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Millennials Nearing Their 40s That Have Made Mistakes Share 30 Of The Most Regretful Ones In This Online Group
Life can be confusing, even hard at times, and not many of us can proudly say that we've managed to figure it out. We're born into this world not knowing anything, and it takes us some time to master the most basic tasks. We're constantly learning and adapting – which naturally leads to a bunch of little slip-ups.
The wonderful thing about mistakes is that everybody makes them; your mother, your next-door neighbor and even the Queen of England. What's important is that we learn a lesson and acknowledge it every time something decides to go wrong.
"Millennials of Reddit now nearing your 40s, what were your biggest mistakes at this point in life?" An online user decided to take it to one of Reddit's famous communities to ask 1981 – 1996 babies about the life regrets they have. The post received over 2.6K upvotes and 2.2K worth of comments discussing the harsh reality of our existence.
More info: Reddit
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#1
I turned 40 this year and just started liking who I am. Why the f**k did it take 40 years for self-acceptance?
RELATED:
#2
If I could tell my 18 year old self one thing, it would be to save 10% of every paycheck I ever got.
#3
Getting married at 20 and having kids shortly after. A LOT of people warned me that I was starting too young, but I thought I was the exception. I spent my whole life being told by everyone that I was "mature" for my age. So certainly I wouldn't be a statistic!
After years of marriage collapsed into horrible divorce, I realized I wasn't the exception. It's not that my love and desires weren't real, they absolutely were! It's not that I couldn't hack the practical day-to-day tasks of family life, I managed that quite well. The problem is that I was not prepared for how much my partner and I would change as humans in our early 20's. 20 year old me had way more in common with the 15 year old me than the 35 year old me.
If you are under 24(ish) and thinking about marriage, do yourself a favor and wait another year or two. If this is truly the perfect match for the two of you, then you have nothing to lose - that person will still be there. But if you are wrong, and your underdeveloped brain hasn't caught on quite yet, then you will be grateful you waited just a little bit longer.
#4
Staying too long at a job in my 20s, just because it was safe and easy. When I finally got the motivation to leave, ended up with an almost 50% pay boost.
Patti Hoover 2 years ago
I also stayed for 28 years (teaching), When I finally left and got my new job made twice as much!!!
#5
40 already. Born in 81 so I think I just make the millennial cut.
Work to live, don’t live to work.
You have half your working life after you turn 40 but only 20-25 years to really live it up before the responsibilities become heavy and your joints start to ache. Live life. Really LIVE it. Experience as much you can. Every sensation, sight, sound, touch. Be open. Be brave. Live your first few decades in the fast lane. You have the rest of your life to take it easy, when you have no choice.
Don't Look 2 years ago
Some call us xennials because we are right on the line and we have siblings in both generations.
#6
Not getting healthy earlier.
Kate Jones 2 years ago
Man this whole thread is speaking to me so much. I think not getting a handle on my weight has been the regret of my life. And it's something that I have control of which is the saddest part. I've gotten much better with being happy with myself as I am but I do wish I'd been healthier when I was younger and gotten into good habits then so it wouldn't be such a struggle for me now. .
#7
Take care of your f**king back. Lift with your knees. Sure it's rad when you grab a fridge by yourself and lift it in the back of a moving truck unaided, but one day that s**t is going to have consequences that won't just magically go away by resting and "taking it easy" for a week.
KB 2 years ago
Yeah i did my back out at work when i was 29. Heavy lifting every day at work. Definitely did something wrong one day or just straining myself with all the lifting. I don't know why i stayed so long at the job, as a very petite young woman, not really the best job to be doing lol! I found out i was a few weeks pregnant when i visited the doctor about my back problems. So they wouldn't and couldn't do very much for me as i was pregnant. So the horrendous back pain/problems only got worse due to pregnancy. 4 years later and my quality of life has definitely changed for the worse all because of severe back problems now. I took so much for granted before but even the simplest of tasks are impossible for me now, the list is endless! Take good care of your back! I wish i had
#8
I wish I spent more time with my dad while I had the chance
José Velásquez 2 years ago
I guess it depends if your dad was a good person or not. In my case, he was great but he left too early. He died barely past being 37 years old, almost 30 years ago, and I miss him until today
#9
I wish I had taken the initiative to resolve my own childhood/developmental trauma much earlier than age 30. I would have had more self-worth in my early relationships, jobs/earning potential and friendships.
