“Go To Hell”: MIL Declares Herself “The Only Grandma,” Is Shocked When No One Laughs
Family dinners are unpredictable. One moment you’re enjoying a nice homemade meal, and the next—someone shares their unfiltered thoughts that make you think you wouldn’t even be there if you weren’t related.
Recently, a Reddit user vented on the platform about a particularly hurtful exchange with her mother-in-law. The lady, after learning that her son and his wife were expecting a baby, thought it was ok to toast to the fact that she was going to be the only grandma.
Her daughter-in-law, who was still mourning her own mother, found the comment deeply insensitive and couldn’t hold back her emotions.
When couples expect a baby, their families rally together to offer support and share in the excitement
Image credits: freepik (not the actual photo)
But for this mom-to-be, bringing her in-laws along for the ride meant enduring insensitive comments and thoughtless behavior
Image credits: prostooleh (not the actual photo)
Image credits: gpointstudio (not the actual photo)
Later, the woman shared an update on the conflict
Image credits: EyeEm (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Drazen Zigic (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Throwaway-97252801
The mother-in-law seems to be unaware of just how big of a hole losing people can leave in our identity
Image credits: Getty Images (not the actual photo)
Insults aside, the lady was apparently trying say that time heals all wounds, but that’s a blanket statement and isn’t necessarily the best way to help someone cope with their loss.
“When my father died, well-meaning, compassionate friends said to my mother that with enough time, she would get over the loss of my father, someone with whom she had spent almost every day since they were married,” writes Dr. Stan Goldberg, a professor emeritus at San Francisco State University, who for more than 25 years taught, provided therapy, researched, and published in the areas of learning problems, communication disorders, loss, change, and end-of-life issues.
“It was advice commonly given and found in many counseling approaches, where the ‘time heals’ mantra is repeated. My mother’s response was prophetic: ‘There isn’t enough time in the universe for me to get over his death.'”
“So, what creates grief associated with a change in identity? What ties the loss so intensely to us that we are immobilized when we think about its absence? The loss of the emotion it generated. We get enjoyment and fulfillment not from the thing, activity, or person itself but from the emotions it once stirred in us.”
Simply put, the greater the attachment, the greater the wound. Even though losing a loved one hurts and can evoke anger, frustration, and sadness, our natural feelings are meant to be experienced. This is normal, and denying these reactions does not invite peace.
People often work through grief and trauma by telling their stories over and over again. Unless you are asked for your advice, don’t be quick to offer it.
Pretty much everyone who read her story said the daughter-in-law did nothing wrong
Op you do not need to make this a throwaway account. Let your husband see just how the whole reddit community think of him.
Absolutely! He needs to know he's *wrong* not to support his pregnant wife over his b**ch-a** mom.
Load More Replies...You need to know that the first year after losing one of the most important people in your life is hard for a million reasons. (First birthday first Christmas first every other holiday that they're not there) But the second year isn't much better either because everyone else thinks that you should have "moved on by now" which is ridiculous because she's your mom. It'll never stop hurting that she's gone and you'll always be sad that she never got to see her grandchild. Mother-in-law's joke was flat ("I'll be the favorite that's because I'm the only") and insensitive. "This is YOUR fault because you're still upset nearly a year later?" How would she feel of her kid died? Do you think that she'd be over it a year later? She wouldn't. She would hold this pain in her heart forever. And you will too. But, new love will temper the pain. With time, it won't hurt so much anymore. Right now it hurts extra because it feels like your mom's memory is being disrespected. This is not your fault.
I totally agree with you! My mom passed away 9 years ago, and I still have my moments were it is really painful that she's not here.
Load More Replies...A joke is funny. That wasn't a joke. People really need to stop veiling insults as "jokes." If the person the joke is about isn't laughing, it's not a joke.
Even if there are no bad intentions (arguable), if you clearly hurt someone it doesn't really matter if you were joking or not.
Load More Replies...It irks me no end when the hurt party is told to do X to "keep the peace." They *cannot* keep the peace, because they are not the one who is breaking it. It's just another way to say, "Please be a doormat so I don't have to deal with so-and-so's drama."
