny how the initial posts are always, "he treats me well! He's perfect other than X", and then the subsequent posts changed the tune, "no actually he's did this and that and I feel like a fool." Please keep a critical eye when dating.
Traveling Lady Railfan 5 days ago
I have a question. You say that he was widowed 10 years ago, but are you his first real relationship in all that time or has he dated women since losing his wife? Because even though it's been 10 years, if you're the first romantic relationship that he's had, It could be very difficult for him to get close to you, to invite you back to the house, especially if in all that time him and his daughter hasn't gotten rid of the wife's influence in the house. Her decorating, her clothing, her photos...things like that. The house doesn't have to be a shrine to her, but maybe they just have been more comfortable leaving it exactly the way it was. And they're not comfortable with allowing an outsider in. Whenever you date a widow/widower you need to know that almost always, it's a threesome. The deceased spouse is always still in the relationship. I say this as a widow.
Gwyn 1 week ago
He's not ready maybe? It's only been 6 months, not enough time to really get to know someone especially if you are going to blend families. Why should he kick his daughter out when he isn't sure this is will last? Maybe his daughter and he have a really good arrangement and he's hesitant to ruin it.
sturmwesen 1 week ago
My money would be on the one daughter being controlling and being against the relationship...just a guess though
Kristy Blatter 4 days ago
Someone inferred that OP thinks the daughter is the 3rd wheel, and then proceded to call OP the third wheel. IMHO, OP was considering the HOUSE the third wheel.
The Pretenders 5 days ago
His 35 yr old daughter lives with him. She wears the pants in that house and what she says goes. Her father has no spine.
Deborah B 5 days ago
There are lots of reasons to spend time at her house, rather than his - many to do with his daughter. Not lettinging her see inside the house at all suggests there's really something he feels he has to hide from her as well. There needs to be a serious conversation about the concerns that his behaviour has raised, and an ultimatum that she sees what's going on, or they're done. There are just too many bad reasons why someone doesn't let outsiders see inside their home, and most explanations are likely relationship dealbreakers. It could be a grow house, or a puppy mill, hoarding, shrine, criminal activity, etc. There are very few reasonable explanations at this point.
Joshua David 5 days ago
YTA!! Considering you dogged his daughter pretty quickly I'm inclined to believe you're the problem in all this. How about respecting his wishes for now and try to enjoy yourselves. If things become more serious, you can perhaps start looking for something together then?
arthbach 1 week ago
KatSaidWhat , yes, you are wrong. The way it works is a person reads the article, and then comments on it. The way it doesn't work is when people just comment without reading.
Load More Replies... Debbie 1 week ago
I think it's a hoarders house. That can still be clean on the outside but horrible on the inside. Or he just uses her for pleasure (both as a hotel, and for physical pleasure) and is not interested in getting emotionally invested. To the daughter, she might be just another of her dad's line of girlfriends. She should ask him if he is ashamed of his house. Why isn't she invited in. Tell him he is hiding part of his life from her and she feels she can't trust him because of this.
Ms.GB 1 week ago (edited)
That's the first thing that came to my mind. I had a friend in hs who lived in a hoarder house. I didn't even know what a hoarder was so the first time I went over I started trying to kinda straighten things up so we had a space to do homework. Nothing much but I was just throwing some trash out and stacking some things and her mom kinda freaked out. I was really confused.
Load More Replies... UpupaEpops 1 week ago
Or the house isn't actually in his name. He wouldn't be the first man to pretend he owns the house he lives in. Maybe it's actually the daughter's and she doesn't want OP around.
Helen Rohrlach 5 days ago
Same thing I'm thinking. Daughter doesn't want daddy's girlfriend over.
Load More Replies... WonderWoman 1 week ago
6 months in and he spends 5/7 days at your place but never hosts? Girl - run.
Libstak 1 week ago
It may not be his house at all. He could be living with the daughter in her home because he either lost his assets or never accumulated any. Daughter may want her own space but in return for him living there she has him doing chores on the weekend in lieu of rent as he doesn't have the means to support himself...
The Starsong Princess 1 week ago
He lives at yours the majority of the time but doesn’t pay rent or utilities or groceries and presumably doesn’t do housework. He’s also able to provide a home for his daughter without her underfoot at no extra cost. Things are really working out for him. My guess is he or the daughter is a hoarder. Anyway, cut this one loose.
Abner_Mality 1 week ago
Certainly more to the story than he's letting on... Yeah, maybe hoarder, but maybe his wife is still alive, "living" at home but infirmed (dementia, stroke, etc.)? The two firm days might be the caregiver's days off?
Nils Skirnir 1 week ago
Just as worrying is that he has two firm days that he WON’T go to OP’s place.