#10
All the damn avocados I bought, I could have gotten a house.
MarmotArchivist 2 years ago
Right, and if they had forgone all the take out coffee, they could have gotten a yacht as well🙄
#11
I'm not sure if people have experienced the same but when I entered my 30s I became convinced I was rapidly running out of time. Rather than using that as motivation I let it paralyze me with indecision because I "couldn't afford to make the wrong choice." Consequently, I'm now 39 and, though I've had great things happen in my 30s, I regret spending so much time worrying and so little time committing to a course of action.
StarmanWaitingInTheSky 2 years ago
So, I'm not the only one. I'm feeling like I've been wasting my life. There are people getting awards, travelling the world on humanitarian missions, doing incredible thing after incredible thing. What do I have to show for my life? A small apartment I've lived in for over 10 years and a couple kitchen gadgets I got for staying at this company for a decade, as well.
#12
Not wearing sunscreen.
Don't Look 2 years ago
I have an 87 year old father who has to go to a skin doctor every month or so to have possibly cancerous skin removed. Now, he hasn’t really had a problem yet but let it sink in: skin cancer check once a month because he was born before sunscreen.
#13
Staying too long in an unhappy marriage. I lost the last half of my 20s and most of my 30s because of it.
#14
Try not to get cancer.
If you feel unwell go to the dr.
I felt numbness in my fingers and toes. . Let that go for a few months. It turned to arm Pain. Went to the hospital and it turns out I have stage 4 renal carcinoma.
Don’t let any symptoms go unchecked. You’re older, and if your body is telling you something is wrong f**king listen to it.
DennyS (denzoren) 2 years ago
I think this was very specific to me so I'm gonna make an appointment.
#15
Should have bought a home. We qualified 20 years ago for enough to buy a small 2 bedroom but I didn't think we could afford it. That 2 bedroom would be worth nearly 3Xs and paid off by now. We pay nearly double in rent what our mortgage would have been. Gotta love the SF bay area cost of living.
DennyS (denzoren) 2 years ago
Mortgages cost and arm and a leg here in the Caribbean. Most jobs are contracted and the banks aren't willing to lend on that basis. Only those lucky enough to get good paying jobs or permanent positions benefit.
#16
Always ask for more pay. Starting, yearly, before leaving, whatever. Get that money.
#17
Pining after the wrong person
#18
I moved a lot as a kid and am what is called a third culture kid. I feel at home nowhere.
Because of this I also learnt to see friendships and relationships as transactional and didn't maintain them or invest in them.
Because my early life experience is different to those with stable childhoods, I am also really closed. I have learnt to assume I have relatively little in common with others, and no longer bother to even try.
I have effectively become a hermit, am largely friendless, and ended up sacrificing any chance of happiness to take care of an elderly relative.
It is probably too late for me.
HannEli 2 years ago
This resonated with me. I hope we both know that we are not alone with these feelings and issues... I have no friends, family, nothing because of how I was raised and situations I was put in as a child. It followed me. I feel homeless and ghostly. It is one of the worst emotional pains I think there could be... to feel empty and deserted.
#19
Listening to other people tell me what they thought I’d be good at instead of doing what I wanted to do/was interested in.
Not really approaching 40, but I turn 31 this year, and for the longest time I had issues taking peoples advice too literal and trying my damndest to please everyone else instead of making myself happy.
I wasted 12 years of my life doing this and just floating along before it finally clicked and I went to school for what I do now. I love my job/field, and I beat myself up daily for not doing it sooner and for listening to everyone instead of listening to myself….