I've always said bullies count on people turning the other cheek, because it means they face no consequences, and that is tacit approval to continue being bullies.
Load More Replies...Wow--how are people this insensitive? Her mom passed one year ago. That is not a long time. A child lost her parent. That hurts at any age, but she is still very young. My husband lost both of his parents when we were in our early 30s and it was rough. It isn't something you ever get over. And you certainly aren't over it within a year. Add to that the fact that she is pregnant--a milestone most people want to share with their mom. She's probably a little scared since it is her first pregnancy--and she probably really needs her mom. To say something so disgusting and then to add on by saying she should be over it by now and that her grief is a burden. It is terrible that her husband is taking his mom's side.
OP’s husband doesn’t “want to get caught in the middle”? Excuse me, buddy-ro, but when you married OP in spite of the way your mother treats her, your place automatically moved to the middle. It’s your JOB now to stay firmly in the middle and be the gatekeeper for your little family, with your side of the family. OP is supposed to do the same for you with her side. You’re no longer mommy’s little boy, you are your wife’s husband, and she and your children, hell even your pets, are your priority now. So tell your mother to go suck rocks and, if she doesn’t immediately and permanently straighten her act out, your child will only have one grandmother—-the one who unexpectedly died a year ago.
Mom died in 1993. A comment like your MIL's would still be extremely insensitive and cruel. Yes, old wounds heal, but cutting the old wound makes it bleed. Shame on MIL and your husband!
I love that she chose to name the kid after HER mother, and I hope the evil MIL takes it as the slap in the face she deserves.
That was a B***H move on the MIL's part, the husband is a jerk for not sticking up for his wife shutting Mommy down and the old bat would have limited access to the baby and never be alone with it.
Kind of sounds like it actually. It may also be a signal that the relations between the two were somehow strained.
Load More Replies...You are owed an apology. You mil is a disgusting person. And your husband needs to grow a pair and back his wife!!! Hope mil doesn't get involved in Veronica's life.
Awful, just awful. There’s a common theme with these stories that “overreacting” is treated like a capitol crime. I’ve noticed this trend in real life too. When you say something hurtful, there is a chance you will get a big reaction. It doesn’t cancel out the hurt. APOLOGIZE. None of this fake apologizing, then taking it back like MIL did.
OP's instincts are right on. Sh and her sister will make great parents. Divorce that mama's boy now.
I can't begin to imagine what it would be like after a year. My wife has been gone for just two weeks...
I think time feels like it moves at a much different pace when we're dealing with such deep grief. It moves like cold honey, sluggish and slow, but with no sweetness at all. It feels like you'll never feel anything but loss. It sounds trite, but it will get better. Just focus on getting through the day before you, one small step at a time.
Load More Replies...That Monster-in-Law is a nasty piece of work. The sad part? The apple doesn't fall too far from the tree. That biatch knew full well that what she said wasn't a joke. Judging by the ensuing, awkward silence that followed, so did everyone else, even that walking excelsior posing as a husband. In OP'S shoes, I would have reacted the same way. She was right in staying with her friend; otherwise, Mother and Son most likely would have tag-teamed her and demanded that she apologize for "overreacting." OP should contact a lawyer and serve that "man" divorce papers, having him communicate through attorneys only. Oh, and as the piece de résistance, inform him that neither he nor his mother will be allowed in the hospital when it's time to give birth, the baby's name is now Rosie, and she will be seeking full custody, with extremely limited visitation rights.
This might actually bring him to his senses, or he may double down. But hitting him with the very real possibility of the demise of his marriage might be the jolt he needs to retrieve his balls from his mother's purse and start acting like a HUSBAND, a PARTNER, and a FATHER, not a grade-A àsshole.
Load More Replies...Fffuuuuuuuuccccckkkkk ttttthhhhhhaaaaattt biiiiiiiiiiiittttttttch! My mom died when I was 14 (two days after my birthday actually) and even though it's been decades, it still makes me sad. I have a daughter who is almost 18 and kind of looks like my mom. I often think about how much my mom would have loved her and that she missed out on having her as a grandma. If my MIL had said something like that (no way she ever would and my wife would never stand for that)... without an immediate full-throated apology, I doubt I would ever forgive her. The last thing I would ever say to her is "Well, I guess she doesn't have any grandmothers."
