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“Your Mother Owes Me £10”: 30 Of The Best Responses People Ever Received After Coming Out
Coming out as LGBTQ+ is a process of understanding, accepting, and valuing your sexual orientation and/or identity. It involves both exploring your identity and sharing your identity with others. For some people, coming out is gradual; for others, it’s very sudden.
But regardless of who it evolves, coming out to your parents or caregivers puts LGBTQ+ people in a particularly vulnerable situation. No wonder for many, it’s a nerve-wracking experience ranging anywhere from liberating, confusing to life-changing and emotionally shattering.
Parents’ reaction and response they give to their LGBTQ+ child becomes crucial. “What's the best response to ‘Dad, I think I'm gay’?”, someone asked on Ask Reddit, and it hit close to home for many people out there who shared their own honest opinions and experiences.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
My stepdad, who I consider my dad, was the man that raised me, and he's a big redneck steel worker. I came out at 18 and he sat me down and said "son, I've loved you like you were my own for the past 14 years. Why the hell would I stop now?"
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#2
Lesbian here. When I came out to my dad he said “that’s ok honey, I don’t like guys either.”
#3
In the 90s, when my girlfriend finally told her traditional Italian mom and grandma at 19, they sighed in unison and grandma said, 'oh thank baby Jesus, I was worried that I was going to have to tell you.
#4
One of my friends from high school was gay, and when he came out to his family his Dad literally didn’t look up from his newspaper & told him his sister didn’t need to tell him she was straight so why would he need to explain that he was gay? He’s known him his whole life and already knew that.
It was cute because he was so worried.
Take me to dinner first 1 year ago
Ikr!! It kinda confuses me why people have to come out, when we (straights) are just living our lives...
#5
When I came out to my dad when I was 16 I thought he would disown me. He said: “Son, If anyone ever hurts you for that, I’ll f*****g kill them”. In that moment I realized that I had the best dad in the world.
#6
“I thought you were about to give me bad news! Don’t scare me like that!” - My granny when my uncle came out (in the ‘70’s!). She was decades ahead of her time…
#7
I drunk-dialed my dad my freshman year of college in a sobbing mess and told him I was Bi. Went something like this:
Me: I'm bisexual.
Dad: Yeah, I figured.
Me: Huh? What?
Dad: There were some obvious signs. Go to sleep idiot. You have class in the morning.
#8
I want you to know that no matter who you love, I still need you to take out the trash. It's full. And replace the f*****g liner this time."
#10
Asian Dad: But are you a Doctor yet?
#12
I was getting ready to go to a sleepover with a girl I was totally crushing on and my mom was like “you look like you’re getting ready for a date!”
And I paused and was like “would it be okay if I was…. Going on a date with a girl?”
My mom just said, “Of course just remember to practice safe sex. You can get STDs from girls too!”
#13
Well... My dad said "I know... And I don't care. As long as you are happy, I'm also happy for you." and then asked me if I wanted a beer or scotch to celebrate that I finally had the confidence to tell him.
Take me to dinner first 1 year ago
I like that, the fact that he knew it and never pushed op to tell him
#14
I came out a few months ago at the age of 42. My 80 year old dad stood up, started dancing, and tone deaf sing-yelling ‘I have a gay daughter and I love herrrrrr!’ It was adorable.
Alexandra Davis 1 year ago
This makes me feel better. I'm in my mid 30's have haven't come out yet
#16
I’m Bi. When I came out to my parents, It wasn’t exactly planned.
My older brother knew I was dating a girl and he accidentally let it slip in front of my mom. My mom looked at me, and asked if I had a girlfriend. I said yes, she then proceeded to ask when I’m bringing her over for dinner. It was the most normal conversation about dating I’ve ever had with my mom.
I later found out my mom is also bi so it really wasn’t as big of a deal as I thought it was at the time.
#17
When I came out my dad had the best response ever: "Wow! Now maybe I'll get a son-in-law that I really like!" and then he hugged me.