Robert T 1 week ago
Grief affects different people in different ways. When I lost my wife, I kept a lot of her things for a while, before I finally plucked up the courage to get rid of all but the most sentimental of items. I was wary of what my new gf would think and also worried she might try to get me to get rid of things before I was ready. My wife's parent's on the other hand left her room as it was, almost like a shrine. It needn't be the father the wants to keep things either, it could easily be the daughter who doesn't want to let go. And yes, she is a third wheel if she doesn't want to let her dad move on with his life. At 35 she really should be thinking of giving him his own space and wanting some of her own.
painttheyellowsubgreen 1 week ago
So interesting that you say that. I went to a different place as the reason he won't let her in. And I'm a little disturbed at myself for even thinking it, but.... Anyone else thinking he and the daughter do a little bit more than just "cohabitate"?
Load More Replies... Captain Grump 1 week ago (edited)
OP describes the daughter as a freeloading third wheel, wants her out of the picture, then is confused as to why said daughter is "stand-offish", and why the father is hesitant to have them hanging around the house together. The only mystery here is why the father/boyfriend is wasting his time with this woman. And for those saying he's using her - that cuts two ways. She clearly has grand plans for marriage and a shared house in her head, and there's a lot of good reasons why older (60+) folks are very hesitant to start a new marriage.
Tyranamar Suess 1 week ago
I'm going with the guy or his daughter is a hoarder. And/or, maybe the daughter has some type of mental illness that reflects in the house some way. Like super messy. Or OCD.
Sand Ers 1 week ago
It's impressive how many people have made excuses for his deeply bizarre behavior. And projected an impressive level of assumptions onto her completely reasonable confusion and questions. It's not like he "doesn't have her around much". It's been six months, and she has been to his house multiple times but is never allowed inside. He's de facto living in her house and sponging off her income. The reasons don't matter. He's a leach, a liar, and a loser. She should kick him to the kerb and find a grownup to date.
Yu Pan 1 week ago
Op: "He treats me well in all other ways". Also Op: "He contributes nothing other than the odd night out and help out with a couple of jobs here". It's funny how the initial posts are always, "he treats me well! He's perfect other than X", and then the subsequent posts changed the tune, "no actually he's did this and that and I feel like a fool." Please keep a critical eye when dating.
Traveling Lady Railfan 5 days ago
I have a question. You say that he was widowed 10 years ago, but are you his first real relationship in all that time or has he dated women since losing his wife? Because even though it's been 10 years, if you're the first romantic relationship that he's had, It could be very difficult for him to get close to you, to invite you back to the house, especially if in all that time him and his daughter hasn't gotten rid of the wife's influence in the house. Her decorating, her clothing, her photos...things like that. The house doesn't have to be a shrine to her, but maybe they just have been more comfortable leaving it exactly the way it was. And they're not comfortable with allowing an outsider in. Whenever you date a widow/widower you need to know that almost always, it's a threesome. The deceased spouse is always still in the relationship. I say this as a widow.
Gwyn 1 week ago
He's not ready maybe? It's only been 6 months, not enough time to really get to know someone especially if you are going to blend families. Why should he kick his daughter out when he isn't sure this is will last? Maybe his daughter and he have a really good arrangement and he's hesitant to ruin it.
sturmwesen 1 week ago
My money would be on the one daughter being controlling and being against the relationship...just a guess though
Kristy Blatter 4 days ago
Someone inferred that OP thinks the daughter is the 3rd wheel, and then proceded to call OP the third wheel. IMHO, OP was considering the HOUSE the third wheel.
The Pretenders 5 days ago
His 35 yr old daughter lives with him. She wears the pants in that house and what she says goes. Her father has no spine.
Deborah B 5 days ago
There are lots of reasons to spend time at her house, rather than his - many to do with his daughter. Not lettinging her see inside the house at all suggests there's really something he feels he has to hide from her as well. There needs to be a serious conversation about the concerns that his behaviour has raised, and an ultimatum that she sees what's going on, or they're done. There are just too many bad reasons why someone doesn't let outsiders see inside their home, and most explanations are likely relationship dealbreakers. It could be a grow house, or a puppy mill, hoarding, shrine, criminal activity, etc. There are very few reasonable explanations at this point.
Joshua David 5 days ago
YTA!! Considering you dogged his daughter pretty quickly I'm inclined to believe you're the problem in all this. How about respecting his wishes for now and try to enjoy yourselves. If things become more serious, you can perhaps start looking for something together then?
arthbach 1 week ago
KatSaidWhat , yes, you are wrong. The way it works is a person reads the article, and then comments on it. The way it doesn't work is when people just comment without reading.
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