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Having a good comeback to anything is a skill that doesn’t come easy to some people. At least to me anyway. Sometimes I wish a spider would bite me, and I would magically turn into a master of quick and witty remarks. Which, let’s be honest, would probably up my quality of life only slightly.
However, some folks are naturally born this way. Luckily for us, they occasionally put their superpowers to noble use by shutting down online absurdity. Today, we have an impressive collection of some of the best savage comebacks that might inspire you to sharpen your wits and get your keyboard ready to fight some internet trolls.
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#1
Shots Fired, Two Men Down
RELATED:
#2
Find A Different Career
#3
Deutscher Patriotismus vs. American Patriotism
Lee 9 months ago
Germany has every right to be patriotic. Despite the fact they murdered my great grandparents, their two youngest kids and had my grandmother doing slave labour in a concentration camp for 4 years, that Germany is long gone. The new Germany is a great example of how to run a country.
If you ever suffered from “l’esprit de l’escalier” or "the wit of the staircase," that is, thinking of a comeback once you’ve reached the stairwell of your home, don’t worry; experts have several tips that can help with that.
They emphasize that in order to have a witty answer, timing is everything. This means that your remark should be as fast as the words that took you by surprise. The key to doing that is honing your listening skills so that you can essentially respond at lightning speed.
#4
Just Try Not Being Straight For Awhile
#5
A Very Important Point
#6
It's Never Just About A Cake
Colin Leamon 9 months ago
What's done in the name of Christianity by people calling themselves Christian is truly heartbreaking
Fat Harry 9 months ago
Indeed. The behaviour of some Christians is anything but Christian.
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similarly 9 months ago
Here's my honest thoughts on this: If a person wants a license to have a business to serve the public, they are making a contract with the government to serve all people unconditionally. A person can BELIEVE whatever they want. Free country. But if you want to have a BUSINESS license to serve the public, you have to agree to serve the whole entire public without discrimination. If you can't do that, no license, no business. Go let your cult support you. Start a commune something away from the rest of us. Religion CAN'T be an excuse to discriminate. You can HAVE your freedom of religion, but not at the expense of the law, not at the expense of what's right.
ravn 9 months ago
I hear you and agree, but every time a story like this comes up (way too often) I also think "You know, I'm not sure I want to eat food made by someone who hates me".
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MotherofGuineaPigs 9 months ago
I thought being Christian was following Christ teachings - Be Kind. Period. Correct me if I am wrong. Kindness to every living thing.
MezzoPiano 9 months ago
That's pretty much it. Jesus himself said the two most important commandments were to love God and love others.
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Star the Furry Therian! 9 months ago
How awful. Can someone find these people and start a large charity? If this was me I'd... man, i don't actually even know what I'd do...
SheamusFanFrom1987 9 months ago
If those D-holes actually do lose the shirts off their backs and have to live out of a van and said fundies who participated in harassing the poor couple get slapped with any form criminal charges, I'd call it sweet justice altogether. SMH!
Max Fox 9 months ago
What I love is that all of their Fundy "Allies" were willing to pay hundreds of thousands to attack the Lesbian couple, but were unwilling to help the bakers pay their fine. Typical Religious fanatics "Money for hurting people who believe differently? How much do you need? Money for helping anybody, even our own people? Thoughts and prayers only, sorry"
Casey Payne 9 months ago
It's not about cake, it just started with cake. We now are debating if doctors/hospitals/paramedics/police are allowed to refuse/deny/ignore someone in distress because they have a bug up their a*s about SOMETHING, an undefinable ANYTHING, and not face the consequences of being a bigot.
Cat Chat 9 months ago
ER did a great episode about this issue. A black surgeon performing life saving skills and gets faced with the patient having a KKK tattoo.
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LB 9 months ago
except it isn't, because apparently they got crowdfunded for destroying the lives of that queer couple
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Scott Rackley 9 months ago
Religion's function is to keep people under control. Nothing more, nothing less. To do this you have to have them believe they are "chosen", therefore "better". That starts the us/them dynamic which leads to getting people to hate the people you want them to hate. Once that is set up, you ask for money to "fight" against said hated groups. 3.???? 4. Profit
Christopher Walkies 9 months ago
WTF is up with Bakers? this is worldwide. And I mean, FACT: Cakes are definitely gay.