An unpopular view but she's not wrong, she is the only grandmother, the daughter will grow up knowing only one grandmother as painful as it is it's not worth falling out over. I might not like the comment I might feel it's insensitive but I wouldn't allow it to cause issues I certainly would not need to run to social media to validate what is an overreaction
I could have been swayed to be on MIL side right up until she doubled down and didn't fall on herself apologizing for saying something so incredibly stupid and hurtful. Makes me think MIL hadn't misspoke, but was in fact saying what she really felt. That b!tch would never be alone with my child.
MIL is major AH. Grief takes time. Some people adapt to a a loss more quickly than others. It has been many, many years since I lost the last of my loved ones, and sometimes, after a decade or more, something acts like a trigger and my heart breaks again. A year is not a long time when you've lost someone as important as your mother. If your husband is not on board with what you're feeling, if he's supporting his mom, than they both need some help. And MIL being afraid that you'll name your daughter after your mom? When that is a wonderful tribute? I see red flags all over the place.
I lost my mom in sept this year. Fast a too soon even though she was 84. Still grieving and it's surreal to not have her around. Now I'm past the age of having kids but still think this mil is way too self centered. Maybe ask how she handled the loss of her mother. How it felt to her an how hurt inside she had been an if it's ok to just think someone else could get over it. To claim to be the ill boy grandmother an basically claiming the kid is named after her is really rude. I mean unless op had said she was naming the baby that then maybe it's both the grand mother's names for her. Idk. But that husband needs to put his wife an her baby first over the parents in this mess. Loss is painful. I didn't grieve my dad he was a pos. But my mom was my best friend an only friend. Over my sister an brother I don't think I'll grieve another as I am her.
It is a deeply hurtful "joke". I would explain to your husband that the difference between this and the popular "favourite niece (because only niece, haha)" jokes is that NO ONE DIED for the niece to be an only niece. Just in case he truly didn't understand, and that's why the rest of society is so horrified.
'Overreacting' as in more than usual, being in mourning and pregnant, not as in more than appropriate. Such a sad story, this one.
There is a small part of me that feels some sort of empathy for the boy here - he didn't have a positive male role model growing up, mum has always been everything to him, and he's perhaps inadvertently got himself in to a situation that he's no idea how to handle and isn't mentally equipped to deal with. That said, he's not the one with a baby growing inside him, and it isn't *that* hard to figure out. I had zero "parental influence" from either side (but if you happen to know who either one of them is, tell them I said hi) and I am a long way from being a "perfect" husband of father - but if Mrs Sharpe says something you don't like, even if it's entirely wrong and unjustified, you'll sit there and tell her thank you for giving you so much attention - and if you don't agree that she's correct and you're an idiot for even thinking otherwise, I will improve your attitude in the blink of an eye. Even if she says the sky is green and the grass is blue I'll back her 100%, because what else is she meant to do.. phone her husband to stick up for her instead? The boy needs to make his mind up no matter how difficult it might be forr him - and if you've put a ring on her finger, your name on her ID, and a baby inside her you're way past the point where you're feelings come first.
Op you do not need to make this a throwaway account. Let your husband see just how the whole reddit community think of him.
Absolutely! He needs to know he's *wrong* not to support his pregnant wife over his b**ch-a** mom.
Load More Replies...You need to know that the first year after losing one of the most important people in your life is hard for a million reasons. (First birthday first Christmas first every other holiday that they're not there) But the second year isn't much better either because everyone else thinks that you should have "moved on by now" which is ridiculous because she's your mom. It'll never stop hurting that she's gone and you'll always be sad that she never got to see her grandchild. Mother-in-law's joke was flat ("I'll be the favorite that's because I'm the only") and insensitive. "This is YOUR fault because you're still upset nearly a year later?" How would she feel of her kid died? Do you think that she'd be over it a year later? She wouldn't. She would hold this pain in her heart forever. And you will too. But, new love will temper the pain. With time, it won't hurt so much anymore. Right now it hurts extra because it feels like your mom's memory is being disrespected. This is not your fault.
