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“Do You Clap When The Plane Lands?”: People Share 30 Questions You Should Definitely Ask Before Dating Someone
It’s essential that couples are on the same page in order for their relationship to flourish. If your and your partner’s values, goals, and daily lives are compatible, you’ll probably have your Happily Ever After. However, if you’re misaligned, the odds are that things will eventually end in tears and heartbreak. So it makes perfect sense to get to know someone before committing to them just because they have beautiful eyes or they were nice to you that one time.
Redditor u/RedditPenguin02 sparked an interesting online discussion, as people shared what questions it might be a pretty good idea to ask someone before starting to date them. We’ve collected some of the best ones—from the super serious to the slightly silly—to share with you. Scroll down to check them out!
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#1
Are you married?
Squibit314 replied:
I would ask that. If they said no, the next question was “would your wife agree?”
If they laughed, they were telling the truth.
If they got indignant and pissed off that I thought they were lying…they were married.
Worked every time.
RELATED:
#2
Do I like them, or do I just like that they like me?
Green Machine 1 year ago (edited)
It's good to ask yourself honest questions like this. It can help clarify your true feelings so you don't end up leading people on.
#3
Ask them about their exes. If they think every single one of them is an a*****e...they are likely the real a*****e.
Unfortunately, just because someone gets married doesn’t mean that it’ll be for life. Divorce can be a very messy and expensive affair, especially if the couple is no longer on even semi-friendly terms with each other.
Divorce rates in the United States are staggering. Psychology Today notes that around half of first marriages end up in divorce. Meanwhile, the rate is even higher for second (67%) and third (73%) marriages.
However, Forbes points out that the divorce rate has dropped from 4 instances per 1,000 people in 2000 to 2.5 per 1,000 in 2021. The marriage rate has declined as well, from 8.2 to 6 in that same timeframe.
#4
Do they have any pets?
You can tell a lot about someone from how they treat and care for their pets, most of the time.
#5
Do you want kids in the future?
If one person wants kids and the other wants to stay childfree, then they are not compatible. And it is better to try dating someone else.
Aline 1 year ago
Try how important is having kids to you? there's no need to approach this subject differently to others, but you need to know, when push comes to shove what each person wants the most. My partner didn't feel strongly about kids, but I was adamantly against, we are very happy and childfree.. He felt very strongly about where we live, I was ok with the location, so it has worked out. Etc.
#6
How do you feel about a woman's right to be a fully autonomous person?
“One common explanation for the failure of second and third marriages is that a significant number of people enter a second or marriage on the rebound of a first or second divorce. Often the people concerned are vulnerable; they do not allow sufficient time to recover from their divorce or to get their priorities straight before taking their vows again,” Mark Banschick, M.D., writes on Psychology Today.
According to the divorce expert, some people may not have “internalized the lessons of their past experience,” and so they’re likely to repeat the mistakes from their past relationships.
#7
Ha Ha, these questions reveal more about the questioner than the answerer. I think maybe we should also ask, "What questions when asked by a potential date, are red flags for you?"
#8
What temperature do you set the thermostat to throughout the year?
djdante replied:
Haha this one always gets me as someone who needs low temps - you can always put on more clothes, I can't peel my skin off to get cooler...
Isa's left eye 1 year ago
66-69 F (18.888889-20.555556 c). Apparently I'm the odd one out, by these comments.
#9
Aside from major differences about finances, kids, politics, or religion, a big one is; What are your hobbies? If they don’t really have any, you may be the next hobby, which isn’t going to work unless you’ve got that kind of time. If the hobbies are time consuming ones generally done with a SO, but you have no interest in them, that could be an issue as well. If only one of you likes camping, wanted to spend vacation lounging instead of exploring, didn’t like sports, etc either that partner is annoyed or the other feels like they don’t get to enjoy what they love.
At the core of pretty much any long-lasting, healthy, and happy relationship you’ll find two people who love, trust, and respect one another and are deeply attracted to each other. They’ll be very open with each other, communicate often, and will draw healthy boundaries.