Kiryn Silverwing 2 years ago
My dad was paying for my college degree, so I felt like I had to listen to him about what to major in and what career to aim for, because he wanted me to be successful in life. Dropped out of college due to a lack of motivation, spent nearly 10 years working a low paying job before going back to school for something I actually care about. Wish I'd had the freedom to do that back when I was 20.
#20
When I was 12-13 my grandfather and I talked about driving from Florida to Alaska over the summer after I got my drivers license.
By the time I got my license (17yo) I was too involved with being with my friends/girlfriend and working. Biggest regret if my life not doing that trip. I’m 37 now and think about it from time to time.
Huddo's sister 2 years ago
My grandad offered to pay for him and I to go to the UK when I finished high school, but I decided to start my uni degree straight away. By the time I finished that, he was going into a nursing home.
#21
Not recognizing early red flags for an abusive relationship. It can be tempting to give yourself over to someone showering you with affection after a long dry spell but pay attention to some important details - how long have they known most of their friends? Are they asking you for money really early on, and for something that seems like they should be able to take care of? Bonus point if one or more of their friends brings up money they owe them too. Do your friends seem to like them? How quickly do they start trying to change things about you or make negative comments? I realized 3 months in that this wasn't a good relationship but stayed for another year just because it was comfortable and I wanted someone to be there, not because it was the right person. Fortunately, I was smart enough not to co-sign on anything. Once the wrong person is living with you it can be extremely difficult and stressful to get them out of your house without risking your own safety, especially if you have pets. It can be tempting to move in together quickly, but it's sometimes not worth the risk.
You cant stop the truth 2 years ago
imagine staying in a relationship for like a decade AND putting up with abuse. Try that. Why? Because that's all that you think you deserve. Now that I'm out of it, I think I never ever ever ever want it again. No siree. Not having to explain where I am, who I am seeing, why I am going there, what do I want for supper, etc. F**k it. At least now I answer to no-one.
#22
Smoking and not dealing with my s**t the right way.
SkyyenGary 2 years ago
Ugh me rn, on day one quitting and I want to quit trying to quit already lmaooo
#23
Thinking that I could and should put myself on the back burner for anything and anyone else.
#24
Not taking care of my hearing, not even 35 and going deaf
Don't Look 2 years ago
Same. Except I’m 40. But tinitus and hearing issues. I now wear hearing protection at least at gun ranges and air shows.
#25
Thinking that I have time to do everything I want only to find myself losing time, and the endless energy I used to have in order to purse them.
#26
I'm 37. I absolutely could have taken better care of my body, but I'm in relatively good health. I'm starting to realize how important it is to maintain my health. I do also think I drank far too much in my 20 and early 30s. I'm trying to rectify that now, but it's hard. So that I guess.
Although honestly? My only real regret/mistake in my life is going back to grad school in 2010. I felt trapped by getting laid off twice and not being able to find any work. I was debt-free, but I really felt forced into going back to school to try and make something of myself. It was either that, become homeless, or figure out how to move back in with my parents. Now I have over 100k in debt because my 60k grad loan has ballooned due to interest rates and forbearance because once again, I couldn't find a decent job upon graduation. Student loans are a f**king racket.
StarmanWaitingInTheSky 2 years ago
This really gave me a reality check on going back to school. Thanks.
#27
Wasted my life in deep depression; Still wasting it. Never finished college, never found a stable relationship and just gave up on finding a relationship. Lost the love of my life because of my depression
memyselfandI 2 years ago
But there are at least some tactics to help with it. I think what op is referring to is not being willing to get help, or not bothering to.
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HannEli 2 years ago
You are not your depression. You are not a depressed person. You are a person, who makes mistakes like all of us. You are a person with every right but depression is at your side. Do not give up. Every day cannot be the best day but always have hope for tomorrow...