#19
So my aunt is kind of old school and doesn’t know how to address things. She is kind of in the middle between baby boomer and Gen X so she is a bit more tolerant, but she is still awkward. My aunt has 3 boys and they are all gay lol. The youngest one was like 9 or something when he told her and he goes “Mom, I think I’m gay” and she looks at him dead in the eyes and says “So? what the f**k you want me to do about it!?” Lol
She’s fully supportive and tried to be nonchalant but her reaction was probably not what he was expecting.
#20
When my daughter told me she was gay, I just told her I loved her, and that none of that would change my feelings. Then I began giving her the heads up when hot ladies would walk by.
#21
This story does not involve a dad, but it involves a very religious grandma. One of my friends was very nervous about telling his grandma that he was gay, and put it off for a long time. But when he turned 18 he decided that he had to get this done. When he told her she just looked at him calmly answered "of course you are. I have known that since you were 10". At the age of 10 he didn't even know it himself yet.
#22
My mother was disappointed. Disappointed because, “You told your cousin Shirley before you told me? I think I should’ve been first.”
Nurichwersonst 1 year ago
I was the last one to know that my mum was planning to marry her 'female friend'. She was ancious about my reaction and i was just pissed because she told it to me after everyone else... she didnt expect that. 😅 As long as she is happy, i am happy, too. 😊
#23
Great ! Now I don't have to worry about you getting some girl pregnant !
Am Dad. Said this !
#24
My daughter was looking extremely nervous one night while I was cooking dinner. I could see her talking quietly with her mom but she continued to look uneasy.
After a bit of time, she came into the kitchen and I asked her what was wrong. She didn't want to tell me at first but I could tell she was uneasy so I said she could always tell me anything.
She finally said that she was pansexual. I just looked at her and said "that just means twice as many people that can turn you down for dates now" and she busted out laughing as I went back to cooking to finish dinner.
She was apparently really nervous about telling me for some reason and was glad I wasn't upset.
#25
You still have to wear a condom.
#26
Our son came out to us a month ago. We already suspected, so it wasn't a shock.
When he told me I thanked him for telling me, told him that I loved him, then explained that who he wants to tell next and how he wants to tell them is 100% his choice and we will support him however he wants and needs. He gave us a list of people to tell, and by the end of the week he wanted everyone to know.
Love and acknowledgement and support.
Lesley Relph 1 year ago
My youngest came out as trans - total surprise to me, I'd suspected gay. My first reaction was 'Yay I have a daughter!'
#27
My high school aged daughter told me this exact thing while in the car a couple of months ago. I told her "Thanks for being brave enough to tell me, honey. I don't care who you love, only that they love you back as much as I do and are worthy of the love you give them. Make sure they deserve your love and make you a better person, and I'll be happy."
#28
When my daughter came out, I was a bit shocked, but I told her that I loved her completely and didn't care who she loved. It completely softened her demeanour in our relationship and she has been far more open with me ever since. I think in the months leading up to that she was terrified to tell me, which made her distant and cold. After telling me that, she has been back to normal. Just tell them how much you love them, and get back to business as usual.
#29
“So that’s why you don’t like mushrooms”. At least that’s what my friends dad said to him when he came out. We still don’t know what he meant by that.
#30
My wife asked me this when we found out we were having a son.
I told her I’d make sure he knew how to fight before he told anyone else.
I love the boy no matter what, but we live in rural Montana. Of course folks are more accepting than they were in previous generations but you never know.
What do you think ?
Katie Lutesinger 1 year ago
I told my parents I was asexual and they were both like "oh okay", possibly because they didn't really know much about asexuality (neither did I, until depressingly late in life). But a while after this when I was showing Mum my Prideosaur pin (Archaeopterace!) she asked me to explain how it all works and listened very seriously and with interest, and we both compared notes on how asexuality had been something we had known nothing about for almost our entire lives up until this point and it was good to have a proper understanding now. Oh, and a fun, cute little footnote to this story: A few years later I was on the bus and a group of highschoolers got on, one of whom was wearing a trans Prideosaur pin (Tranosaurus!). I nudged the kid and showed them my own pin and all of them were like "heeeey, awesome!" and asking for another look. It was such an uplifting moment and gave me so much hope for the future.