And you can’t get there without a lot of compatibility. It’s essential that both partners have the same expectations when it comes to the big questions like having kids, getting married, what kind of lifestyle they want to lead, and in what part of the world they want to settle down, etc.
#10
While many may not agree with this very direct method if you are truly trying to find a long-term match and not waste either person's time talk about the big-five as soon as possible. My husband and I had the talk on our second date. We've been together since 2015.
The big5 are:
* religion
* politics
* children (to have or to have not)
* finances
* deal breakers: human rights / personal ethics concerns etc.
#11
When I was dating my three essential questions were always kids, sex, and money. If you're not on the same wavelength for any of those three things, just don't even try.
#12
When was the last time you changed your mind about something?
Opens a window to how they think.
But the smaller questions can reveal a lot about a person’s character, aspirations, and worldview, as well. And you can slowly start forming that picture by figuring out what someone does in their free time, what they’re passionate about, whether they tackle or avoid chores, and what their relationships are like with their family and friends.
Of course, you won’t get the full picture by talking alone: anyone can lie and flash a charming smile. So if you want to figure out whether someone’s worth dating or not, it might be a good idea to… go on a few dates with them. To put it simply, the more time you spend around them, the more you’ll see ‘the real them,’ not the image they project to others. It’s the small details, like how they treat waiters, how they behave when people are around vs. when it’s just the two of you, what they do when they’re fully relaxed, that will give you a deeper understanding of their strengths and flaws.
#13
Do you like bread?
That is the extent of my flirting skills.
#14
Where were you on January 6, 2021?
#15
I would try to take care of any dealbreakers. If I find out that she has different political values than I do, it's not going to work out in the long run, so I wouldn't bother. Same thing with other factors (religion, financial values, etc.). I would also ask how much cuddling she likes to engage in, as I prefer a lot.
#16
Do you have kids?
I asked that once and she said no. Then later after finding out she had kids, i confronted her about it and she said she didnt want to scare me off.
She got so offended when i asked “so you lied instead? I cant even trust you now.”
Libstak 1 year ago (edited)
Same thing happens with work. I've had 2 ex boyfriends lie about working and then say they didn't want to scare me off because they liked me so much. Idiotically I gave them a chance and when they proved they wouldn't hold a job both said the same thing ...they on Only worked because I made them and all I cared about was money. This after many months of me covering the majority of all bills and them even using my car. Yeah cos everyone wants to live life with a blood sucking leech permanently attached to them ffs.
#17
BIRTH CONTROL. And never believe "I don't take it because I can't get pregnant". Nature... finds a way.
#18
Do they have a criminal history or any addictions you need to know about.
Pittsburgh rare 1 year ago
Well, yes. My extremely low bar with men includes having a pulse and not being a convicted felon. Might reconsider the felony or the pulse if given a good reason.
#19
Are you pro-life? If I get pregnant, are you going to try to force me to give birth?
Michael Largey 1 year ago
Wrong question. Right question : "Are you anti-abortion?" Plenty of anti-abortion people are far, far from being pro-life.
#20
"Are you going to be financially dependent on me?"
I wish I'd known that with literally all of my relationships after I turned 18.
#21
I highly encourage you ask someone you are getting to know what they are excited about in the next few weeks or month.
For me, it's critically important that the people I dated were optimistic and excited about life. Obviously that's not mean to disparage mental health struggles. But it was important that I dated someone who had a similar mindset to myself. I'm someone who finds things to be excited about. I find it jarring and off putting to date or be close to someone who can't identify things they are excited about. They don't have to be big things. But having a sunny, positive, and agreeable disposition is important - at least in my opinion.
MushroomHead22 1 year ago
I myself am someone who doesn't get excited for things. And it's not that I don't think it's exciting, or that I don't understand why someone would be excited by it, but I just don't get that jittery feeling about much. Your reaction to something may be the cheer loudly, or yell Yay! and jump, or wave your arms, and I being in the same situation would just acknowledge something happened. And it's not that I would think you were weird for actually cheering, I get it, i understand human emotion, but I just cannot do it.
