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For many individuals, friends are some of the most important people in their lives; not to mention best friends. But unfortunately, despite often being referred to as “best friends forever”, they might not stick around this long, and there can be many reasons why.
One redditor recently started a discussion about such reasons, after they turned to the ‘Ask Reddit’ community asking why other users and their best friends had a falling out. Quite a few netizens went down memory lane—and not a fun one, I might add—and shared the stories of what turned their BFF into a stranger. Scroll down to find their accounts on the list below and feel free to share your story in the comments, if you, too, have lost a friend you thought was going to be by your side forever.
On the list below, you will also find Bored Panda’s interviews with evolutionary psychologist and expert in cooperation, altruism, and friendship, Dr. Patrick Barclay, and retired associate professor, researching positive and negative components of friendship, Morton J. Mendelson, who were kind enough to answer a few of our questions.
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#1
He transitioned to a she, which I had no problem with. But then she made that her entire personality, constantly playing the victim, no matter the situation.
Got shorted at Chipotle? They must hate trans people.
Got cut off in traffic? They must hate trans people.
And on and on and on and on…. It was exhausting. But the straw that broke the camels back, was when we were having a discussion about this whole thing. I told her that I was on her side and always had her back regardless. And she said “That’s not enough.”
And I was out. 20 years of friendship, out the window in 3 words.
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#2
She made out that her dad was missing (he wasn't) and said to me infront of our friends, "no offence, at least you know where your dad is."
Sounds normal, but my dad passed away a month before this. She was seriously messed up and I'm glad I'm no longer friends with that psycho.
#3
I was doing all the work. Initiating conversations, making the plans, driving, paying (they make almost no money, and I was making good money), keeping the friendship going...
I stopped instigating plans. They never contacted me. I knew right then that this was truly a one-sided friendship.
“Friendship plays a crucial role in people’s lives, especially now that most people live far from relatives,” evolutionary psychologist Dr. Patrick Barclay noted in a recent interview with Bored Panda. “Friends provide both practical and emotional support. We need someone in our lives, which can be filled by friends or family, so if family isn’t there, then friends become more crucial.
“This has a real impact on people’s well-being – those who are lonely are more likely to die sooner,” the expert pointed out. “And this isn’t just humans: when researchers study female baboons, they show that the females who are most socially connected tend to have more kids and live longer.”
#4
He passed away. I'm pretty pissed about that. He did have the final say.
Child of the Stars 1 month ago
I hope the OP knows that anger at a deceased loved one is a perfectly normal and healthy part of grieving.
#5
Her boyfriend told her he didn’t trust me so she cut me off. I just laughed and moved on, three weeks later she caught him cheating. Our friendship never recovered.
Discussing how falling out with a friend can affect someone’s well-being, Dr. Barclay compared it to a divorce. “They both involve the loss of a close partner. I’d expect a similar bunch of emotions. You used to have someone who could support you – now you don’t. That’s a big hit to your life. And there can be the same animosity, blame, and negativity towards the former friend.”
The evolutionary psychologist added that in the same way that animals respond to being socially connected, they react to losing a “friend”, too; and they appear to take it quite hard. “Female baboons make allies with other females – they groom each other and support each other in conflict, and some researchers call it ‘friendship.’ But they can lose that ‘friend’ if she dies. And you can see it in their behaviour after – they’re less confident and more hesitant, because they don’t have their friend backing them up anymore. They attempt to compensate by reaching out to other individuals to get a new ally, if they can find one.”
#6
He took me to a party at the house of his girlfriend’s friends. I was a POS and stole from the host, I was caught weeks later. Paid back what I stole to avoid charges being pressed and the friendship was rightfully over.
That was 20 years ago and it still bothers me often. I’m sorry Zach!
#7
He decided to lie about having money to fly out to be my best man and instead went on vacation. I had no best man for my wedding. 25 years, gone.
Stephanie A Mutti 1 month ago
I read stuff like this and I think there HAD to have been some signals before this. Your true best friend would never at the last minute bail. I think some friendships are not what we imagine them to be.
#8
My best friend RSVPed for a table of six for my wedding, but none of them showed up. I never got a text, call, gift, or any kind of excuse. Based on social media pictures, I found out later on that they had a picnic and just didn't feel like doing a wedding. That was painful because even a lie apology would have at least suggested some level of apathy.