Katie Lutesinger 1 year ago
And since I already know someone's probably going to ask... https://www.pridosaurs.com :) They're so cute!
Load More Replies...
Leo Domitrix 1 year ago
My cousin came out as asexual to our devoutly Catholic family, who promptly went out, bought a pride flag, and stuck it on the front lawn in rural Nowhere Redneck USA. Another cousin's kid came out recently. Now they have two flags. And then they remembered Uncle John and Cousin Jane and there's a pride flag for every fam member who is LGBTQA. Big family. Rainbow flag convention on the yard. So far, so good. :-)
LokisLilButterknife 1 year ago
This makes me so incredibly happy that I’m trying not to cry happy tears at work 🥲
Load More Replies...
Luna Crow 1 year ago
Refreshing to hear these lovely stories of family being supportive of their queer members
Jeff Mcelfresh 1 year ago
Yeah. So often you hear the opposite. This is a nice change
Load More Replies...
Jess-a-men 1 year ago
I remembrr when I came out as asexual to my great-grandmother and her reaction basically boiled down to: "Oh, I didn't know that was a thing. Can you help me carry this?"
Got Myself 4 Pandas 1 year ago
I’m bi, my sister is asexual, my daughter is bi - and generally, in the nicest possible sense I truly don’t care what others find sexually attractive, or don’t - it doesn’t involve me and is none of my business, even when it comes to my kids. I long for the day where coming out isn’t a thing, that these announcements aren’t necessary or something to be scared off. I’ve raised my kids to know that when and if they want a relationship with someone I only care that they are happy and treated well by the other person, the rest is not my business
Skulls.N.Succulents 1 year ago
I'm bi, my sister is pan, another is bi and my daughter is bi... all that matter is that we are with loving partners who make us happy!!
Load More Replies...
GirlFriday 1 year ago
My brother told the entire family at once during a family dinner when he was in his early 20's. My father didn't say anything at first, and my mother told him that it was still his turn to do the dishes. My father then reminded him about the family rule that (no one can enter into a serious relationship until the potential suitor met the entire family) and that Evan was to produce the young man next Sunday for family dinner. Evan is now married to a wonderful man who is an important part of our family and my best friend.
LokisLilButterknife 1 year ago (edited)
I truly wish my parents were this accepting. My mum and my friends still think asexuality and demisexuality are mental illness that can be fixed with pills and forced sexual encounters (aka just another form of conversion therapy). I hate that I was born this way and truly wish that the stigma around certain sexualities and gender identities would end. We are all loving people who just love a little differently. To all those struggling to come out or who are dealing with push back from family and friends— you are loved and totally valid.
Leo Domitrix 1 year ago
Um... no, that really doesn't work... So, if you like, I welcome you to our family. The Catholics ar ethe ones who fly a pride flag for every fam mem ber who is LGBTQA/etc. In rural nowhere USA. My ace cousin just married her life partner a couple months ago. My late very-devout grandma said of her own brother when told, "I know, I'm not stupid," and went on making sure we all had third helpings. So, if you need... just know not all families are like yours. And you're honorary adopted to mine if you nee one here in the USA.
Load More Replies...
N Miller 1 year ago
My cousin came out to the family in the mid-90's by setting up an email address that was something like Dave.9bob at whatever. It was my nan who had to explain to me the significance of "9 bob".
Did I say that out loud? 1 year ago
I remember the expression very well. Very clever email address.
Load More Replies...
Gabby Ghoul 1 year ago
I confess to being really envious of these happy stories and I wonder how my life might have been different.
