Get Premium
Dark mode theme is available exclusively for premium users. Learn more about the benefits of subscribing.
No fees, cancel anytime.
Dark Mode 
No fees, cancel anytime 
We know we're only halfway through 2017, but we couldn't wait until the end of the year before we shared these hilarious tweets with you.
Written by women and compiled by Bored Panda, they're sure to give you something to laugh about, regardless of how bad a day you're having. You don't need to be a woman to find them amusing. All you need is a good sense of humor! Which one is the funniest? Let us know in the comments below, and don't forget to vote for your favorite!
This post may include affiliate links.
RELATED:
#5
darknessIsMyOutfit 7 years ago
Your dad's adorable by the way. Typical dad humor at its finest.
#13
Melody Lanzatella 7 years ago
Brilliantly clever! You have the makings of a possible "Evil" Genius!! LOL!
#17
nike.bordom 7 years ago
also men: I'm not gonna pay for that child! (ok, some)
Load More Replies...
Lynn Provost 7 years ago
Also, men into their 9os should be able to have impregnate women, so free Viagra!
Linda Vuorenvirta 7 years ago
Yes, there probably are. But by and large, it's more of a problem with men. The vast majority of women will have experiences with men behaving this way.
Load More Replies...
Johnny Slapstick 7 years ago
Wearing a condom should be a law. Even for married people. Stop having kids!
Carole Anderson 7 years ago
also men: I'm not gonna pay for that, how do I even know the kid is mine?
Susann Campbell 7 years ago
This is what I have been talking about for a very long time. Men make to many rules in their favor. We may have won the vote but we still haven't won the war.
Sondre Strøm Linde 7 years ago
With 3.5 billion or so, there is bound to be some contradictions. Strange isnt it!
Brent Kaufman 7 years ago
Men are so stupid. How is it that it's the women that keep getting pregnant. In the words of Obi-Wan Kenobi: "Who is more foolish, the fool, or the one who follows him?"
Jack Urquhart 7 years ago
No thanks, I bet you don't like condoms either. I don't want my kids to be mouth breathers.
Naima Ivansdóttir 7 years ago
it's a fact that most of the choices related to a woman's body are taken by men though
Load More Replies...
Kori K. Warriner 7 years ago
It isn't meant to include "all men." It is common sense that not all men feel this way. But, the majority of officials who support these causes are men, not women. Yes, some women support them, but since most of our politicians are men, it is definitely a majority.
Load More Replies...
Angie Chan 7 years ago
They created such a pill, then terminated the testing because men were experiencing side effects. The irony is that these are similar side effects to the female birth control pill, but it is apparently acceptable for women to run with the side effects. http://www.cnn.com/2016/10/30/health/male-birth-control/index.html
Load More Replies...
stacyh 7 years ago
If you aren't like this, it shouldn't offend you. Nowhere does it say that all men think like this.
Load More Replies...
djinnjeannie 7 years ago
You seem confused between a woman with autonomy & a child.
Load More Replies...
Darrien Mae 7 years ago
...paying for a date these days, I think you need to update your survey, pal.
Load More Replies...
#27
Wanda Queen 7 years ago
3) Student who failed presentation because they didn't do the reading, then has wealthy parents call school board to try to get teacher fired.
#31
Isabel Care 7 years ago
Had a black jumper with rainbow coloured sparkley threads that shed all over my friends' border collie. He looked stunning.
#33
#35
Kori K. Warriner 7 years ago
Seriously! I once saw an elementary teacher on the show in Atlanta (which isn't expensive) who bought a $400K house. NOT POSSIBLE. Oh, and she didn't have a high budget for renovations, which, of course, brought the value up.
#36
Sondre Strøm Linde 7 years ago
What kind of boys thinks this? And uhm boys? Like schoolboys? What?
#38
Master Markus 7 years ago
HA! Love it. I'm reminded of the George Carlin bit: "If you're pre-born, you're fine; if you're pre-school, you're f****d."
#39
#43
Wanda Queen 7 years ago
My biggest fear about getting older is that I'm 99% sure I'm no longer fit enough to survive a zombie apocalypse.
#44
#53
Captain Planet 7 years ago
I think this is discriminating for women who don't wear dresses. As if all women wear dresses! omg this is 2017! So sexist!
#54
Zenozenobee 7 years ago
Well, when you decide to remove an ex from photos, Ryan Reynolds is the minimum you can choose in replacement, I guess.
