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Deadbeat Freeloader BIL Comes For A Visit That Never Ends, Frustrated Woman Dumps BF, Moves Out
You’re expected to go the extra mile for family, but there has to be some kind of reasonable limit to the relationship. After all, if you don’t set boundaries, you might find yourself getting taken advantage of for years.
One woman found herself in this exact situation after her brother-in-law came to stay for the holidays and ended up never leaving. To make matters worse, he doesn’t contribute financially or even help out around the house. She took to Mumsnet to vent.
More info: Mumsnet
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Image credits: Freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Her brother-in-law came to visit for the holidays in 2019 and just never left
Image credits: Freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
He doesn’t contribute to bills, food, or even household chores, preferring to just sit on her couch and watch TV
Image credits: Freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The woman has complained to her partner about it, but he’s assured her things will change, to no avail
Image credits: Elise89
Fed up, the woman has decided to split with her partner and move into her own place, but still asked netizens if doing so was unreasonable
OP begins her story by telling the community that she’s told her partner she’s moving out and he thinks she’s being unreasonable, so she’s turning to the web for advice on her predicament. According to OP, she moved in with her partner in the summer of 2019 after dating for a year and a half.
As Christmas of that year approached, OP’s partner asked her if his brother (from another country) could come and visit for a few weeks. OP tells her readers that she was excited to meet the brother and too happy to host him over the holidays.
OP then reveals the issue: her partner’s brother just never left. At first, the pandemic postponed his plans to travel back home, so she was sympathetic, but now it’s been 5 years and she’s being driven up the wall by both men. She claims the brother spends all his time on her couch watching TV and hasn’t once contributed to food or bills.
Apparently, the brother got a part-time job and can afford pretty much anything he needs, while OP’s left scraping together what she can for food, bills, and transport, unable to afford things like new glasses. Having finally had enough, she shares with the readers that she’s moving out, despite her now ex’s promises that things will change.
From what OP tells us in her post, she’s already reached her point of no return and is on her way back to some kind of normality. If you’ve ever gotten yourself out of a situation where you felt stuck and unhappy, you can probably relate. If you’re still in one and don’t know where to start, keep reading for tips on how to take your power back.
Image credits: Freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Certified life coach, La Ivana, puts forward some suggestions on getting back to the point where you can feel like you’re leading your life, not just living it. According to Ivana, to take back your power means to take responsibility, stop blaming other people for what happens in your life, and accept yourself without judgement.
In her article for Verywellmind, Sanjana Gupta explores the importance and benefits of self-advocacy, the action of representing oneself or one’s views or interests.
According to Gupta, self-advocacy is crucial for several reasons. It empowers us, fosters respect, improves communication, encourages healthy boundaries, prevents resentment, and reduces stress.
Some strategies that can help you build your confidence so you can self-advocate include knowing your worth, educating yourself, visualizing success, practicing assertiveness, using positive self-talk, reflecting on past successes, and learning from setbacks instead of letting them cripple you.
Reclaiming your life is not about running away from anything, it’s about running toward something better, an act of courage, self-love, and determination.
While the journey might be challenging, the rewards—peace, fulfillment, and freedom—are worth every step. Remember, you are the author of your story, and it’s never too late to start a new chapter. It seems OP finally got the memo after 5 long years.
What would you have done if you’d found yourself in OP’s shoes? Do you think her partner deserves another chance, or should she be glad to be rid of him? Let us know your opinion in the comments!
In the comments, readers congratulated the woman on coming to her senses and taking her life back
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What do you think ?
Tabitha 13 hours ago (edited)
If OP is feeling extra petty, she could call immigration once she’s completely moved out. Bro has probably overstayed his visitor’s visa by about four and a half years. Don’t know why she didn’t think of it herself sooner.
Weltschmerz 3 hours ago (edited)
Possibly he is from there originally and was living abroad but came home?
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Gwyn 21 hours ago (edited)
NTA. You're not his Mom, you shouldn't be supporting him. And even if you were, I'd encourage you to kick him out so he can learn to take care of himself. Glad to hear you are moving out. Let your partner pay for his brother and see how much he likes being taken advantage of!
Tabitha 13 hours ago (edited)
If OP is feeling extra petty, she could call immigration once she’s completely moved out. Bro has probably overstayed his visitor’s visa by about four and a half years. Don’t know why she didn’t think of it herself sooner.
Weltschmerz 3 hours ago (edited)
Possibly he is from there originally and was living abroad but came home?
Load More Replies... Gwyn 21 hours ago (edited)
NTA. You're not his Mom, you shouldn't be supporting him. And even if you were, I'd encourage you to kick him out so he can learn to take care of himself. Glad to hear you are moving out. Let your partner pay for his brother and see how much he likes being taken advantage of!
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