G A 9 months ago
If Jesus does have a second coming, he's gonna pissssssed at the arseholes taking his name in vain. They will be Satan's a**l dildo for all eternity, these so called "christians".
HighNMightyBigshotBossOfWorld 9 months ago (edited)
Also, Christians were somewhat conflicted about whether to baptize Africans because they thought it may be wrong to enslave other Christians, they eventually convinced themselves not to have a problem with it,
LargeMarge 9 months ago
If you have to announce that you are a Christian, then you are not a Christian.
Celtic Pirate Queen 8 months ago
Anyone else notice that Christians are the most unChristlike hypocrites on the planet?
Michael Wlodarczyk 9 months ago
"Christians" are the biggest racists and hypocrites in the world. I know, I used to be one.
Naomi van Nijnatten 9 months ago
I'm a Christian. My (Dutch) church in Europe, close marriages of anyone who supports love, no matter the genders. Too bad so many so called Christians use a made up religion to arrange the world in their own narrow minded ways.
JB 9 months ago
41 “Then he will say to those on his left, ‘Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. 42 For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, 43 I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.’ 44 “They also will answer, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?’ 45 “He will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.’ 46 “Then they will go away to eternal punishment, but the righteous to eternal life.”
Steve Hall 9 months ago
If you give me money for my product, I don't care who you are or what you do!
Devon Archer 9 months ago
There is nothing Christian about this at all. I am a Latter Day Saint and we believe in an all loving God and this in no way represents true Christianity. It demoralizes those of us who believe in actually and honestly loving your neighbor as yourself and doing to other people as you would have them to do to you. Not just because I am religious but because I am human. There is such a lack of self awareness, empathy, tolerance, and compassion towards those who live a different lifestyle than you with soooo many people it's horrifying!
tjames19701962 9 months ago
There are Christians and people who follow Christ. Those bakers and those like them are not followers of Christ! If they were, they'd live by His commandments... they definitely aren't!!
Valek Fermiga 9 months ago
I'm a relatively new Christian ( about 14 months ) and first of all, I would like to apologise to any members of the LGBTQ+ community who have had difficult times with Christian's. Secondly, I personally have no objection to anyone's sexuality, it doesn't bother me one bit, if you're happy, then it's all good. Thirdly, it's people like them who give decent, honest Christian's a bad name, however, sadly, this isn't the first time I've seen people affected by bad Christians on here....
Animal lover 8 months ago
There are no true Christians as there is no true Bible. The true Bible was written over two thousand years ago and because it has been translated so many times it is not true. For example the King James Version and the stand out word is "Version". If the translator was unable to find an English word, King James said "write this". Look it up. It is very interesting how supposed Christians are quoting from a Bible with made up words and ideology.
EJN 8 months ago
Anyone can deny a private service to another person if they wish. However, deny people service and others may deny you their business as well. When you bring in threats, nastiness, harassment, etc., then it is no longer just a denial of service; it becomes a social problem and these people paid the price for their stupidity. No sympathy.
Lynn Morello 8 months ago
What price do you have to pay to be happy? Obviously by taking someone else's opinion and acting on it, Stupidity in this is ridiculous. How would you feel if someone told you that you couldn't marry your long-term partner because THEY didn't like that kind of thing? Homosexual people deserve the same rights as everyone else. Basic Human rights and the right to live their lives without someone sticking their opinion it there.
Cat_Whisperer 8 months ago
What a lost opportunity. They would’ve made bank if word got out that they made ✨fabulous✨ cakes for gay/lesbian weddings.
Glen LeBarr 8 months ago
I've been an atheist since I was about 12; I'm now 61 & I live by Jesus's sermon on the mount & The Beatitudes more than most Christians; their hypocrisy is truly disgusting
Marc Lauzon 8 months ago (edited)
This reminds me of all the "It happened because of a pronoun". No, it happened because of all the harassment and verbal abuse when asked politely to be respectful of their pronoun.