Tina Smith 2 years ago
Not sure why you've been down voted. I read your post as saying that the OP shouldn't let their depression define them and to remember to feel hope for tomorrow. Maybe the confusion is from "You are not a depressed person"? Since I have fought and continue to fight the twin terrors of depression and anxiety, I know depression is valid and am definitely not saying otherwise btw. I'm just trying to communicate that I read the post from HannEli differently.
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May 2 years ago
I lost 5 years to depression, only remember fragments of those years. Thankfully I got better, and haven't had any bouts of depression in more than 10 years.
Chinmayee Kalghatgi 2 years ago
It was probably very hard for you to get through it. I am so so glad that you managed to get through it. I hope that you are living your life as peacefully as possible
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Jods 2 years ago
Depression is an illness. It is not a choice. Depression not only ruins the life of the person with depression but impacts the lives of everyone around us too. Depression can and does have a devastating impact on your career, lifestyle choices, everything. I don’t think you lost the love of your life, I think they abandoned you, perhaps cared more about themselves than helping you.
Chinmayee Kalghatgi 2 years ago
Depression can ruin many relationships because of a lack of communication. You feel terrible and feel worthless so you stray away from those who love you. Don’t let depression take control over you. Strangle depression and kick its butt since you are a unique indivisual who has a lot of the capacity to do anything.
Mermaid Elle-Jaye 2 years ago
Naww 💕 poor thing, I remember those times, not wanting to get out bed for weeks and just trying to make the world pass by so you didn’t have to deal with yourself. I hope she finds the sunshine ☀️
Colette Connor 2 years ago
It's never to late. I hope the OP finds the help they need to get back on their feet and so all the things they want to do.
buttonpusher 2 years ago
I think I know what they mean. If I knew then what I know now I don't think I'd be depressed.
Lavender Moon 2 years ago
While it’s categorized as a mental illness, depression is a physical illness caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain. It’s not a choice, it’s something that happens to a organ in a person’s body whether from physical harm that happens to the brain or just from an imbalance with no anomaly.
georgios pahatouridis 2 years ago
so which is the mistake? That you were depressed? What is the advice here? Don´t be depressed?
Tracy Wallick 2 years ago
Depression is an illness, not a choice to be categorized as a "mistake".
Lyn Moffett 2 years ago
If he loves you as much then he would have stayed by your side and tried his best. Depression is not a life choice
#28
Going to university and majoring in business, numerous poor investments in now defunct companies and businesses and not taking care of my health while younger
#29
When you get out of college, keep your friends. No matter how hard it is. Hold on to them.
#30
Selling drugs while I was in the Army. Got me thrown in prison for a couple years. Restarting life and missing a big chunk of your 20s isn't great. 0/10 do not recommend.
What do you think ?
Lousha 2 years ago
One of my biggest mistakes led me to an exceptional, amazing man, a job that I didn't like but allowed us to spend all our time together and eventually buy a house where we wanted before we turned 40, and live the life we wanted. **** regrets!
You cant stop the truth 2 years ago
"Regret" is another way of saying "something learnt."
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DennyS (denzoren) 2 years ago
I'm in my 30s and so many of these resonate with me. Some I've been able to avoid, others I've experienced and a few I'm experiencing currently. I hope to turn forty in a couple of years and by then be able to say I got away from all of this and I'm doing well. I really hope so.
Angela 2 years ago
Why is everything condensed to millennials and boomers? If, in this year of 2022, you are between 40 and 45, you were born between 1978 and 1983. Trailing end GenX, and leading edge GenY. Very different than someone born at the turn of the end of 1900s and the beginning of 2000s.
Martha Meyer 2 years ago
People born at the beginning of 2000s are Gen Z, not millenials.
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José Velásquez 2 years ago
it may sound stupid, but I (40m) regret not learning to ride (drive?) a motorcycle earlier in my life. Now I barely find the time to do it and it's something that I really enjoy
Tigerpacingthecage 2 years ago
I would say both my marriages (even though I'm still married). I will never regret my kids but I can regret the whole idea of traditional family life/how boring it can be/how trapped you get. Or maybe I married the wrong people- who knows. I also regret moving for university. I should have stayed in my hometown. But, you know, there's no guarantees in life. Maybe it could have been better - maybe not. That's sort of the beauty of life too. We make mistakes but that's how you can separate the good parts from the bad.