HelluvaHedgehogAlien 1 year ago
My mother is very nice and understanding about everything, but for some reason she says she respects trans and gay people’s choices and it doesn’t make any difference, but then she says she will not tolerate me if I’m lesbian (which I’m not, but still that sounded pretty weird)
that weird wallflower is demi 1 year ago
What's the problem with lesbians?
Load More Replies...
Wysteria_Rose 1 year ago
Our eldest came out and I said to my husband, "You know, we didn't think of it at the time but maybe you should have another 'talk' with him." My husband was like, "Um, I don't know how to explain the mechanics of it!" I laughed and said, "I meant he needs to know to still use protection even if pregnancy can't happen. STDs and such."
Jack O'reilly 1 year ago
told my dad I (24m) had a boyfriend. he gave me a hug, told me he loved me and bought me a pint. (he lived in a pub at the time)
Nay Wilson 1 year ago
One of my favourite book series is the skulduggery pleasant series. Skulduggery is a sorcerer and detective who takes on a teenage girl, Valkyrie Caine, as his partner. When Valkyrie comes out as bisexual her father’s reaction is ‘I always wanted you to be a lesbian. I guess this is the next best thing’, which I thought was brilliant
A gay cat man 1 year ago
if i had a kid who came out as whatever id just say, "welcome to the club" lol
Rowan_the_raging_raven 1 year ago
I told my aunt(legal mom) that I thought she was trans, she shot it down by saying "don't put a label on it" which makes it seem accepting but if I wear my boots with asexual and pansexual beads or my lanyard with pins she gets mad calling me a "billboard" saying "I don't have to show others" which makes sense but it wasn't for others it was for myself
crowspectre (he/they) 1 year ago
My dad doesn't really care and he's very supportive, to the point where I didn't really tell him I'm gay, he just knows (I think he knows at least) that I'm dating a boy. My mom is very awkward about anything queer and also fairly transphobic but hey that's one out of two
Metalhead Turtle 🇺🇦 1 year ago
If I have a child (or other family member) come out to me, I'll tell them I love them, give them a hug, and then ask them if they want pizza.
Amber Bailey 1 year ago
My daughter came out as bi a little over a year ago. I had know for sometime, just patiently waited for her to figure it out and feel comfortable telling me. She was worried on how i would have reacted. Not sure why, as my baby sister is lesbian and my uncle is gay. When she told me my response was " I know and i am proud of you for trusting me enough to tell me". Little did she know, she gave me the courage to come out as bi myself a week later. Not sure why it took me so long either.
Shelli Aderman 1 year ago
As a two mom family, we had to sit our kids down and tell them it was OK to be straight! 🤣👍🏽
Sarah Léon 1 month ago
I told my dad when I had a long distance relashionship with my first real crush. We were on phone everyday like every 20something lovers so he finally asked me "his" name. My father was autistic (like me) and we never talked about emotions so I didn't know how he could react but I told him "her name is...". He paused a minute then told me he hoped I find a good one. Not so bad. But a year later I was dumped for the first time and he called me and I told him. I was crying of course. He paused... then he told me "I'm sorry I don't know what to do. Do I have the right to fight her ?" He always thought if a boy would hurt me, he would have gone to fight the guy, but he was also a gentleman, and a gentleman can't hit a woman. His autism was at its max and it made me laugh so hard ! And I also knew at this moment that my father would always be there for me no matter what.
Ferry Groothedde 10 months ago
Just about 25 years ago a girl on social media (a forum - FB didn't exist yet) said that someone had called her "filthy dyke" at school. I answered: Next time they say that, you must answer: "That's only half true. I am a dyke and YOU are filthy!" She was very glad about that.
Thor Haugen 1 year ago
My Dad was actually more supportive than my Mom. They were both good. They are both gone now, but great parents.