I totally agree with you! My mom passed away 9 years ago, and I still have my moments were it is really painful that she's not here.
Load More Replies...A joke is funny. That wasn't a joke. People really need to stop veiling insults as "jokes." If the person the joke is about isn't laughing, it's not a joke.
Even if there are no bad intentions (arguable), if you clearly hurt someone it doesn't really matter if you were joking or not.
Load More Replies...It irks me no end when the hurt party is told to do X to "keep the peace." They *cannot* keep the peace, because they are not the one who is breaking it. It's just another way to say, "Please be a doormat so I don't have to deal with so-and-so's drama."
I've always said bullies count on people turning the other cheek, because it means they face no consequences, and that is tacit approval to continue being bullies.
Load More Replies...Wow--how are people this insensitive? Her mom passed one year ago. That is not a long time. A child lost her parent. That hurts at any age, but she is still very young. My husband lost both of his parents when we were in our early 30s and it was rough. It isn't something you ever get over. And you certainly aren't over it within a year. Add to that the fact that she is pregnant--a milestone most people want to share with their mom. She's probably a little scared since it is her first pregnancy--and she probably really needs her mom. To say something so disgusting and then to add on by saying she should be over it by now and that her grief is a burden. It is terrible that her husband is taking his mom's side.
OP’s husband doesn’t “want to get caught in the middle”? Excuse me, buddy-ro, but when you married OP in spite of the way your mother treats her, your place automatically moved to the middle. It’s your JOB now to stay firmly in the middle and be the gatekeeper for your little family, with your side of the family. OP is supposed to do the same for you with her side. You’re no longer mommy’s little boy, you are your wife’s husband, and she and your children, hell even your pets, are your priority now. So tell your mother to go suck rocks and, if she doesn’t immediately and permanently straighten her act out, your child will only have one grandmother—-the one who unexpectedly died a year ago.
Mom died in 1993. A comment like your MIL's would still be extremely insensitive and cruel. Yes, old wounds heal, but cutting the old wound makes it bleed. Shame on MIL and your husband!
I love that she chose to name the kid after HER mother, and I hope the evil MIL takes it as the slap in the face she deserves.
That was a B***H move on the MIL's part, the husband is a jerk for not sticking up for his wife shutting Mommy down and the old bat would have limited access to the baby and never be alone with it.
Kind of sounds like it actually. It may also be a signal that the relations between the two were somehow strained.
Load More Replies...You are owed an apology. You mil is a disgusting person. And your husband needs to grow a pair and back his wife!!! Hope mil doesn't get involved in Veronica's life.
Awful, just awful. There’s a common theme with these stories that “overreacting” is treated like a capitol crime. I’ve noticed this trend in real life too. When you say something hurtful, there is a chance you will get a big reaction. It doesn’t cancel out the hurt. APOLOGIZE. None of this fake apologizing, then taking it back like MIL did.
OP's instincts are right on. Sh and her sister will make great parents. Divorce that mama's boy now.
I can't begin to imagine what it would be like after a year. My wife has been gone for just two weeks...
I think time feels like it moves at a much different pace when we're dealing with such deep grief. It moves like cold honey, sluggish and slow, but with no sweetness at all. It feels like you'll never feel anything but loss. It sounds trite, but it will get better. Just focus on getting through the day before you, one small step at a time.
Load More Replies...That Monster-in-Law is a nasty piece of work. The sad part? The apple doesn't fall too far from the tree. That biatch knew full well that what she said wasn't a joke. Judging by the ensuing, awkward silence that followed, so did everyone else, even that walking excelsior posing as a husband. In OP'S shoes, I would have reacted the same way. She was right in staying with her friend; otherwise, Mother and Son most likely would have tag-teamed her and demanded that she apologize for "overreacting." OP should contact a lawyer and serve that "man" divorce papers, having him communicate through attorneys only. Oh, and as the piece de résistance, inform him that neither he nor his mother will be allowed in the hospital when it's time to give birth, the baby's name is now Rosie, and she will be seeking full custody, with extremely limited visitation rights.