#56
Thomas Kolev 7 years ago
Don't forget the small smoothed pebbles that used to be tissues and now fossilized.
#65
#68
Kassandra Skresvig 7 years ago
if my mom ever says texts that, she always follows up with "not a bad thing" to try and save me the panic
#71
Kori K. Warriner 7 years ago
Amen, sista! And what about all those men-only clubs that still exist! Boo-hoo-hoo! Just because you can't be the first to enjoy WW's boobs, doesn't mean it is the end of the world!
#72
Markus McCloud 7 years ago
Actually, the bottom part should say: "Worst part of internet: ...Including the idiots"
#76
#78
Kassandra Skresvig 7 years ago
lol, I wasn't allowed to do that when I was a kid XD on the plus side I learned to cook for myself at a young age.
#79
#81
Zenozenobee 7 years ago
I do have kids, and I love them beyond I thought it was possible, yet, I really have no idea why you MUST have kids when you're a woman, and you MUST want to have babies... Plus, i have a friend running 35 that cannot have kids and it's painful for her, because it's definitly not her choice and everyone feel free to point her out that she doesn't have kids. When she tries to avoid discussion people insist "you'll change your mind"... Why the hell poeple think it's O.K. to try to influence someone else motherwood/non-motherwood/wannabe motherwood
#83
Wanda Queen 7 years ago
Right? I love it when people say "I hate to be honest...". Dude. No you don't. It's the internet.....you can just keep scrolling. We'll all survive.
#84
Kim Lawson 7 years ago
Whenever my fax machine rings at work people ask me what it is and I like to say the past is calling.
#85
Marzo Florida 7 years ago
If you mean 'over work out' by eating, sleeping, or over contemplating life, then this is my life story :)
#86
Manuela Simon 7 years ago
Yesterday someone called me "pretty" :-). Well, the whole sentence was "you are pretty annoying", but I concentrate on the positive part...
#87
Crystal Pruitt 7 years ago
I tried one. All I did was get pissed off that I was coloring outside the lines and that I didn't like some of my color choices!
#88
#96
CultOfBambi 7 years ago
More like "David f*****g Cameron got us into this mess - and I'm going to make it worse!", says Theresa May.
#97
Lisa-Marie Dhondt 7 years ago
Oh I dunno... someone released a book of their selfies...that's pretty darn vain...
#101
Marzo Florida 7 years ago
If I ever get arrested, it would probably be for kicking one of those xp
#103
#105
#106
Master Markus 7 years ago
They're selling an uneven number of bowls with one of them having an obligatory "only this food" label? The comment legitimately made me laugh out loud though.
#107
#110
Meyer Weinstock 7 years ago
I give extra points if student squeal on each other...keeps them all honest...
#112
Blue Cicada 7 years ago
Starbucks, N American coffee chain, had God awful pastel, sparkly, sickly-sweet drink called Unicorn. This ice cream is mocking that. Nicely
#113
Laura Dixon 7 years ago
Chuck is gorgeous but shame about the prong collar. There are other methods of maintaining control of your dog without using this outdated tool (and far less cruel methods)...
#115
Andrei Valentino Pijaro 7 years ago
She's so mean. I made cupcakes with flour, sugars, eggs, etc.
#118
Sardonic Scribe 7 years ago
Clearly you have no idea the s**t he's doing to Canada. He's all razzle dazzle. Zero substance.
#119
Blue Cicada 7 years ago
I hear a tour guide shouting, "Hey, lady! Get out of the reflection pool!"
#124
#125
Andrei Valentino Pijaro 7 years ago
but, how'd you know if both of you are asleep? oh, I see..
#126
RaroaRaroa 7 years ago
But then I'd just be sad for the other dogs watching on and wondering why that dog is so popular. One of you just take one of the others! :-)
#132
Saima Nisbet 7 years ago
I have friends of both sex, I have not fancied any of my male friends and I don't think they fancied me either. It's possible to not think about sex even though we are programmed to want to procreate and thus want sex (even for pleasure).
#133
#137
Pamela Law 7 years ago
Those names....I wanna put a Match to Tinder and burn the house down...
#140
#141
#144
Vesna Brnić 7 years ago
God, I saw this one yesterday in right position with different caption. This is so hillarious.
#145
Johnny Slapstick 7 years ago
You know where there's a lack of diversity... Asian restaurants. Every Chinese, Thai and Korean restaurant I go in does not have a single white, black, hispanic or indian person working in them. They are all Asian. Come on. Other people would love to work at your restaurant.