Sven Horlemann 9 months ago
All the best to the lesbian couple trying - and succeeding - to do the right thing.
Manana Man 9 months ago
In the Colorado case that went to the Supreme Court the baker had refused to make a custom cake. He was willing to sell other non-customized products. That was an important distinction and the court ruled in his favor.
Brent Amador 9 months ago (edited)
Not all Christian’s are gay/lesbian bashers, or send other to harm, harass, or threaten. There are some who truly are Christian. You’re supposed to be loving to everyone regardless of their sexual preference. You don’t have to agree with it, but you should still be accepting.
DippityDooDerp 9 months ago
I believe that a business has a right to refuse service but not for something like this.
G A 9 months ago
But they didn't so that isn't the argument. It went far beyond the principle of baking a cake and into deliberate provocative behaviour, threats of violence and taking children away.
Load More Replies... MezzoPiano 9 months ago
Sure you do, but don't blame your bigotry on Jesus.
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BTDubs 9 months ago
If he's fine with making them ANY CAKE, why didn't he just make them what they wanted, a wedding cake. Bigots exist on a spectrum of s**t.
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Luckily, people tend to think faster than others speak, giving the hearer additional time to come up with a reply, even though they might look as if they are still listening. This is especially handy when a conversation turns sour and someone needs to defend themselves.
Such a skill can definitely be improved with practice. One strategy for better listening skills is playing a game of one-word volleyball, where two people are telling a story by quickly taking turns and adding words to what the other said before them. The simple exercise forces players to be less focused on what they are going to say and instead helps them listen and respond to others spontaneously.
#7
Sarah Has Been Reported Dead
#8
I'm Gonna Take The Surgeon's Side On This One
#9
Now Sit Down, Stefan
Belina Raffy, the CEO of Maffick, who often uses improv skills in business, adds that not overthinking the situation is key. “You’re taking yourself out of unfolding reality if you think too much,” she told Mental Floss. It’s important to be in the moment and to deliver an answer that is relevant in the instant. After all, a comeback that is off-topic most likely won’t be effective or amusing.
#10
"Educate Your Self"
#11
Who Doesn't Love Irony?
Jerome Lenovo 9 months ago
and then they do terrorist attacks yelling " in the name of nooothiiiing "
#12
Yes, The Answer Is Yes
UpQuarkDownQuark (he/him) 9 months ago
The guy with the turban is most likely Sikh, not Muslim. He’s also sick of your c**p.
In addition, if you find yourself thinking about the reply too much, chances are you may end up saying nothing at all. Meanwhile, putting too much pressure on yourself can make your mind go blank, similar to a fight-or-flight situation. In a quick and witty comeback, this is the opposite effect you want to achieve, so try not to take it so seriously and just let your personality shine through.
#13
Disabled Parking Should Only Be Valid During Business Hours 9 To 5
#14
This Belongs Here
#15
That Backfired
Something else that might help with quick-wittedness is expanding your knowledge, whether that’s learning new things or techniques from your comedy heroes. For this, you may want to watch some comedy specials or your favorite sitcoms. It’s not necessarily about memorizing certain lines or imitating them, but picking up certain subtleties like amusing observations or timing.
#17
Women Aren't People, Apparently
Carrie Henderson 9 months ago
Love Andy Murray. Always leading the charge for women. Great guy.
#18
The Fact That He Never Removed The Post Surprises Me
Even if you wish to pass certain comebacks as your own, there’s no shame in doing that. Winston Churchill, who was famous for them, has borrowed a lot of them. One of his well-known lines was in response to politician Bessie Braddock’s remark, “Sir, you are drunk.” The PM replied, “And you, Bessie, are ugly. But I shall be sober in the morning, and you will still be ugly.”