Another expert on friendship, Morton J. Mendelson, shared that together with a colleague, Prof. Frances Aboud, they have identified six qualities that contribute to the quality of a friendship, the first one being stimulating companionship – doing things together that arouse enjoyment, amusement, and excitement.
“Although some may think it’s simply doing things together that count, it’s important to stress the fun and excitement in common activities,” Mendelson noted.
#9
Wasn't my best friend, but was a close one. One day he confessed to me that he had a foot fetish and I was just polite about it like "OK man, that's not for me but it's cool you like it!"
And then he told me that he always liked my feet a lot. (I'm a girl btw)
And then EVERY SINGLE TIME we interacted after that he was like a drooling, badly trained dog. Always panting after me, begging me to send him foot pictures and other weirder s**t.
I tried to be firm, I tried to reason, I tried telling him that I miss our friendship. But he even continued after I was in a relationship, and then married, and then EVEN when I was pregnant. And I just decided to mourn the person he was when we were friends because he's dead to me now. Just no respect, and I can't stand the way he shrinks me down to this fetish, like all the deep and meaningful conversations we had and the friendship we shared was just fake because he was trying to get my feet in his mouth.
The fetish zone is an incredibly uncomfortable place to be in if you thought you were in a friendship.
#10
My best friend over 20 years tried to frame his wife for felony assault and I knew he was lying because I was there on those days. He wanted to get out of paying alimony, dividing assets, and sharing custody. I told him not to do this, and end his marriage with a proper divorce over but he wouldn’t listen.
I testified against him because I couldn’t let this happen to an innocent person.
I feel sad it came to this, and I feel I betrayed him. Had he taken the high road I’d have been there for him 100%.
Enlee Jones 1 month ago
You didn't betray your friend. Your friend is a douche and isn't worth feeling guilty over.
#11
She’s 30 & still acts 16. All she cares about is drama & dudes who are trash & I’m done hearing about it.
Disgruntled Pelican 1 month ago
All too familiar. I had one friend who would only talk about herself and whatever man she was with. She's in the process of getting divorced and I stopped taking to her when the only texts I would receive were about her sex-capades. Heck, she even admitted once that she was going to stop by but they had been screwing so much that day they she forgot. Done.
The second aspect that adds to the quality of friends’ relationships is help – “providing guidance, assistance, information, advice, and other forms of tangible aid necessary to meet needs or goals.”
Third, according to the experts, is intimacy, which Mendelson describes as “sensitivity to the other’s needs and states, by providing an accepting context in which personal thoughts and feelings can be openly and honestly expressed and by openly and honestly disclosing personal information about oneself.”
#12
Idk man. He was my best friend, good guy. We did everything together for about 15 years. We were in bands, trained jujitsu, movies, everything.
One day about 8 years ago, just stopped responding to texts or calls. I send a text once or twice a year to let him know I miss him and I want to know what happened. Haven’t heard from him in 8 years. He’s married now with a kid and taking over his father’s business. I wish him nothing but success, health and happiness.
I just want to know what happened but here we are.
tracy black 1 month ago
i can totally relate to this one had a best friend for over 15 years we were both super busy but always made time to go to breakfast at least once a week then one week she didnt show up for breakfast called no answer no reply to text seen her about a year later at the mall she was working there next i went she wasnt there then she came in a store i was working at i spoke she said oh i didnt know you worked here never seen her in there again i went into dollar tree she was working i spoke she quit lol i have no idea what i did or didnt do but im fully convienced that when i was trying to buy a house i had one and supposedly all was good to go i was packed and ready to close the morning of the closing i get a call saying ohh we are so sorry but you are NOT approved sorry . her daughter worked at the loan company. its okay i have a wonderful house that i love and no drama
#13
He kept sleeping with my wife, even after I asked him to refrain from doing that.
#14
He beat his wife and went to jail.
Next on the list of the ingredients of friendship is reliability, as a person must be able to count on the continuing availability and loyalty of the friend. Then there’s self-validation – “perceiving the other as reassuring, agreeing, encouraging, listening, and otherwise helping to maintain one’s self-image as a competent and worthwhile person.”
And lastly – emotional security, which Mendelson described as “comfort and confidence provided by the friend in novel or threatening situations.“
#15
Refused to take a side when it counted. It was especially hurtful considering the situation I was in was caused by the consequences of me sticking my neck out for her.