#22
Are you jealous or possessive?
Seriously, people who are, it is better not to give them time to enter your life.
Joe Publique 1 year ago
You realise most jealous/possessive people don't see it in themselves, right? Better to ask that person's friends if they have those traits.
#23
What they do to handle stress (genuinely), if they are in any other relationships, and if they have the same intent in dating as you. Nothing worse than finding out four years later that he thinks he’s poly and never thought you needed to know.
crowspectre (he/they) 1 year ago
Not 'thinks' he's polyam, he is and was just s****y and didn't tell you.
#24
Are you religious? How religious? I’m agnostic. I could date a Christian, but after decades in a very high demand religion, I couldn’t be involved with anyone who was devoted to religion.
Michael Largey 1 year ago
The question is "How will the other person's religion affect you and the relationship?"
#25
Toilet paper over or under?
#26
How did your last relationship end?
Mr Old School Cool 1 year ago (edited)
Is there any right answer that wont upset the person asking it? Compatibility and joy are not measured by an interview question
#27
Probably questions related to spending habits and how much "stuff" they like to have. Poor financial management and hoarding are crushing factors in a relationship.
The older guy of a family in the neighborhood died near the beginning of the year. The wife was moved to assisted living last month, and they took one large uhaul of stuff out of the house, and then I'm told the house flippers loaded 6 (yes SIX) large (40 cubic yard) garbage dumpsters of hoarded... stuff... out of the house.
Don't be that family. Run away from people with tendencies like this. You will be unlikely to ever cure them of it.
#30
How's your relationship with your parents?
This speaks volumes about many people.
What do you think ?
LuckyL 1 year ago
What I haven't read. How much do you plan - do you plan month in advance or are you mostly spontaneous?
censorshipsucks 1 year ago
I prefer spontaneity, my ex wanted to plan in grotesque detail. We lasted 18 years.
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memyselfandI 1 year ago
By reading the instructions fully first. I helped a friend build an ikea shelf once and she could figure out how it went together— turns out she had no idea there were instructions in the box.
Load More Replies...
wowbagger 1 year ago
I've gotten to the point where I don't trust these kinds of questions. Words are cheap, and smart, toxic people know how to give the best-sounding answers to these questions. They have an uncanny ability to guess what you want to hear. Much better to get to know someone by doing things together, meeting their friends, seeing their house, etc. Even then, there can be surprises. People can hide debt, addictions, and all kinds of bad habits for a long time. I guess I'm pretty cynical at this point.
Debbie 1 year ago
There is a big difference between saying things and doing. Some people don't know themselves. Thee answer they give is how the think they are, but it is actually how they want to be but aren't. Also most things can't be reduced to a few sentences imo. So I fully agree: experience the person in different settings/situation.
Load More Replies... LuckyL 1 year ago
What I haven't read. How much do you plan - do you plan month in advance or are you mostly spontaneous?
censorshipsucks 1 year ago
I prefer spontaneity, my ex wanted to plan in grotesque detail. We lasted 18 years.
Load More Replies... memyselfandI 1 year ago
By reading the instructions fully first. I helped a friend build an ikea shelf once and she could figure out how it went together— turns out she had no idea there were instructions in the box.
Load More Replies... wowbagger 1 year ago
I've gotten to the point where I don't trust these kinds of questions. Words are cheap, and smart, toxic people know how to give the best-sounding answers to these questions. They have an uncanny ability to guess what you want to hear. Much better to get to know someone by doing things together, meeting their friends, seeing their house, etc. Even then, there can be surprises. People can hide debt, addictions, and all kinds of bad habits for a long time. I guess I'm pretty cynical at this point.
Debbie 1 year ago
There is a big difference between saying things and doing. Some people don't know themselves. Thee answer they give is how the think they are, but it is actually how they want to be but aren't. Also most things can't be reduced to a few sentences imo. So I fully agree: experience the person in different settings/situation.
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