#19
On A Comment Thread About UPS And USPS Workers
#20
Well, When You Put It That Way
#21
Cut The S**t Lady. You Chose The Bathroom
This iconic phrase was copied from American actor and comedian W.C. Fields. Despite this, it took quick thinking to recall and adapt the quote in the moment, which is why Churchill was considered a master of timing. “It was an off-the-cuff recall of something he had synthesized, composed earlier, and that he was waiting to perform,” Tim Riley, director and chief curator at the National Churchill Museum, said.
#22
I Proudly Served In The Gay Wars Of '07
#23
You Dense Mother ---!
#24
Columbus Day
Lastly, as with any skill, practice is what makes one improve. For a quick-wit exercise, Hack Spirit recommends trying to make a mental note of something you’ve heard a person say during the day. Then set a timer for 5 minutes and try to come up with as many witty things as you can during that time. Some of them might not be that good yet, and that’s totally fine. The activity is all about training your brain, and over time, you will get better.
#25
This Guy Wants All The Cake
Cactuar Jon 9 months ago
moral of the story, don't have friends. Then you can have 100% of that cake and get fat! :D
#26
Your Bigotry Is Showing
BoredPossum 9 months ago
This is exactly what most sane people want. People with different cultures, beliefs, sexual preferences, styles etc etc, getting along and don't fight. Respect, understanding and honor are rare, but hopefully it will be common in the future.
#27
Apparently, It's Impossible For Women To Be Smart And Beautiful At The Same Time
#28
In The Interests Of Public Safety
Michael Largey 9 months ago
There's no mention of any lesbian students at the school losing control, so maybe it isn't the clothes that are the problem?
#29
M*rdered By Kindness
#30
If He Were Here He'd Consume These Morons With Fireballs From His Eyes And Bolts Of Lightning From His Arse
#31
The Best Putdowns Come From The Truth
#32
Dammit George!
Nathaniel He/Him Cis-Het 9 months ago (edited)
Pride month, lots of colours all over the place, crazy decorations, weird and wonderful people coming out and enjoying themselves, what's not to like?
#33
Grandmothers Are Overrated
#34
$10 To Clean The Bathroom?!
veryvenasaur 9 months ago
My sister tripped and split her face open on easter. My next door neighbor had an easter party that included an egg hunt. After all the candy was found each kid took a small percentage of their candy and combined it to make a portion for my sister who didn't participate in the egg hunt for obvious reasons. THAT'S SOCIALISM. No kid was mad because we all understood that my sister deserved to also get candy even though she didn't search for the eggs.
#35
The Media Makes It To Be A Feel Good Story Over A Dystopian Nightmare
#36
That’s A Stupid Reason To Ban Transgender People
Jerome Lenovo 9 months ago
mmmmhhhh, nice d**k, can I ..... yeah we're surrounded you're right, i forgot
#37
See Ya, Wouldn't Wanna Be Ya
Rayne OfSalt 9 months ago
We have more guns in private ownership than at any time in our history. We only restrict what type of guns people can have, have strong requirements for how those guns are stored, and don't allow people who can't pass a background and psychological check to own them. We also don't fetishise guns. They're a tool for doing a thing, nothing more.
#39
Room Temperature Iq Is My New Favourite Insult
#40
Yellow Tape Around Her Body It's A Homicide
Jerome Lenovo 9 months ago
failure of obamacare ? where ? when ? you mean the fakenews from kolonel Von Shitzpantz before killing it
#41
Anti Vaxxer Pretends To Be Educated
SadieCat17 (she/her) 9 months ago
How the f**k do vaccines *weaken* your immune system??? That's like the exact opposite of how they actually do work. Huh?????????
#42
I Love It
Joe Reaves 9 months ago
The only place I expect a doctor to be a medical doctor and anyone else to say they're not a medical doctor is in a f*****g hospital.
#43
Pray Away The Gay
Ranger Kanootsen 9 months ago
I went to a conversion camp when I was 19! It was a load of b******t but on the upside, I slept with half a dozen men which was great fun. I'm still gay by the way, it had the opposite outcome they were wanting.