#16
It was more of a 'we stopped talking to each other for good' than a proper falling out, but she was the sort of person who would be close friends with you one moment, but the minute she got into a relationship, that became her entire world and she would stop talking to you for weeks on end. The only times I used to hear from her was when she decided she needed a break from her boyfriend and figured I'd always be around to hangout with her.
My final straw was going on a shopping trip with her and she was close to straight up leaving me at a shop with no transport in place because she was in a rush to get back to her boyfriend. She had driven us out to this place and was prepared to leave me there which would have cost me a lot of money to get back home.
Luke Branwen 1 month ago
I'm going through something similar right now. But I'm still happy for her since she finally found a decent man after numerous toxic disasters.
#17
He had a kid. I literally never heard from him again after he texted me that his daughter had been born. Every few months or so I’d reach out and ask how everyone was doing. I quit after about a year.
We moved to different cities after graduating college. He’d always been a super busy, distracted guy with a lot going on so I understood at the beginning. I’m not a needy guy or a needy friend. Having a kid is especially hard work and should be his number one priority…but to never hear from the guy again, ever? My best friend? That sucked. That sucked bad.
Discussing what makes a good friend, Dr. Barclay seconded some of Mendelson’s ideas, emphasizing that a good friend is willing, able, and available to help.
“We all need friends who can help us: they know what we need and when, and are competent enough to provide it,” he said. “What good is a friend who can never repay a favour, never understand what we’re going through, never give us enjoyment in their company, or never give us the practical and emotional support we crave?
“But a good friend must also be willing to help: they need to value our welfare enough so that they sacrifice their time and energy for us. A good friend rejoices in our gains and suffers in our losses, such that they’re willing to help us achieve those gains and prevent those losses. We don’t want ‘fair-weather friends’ who are only friends when times are good, or those who are only friendly when they need help. If a friend isn’t willing to help, then they’re not a true friend – there’s a difference between friends and amusing drinking companions,” Dr. Barclay suggested, giving credit to cartoonist Tim Kreider for the last line.
#18
She got too drunk and randomly started being really nasty toward me. Said some very very hurtful things that a “best friend” would never say unless they thought those things to be true the whole time we were friends. She crossed a line and I can’t find it in me to forgive her.
#19
We went from best friends to roommates, and we had terrible issues with communication until resentment built up so much that we had an extreme blowup over the phone.
About a year later, I was feeling a lot of regret about it, so without my knowledge my girlfriend actually reached out to him to see if he would be willing to talk to me. He seemed amenable to it, but after I apologized for my end of it, he took the opportunity to unload on me even more. I honestly felt a weight lifted off my shoulders and didn’t feel anymore regret. We were meant to part ways and that was that.
#20
He chased me around with a hammer and threatened to [unalive] me after asking him to turn his instrument down because it was louder than my drum kit and despite wearing musicians earplugs/monitors I was going deaf.
“Finally, a good friend must be available to help,” Dr. Barclay continued. “Someone might be warm and competent, but if they’re never around, then we don’t really benefit from their friendship. So people seek friends who are available.
“The best friends are high on these three qualities: they’re very willing to help us, highly able to do so, and readily available. Bad ‘friends’ are low on all three, especially social parasites who make demands but never reciprocate. In the middle are the friends who are intermediate on all three qualities, or who are high on one quality but low on others, like the buddy who is really fun but not particularly helpful. The best friends are those who will have our back when push comes to shove, and are good at it,” Dr. Barclay emphasized.
#21
Her ten year old son died of sepsis.
a few years later, I survived sepsis, because I knew the signs.
but because I survived, our friendship failed. twenty years.
Child of the Stars 1 month ago
I feel for both sides in this. Grief makes people act irrationally, and I can only imagine how it would f.u.c.k. up a person to lose a child.
#22
Let’s just say when you got through a health scare like cancer, you quickly figure out who your good friends are, despite being beside them through thick and thin over many years. Good riddance!