This might actually bring him to his senses, or he may double down. But hitting him with the very real possibility of the demise of his marriage might be the jolt he needs to retrieve his balls from his mother's purse and start acting like a HUSBAND, a PARTNER, and a FATHER, not a grade-A àsshole.
Load More Replies...Fffuuuuuuuuccccckkkkk ttttthhhhhhaaaaattt biiiiiiiiiiiittttttttch! My mom died when I was 14 (two days after my birthday actually) and even though it's been decades, it still makes me sad. I have a daughter who is almost 18 and kind of looks like my mom. I often think about how much my mom would have loved her and that she missed out on having her as a grandma. If my MIL had said something like that (no way she ever would and my wife would never stand for that)... without an immediate full-throated apology, I doubt I would ever forgive her. The last thing I would ever say to her is "Well, I guess she doesn't have any grandmothers."
An unpopular view but she's not wrong, she is the only grandmother, the daughter will grow up knowing only one grandmother as painful as it is it's not worth falling out over. I might not like the comment I might feel it's insensitive but I wouldn't allow it to cause issues I certainly would not need to run to social media to validate what is an overreaction
I could have been swayed to be on MIL side right up until she doubled down and didn't fall on herself apologizing for saying something so incredibly stupid and hurtful. Makes me think MIL hadn't misspoke, but was in fact saying what she really felt. That b!tch would never be alone with my child.
MIL is major AH. Grief takes time. Some people adapt to a a loss more quickly than others. It has been many, many years since I lost the last of my loved ones, and sometimes, after a decade or more, something acts like a trigger and my heart breaks again. A year is not a long time when you've lost someone as important as your mother. If your husband is not on board with what you're feeling, if he's supporting his mom, than they both need some help. And MIL being afraid that you'll name your daughter after your mom? When that is a wonderful tribute? I see red flags all over the place.
I lost my mom in sept this year. Fast a too soon even though she was 84. Still grieving and it's surreal to not have her around. Now I'm past the age of having kids but still think this mil is way too self centered. Maybe ask how she handled the loss of her mother. How it felt to her an how hurt inside she had been an if it's ok to just think someone else could get over it. To claim to be the ill boy grandmother an basically claiming the kid is named after her is really rude. I mean unless op had said she was naming the baby that then maybe it's both the grand mother's names for her. Idk. But that husband needs to put his wife an her baby first over the parents in this mess. Loss is painful. I didn't grieve my dad he was a pos. But my mom was my best friend an only friend. Over my sister an brother I don't think I'll grieve another as I am her.
It is a deeply hurtful "joke". I would explain to your husband that the difference between this and the popular "favourite niece (because only niece, haha)" jokes is that NO ONE DIED for the niece to be an only niece. Just in case he truly didn't understand, and that's why the rest of society is so horrified.
'Overreacting' as in more than usual, being in mourning and pregnant, not as in more than appropriate. Such a sad story, this one.
There is a small part of me that feels some sort of empathy for the boy here - he didn't have a positive male role model growing up, mum has always been everything to him, and he's perhaps inadvertently got himself in to a situation that he's no idea how to handle and isn't mentally equipped to deal with. That said, he's not the one with a baby growing inside him, and it isn't *that* hard to figure out. I had zero "parental influence" from either side (but if you happen to know who either one of them is, tell them I said hi) and I am a long way from being a "perfect" husband of father - but if Mrs Sharpe says something you don't like, even if it's entirely wrong and unjustified, you'll sit there and tell her thank you for giving you so much attention - and if you don't agree that she's correct and you're an idiot for even thinking otherwise, I will improve your attitude in the blink of an eye. Even if she says the sky is green and the grass is blue I'll back her 100%, because what else is she meant to do.. phone her husband to stick up for her instead? The boy needs to make his mind up no matter how difficult it might be forr him - and if you've put a ring on her finger, your name on her ID, and a baby inside her you're way past the point where you're feelings come first.
41
39