#146
Master Markus 7 years ago
The last ash Wednesday I was SO tempted to go up to every Catholic I saw and say "You've got a little something on your face there..."
#150
Naima Ivansdóttir 7 years ago
do you think they know? i have four siamese cats and i often think about it lol
#151
Pamela Law 7 years ago
The B-Hive is not understanding of your sexcapades. She will be avenged.
#154
rakuninaru 7 years ago
exactly!! There are a lot of things I cannot express with words... only emojis
#156
Master Markus 7 years ago
People who say that are usually going into something with their biases, or they're disregarding that there are more well-known men in comedy than women (though that is changing). When I really looked at it, I noticed that there are some female comedians whom I HATE, but there are also male comedians whom I dislike the same amount, if not more.
#158
Danny Jimenez 7 years ago
Same happened at a Las Vegas Walmart... Then a mass murder happened...
#159
Lisa Shaw 7 years ago
I once ran into a friend at the mall that I hadn't seen in a couple years. We chatted for a couple minutes she said she'll call me next week-3 years later she called and said" did you forget that when I ran into you at the mall I said I'd call you?" don't want to speak ill of the dead now or anything, but I told this story at her memorial everyone in the place knew exactly what I was talking about!
#161
#162
#164
#165
#169
Master Markus 7 years ago
I hate when that happens. I've also had dreams early in the morning where I was getting ready for school / work, and then I wake up late.
#174
RaroaRaroa 7 years ago
Remember how 2016 was all about how many celebs died? Maybe they knew what was coming. ;-)
#176
Intensive Panda 7 years ago
if you don't know about the relationships of your friends, then they are not your friends?
#177
Manuela Simon 7 years ago
Better go to the couple, hit the man in the face and say something like "And you said you will love me forever!" - will bring this couple soon into the messy condition
#181
Blue Cicada 7 years ago
Know a shift leader, rudely "teases" her coworkers so much, they won't make purchases at their own store if she's around.
#182
#186
#189
#191
#196
#198
Master Markus 7 years ago
That just makes me think of John Oliver's Dog Supreme Court. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fJ9prhPV2PI)
#199
Master Markus 7 years ago
Capitalism does not equal "wanting to buy stuff". You can still have frivolities in a non-capitalist system as long as it's not like... a pure communist dictatorship.
#202
Master Markus 7 years ago
Me when I accidentally talk about dank maymays and forget that I'm not on the internet.
#203
#206
phantom buni 4 years ago
I mean okay. No haha or lol? Just sunshine and lollipops and THEY DON’T EXIST.
#207
Naima Ivansdóttir 7 years ago
my boyfriend: "so this room is vacant eh? you should turn it into a hobby room!" me: "well it is. it's a vacant room"
#211
#214
Jilltdcatlady 7 years ago
A metaphor of the story about the boy with his finger plugging a leaky dike.
#219
#226
Trisha Dragon 7 years ago
The egg, laid by a creature that wasn't a chicken who got laid by a creature who also was not a chicken.
Add New Image
What do you think ?
Jilltdcatlady 7 years ago
FFS people, if picking apart the title,or being offended by the contents, or finding a 'man tweet" in a comedy compilation and having the gall to argue about it in the comments is a pitiful example of a First World Problem
Lidee Moril 7 years ago
No one 'wins' the internet. It's a way to communicate, not a competition.
Sebastian Melmoth 7 years ago
As Oscar Wilde once quipped "Seriousness is the only refuge of the shallow"...I'm fairly certain that anyone using this new phrase is already aware that the Internet cannot be "won". I'm sure most people viewed this article for the levity it offers,and some levity is something the world sorely needs right now.
Load More Replies... Sondre Strøm Linde 7 years ago
Some of these are clever and fun, but a lot are just ignorant, prejudice and sexist. So, if people could just either stop with the sexism by women, or stop being offended by the tiniest thing a man says, that would be great.
Leni 7 years ago
Check the comments under the tweet? It's like the first comment.
Load More Replies... 
Marios Louvaris 7 years ago
Yeah laugh with this, but if the damn title were 10 times that men won the intermet and its hilarious it would be offensive and sexist right ? No?
Chuck Bartowski 7 years ago
Well Marios, bored panda is a place where users can curate and post their own content. So by all means, collect hilarious tweets by men and post it.