Jac Carr 1 month ago
My sister had been battling cancer for 3 years now. I asked her how her best friend of 20 years was doing and she told me that her friend "can't handle" her cancer so hasn't seen her but she texts her very occasionally. My sister said it casually but I know she's very hurt. I swear to God I will punch that woman in the throat if I ever see her again
#23
Invited him to an NFL game, ticket price was $100.00 or so, I didn’t ask for reimbursement or did he offer it, just wanted him to have a good time. Fast forward two weeks later, I call him up on a Friday evening seeing what he’s up to, want to do something. He’s excited I called because him and other friends, not my friends, had an extra ticket to a cover band, ask if I wanted to go. I met up near the venue, one of his friends became ill and so I ended up driving him home, over 20 miles round trip. Got back to the venue,went to the show, good time. Two days later he was over to watch football, as he was leaving asked if I had the $8.00 for the ticket, I reluctantly gave it to him, he could tell I was upset. He called me about 20 minutes later asking why I was upset, I told him first I didn’t ask for reimbursement to the NFL game and most importantly he wanted $8.00 for a ticket that they would have not used, had to eat , if I didn’t call. Also I reminded him of driving his ill friend home without any offer of reimbursement. His response, “oh.”.
#24
She hit on my dad. He made her leave and told her mom. We haven't talked since.
DennyS (denzoren) 1 month ago
I feel like as friends, certain things and people are off-limits...similar to the guy and his wife/best friend in another post. You just don't go there.
#25
He got into a relationship with a narcissist. His gf has been alienating his friends from day 1. Just found out from a mutual friend that none of his Day 1 friends are invited to his wedding. I’ve know my best friend for almost 2 decades.
Heard the reason why I wasn’t invited was because I didn’t support his relationship according to his fiancée. The fiancée has bumped heads with me in the past and I was his roommate but she wanted me gone. I stood up for some ppl in our friend group when he stayed silent while she gossiped about them.
Wang Zhuang 1 month ago
I've said it a thousand times: Good friends are often the first casualties of a bad relationship. And too often, the spouse who lost their friends doesn't figure this out until it's too late.
#26
He gave me a gift and then asked me to give it back so he can sell it.
#27
Because I was a s****y, self centered, selfish person and they finally had enough. Even though it shattered me at the time, and still does from time to time, it may have been the greatest act of love they ever gave me.
#28
“Stay in this raid group, or spend time with your wife, your decision,”.
#29
She was constantly tracking my location and began treating me like she was my toxic boyfriend. wouldn’t let me get a partner, make new friends, it was rough for a long time. also a bit verbally abusive.
#30
I "left town and didn't even tell anyone." I messaged them all for months and even had a going away party that no one showed up to. Looking back they were not very good friends.
What do you think ?
Donkey boi 1 month ago
I have the opposite. When he moved to Australia, he said, 'That's probably it for us. I don't want it to be, and I'll do everything I can to make sure we stay in touch, but lets be realistic!'. When he started making money off YouTube, the first thing he did was send me everything I needed to upgrade my PC so we could game, chat, and just have a laugh together. Last year, his work bought him to the UK, he had one day to himself, he chose to drive 4 hours, just to spend a few hours with me before heading back (he only saw his mother for half an hour!). We link up online around ever 4-8weeks but still have the strongest bond. Friends like him are the kind that you'd go to war for.
Mr.Li 1 month ago
Became a Querdenker and Reichsbürger...German words for Antivaxxer and racist
Philly Bob 1 month ago
A friend that I backed in music and traded albums with for near 10 years lost because he and his girl became total trumpers belittling anyone who wasn't in his "cult." Oddly, I was one of the ones who helped him get away from his idiot ex to be with the new girl who helped kill our friendship. We still kinda talk but just a passing "yo!"
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Donkey boi 1 month ago
I have the opposite. When he moved to Australia, he said, 'That's probably it for us. I don't want it to be, and I'll do everything I can to make sure we stay in touch, but lets be realistic!'. When he started making money off YouTube, the first thing he did was send me everything I needed to upgrade my PC so we could game, chat, and just have a laugh together. Last year, his work bought him to the UK, he had one day to himself, he chose to drive 4 hours, just to spend a few hours with me before heading back (he only saw his mother for half an hour!). We link up online around ever 4-8weeks but still have the strongest bond. Friends like him are the kind that you'd go to war for.
Mr.Li 1 month ago
Became a Querdenker and Reichsbürger...German words for Antivaxxer and racist
Philly Bob 1 month ago
A friend that I backed in music and traded albums with for near 10 years lost because he and his girl became total trumpers belittling anyone who wasn't in his "cult." Oddly, I was one of the ones who helped him get away from his idiot ex to be with the new girl who helped kill our friendship. We still kinda talk but just a passing "yo!"
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