Katie Lutesinger 1 year ago
I told my parents I was asexual and they were both like "oh okay", possibly because they didn't really know much about asexuality (neither did I, until depressingly late in life). But a while after this when I was showing Mum my Prideosaur pin (Archaeopterace!) she asked me to explain how it all works and listened very seriously and with interest, and we both compared notes on how asexuality had been something we had known nothing about for almost our entire lives up until this point and it was good to have a proper understanding now. Oh, and a fun, cute little footnote to this story: A few years later I was on the bus and a group of highschoolers got on, one of whom was wearing a trans Prideosaur pin (Tranosaurus!). I nudged the kid and showed them my own pin and all of them were like "heeeey, awesome!" and asking for another look. It was such an uplifting moment and gave me so much hope for the future.
Katie Lutesinger 1 year ago
And since I already know someone's probably going to ask... https://www.pridosaurs.com :) They're so cute!
Load More Replies... Leo Domitrix 1 year ago
My cousin came out as asexual to our devoutly Catholic family, who promptly went out, bought a pride flag, and stuck it on the front lawn in rural Nowhere Redneck USA. Another cousin's kid came out recently. Now they have two flags. And then they remembered Uncle John and Cousin Jane and there's a pride flag for every fam member who is LGBTQA. Big family. Rainbow flag convention on the yard. So far, so good. :-)
LokisLilButterknife 1 year ago
This makes me so incredibly happy that I’m trying not to cry happy tears at work 🥲
Load More Replies... Luna Crow 1 year ago
Refreshing to hear these lovely stories of family being supportive of their queer members
Jeff Mcelfresh 1 year ago
Yeah. So often you hear the opposite. This is a nice change
Load More Replies... Jess-a-men 1 year ago
I remembrr when I came out as asexual to my great-grandmother and her reaction basically boiled down to: "Oh, I didn't know that was a thing. Can you help me carry this?"
Got Myself 4 Pandas 1 year ago
I’m bi, my sister is asexual, my daughter is bi - and generally, in the nicest possible sense I truly don’t care what others find sexually attractive, or don’t - it doesn’t involve me and is none of my business, even when it comes to my kids. I long for the day where coming out isn’t a thing, that these announcements aren’t necessary or something to be scared off. I’ve raised my kids to know that when and if they want a relationship with someone I only care that they are happy and treated well by the other person, the rest is not my business
Skulls.N.Succulents 1 year ago
I'm bi, my sister is pan, another is bi and my daughter is bi... all that matter is that we are with loving partners who make us happy!!
Load More Replies... GirlFriday 1 year ago
My brother told the entire family at once during a family dinner when he was in his early 20's. My father didn't say anything at first, and my mother told him that it was still his turn to do the dishes. My father then reminded him about the family rule that (no one can enter into a serious relationship until the potential suitor met the entire family) and that Evan was to produce the young man next Sunday for family dinner. Evan is now married to a wonderful man who is an important part of our family and my best friend.
LokisLilButterknife 1 year ago (edited)
I truly wish my parents were this accepting. My mum and my friends still think asexuality and demisexuality are mental illness that can be fixed with pills and forced sexual encounters (aka just another form of conversion therapy). I hate that I was born this way and truly wish that the stigma around certain sexualities and gender identities would end. We are all loving people who just love a little differently. To all those struggling to come out or who are dealing with push back from family and friends— you are loved and totally valid.
Leo Domitrix 1 year ago
Um... no, that really doesn't work... So, if you like, I welcome you to our family. The Catholics ar ethe ones who fly a pride flag for every fam mem ber who is LGBTQA/etc. In rural nowhere USA. My ace cousin just married her life partner a couple months ago. My late very-devout grandma said of her own brother when told, "I know, I'm not stupid," and went on making sure we all had third helpings. So, if you need... just know not all families are like yours. And you're honorary adopted to mine if you nee one here in the USA.
Load More Replies... N Miller 1 year ago
My cousin came out to the family in the mid-90's by setting up an email address that was something like Dave.9bob at whatever. It was my nan who had to explain to me the significance of "9 bob".
Did I say that out loud? 1 year ago
I remember the expression very well. Very clever email address.