Load More Replies...
Chris William Rivas 7 years ago
Maybe the last one and number 3, lets a little bit of sexism occure thru the joke process, insinuating women do things better than man. At first i laughed, and then seeing all the contreverse from the "What do you think's'' chat, i was like ''haha was sexism really occuring and i laughing at it?'' so i started checking all of them again, and to my surprise, the third and last are a bit sexist, in my consideration, not that i care, since i know these two are meant as a joke, but the last one is still funny even without sexism, lol a tampon-form swimming-pool mat with blue ink. The third tweet is a play on word, with subjects: password, strong, wonder(woman) strong, and super(man) less strong...meaning joke about who's better man or woman...i stopped these joke before my teen age, now i'm just drinking my coffee and having a nice morning, i'm not here to vindicate anything for the sake of whatever, i was just sad that no one was being funny in the this comment section xD
Katinka Min 7 years ago
OMG, there's a post focussed only on women. Quick, someone needs to call the Waaaahmbulance, there'll be hurt self-esteems and hyperventilation and general mimimimi.
Sondre Strøm Linde 7 years ago
Hahahahaahahaha!! THESE ARE SOOOO GOOD LIKE HAHAAAAA!!! LOVE EM.
BRTiger 7 years ago
it's funny how 99% of women's joke need to put men down just to get applause from other broken-hearted snobs and think they are funny. they are not. they are just bitter bitches.
Jilltdcatlady 7 years ago
FFS people, if picking apart the title,or being offended by the contents, or finding a 'man tweet" in a comedy compilation and having the gall to argue about it in the comments is a pitiful example of a First World Problem
Lidee Moril 7 years ago
No one 'wins' the internet. It's a way to communicate, not a competition.
Sebastian Melmoth 7 years ago
As Oscar Wilde once quipped "Seriousness is the only refuge of the shallow"...I'm fairly certain that anyone using this new phrase is already aware that the Internet cannot be "won". I'm sure most people viewed this article for the levity it offers,and some levity is something the world sorely needs right now.
Load More Replies... Sondre Strøm Linde 7 years ago
Some of these are clever and fun, but a lot are just ignorant, prejudice and sexist. So, if people could just either stop with the sexism by women, or stop being offended by the tiniest thing a man says, that would be great.
Leni 7 years ago
Check the comments under the tweet? It's like the first comment.
Load More Replies... Marios Louvaris 7 years ago
Yeah laugh with this, but if the damn title were 10 times that men won the intermet and its hilarious it would be offensive and sexist right ? No?
Chuck Bartowski 7 years ago
Well Marios, bored panda is a place where users can curate and post their own content. So by all means, collect hilarious tweets by men and post it.
Load More Replies... Chris William Rivas 7 years ago
Maybe the last one and number 3, lets a little bit of sexism occure thru the joke process, insinuating women do things better than man. At first i laughed, and then seeing all the contreverse from the "What do you think's'' chat, i was like ''haha was sexism really occuring and i laughing at it?'' so i started checking all of them again, and to my surprise, the third and last are a bit sexist, in my consideration, not that i care, since i know these two are meant as a joke, but the last one is still funny even without sexism, lol a tampon-form swimming-pool mat with blue ink. The third tweet is a play on word, with subjects: password, strong, wonder(woman) strong, and super(man) less strong...meaning joke about who's better man or woman...i stopped these joke before my teen age, now i'm just drinking my coffee and having a nice morning, i'm not here to vindicate anything for the sake of whatever, i was just sad that no one was being funny in the this comment section xD
Katinka Min 7 years ago
OMG, there's a post focussed only on women. Quick, someone needs to call the Waaaahmbulance, there'll be hurt self-esteems and hyperventilation and general mimimimi.
Sondre Strøm Linde 7 years ago
Hahahahaahahaha!! THESE ARE SOOOO GOOD LIKE HAHAAAAA!!! LOVE EM.
BRTiger 7 years ago
it's funny how 99% of women's joke need to put men down just to get applause from other broken-hearted snobs and think they are funny. they are not. they are just bitter bitches.
You May Like 81 Funny Music Tweets To Get Your Mood In A Flow 50 Painfully Funny Posts From People Who Wish Adulting Was Just A Phase 55 Funniest Tweets From Women This Week That Will Make You ROFL
Žydrūnė Trukanavičiūtė
Donata Ruzgaitė
Viltė Domkutė
Related on Bored Panda