Wintermute 2 years ago
Wow. I could have written this down to the letter, including the university thing. Separating from my wife now (amicably) and can't ever see pursuing that nuclear family idea ever again, and I have half a dozen friends in the same boat. Funny how many of us got pushed into the same situations with the same problems only to come to the same moments of realization years later.
Load More Replies... Cecile Visscher 2 years ago
My biggest regret is that I didnt enjoy my beauty when I was young. I always compared myself to others and felt ugly. Now, when I see pictures of my younger selfI see a beautiful girl and I just wish she would have had more confidence at that time.
The Cute Cat 2 years ago
I started to college 5 years after high school. 10/10 recommended. College is life changing. My current salary is 14 times my last salary before college. That is just crazy
Roald 2 years ago
Dear People! Most of this is temporary, not a life sentence! Or said in a different way: it will pass, maybe like a kidney stone, but it will pass! (Yo, and don't think it is all roses for me - at the moment certainly not. But hope dies last and it is your own mind that determines the steps to get out of it)
Lousha 2 years ago
One of my biggest mistakes led me to an exceptional, amazing man, a job that I didn't like but allowed us to spend all our time together and eventually buy a house where we wanted before we turned 40, and live the life we wanted. **** regrets!
You cant stop the truth 2 years ago
"Regret" is another way of saying "something learnt."
Load More Replies... DennyS (denzoren) 2 years ago
I'm in my 30s and so many of these resonate with me. Some I've been able to avoid, others I've experienced and a few I'm experiencing currently. I hope to turn forty in a couple of years and by then be able to say I got away from all of this and I'm doing well. I really hope so.
Angela 2 years ago
Why is everything condensed to millennials and boomers? If, in this year of 2022, you are between 40 and 45, you were born between 1978 and 1983. Trailing end GenX, and leading edge GenY. Very different than someone born at the turn of the end of 1900s and the beginning of 2000s.
Martha Meyer 2 years ago
People born at the beginning of 2000s are Gen Z, not millenials.
Load More Replies... José Velásquez 2 years ago
it may sound stupid, but I (40m) regret not learning to ride (drive?) a motorcycle earlier in my life. Now I barely find the time to do it and it's something that I really enjoy
Tigerpacingthecage 2 years ago
I would say both my marriages (even though I'm still married). I will never regret my kids but I can regret the whole idea of traditional family life/how boring it can be/how trapped you get. Or maybe I married the wrong people- who knows. I also regret moving for university. I should have stayed in my hometown. But, you know, there's no guarantees in life. Maybe it could have been better - maybe not. That's sort of the beauty of life too. We make mistakes but that's how you can separate the good parts from the bad.
Wintermute 2 years ago
Wow. I could have written this down to the letter, including the university thing. Separating from my wife now (amicably) and can't ever see pursuing that nuclear family idea ever again, and I have half a dozen friends in the same boat. Funny how many of us got pushed into the same situations with the same problems only to come to the same moments of realization years later.
Load More Replies... Cecile Visscher 2 years ago
My biggest regret is that I didnt enjoy my beauty when I was young. I always compared myself to others and felt ugly. Now, when I see pictures of my younger selfI see a beautiful girl and I just wish she would have had more confidence at that time.
The Cute Cat 2 years ago
I started to college 5 years after high school. 10/10 recommended. College is life changing. My current salary is 14 times my last salary before college. That is just crazy
Roald 2 years ago
Dear People! Most of this is temporary, not a life sentence! Or said in a different way: it will pass, maybe like a kidney stone, but it will pass! (Yo, and don't think it is all roses for me - at the moment certainly not. But hope dies last and it is your own mind that determines the steps to get out of it)
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