Load More Replies... Gabby Ghoul 1 year ago
I confess to being really envious of these happy stories and I wonder how my life might have been different.
HelluvaHedgehogAlien 1 year ago
My mother is very nice and understanding about everything, but for some reason she says she respects trans and gay people’s choices and it doesn’t make any difference, but then she says she will not tolerate me if I’m lesbian (which I’m not, but still that sounded pretty weird)
that weird wallflower is demi 1 year ago
What's the problem with lesbians?
Load More Replies... Wysteria_Rose 1 year ago
Our eldest came out and I said to my husband, "You know, we didn't think of it at the time but maybe you should have another 'talk' with him." My husband was like, "Um, I don't know how to explain the mechanics of it!" I laughed and said, "I meant he needs to know to still use protection even if pregnancy can't happen. STDs and such."
Jack O'reilly 1 year ago
told my dad I (24m) had a boyfriend. he gave me a hug, told me he loved me and bought me a pint. (he lived in a pub at the time)
Nay Wilson 1 year ago
One of my favourite book series is the skulduggery pleasant series. Skulduggery is a sorcerer and detective who takes on a teenage girl, Valkyrie Caine, as his partner. When Valkyrie comes out as bisexual her father’s reaction is ‘I always wanted you to be a lesbian. I guess this is the next best thing’, which I thought was brilliant
A gay cat man 1 year ago
if i had a kid who came out as whatever id just say, "welcome to the club" lol
Rowan_the_raging_raven 1 year ago
I told my aunt(legal mom) that I thought she was trans, she shot it down by saying "don't put a label on it" which makes it seem accepting but if I wear my boots with asexual and pansexual beads or my lanyard with pins she gets mad calling me a "billboard" saying "I don't have to show others" which makes sense but it wasn't for others it was for myself
crowspectre (he/they) 1 year ago
My dad doesn't really care and he's very supportive, to the point where I didn't really tell him I'm gay, he just knows (I think he knows at least) that I'm dating a boy. My mom is very awkward about anything queer and also fairly transphobic but hey that's one out of two
Metalhead Turtle 🇺🇦 1 year ago
If I have a child (or other family member) come out to me, I'll tell them I love them, give them a hug, and then ask them if they want pizza.
Amber Bailey 1 year ago
My daughter came out as bi a little over a year ago. I had know for sometime, just patiently waited for her to figure it out and feel comfortable telling me. She was worried on how i would have reacted. Not sure why, as my baby sister is lesbian and my uncle is gay. When she told me my response was " I know and i am proud of you for trusting me enough to tell me". Little did she know, she gave me the courage to come out as bi myself a week later. Not sure why it took me so long either.
Shelli Aderman 1 year ago
As a two mom family, we had to sit our kids down and tell them it was OK to be straight! 🤣👍🏽
Sarah Léon 1 month ago
I told my dad when I had a long distance relashionship with my first real crush. We were on phone everyday like every 20something lovers so he finally asked me "his" name. My father was autistic (like me) and we never talked about emotions so I didn't know how he could react but I told him "her name is...". He paused a minute then told me he hoped I find a good one. Not so bad. But a year later I was dumped for the first time and he called me and I told him. I was crying of course. He paused... then he told me "I'm sorry I don't know what to do. Do I have the right to fight her ?" He always thought if a boy would hurt me, he would have gone to fight the guy, but he was also a gentleman, and a gentleman can't hit a woman. His autism was at its max and it made me laugh so hard ! And I also knew at this moment that my father would always be there for me no matter what.
Ferry Groothedde 10 months ago
Just about 25 years ago a girl on social media (a forum - FB didn't exist yet) said that someone had called her "filthy dyke" at school. I answered: Next time they say that, you must answer: "That's only half true. I am a dyke and YOU are filthy!" She was very glad about that.
Thor Haugen 1 year ago
My Dad was actually more supportive than my Mom. They were both good. They are both gone now, but great parents.
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