#44
I Love Arnold's Wholesome M*rders
#46
Pot, Meet Kettle
Regina Holt 9 months ago
yeah, we 'muricans know there is only one border that needs a wall /s
#48
Girls Have Ankles Too
#49
Don't B Confused
Auntriarch 9 months ago
Homeless charities supply phones to people, because they understand (unlike fückwit above) that it's barely possible to survive without a phone these days if you have a home, impossible if you don't.
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What do you think ?
Pink kitty 9 months ago
This whole list has been on BP before. Fortunately most are still amusing
Mike F 9 months ago
Stop blanking out the names of these dolts! We have a RIGHT to know who they are so we can celebrate them for the forward thinking individuals they truly are, lol.
Ole Peder Amrud Hagen 9 months ago
Earlier, the mentally deranged and challenged were put in homes and watched over carefully by competent personell. Now they have their own country with unlimited guns and d***s and unchecked global power.
Travelling Stranger 9 months ago
it doesn't matter some of these have been posted here in various lists - most of them are universal enough to grant the topic a forever pinned status with new ones added (eg in the comments or new instalments)
Edward Finger Hands 8 months ago
I’m so tired of reading hate against the United States. Not because I disagree but because I’ve always agreed, never been patriotic, but it just breaks my heart that this country gets so so much wrong and I watch my loved ones have to suffer by its poor management. And the hating on Americans is so unhelpful. I get that there’s a loud minority that are incredibly obnoxious and inspire vitriol. But most of us are not like that and suffer under our government. Why hate on us when there’s little we can do? And to say look who we elected? We literally didn’t. The popular vote was not for Trump, but our messed up electoral system still put him in office.
Mermeow Overlord (they/she) 8 months ago
This article isn't about the US, it just contains a lot of American extremists who have been given power by the messed up system that elected Trump. I upvoted you because your statement doesn't say anything offensive and doesn't deserve that downvote.
Load More Replies... your local angry pansexual 6 months ago
PLeaSe all i want is a single post acknowledging the good, normal people in the US, or what we give to the world! I'll venmo you ten dollars if you can, just to prove that this website isn't a bunch of lazy, greedy, money-grabbing, content-reusing, xenophobic bigots who'd rather copy-paste 60 images from reddit instead of doing two whole seconds of work. PLEASE.
Pink kitty 9 months ago
This whole list has been on BP before. Fortunately most are still amusing
Mike F 9 months ago
Stop blanking out the names of these dolts! We have a RIGHT to know who they are so we can celebrate them for the forward thinking individuals they truly are, lol.
Ole Peder Amrud Hagen 9 months ago
Earlier, the mentally deranged and challenged were put in homes and watched over carefully by competent personell. Now they have their own country with unlimited guns and d***s and unchecked global power.
Travelling Stranger 9 months ago
it doesn't matter some of these have been posted here in various lists - most of them are universal enough to grant the topic a forever pinned status with new ones added (eg in the comments or new instalments)
Edward Finger Hands 8 months ago
I’m so tired of reading hate against the United States. Not because I disagree but because I’ve always agreed, never been patriotic, but it just breaks my heart that this country gets so so much wrong and I watch my loved ones have to suffer by its poor management. And the hating on Americans is so unhelpful. I get that there’s a loud minority that are incredibly obnoxious and inspire vitriol. But most of us are not like that and suffer under our government. Why hate on us when there’s little we can do? And to say look who we elected? We literally didn’t. The popular vote was not for Trump, but our messed up electoral system still put him in office.
Mermeow Overlord (they/she) 8 months ago
This article isn't about the US, it just contains a lot of American extremists who have been given power by the messed up system that elected Trump. I upvoted you because your statement doesn't say anything offensive and doesn't deserve that downvote.
Load More Replies... your local angry pansexual 6 months ago
PLeaSe all i want is a single post acknowledging the good, normal people in the US, or what we give to the world! I'll venmo you ten dollars if you can, just to prove that this website isn't a bunch of lazy, greedy, money-grabbing, content-reusing, xenophobic bigots who'd rather copy-paste 60 images from reddit instead of doing two whole seconds of work. PLEASE.
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